Amanda Bynes

You remember Amanda Bynes, the actress who made us giggle in She’s the Man and starred opposite Emma Stone in Easy A. She was, at one point, an American sweetheart. But who the hell is this girl?

This week, the Nickelodeon star was caught looking like a shadow of her former self, complete with a pound of makeup, false eyelashes, and what appears to possibly have been Botox injections. Tweeting the photo from her own account, she’s adorned in a red beanie, cameo jacket, and long, pointed fake nails. The star’s new cheek-piercing can also be seen.

But this newfound style doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. Later that day, she posted another picture of herself in a captain’s hat and plenty of gold jewelry, with the same blond curls and darkened skin.

Recently, In Touch magazine called the once fresh-faced star “troubled,” a term Bynes was quick to refute. “I’m suing In Touch for printing a fake story,” she told US Weekly. “I’m not ‘troubled.’ I don’t get naked in public. I’m 26, a multimillionaire, retired. Please respect my privacy.”

The Lil’ Kim–type transformation followed a series of two hit-and-run charges, a DUI, and two counts of driving with a suspended license.

Lindsay Yenter

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride! Lindsay Yenter, the runner-up on this season of The Bachelor, couldn’t have seen this one coming. The Army brat from North Carolina wasn’t shy about her intentions with blond beefcake Sean Lowe, stepping out of the limo on her first night at the Bachelor mansion in a wedding dress. She even said, “You may now kiss the bride!” before planting a wet one on Lowe’s perfectly surprised face. Despite Lowe’s admitting to almost sending her home that first night for her eager introduction, Yenter stuck around until the very end. 

The bubbly 5-foot-1 teacher was certain Lowe would propose, showing up to the final rose ceremony in a body-hugging silver gown that screamed “second place.” (Catherine, Lowe’s would-be fianceé, arrived in gold.) After a painful rejection from a man she professed her love for, Yenter bid her tearful goodbyes.

But just months later, Yenter is ready to forget Lowe’s eternally shirtless bod and move on. “After a lot of prayer, I realized that everything happened was supposed to happen,” she told E!. But a girl like Lindsay isn’t likely to be single for long. “I am seeing somebody.” She said: I met my new guy about a month ago.”

Brandon Knight

Brandon Knight had a pretty rough few days on the basketball court. On Sunday night, the Pistons guard was dunked on by DeAndre Jordan, sparking the viral Web world to produce a bevy of tweets, memes, and even T-shirts, forever eternalizing the embarrassing act. And you betcha, the Pistons lost to the Clippers that night. To make matters worse, in the first game after the Jordan event, Knight wasn’t even able to redeem himself, twisting his ankle and leaving the game early in the first quarter. In case you (somehow) missed the brutal dunking, here it is again—complete with slow-motion replay.

Dana Wilkey

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Dana Wilkey made quite the impression this week. The onetime show regular showed up to hang out with her friend Taylor, and had already thrown back a few before meeting her old pal. “I might be the only person in our group getting laid,” she offered. Then, between puffs of cigarette smoke, she began to imitate a mutual friend. “May I politely suck your penis, please?” she joked, in a pseudo-British accent. “I drink a lot, and I’m OK with it. I fuck a lot, and I’m OK with it, too.”

Although Taylor couldn’t help but laugh, she later added, “I wanna give Dana some advice, but she’s just too … out of it at this point.” 

Ted Nugent

OK, so he might not have had a hellish week himself, but Ted Nugent’s actions over the past seven days might qualify him to land on the short list for the fiery destination.

On the SiriusXM radio show, Nugent claimed to have killed 455 wild pigs in a Texas field last week. “I took my machine gun in the helicopter—in the Texas Hill Country—me and my buddy ‘Pigman’ … his name is ‘Pigman’—I’m the swine czar. I killed 455 hogs with my machine gun,” he said. Adding that he did it for “Bill Maher and all those other animal-rights freaks out there.”

It wasn’t the first time Nugent bragged about killing animals. Taking to Twitter in January, the aging rocker bragged, “[sic] We kill pigs with machinegunsfrom helicopters to save the environment what r u doin.”

He’s so passionate about killing Babe and his oinking friends that he even wrote about it for The Sportsman’s Guide. The post begins, “I kill pigs. I am a pig killer … momma pigs, daddy pigs, little baby pigs. I kill them all.”

But wait, here’s the kicker: The 64-year-old concluded the radio show with: “I had to adjust my halo as I was machine-gunning hogs.”

So hide your women, children, and farm animals, because as Nugent says, “Pigs turn me on.”