11.04.08 8:15 AM ET
Grandma's Election Night Recipes with a Dash of Opinion
Premier Plat: La Soupe
1. Throw a hambone into a bucket of water and bring to a boil.
2a. If John McCain wins:
Add one large stone.
Ask your immediate neighbors to bring over a carrot or a potato, if possible.
Season with bitterroot and a gathering of tears.
Turn down to simmer and serve sparingly so as to last the next four years.
2b. If Barack Obama wins:
Invite everyone within shouting distance and tell them to bring all that they can carry of the manna from heaven that will have rained down upon us in such profusion.
When the pot runneth over, serve unto the hungry hearts of the beloved community, garlanding bowls with generous bunches of home-grown arugula.
Plat Principal: La viande
1. Repas Republicain:
Trosieme Plat: Le Dessert
1. Assiete de McCain:
2. Assiete d”Obama
Serve with the champagne spirits of a brand new day.