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03.31.11

Celebrities Who Could Be the Next Aflac Duck

After Gilbert Gottfried was fired for a joke about Japan, the insurance company launched a competition to find a new spokesduck. Just in time for the Friday deadline, see Sujay Kumar’s mock auditions from Sarah Palin, Rebecca Black, and more!

Jerry Seinfeld

If Aflac wants another funnyman who is not as controversial as Gilbert Gottfried, the former Seinfeld star may be the perfect match. Here is Seinfeld in an intimate (and allegedly banned) Aflac commercial that brings the duck into the bedroom. But as fictional Jerry once said on the ‘90s sitcom, meats should stay in the refrigerator: “Sex is about love between a man and a woman,” he joked when George took up food play. “Not a man and a sandwich.”

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Sarah Palin

To explain the financial side of insurance, we look no further than former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. If this mama grizzly’s geographical knowledge is any indication, she’s certainly a trustworthy informant. The politician’s signature Alaskan accent shows buyers that, gosh darn it, insurance is necessary.

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Rebecca Black

Since Rebecca Black is unquestionably the hottest thing on the Internet these days, it only makes sense for Aflac and the 13-year-old viral sensation to join forces. The teeny bopper is prime potential for selling auto insurance at an early age since when it comes to cars, she doesn’t even know which seat she can take.

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Sean Connery

If Sir Sean Connery—with his deep voice and suave Scottish accent—tells you to do something, you listen. But does the same power translate to insurance? In this commercial, the former Bond star attempts to discuss the finer points of insurance with two men in a sauna. Hot.

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Fran Drescher

Her high-pitched, nasal New York voice on The Nanny screeched through TV sets in the ‘90s. And nearly two decades after the family sitcom’s debut, millions of Americans still hold Drescher and her grating tone in a special place in their hearts. So who better to nag about switching to the No. 1 supplemental health provider in the U.S.?

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Marge Simpson

Is America ready for a blue-haired cartoon character to speak for an anthropomorphic duck? But when it comes to strong women with distinct voices, look no further than Marge Simpson (voiced by actress Julie Kavner). Hopefully, the insurance company doesn’t have a problem with the fact that this mom of three has been a Playboy cover girl.

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Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen wants to deliver a violent torpedo of truth about your insurance premiums. If Aflac really wants to get stellar ratings in the insurance ad competition, a marriage with Sheen (and the goddesses, Adonis DNA, tiger’s blood, etc. that come along with him) is the most winning option.

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Sujay Kumar works at The Daily Beast. He's written for MTV Splash Page and The Daily Illini.