The Weiner Workout
Anthony Weiner may be hated by Democratic leadership, and women may be skeeved out by his twit pix, but there’s still one group of constituents in the Brooklyn congressman’s corner: personal trainers.
Photos released this week of a bare-chested, bronzed Weiner revealed that the congressman has a lot more in common with The Situation than he does with, say, his Congressional brethren like Barney Frank. For a 46-year-old, Weiner is ripped. “He’s not jacked like a gym buf, but he’s cut,” says Jeff Bell, a top personal trainer in New York who now runs a business with Madonna’s ex, Carlos Leon. “Most heterosexual males in his category are not in his kind of shape. They’ve got a little tire around the waistline and they’re not as toned. Unless he’s a genetic freak, he’s definitely exercising.”
So, how does a guy with middle-age spread get the kind of body he wouldn’t be embarrassed sending to a younger woman (or six)? Try the Weiner Workout.
Our not-quite-resident-expert, Bell, whose previous clients include Mary J Blige, Jennifer Lopez, and Brooke Shields, recommends a combination of push ups, pull ups, burpees, and plank holds.
Never heard of the last two? That’s OK. As Bell explains, a burpee is a body-weight exercise you can do anytime, anywhere—even in the halls of Congress. You start by doing a squat, jumping into push-up position (hands and toes on the ground, body parallel to the floor), doing a push up, jumping back into a squat, and then coming back up. You can view them online, here. Plank holds, meanwhile, are a core strengthening exercise that can be done from a variety of positions, the simplest of which is like a push up, except that the elbows are placed on the ground in front of the chest. Hold for 30-60 seconds, keeping the stomach tucked in.
The idea with all of these exercises, says Bell, is multiple sets of high reps. “[Weiner’s] not doing five or six push ups with a weighted vest. He’s doing stuff like 20-30 push ups at a time, with some sit ups and pull ups thrown in.”
Of course, exercise alone isn’t enough to achieve that ripped look. A good diet is a must.
The congressman may have posed with a woman dressed like a giant hot dog at the St. Patrick’s Day parade on Staten Island last year, but you can bet he doesn’t make a habit of eating wieners.
Okay, so you’re exercising and eating right. Now it’s time to show off that Weiner body. But first, you may want to try adding a few “highlights.” Dante Fitzpatrick of Beachbum Tanning Company in New York provides custom airbrushing on people’s skin to help create the illusion of being more cut up than they actually are. “It makes the muscle definition stand out pretty significantly and it looks totally natural,” Fitzpatrick says. “You’d never be able to tell the difference. When you’re looking at a magazine or a fitness model, none of that’s going to be all real. Most of that is some sort of contouring either with airbrush solution, make up, or some kind of cosmetic bronzer.”
To fully achieve the look you want, however, you may need a Weiner wax. As Bell explains it, “If you have good muscle definition, waxing makes it stand out more.” But proper manscaping shouldn’t stop at the navel. Indeed, the grainy image-capture that finally revealed what was inside those gray boxer briefs simple proves the old adage: the bonsai always looks bigger without the bush.