Entertainment

11.14.13

The ‘Space Jam’ '30 For 30’ Totally Ignores Allegations of Doping (Not Really)

On Yahoo’s really awesome Space Jam '30 for 30' parody.

It was one of the greatest basketball games in the history of the universe, tainted by performance-enhancing drugs.

Yet, the ESPN 30 for 30, Tunes Squad vs. Monstars: The Space Jam Game documentary never mentions this. The film (which is a brilliant parody by Yahoo Screen) rightfully lambastes the referees for awful officiating.  Players on Michael Jordan’s team, the Tune Squad were mutilated on court by “three 12-footers and two guys with spikes coming out of their heads.”

“They killed Foghorn Leghorn, right in front of his teammates,” says one historian. “And they kept going. They didn’t even acknowledge it.”

The documentary lauds the Tune Squad for overcoming a 66-18 deficit against the Monstars with an incredible 48-2 run (plus 10 more phantom points which were never accounted for).

But what really fueled this miraculous run?

When Jordan gives an impassioned speech to the Tune Squad (really, he puts them all to sleep), Bugs Bunny is shown pouring water into a blue bottle. The audience is never, we should note, shown the entire pour. The concoction, which Bugs labels “Michael’s Secret Stuff” instantly adds at least 200 pounds of muscle to his frame. The Tune Squad players, in dire need of an advantage, take sips from the bottle. Here's the scene.

 “I didn’t think you guys really needed it, I mean, you’re so tough,” Jordan laments.

“You know, this goes against everything they taught me in health class,” Daffy Duck says, before he drinks.

"Michael's Secret Stuff" is assumed to be water. The Monstars were relegated to nothing more than a pop culture footnote, as the documentary notes: “They murdered their owner by shoving him into a rocket and shooting him onto a distant planet where it exploded on impact.”  Welcome to the Space Jam.