The romance began late at night, with a glass of red wine and an episode of The Situation Room.
I can’t hold in the truth any longer. My feelings are too large to live just within the confines of my heart. I need everyone to know:
I am passionately in love with David Gergen.
Our (mine and Gergen’s) love story is in some ways ordinary. We were friends first. I would see him hanging around the channel—sometimes on AC360, sometimes on The Situation Room—and was always vaguely aware of a little pang of happiness whenever his large, wonderful head would appear in some kind of split-screen box.
The moment I realized my feelings were more serious was in late September, right after the first presidential debate. Gergen was on for hours, and I found myself on the couch, riveted, a glass of Cabernet by my feet, hands wrapped around my knees as I leaned forward to capture every word, every thought, every—oh, be still my fluttering heart, was that a little chuckle?
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And then all of a sudden my face felt hot. I was blushing. I was loving David Gergen.
How do I love David Gergen? Let me count the ways.
I love his low, quiet voice. That unmodulated buttery whisper that sounds like it’s elbowing its way past a cough drop that’s permanently lodged at the back of his throat. You know how Bed Bath & Beyond sells those white noise machines that help you sleep? And they usually make ocean noises? I want one that’s just David Gergen gently muttering about the economy.
I love the way Gergen makes me feel calm, even when he’s making dire predictions about the future of our country. I love the way he knows everything and then formulates an opinion about everything that’s always right. I love that his eyebrows only move when he gets mad, and I love that he almost never gets mad. I love that he looks like a handsome baked potato. I want him to analyze my life with the same subtle intelligence he uses to analyze politics. How can I make my kitchen brighter? Should I email that dum-dum of a guy I know or just leave it in my draft folder? Should I get a bob or is my hair better long?
I love that his name is Gergen. Gerrrrr-gen. I don’t know the real origin of the name, but it’s a quirky, comforting sound with an onomatopoeic quality to it. Like the little pleasure noise you make under your breath when you’re home in your pajamas and you hear someone on the TV making consistent, rational sense.
Tracy Quan's latest novel is Diary of a Jetsetting Call Girl, set in Provence and praised in The Nation as a "deft account of occupational rigors and anxieties before the crash." Tracy's debut, Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, and the sequel, Diary of a Married Call Girl, are international bestsellers. A regular columnist for The Guardian, she has written for many publications including Cosmopolitan, The Financial Times, and The New York Times.
Joe Mathews is a journalist, an Irvine senior fellow at the New America Foundation, and a contributing writer at the Los Angeles Times. He previously served as Justice Department reporter for the Wall Street Journal and as a city desk reporter at the Baltimore Sun. He is the author of The People’s Machine: Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Rise of Blockbuster Democracy.
Gerald Posner is the award-winning author of 10 investigative nonfiction bestsellers, ranging from political assassinations, to Nazi war criminals, to 9/11, to terrorism (www.posner.com). Posner lives in Miami Beach with his wife, the author Trisha Posner.
The Daily Beast is dedicated to news and commentary, culture, and entertainment. We carefully curate the web’s most essential stories and bring you original must-reads from our talented contributors.
Renata Espinosa is the New York editor of Fashion Wire Daily. She is also the co-founder of impressionistic fashion and art blog TheNuNu and a sometimes backup dancer for "The Anna Copa Cabanna Show."
Amanda Fortini has written for The New Yorker, Slate, Elle, and New York, among other publications. She lives in Los Angeles.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
by Jessi Klein
Ummm...I'm speechless.
And people make fun of Gov. Palin?
I thought it was just me. I too love David Gergen. He has this oddly calm, overly reasoned, introspective quality that is mesmerizing. I only watch Anderson Cooper's show to hear his soothing calm before heading off to sleep.
I couldn't agree more. Although he is much older than me if he was my husband I would never argue with him. He speaks to me both on my intellect and also simply. After each debate I'm dying to hear his commentary because in my core I just don't believe what he says I yearn for it to make sure I'm on the right page. Thanks for bringing him to the front of the classroom because he is really a class act.
Oh Jessi,
I am so glad to know that I am not alone! Whenever I see David Gergen, I feel safe in the warm glow of his brilliant insight, calm demeaner, ability to explain political issues, and potatoish appearance. I feel as if he is talking directly to me. I realized my crush when I found my self hopefully anticipating his inclusion on televised political panels. Who is this man that I look forward to watching as he explores our political landscape? I found myself rushing for pen and paper to carefully spell out his beautiful name D-A-V-I-D G-E-R-G-E-N. I now understood completely who I so longed to see whenever I had any political concerns. When he is not included on a panel, I feel disinterested, unconnected to the issues being discussed, and yes, crushed.
Thank you for recognizing the beauty of this amazing man.
Liz
Me, too.
My sister and I may not agree on everything but we share a love of David Gergen that bonds us like crazy glue.
What a piece of nonsense! If The Beast publishes this type of tripe, then it will be a failure for sure. Where's the commentary about Gergen's agenda? Being a presidential advisor is an aphrodisiac, and he surely wants to advice Obama not in the Whitehouse but in the outhouse.
Right there with you. He's true blue.
David Gergen is the one absolute voice of reason among all the pundits! Everyone else has a bias but Gergen is a voice of reason for either side.
And i thought I was the only one... Gergen always strikes me as the most honest of the pundits. I trust his instincts more than almost anyone else. Right on, Jessi.
David Gergen is the man!! His quiet wisdom makes me feel all secure. His opinions are the result of years of experience not searching the blogs to find a consensus. I believe Obama is on track to be like Gergen in 10-20 years.
I could not agree more!! Gergen is the one I look for on CNN, and I love the way Jessi described him...totally holds my attention and affection:-)
Oh Jessi.
I couldn't have said it any better...You are amzing Jessi for putting into words...
Oh Jessi.
I couldn't have said it any better...You are amzing Jessi for putting into words...
I can't get enough of him either. My TiVo stops only for him lately. I am also slightly seduced by John King working his magic board. My poor husband doesn't know who he married anymore.
I thought I was alone, too! Curious that many of us feel the same way. What I attribute this to is the following: I feel like Mr. Gergen provides the closest thing to unbiased analysis that I've seen on tv. I never get the sense that he's trying to spin anything.
Wench -- keep your hands off him. He's mine.
I feel calm and content when I listen to David Gergen. He is the voice of reason in a sea of lies. I also love DG.
ditto
What fun! I knew I couldn't be alone. Gergen has been my guy for years. His gentlemanly quiet ways and smart presentation wrap me in safe assurance that right will prevail.
Woody's Mom
Me too! I love this man...Let's start a fan club.
Always gives an unbiased opinion...and he is almost unfailingly right.
You are not alone...I love Gergen! I sit up a little straighter on the couch when he speaks. I am imagine him winking at me...all jokes aside he is very calm and reassuring and is a wise person. Very classy pundit!
He reminds me of a quiet time when the Republicans weren't so evil, and were often capable. And talking heads weren't spouting mindless talking points somebody gave them. I love Gergen too, because when he says somebody's gone too far, you know they really have gone too far. He's a fair man, and he stands up when he needs to stand up. If only...
WTF?!? I thought it was weird when someone wrote about what a hard-on she had for Joe Biden over at Salon. I know this is nothing new because I remember with some amazement that in his heyday, Ari Fleischer had his own fanclub of Rebublican women lusting after his wire-rimmed, bald-headed mein. I'm sure that much of the above proclamations are tongue-in-cheek but it's still pretty disturbing nonetheless...yee-iikes!!
Uh ... he's ok, but I do wish he'd get rid of that awful combover.
Thank you.
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