When choosing a presidential ticket, a satirist makes certain demands. Is a candidate smart? Trustworthy? And will he provide bucketfuls of material? 
You may not be aware of the existence of one particular special interest group in Washington, D.C.—the Association of American Political Satirists. I hope I’m not “speaking out of school,” but here goes.
We have yet to be referred to in the MSM (“Mainstream Media”) as “the powerful” Association of American Political Satirists, or “influential” or even “extant,” but we do yield considerable influence here in our nation’s capital and, generally, on the course of human history. (Not to boast.) We’re not an enormous organization, numerically speaking, though even that much is hard to ascertain. Every time we try to get an accurate count of the membership, one of us starts parodying the tally and it invariably degenerates into something resembling a Florida presidential election recount.
American voters tend to make their decisions based on a variety of vectors. Professional political satirists employ rather more scientific criteria. Namely: who will provide us with better material over the next four years?
At any rate, we meet every fourth October at an undisclosed location (usually a bar offering 2-for-1 drinks and a 4 to 8:00 Happy Hour) in order to decide who to endorse for the presidency. Invariably, one of the members will pipe up, “You mean, Whom to endorse.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly.
I’ve just returned from our meeting and, well, “contentious” hardly begins to describe what went on. I’ll get around to explaining, but first, let me give you a sense of the vectors and parameters, as they say on the Lehrer NewsHour. As well as of the memes, as they say at The Huffington Post.
By and large, American voters tend to make their decisions based on a variety of vectors, parameters and—to be sure—memes: Is the candidate empathetic? Does he show a grasp of the challenges facing the Ohio plumber seeking to incorporate and yet simultaneously avoid the Alternative Minimum Tax? Is the candidate likely to bring about a spirit of bipartisanship in Washington? Is he, say, black? Arab? Is he mentally unhinged and scary? Will he make America safer? Where does he stand on cap-and-trade? On cap-and-gown? Is he absolutely, truly committed to ensuring that more federal money will be spent analyzing Grizzly Bear DNA in Montana? Can he explain, moreover, how they obtain Grizzly Bear DNA in the first place? Does one approach the bear and say, “Hey, big guy, may I have some DNA?” Or do they have to distract them or even shoot them from a helicopter? Does the candidate hate—nay, despise—greedy, loathsome, despicable, scum-sucking, parasitical Wall Street hyena-jackal-fiend-ass-persons as much as the rest of us? Finally, as president, will the candidate take that call at 3 AM, or sleep through it?
Alexandra Penney is an artist, best-selling author, former editor-in-chief of Self magazine, and originator, with Evelyn Lauder, of the Pink Ribbon for breast cancer awareness. She had a one-person show at Galerie in Berlin in April and her work was shown at Miami’s Art Basel. She lives in New York, has one treasured son in Los Angeles and more amazing friends than could ever be imagined.
The Daily Beast is dedicated to news and commentary, culture, and entertainment. We carefully curate the web’s most essential stories and bring you original must-reads from our talented contributors.
Steve Emerson is Executive Director of the Investigative Project on Terrorism and author of 5 books and countless articles on terrorism. His most recent book is Jihad Incorporated: A Guide to Militant Islam in the U.S.
Eric Dezenhall co-founded the high-stakes communications firm Dezenhall Resources, Ltd., and serves as its CEO. Eric's first book, Nail 'em!: Confronting High-Profile Attacks on Celebrities and Business, pioneered techniques for understanding and defusing crises.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She is currently writing a screenplay for Universal Studios, as well as occasionally drawing animals for her best friend’s letterpress card company. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
Max Blumenthal is a senior writer for The Daily Beast and writing fellow at The Nation Institute, whose book, Republican Gomorrah (Basic/Nation Books), is forthcoming in Spring 2009. Contact him at maxblumenthal3000@yahoo.com.
Christopher Buckley’s books include Supreme Courtship, The White House Mess, Thank You for Smoking, Little Green Men, and Florence of Arabia. His journalism, satire, and criticism has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, Vogue, and Esquire. He was chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush, and the founder and editor-in-chief of Forbes FYI.
Christopher Buckley’s books include Supreme Courtship, The White House Mess, Thank You for Smoking, Little Green Men, and Florence of Arabia. His journalism, satire, and criticism has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, Vogue, and Esquire. He was chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush, and the founder and editor-in-chief of Forbes FYI.
Christopher Buckley’s books include Supreme Courtship, The White House Mess, Thank You for Smoking, Little Green Men, and Florence of Arabia. His journalism, satire, and criticism has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, Vogue, and Esquire. He was chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush, and the founder and editor-in-chief of Forbes FYI.
Christopher Buckley’s books include Supreme Courtship, The White House Mess, Thank You for Smoking, Little Green Men, and Florence of Arabia. His journalism, satire, and criticism has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, Vogue, and Esquire. He was chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush, and the founder and editor-in-chief of Forbes FYI.
haha, you sir are my hero.
I would have to go with the Biden camp. He has hairplugs and tends to make up silly things when pressed. Also, he rivals McCain with his anger factor.
This piece is of course brilliant, but it is misguided. Somewhere there is a video of Dave Barry accepting (and throwing over his shoulder) an award from the National Press Club before the 1992 election. Barry was asked who he supported in that election. He replied by saying that as a humorist he didn't give a damn about the fate of the free world and he could only pray that George H.W. Bush won the election. He went on to relate hilarious stories about the preppy old Bush trying to demonstrate his non-elitist manhood at a construction site. I had no doubt that Bush was by far the funnier candidate.
But we didn't know about Clinton's winkie did we?
We live in a high epoch of political hilarity! From Quayle to Clinton to Dubya-three in a row; peppered in with Palin, that mayor of Detroit and a candidate sidekick with a voice like a Saturday morning cartoon character.
There is no doubt that God prefers America. We are indeed exceptional.
A point I find endearing in CB's career is his dismasting of Cyrano, taking it up the wrong channel in the East River. Did the same myself once, in a blow off Norwalk. In the event, congratulations on the Obama endorsement. NPR today is an embarrassment to his father's memory.
I sat by your Dad once at a White House dinner. He wasfabulous beyond words. You inspired me when I saw your announcement on TV & I wrote a bunch of letters to editors quoting you this morning.I'm not a satirist but here is one thing I wrote:
For the first time in history, an American who is not a white Anglo Saxon with a privileged background could represent the U.S. and negotiate with foreign leaders who have darker skins. This, in addition to Obama's serene temperament, could mean much more than any experience McCain has or any that Palin doesn't have (including visions in the sky).
As someone who thinks that the Democrats aren't liberal enough these days, you might think that I would be ready to hold up McCain and Palin as the likeliest objects of ridicule. It's appealing, of course, but I actually think that Obama & Biden are going to offer more for satirists. McCain and Palin have superficial charms, but I think that they're kinda one-note jokes. Okay, McCain looks like Wallace from "Wallace & Gromit"--funny, sure, but not necessarily a lot of traction for satire. And with Palin, once you've had the first dozen "White-House-as-trailer-trash" cartoons with an outhouse, a clothesline, and rusting cars in the front, I think that vein's likely to be played out, too. Worse, having already seen most of the possible "Our president is so ignorant/uninformed/dumb...." variations on a theme over the last years, I don't think there's any material left at all.
I'm really keen on seeing Obama & Biden get elected for a lot of reasons, but I also think that they're going to provide a lot more meat for satirists over the next four or eight years just due to their complexity if nothing else.
As I write this, I guess it's chacun à son goût: if you like your humor broader and wetter and slapstick, you're going to want McCain/Palin; for drier, more cerebral stuff, it's Obama/Biden.
The rift in the AAPS will close quickly after the election. President Obama will enjoy the longest honeymoon in Presidential history.
First Lady Michelle? Alas, 12-24 hours, give or take 6.3.
Sir, I'd be willing to endure a Palin presidency just for the pleasure of reading your satire for the duration. Then again...maybe not.
I enjoy this column a great deal. The writing has a lot to do with it. But what truly raises the enjoyment level into the funosphere is that I can usually read the comments section without the "pulling of hair and breaking of teeth" reaction that goes with reading the comments attached to lesser punditry. You people are a bunch of elitists, and I love you for it!
And a P.S.: Mr Buckley, your father would be proud...
Funny piece. The problems that exist for Republicans today is that there are not enough Conservatives left in the party or one that is funny. Everytime a Conservative questions the orthodoxy in the Republican Right he is quickly pushed out of the Republican Party and derided for having different views on what Conservatism is. Think Rod Dreher, who had the temerity to suggest that there are some ideas from the liberal side in which Conservatives can and should agree with them.
I would suggest that WFB though would have a tough time with this election. WFB prized intellect above all things and a sense of humor too. Sadly, today's GOP has lost it along with Conservatism. I'm not suggesting that Obama/Biden are some sort of answer or third way - to the contrary I think Obama has toned down his leftist positions too get elected and I believe it will manifest itself. But, at least Obama tries to provoke some thought on the issues. Thus far I have yet to see McCain get curious about things or for that matter any other Republican. The humor right now resides with the Democrats. While I see why you like Obama and I see his strengths, he has one glaring weakness, and I like Dreher value life above all else and the Democrats embrace of unfettered access to abortions is something that I cannot reconcile with.
Amazing article. As a bio student, I thought you might like to know that they get bear DNA from a variety of sources, including hair they find caught on fences and trees, remains, and occassionally through tranquilizing a specimen and takinga blood sample. It is a job for brave and possibly foolhearted. Perhaps Sarah P. could apply for the job if this whole VP thing doesn't work out?
Love the piece. Very funny and good bit of writing
I thought you might like this. You got to watch it. It's the presidential election debate but Mr. T does the voice over for Obama and Gary Busey for Mccain.
Very funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JuDpF_-6ko
Thanks for supporting Obama. Whereas McCain is the Wile E. Coyote of IUD creators, our Pushkin of rhetoric actually has a matching plan that can work.
Christopher Buckley, I cannot be angry with you. I profoundly disagree with your decision; but anger is an emotion one needs a heart to feel...and you have broken mine. If National Review doesn't bring you back, I will have to cancel the subscription I have had since 1970.
The question is, "Can he explain, moreover, how they obtain Grizzly Bear DNA in the first place?"
I am surprised you didn't know. Cheek swab. Sterile q-tip wiped 5-10 times, avoiding the lips on the way in and out. The collector should wear latex gloves, of course. There is some dispute about whether to reward with kibble afterward, as this may cause the animal to prefer Purina Bear Chow over its usual fare of berries, ants, and latex-encased fingers.
As straightforward as belling the cat, or getting McCain to say (not snarl) "Senator Obama" in a debate.
i have yet to see a funny/cool/inventive caricature of McCain in the political funnies. Doomed, evidently.
If you really believed in Country Second you would have gone with the scarlet Empress Palin!
I don't know if you are making your Dad proud, but you ought to know that I always liked you better than your Dad.
My own candidate for obtaining bear DNA would be the inimitable Alicia Rhodes. And while her work on US race relations demonstrates she has true grit, I would suggest caution using the word spunk in her presence.
Hey Christopher--You want satire? We've got it. Check out our Palin palate cleanser:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx4kXgF88wQ
Cheers!
Sounds a bit like the round table discussions at 71 E 71 in 1965.
Cheers, from Roma.