Massa: I Had to Be Restrained From Tickling a Man
Things got off to rousing start, as Massa, who formally submitted his resignation from the House on Tuesday, reveled in confessing his misdeeds to Beck. “Now they’re saying I groped a male staffer,” the freshman New York Democrat said. “Yeah, I did!” Glad that’s cleared up!
Beck and Massa Talk... Caligula?
It gets weirder. First the contrite-but-not-really Massa offered to slit his wrists on camera. Next he tried to explain how his “salty” Navy background just doesn’t mix with the refined political world, leading to misunderstandings. He whipped out a saucy photo album to show Beck how the Navy line-crossing ceremony, for example, could “look like an orgy in Caligula.” We did some research into said ceremony, which celebrates the first time a sailor crosses the Equator, and we’ve gotta say, if Massa is right, that absolutely sounds like the most boring orgy ever.
Massa Introduces Ghastly Prop to Make Point
Ever seen a man whip out an X-ray to prove he has cancer? You can in this clip. Interesting that in so doing, Massa, who says he’s experiencing a recurrence of cancer, outdoes even the host’s legendary misuse of props as a rhetorical aid.
Massa Apologizes to Rahm (But Not Really)
If you thought Massa and Rahm Emanuel were going to kiss and make up any time soon, well, think again. Massa held firm to his allegation that a nude Rahmbo cornered him in the congressional gym showers over his refusal to vote for the president’s budget. “Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?” Massa said at the time. (Not as awkward as this Beck segment, we assume.) But Massa did allow that the White House chief of staff wouldn’t tie his own kids to the railroad tracks, as he’d claimed previously. No, instead Emanuel would go after Massa’s kids! This is, at the very least, a step up from when Massa called Emanuel a “son of the devil’s spawn.” But we think it’s safe to say there isn’t a tickle fight in the future for Massa and Emanuel.
Mr. Beck’s Apology to America
The whole sorry mess was capped off with the strangest sight of all: Glenn Beck apologizing to his viewers for wasting their time. Keep in mind this is the same man who took a brave stance against volunteerism. And once compared the Obama administration to the Weimar Republic. And led a one-man crusade against Van Jones. So even if we’re a little iffy on the reasoning behind Beck’s apology, we’ll take it.