Electing a Punch Line

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These, historically, are the criteria by which Americans have chosen their leaders. There are so many variables. A recent book by Doris Kearns Goodwin, for instance, has now pretty well established beyond doubt that Lincoln’s margin of victory in the 1860 election was provided by NASCAR devotees, despite there being none in 1860. The complexity of American politics!

Professional political satirists, however (that is, the AAPS membership) employ rather more scientific criteria. Namely: who will provide us with better material over the next four years?

As everyone agrees, the 2008 election is indeed the most critical since the emergence of Cro-Magnon Man 40,000 years ago in what was then the Dordogne and is now Le Departement de Dordogne. Never have the stakes been higher. The presidential elections that took place during the Civil War, World War I, the Depression, and World War II were elections for dog-catcher compared with this one.

Against such a background, the political satirist must be hard-nosed, hard-hearted and—it must be said—self-interested. The needs of the nation are not necessarily convergent with the needs of the deadline satirist.

A president who, say, would in all likelihood devote himself to the common good, to working diligently and ceaselessly without regard for political advantage, who would strive to put America’s house in order and restore our standing overseas with the (often smelly) foreigners; a leader who would level with the American people, keeps his hands off the interns, not engage in public psycho dramas, who would govern from the center, who would not put, say, an Ohioan plumber on the Supreme Court—such a president might be satisfactory on some levels. But as material, well, he would be of little use to one who makes his (or indeed, her) living by making fun of public servants.

Going into yesterday’s meeting, there was a palpable pro-McCain-Palin sense. By “palpable” I mean you could sort of—you know—feel it. AAPS has long been an unofficial booster of John McCain. He’s been good to us. Not as good—God knows—as President Clinton; but up there. What other candidate has 8 homes and 13 cars and has the temperament of a meth-mouthed snapping turtle? Really, what’s not to love in John McCain, satire-wise?

As if he had not already been good enough to us, then came his nomination of Sarah Palin. Here, truly, was a gift from the gods of satire. Purest manna. Juvenal never had it this good. Not since George H.W. Bush put forth J. Danforth (yes, we at AAPS remember his full name; it’s our job) Quayle has a presidential nominee done so much, for so many, with so little. This is but one reason why G.H.W. Bush is still so beloved by satirists; though to be sure he is also cherished for having left us a son who over the past eight years has provided us with a proverbial embarrassment of riches.

So you might have assumed that it would have been a straight “up-and-down” clean vote for McCain-Palin and repair to the bar. But no. On the first ballot, the membership split 50-60.

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