Snooki’s reported pregnancy is a publicity stunt. She’s not ready to handle a baby. Her new fiancé should do a paternity test—and by the way, he’s only with the Jersey Shore star for the attention. Emilio Masella riffs on his former girlfriend.
Just about every celebrity has an ex who just won’t quite accept that it’s over, that his time in the spotlight is done.
As Masella sees it, this whole bun-in-the-oven thing is nothing more than a publicity stunt, an attempt on Polizzi’s part to reinvent herself now that she’s got a new reality show in the works.
Plus, he thinks she’s not even over him. “I honestly think she still has feelings for me,” Masella says in a phone interview with The Daily Beast after a bartending gig Tuesday night. “She’s still in contact with me. But what better way to get another TV show than to get pregnant and get married. I think she’s doing it just for TV, like Kim Kardashian, and then when it’s all said and done, she’ll kick [LaValle] to the curb.”
For sure, LaValle wasn’t exactly Snooki’s dream guy. Though extremely fit, he didn’t really qualify as a “juicehead gorilla,” the term Snooki uses to describe the ‘roided out Jersey Shore types she’s normally attracted to.
When they met, she didn’t “have a baby in the toilet,” as she often does when her anxiety is peaking and causing her to have a major bowel movement.
But over time, things grew between them—at least as their relationship was presented on the show.
“You are the best guy, I want to suck your butt,” Polizzi told LaValle during one romantic conversation in Season 4.
When LaValle showed up to see her in Florence, where the cast went for several episodes, she could barely contain herself.
“Jionni’s like my world. He’s like Crocodilly, but alive,” she said, comparing him to her favorite stuffed toy.
First thing she did was take her new beau into the red room to “smoosh.”
It was great.
“His wiener’s tan and I love it,” she said, in a post-coital, on-camera confessional. “We’re gonna have guido babies. I can’t wait to pop those suckers out.”
Still, LaValle nearly broke things up with Polizzi later on, when he saw just how out of control her partying was getting.
And that’s part of what concerns Masella as well. “I think it kind of sucks [if she’s pregnant]. For her sake, I wish she wasn’t. She’s young, she’s in the media; most of what she does on that show is based on her drinking.”
Certainly, he’s got some evidence to back him up, the most glaring example being her famous arrest for public intoxication.
On the other hand, he thinks, maybe having a baby will be good, help settle her down some, bring out the better side of her personality.
“Maybe people will see the sober Nicole instead of the drunk Snooki,” Masella says, thinking aloud.
At the very least, that’s a better way of putting it than saying he hopes she “miscarries,” a “joke” Masella allegedly made to TMZ recently, a comment that’s made him about as unpopular as a certain right-wing talk-show host.
“I did an interview and the word miscarriage came up,” Masella says, “but I never said I hope she miscarries. I just basically said I don’t think she’s ready for a baby.”
And he continues to make the case that LaValle should make sure he really is the father. “I would suggest they do a paternity test. I haven’t been with her in a while, not physically. I just think anybody with all the social networking and the texting, you can’t ever really trust somebody.”
Of course, in this reality-TV vortex, that probably includes Masella.
He’s heard that his detractors think he’s nothing but a “fame whore,” but swears nothing could be further from the truth.
It’s the other guy who’s in it for the attention! “This kid she’s with is in it for the wrong reasons,” Masella says. “He’s trying to come out with his own T-shirt line. He wants her to represent it. He stayed with her even though she cheated on him numerous times on national television. There’s something behind that. He plays the silent card—he looks shy, he doesn’t say much, so people think he’s nice and sweet—but deep down he’s out to get her. He met her on Season 3. I knew her before she even did Season 1. I knew her before she was even on TV. I just really care about her.”
Attempts to reach the supposedly expecting, not quite newlyweds were unsuccessful.