Bend It Like Beckham

Battle of the Bulge

From Thomas Jefferson’s pointy number to another famous David, see statues that bend it (naked) like Beckham—or not so much.

Fabrizio Giovannozzi / AP Photo; Jose J. Martinez / H&M

Fabrizio Giovannozzi / AP Photo; Jose J. Martinez / H&M

What will his children think? Soccer star David Beckham is one hot commodity, so hot in fact, that after he mouth-wateringly posed for David Beckham Bodywear, an underwear line for H&M, a statue was … erected … in his honor. The life-size, silver-coated version of the famous footballer was unveiled in NYC to rave reviews, with some zealous fans even taking off their own clothes to pose with the chromed, well-endowed model. From the Wall Street bull to another famous David, see statues that bend it (naked) like Beckham—and some that don’t.

Scott T. Smith / Corbis

Thomas Jefferson

According to this statue, Thomas Jefferson had an oddly pointy second-in-command. This weirdly graphic statuette showcases our nation’s third president in an exceedingly phallic light. Or perhaps it’s simply the cameraman’s upward angle that gives the statue its perverse appeal?

Oliver Morris / Getty Images

Princeton Innuendo

OK—so it’s a knife, not his peen, but you get the point. This statue on Princeton’s campus of two men looking (longingly) into each other’s eyes is nothing but inappropriate.

Ben Hider / Getty Images

George Washington

Not even a hint of manhood can be seen on this representation of George Washington. With his distinctly feminine panty line—dare we saw camel-toe—we wonder how our first president became a founding father of our country.

wynlok / Flickr

Adam

You don’t have to have the body of David Beckham to have a statue erected in your honor. Colombian artist Fernando Botero created Adam, a 12-foot statue of a rotund gentleman, which was strategically placed in NYC’s busy Time Warner Center. But be warned, some folks passing by have found him irresistible. An article in The New York Times put it eloquently, “And when they stop, they often touch, grasp, pat or rub the statue’s small but prominent penis, while a friend or relative takes a photo.”

Seth Wenig / AP Photo

Superman

The original man in tights was known for his bulge (or was it his superhuman powers?). Regardless, whoever was behind this prominent wax statue featured at Madame Tussauds made sure not to leave off any of Superman’s bankable assets.

Matt Rourke / AP Photo

Rocky

Testosterone-filled Sylvester Stallone took the iconic role of Rocky to new depths of manliness. Yet, in this statue placed outside a Philadelphia museum, Rocky’s masculine goodies seem to have fled the scene. In an iconic scene in the 1976 original, Paulie asks Rocky of his sister, “Are you ballin’ her?” Perhaps Rocky wasn’t “ballin’” anyone. 

Fabrizio Giovannozzi / AP Photo

David

You knew it was coming … this statue, that is. It is impossible to have a peen-related gallery without including the most noteworthy peen of them all: Michelangelo’s classic, classical statue of David.

Roger L. Wollenberg, UPI / Landov

Teddy Roosevelt

Speak softly and carry a big stick—well at least this statue of the late Theodore Roosevelt can claim to have done one of these things (hint: it’s not the latter).

Vincent Beeckman / AP Photo

Manneken Pis

He’s really going for it. This classical statue appropriately titled Manneken Pis, is a landmark in Brussels, where the townspeople all know of his steady stream and erect posterior.

Mato / Flickr

Charging Bull

Leave it to a charging bull to take the cake in the contest of the biggest bulge. This infamous bronze, located near Wall Street in New York City, is meant to depict aggressive financial optimism and prosperity, and in promoting such sentiments, it’s leaning forward, as if to charge. Yet as it leans forward to take on whatever suit-and-tie financiers happen to meander by, it also lifts its hind legs into the air, showcasing its other significant assets for all of Manhattan to see.