Watch CPAC's Most Outrageous Moments
Coulter Swipes at Ted Kennedy, Anderson Cooper
Unsurprisingly, Ann Coulter took on pretty much everybody on the left in her speech Saturday at CPAC, and the conservative commentator had some pretty harsh words for the late Ted Kennedy. She also said "teabaggers" is one of the "gayest" terms she's heard at CNN besides "Anderson Cooper."
Beck: It's Still Morning in America... We're Just Really Hungover
Fox News host Glenn Beck took the stage at CPAC Saturday night, accompanied by a familiar staple--his chalkboard. In his hour long speech, Beck attacked both parties, but railed heavily against progressivism calling it "the disease in America." Here he also talks about getting stabbed in the eye with a screwdriver and pins, but we're still a bit unsure of the point of all that. Oh Beck.
Stephen Baldwin: Homey Don’t Play That
Poor Jonathan Karl. Did ABC News’ senior congressional correspondent ever imagine during his youth that at the pinnacle of his journalism career he would be asking the star of Bio-Dome about politics? Did he think, dreaming of a future breaking news and influencing opinion, that someday he would actually utter the words “‘Homey’ being President Obama?” And shame on you, Stephen Baldwin. “Homey” is so 1996.
Steve King Flaunts Knowledge of Semi-Obscure Marxist Thinkers
So much for the spirit of bipartisanship. Appearing at CPAC, Rep. Steve King of Iowa presented the audience with a list of enemies they should be aware of: "They are liberals... they are Castroites, they're socialists... Gramsciites—ring anybody's bell? Trotskyites, Maoists, Stalinists, Leninists, Marxists." Somehow, we doubt that a reference to Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci “rang the bell” of anyone who thought comparing the Democrats to Trotskyites was at all germane.
Jason Mattera: Democrats Are Ugly, Obama Did Coke
CPAC, says conservative “comedian” Jason Mattera, is the conservative Woodstock, except with less cocaine. We’d point out that coke wasn’t really the drug of choice at Woodstock, except that the whole metaphor makes us think of Dick Cheney busting out a sweet version of “Purple Haze” and someone telling CPAC attendees don’t use the brown tea bags.
Adm. James “Ace” Lyons Warns Against Scourge of Gay 20th-Century Navy
We’re very thankful to Admiral Lyons for his service. But we’re not sure we believe him when he says that the Navy was overrun with homosexuals in the “late 1900s.” In fact, we’re not even sure what he’s talking about. Does he mean the ‘90s? Why are “homosexials” as bad as “drug pushers”? Did he do his research by listening to the Village People’s “In the Navy”?
Tim Pawlenty Encourages GOP to Commit Domestic Abuse Against the Government
Gov. Tim Pawlenty’s got a recommendation for the Republican Party: Be more like Eiln Woods. You know, buy a multimillion dollar house in Sweden, stop talking to Tiger, and just take some “me” time. If you ask us, comparing the GOP to a wronged wife is maybe not the best metaphor if you want to convince Americans of your seriousness, but we will say that bringing Elin into the conservative fold isn’t a bad idea—she’d make a much better face for the GOP than Mitch McConnell.
SURPRISE! It’s Dick Cheney
Who else could get conservatives screaming like middle schoolers at a Jonas Brothers concert? That's right: Dick Cheney! The former vice president, frequent critic of the Obama administration, and coverboy for the waterboarding set popped by CPAC to say hello to his biggest—and, given his horrible favorability ratings on leaving office, only remaining—fans, striking fear into the hearts of millions of Americans by threatening to run for office again.
Mitt Romney Compares Barack Obama to Gold-Medal Winner
The Al-Gore-invented-the-Internet joke really never gets old, does it? Romney’s random potshots at Obama didn’t exactly kill the crowd, but as moderate-Republican-governors-proving-their-conservative-bona fides go, he was better than Pawlenty.
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