This week, Paul Ryan attempted to put to rest the rumors that he might come into the Republican National Convention this summer and take the presidential nomination away from Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. But Saturday Night Live isn’t buying it.
“We have too much work to do in the House to allow this speculation to swirl or to have my motivations questioned,” Ryan said at a press conference on Tuesday. So let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept, the nomination for our party.”
However, what many people heard was a repeat of what happened when Ryan initially said he would not accept the position of Speaker. And we all know what happened then.
In a campaign-style ad cut for time from last night’s SNL, a very presidential-looking Ryan again said he would not accept his party’s nomination—before going on to explain why he would make the perfect candidate.
“But I hear you America,” he said to the sounds of soaring, patriotic music. “You want someone to restore the leadership that’s been so sorely missing in this country for the last eight years. Someone with a vision for this great nation. Someone you can trust with your family’s future.”
Ryan went on to lay out his plan to cut taxes, shrink entitlements, strengthen the borders, and create jobs. Describing the ideal next president as “someone young and dynamic, with a sick body and a decent face” and “long, muscular fingers” he continued to insist that he’s not running.
No, he’s perfectly happy in his current job—one he swore he would “never, ever take,” until he did. “But c’mon, that was like six months ago,” Ryan added. “I would never do something like that now.”