Find Your Niche

04.05.14

Five Subreddits You May Have Missed, and Probably Still Should Give a Miss

Deep within the Web’s weirdest recesses, hundreds of other fans of monarchism and intercourse with German Panzers are waiting for you. Warning: NSFW photos of avocados.

In case you have missed any of the dozens—hundreds!—of articles on the topic, Reddit has become the de facto center of the Internet. Last month, it had almost 115 million unique visitors, which is a lot—it’s not that far from Facebook, which had 166 million unique visits in February.

But despite its popularity, Reddit manages to retain a glorious, dark, unabashed weirdness that positively thrives there. It remains the receptive petri dish to any and all sorts of colonies of humanity that finally managed to find one another. It is, so far as I can tell, the one place on the Internet where you can ask a historian who the last practitioners of Ancient Egyptian religions were or find a purposefully awful photoshop of Meryl Streep as an ostrich hydra. One-stop Internetry at its finest.

Here, now, are five Subreddits that truly push our understanding of the human condition, introduce arguments you may never have even considered the possibility of, and/or feature suggestive photos of avocados.

Monarchism

Content: 706 Monarchists discuss how and why we should return to the good old days of supreme power handed down by God.

Top link of all time: “Hypocrisy at its Finest,” a two-panel cartoon where a republican first discusses his dedication to democracy, then gnashes his teeth over British support of the monarchy.

Representative comment, on “Convince me to be a Monarchist”: “… democracy and republics, being highly corruptible and sways by the ignorant (angry) mob, are actually among the worst government systems. Monarchy involves a focus on law and order, rule of law, within which markets can prosper without too much intervention. This would especially be the case if there were a constitution limiting the role of government to that of a nightwatchman state.”

Follow-up questions: So … would these proponents be the monarchists? Tragically, the Medievalist Subreddit also never seems to address that tricky issue of serfdom—pro or con?

Shitty Shower Thoughts

Content: This spinoff to the popular Shower Thoughts is the go-to spot for discussing the things that maybe could’ve just stayed in your own head.

Hot right now: “How come we say poo and pee but not poop and peep?”; “I’ve never masturbated with shoes on”; “If Sonny from Sonny and Cher were still alive, he would be the world’s top EDM artist.”

Top thought of all time: “If I were a girl I’d be such a slut” (41 upvotes). By comparison, the top Shower Thought of all time is “When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow” with more than 7,000 upvotes.

Important Questions: Has anyone masturbated with shoes on? Is there indeed another, alternate universe where Sonny Bono never died and instead just creates drop after drop? What does Alternate Universe Cher think of this?

Dragons Fucking Cars:

Content: Exactly, 100 percent as the name implies. Dragons making sometimes sweet, sometimes non-consensual (although who can really say what the car feels about this?) love to a variety of coupes, sedans, and, in a rare but seemingly welcome instance of artistic license, a dragon having his way with the Magic School Bus.

Top link this week: “Jewish dragon takes his revenge on a German Panzer,” an MS Paint-like portrayal of a harlequin dragon with a Star of David armband and his… dragon member… all the way through a tank.

Top link of all time: “Made a 3d animation for you guys of sweet car lovin’ <3,” a lovingly detailed CGI loop of a dragon and white Volkswagen Golf.

Representative dialogue, on the 3d animation:

SnowmanNamed***: You putting this in your portfolio?

dragoninmy***: probably not

Key question: In their heart of hearts, are these illustrators imagining themselves as the dragon or the car?

Avocados Gone Wild

Content: A tribute to the wildly popular GoneWild subreddit, except instead of naked women in their twenties, it features avocados in various states of sensuality, eroticism, and sandwiches.

Top link this week: “I know you w[a]nt me.. ;),” a shot of an in-progress avocado and egg sandwich with a black pepper garnish.

Top link of all time:Slipped into [a] little something more comfortable. What does Reddit think?”, an avocado wearing its own peel as a bikini.

Representative dialogue: 907**: I’m sorry but am I the only one that thinks she looks like an Avocad-ho?

Of note: The bracketed [a] in the titles means that this is an avocado, as opposed to a male [m] or female [f]. Just so we’re all clear.

Fundamental question: Actually, I am ashamed to say this Reddit makes a lot of sense to me on a deep level. Who doesn’t enjoy a good avocado?

Toaster Rights

Content: The description is beautiful, and deserves to speak for itself: “… A small community dedicated to making the world a better place for toasters to live. We share our ideas about how to help our metal friends.” From the Subreddit rules: “2. This is Toaster Rights, not Cool Stuff That Has to Do With Toaster. Any pictures of toasters without explanation will be removed.

2.5. Unless it is a REALLY cool toaster!”

Hot this week: A toaster takes a stand against inappropriate peeping!

Top of all time: Is this what we are teaching our children? (WARNING extreme violence),”, a GIF of a child hitting a toaster with a hammer over and over again, forever.

Representative dialogue: Wieldjimbo*****: That kid’s gonna grow up to murder toaster ovens and stoves. (shudder) He should be stopped, even though it may be too late.

Burning (ha!) questions: Which came first, Toaster Rights or Pic of Dead Toasters? (Sample post: “REQUEST: Ummmm I don’t know a subtle way to put this but does anyone have any good pics of dead underage toasters?”) Do the rights extend to toaster ovens? What did the deeply weird do before we had the Internet and therefore, one another?