Entertainment

07.04.13

7 Silliest Summer TV News Segments

Summer’s here, and that means the usual parade of nonstories to fill the dull airwaves. From dog CPR to ‘thirsty’ grass, watch the silliest summer segments from across the nation.

Summer is in full swing, and with it comes overly creative, marginally summer-related news coverage to fill the lull left by vacationing lawmakers. While information about a heat wave or shark attack may be important, these clips prove that local news stations will look just about anywhere for a story.

(1) National Wear Your Lilly Day

CBS 12, West Palm Beach, Florida

In a clear attempt to spice up its first-day-of-summer program, these West Palm Beach anchors decided instead to celebrate National Wear Your Lilly Day. We were saddened by designer Lilly Pulitzer’s death, but this corporate tie-in was a bit heavy-handed. Between the male anchor’s inability to pronounce Pulitzer’s name without stuttering and the shameless advertising for a local Pulitzer store, a typical first-day-of-summer broadcast might have been a better choice after all.

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(2) Cost-Effective Grass

WFAA, Dallas

Did you know that some grasses are “thirstier” than others? Well, now you do. The people at WFAA news in Dallas want to help you find the “perfect turf” that will “make your neighbors green with envy” while saving you money on water bills. Their conclusion? Avoid St. Augustine grass at all costs. Thanks, guys.

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(3) Videogame Summer Camp

WTHI-TV, Terre Haute, Indiana

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This broadcast introducing a “create and play” summer camp isn’t talking about arts and crafts, lake swims, or playing jacks in the bunk. Instead, kids in Terre Haute, Indiana, get to enjoy “videogame camp,” where they sit in a dark room and stare at computer screens for hours on end. Correct us if we’re out of touch, but what parent wants to pay for their kids to play even more videogames than they already do at home? A little time outdoors wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

(4) Dog Safety

“Fox & Friends,” New York

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“Mouth to snout” isn’t the most familiar medical term, but this licensed vet says the maneuver will save your dog’s life in the event of a freak drowning accident. Or it’ll at least give you a 10 percent chance of saving your precious pup. Only on Fox & Friends will you see a veterinarian sing “Stayin’ Alive” while performing chest compressions on the most lifelike dog dummies out there. Good thing the anchors have a sense of humor.

5. Two-Piece Swimsuits for Girls

KHOU 11, Houston

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Finally, some in-depth reporting on the question we’ve all been wondering: just how far is your toddler willing to go to look fabulous at the beach?! From itsy-bitsy bikinis to the more practical one-piece, KHOU 11 Houston’s hard-hitting news segment looks at what’s hot, what’s not, and what’s appropriate for tots this summer. So beware of keyhole cutouts or string bottoms—those are a preschool fashion no-no. Whether or not your child decides to take a fashion risk for a day of fun in the sun, it’s likely that her outfit will end up on the floor of a public bathroom anyway during her first urgent potty break.

(6) Stress-Free Road Trips

12 News, KPNX, Phoenix

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Apparently avoiding the dreaded “Are we there yet?” just requires following a few simple tips. First, bribe your children with a basket of brand-new toys and presents (one basket per child). If that doesn’t work—or if they go through the basket before the drive ends—try a nice scrapbooking exercise or a family-bonding activity. Still not quiet? Try some “good-behavior coupons” that lead to—guess what?—more presents! Bribery, brought to you by KPNX Phoenix’s “lifestyle expert.”

(7) Free Summer Fun

WISN, Milwaukee

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Sure, we all like a little cheap entertainment, especially to keep the kids busy when school’s out for summer. So when Milwaukee’s WISN began its segment on the subject, we thought we’d be getting the ultimate inside scoop of “to dos” for summer. Instead, we got a series of little kids telling us how bored they are and parents suggesting the park as a perfect free summer destination. How enlightening.