Blogs and Stories
The End of Obama Hook-Ups
Sure, young people love Barack. Then again, we also love a hot date. Where better to meet someone than at an Obama rally?
Last Sunday, I contributed $100 to Barack Obama’s campaign. As good as I felt about this, I have to confess, I was also a little embarrassed. Because the thing is, I had already donated. Just five days before.
My first donation was inspired by Sarah Palin’s bespectacled, be-banged appearance on the scene. She kills what? Wolves? From where? Not from helicop—really? I ran to my laptop and urgently clicked away 50 bucks. I was a good citizen. Done.
But then a week later I got an email inviting me to an Obama fundraiser at a friend’s house. Plentiful food and booze were promised. The catch? A minimum donation of $100. The Thrifty Adult in me knew that donating twice was neither a good idea nor really necessary. But then the Curious Single Lady in me whispered, “You should go. Because, you know…you never know. You might meet someone.” Thrifty Me raised her voice, the same way John McCain does when he calls Cindy a cunt. (Google it.) I ignored the voice (just like Cindy probably does) and clicked away $100 more. And that’s when it dawned on me—I can’t be the only one doing this.
The stadium in Denver pulsed with the power of bHarmony. Packed to the rafters with excited young people hugging and dancing to Stevie Wonder, the overall feeling in the air, compared with the Republicans, was, well…hornier.
Obama’s grassroots campaign has been setting records for individual donations, inspiring people who’ve never before participated in politics to organize calling parties and fundraising barbecues. All along I’ve assumed the reason for this enthusiasm is Obama himself, but with this flurry of Evites beckoning strangers to go to people’s houses and socialize, I’ve begun to wonder: Sure, people want to help Obama, but are a bunch of them equally committed to hooking up? Sort of like eHarmony, but without that creepy old homophobe from the commercials lecturing us on the 29 dimensions of compatibility. Who needs him when there’s the undeniable compatibility that is the shared passion for Barack? Call it bHarmony.
You could feel it on the last night of the Democratic convention. Whereas the Republican proceedings buzzed with all the sexual energy of a Christian Science reading room, the stadium in Denver pulsed with the power of bHarmony. Packed to the rafters with excited young people hugging and dancing to Stevie Wonder, the overall feeling in the air, compared with the Republicans, was, well…hornier. During the whole last hour leading up to Obama’s speech, I was in my living room chewing on ice cubes.
So how many of us are attending fundraisers with not entirely pure thoughts? How many of us are seduced by the notion that in a room full of people supporting Barack, maybe we’ll meet guys who are at least a bit like Barack himself. Thoughtful, charming, a bit gangly, yet possessing the grace of a gazelle (a gazelle you want to text message with late into the night). I imagine the straight guys out there who are attending phone bank parties are really hoping to meet their Michelles. Sure, they want to call long lists of swing state-based agoraphobics, but isn’t the perk the possibility that they might meet beautiful, fiercely intelligent women with super-adorable underbites while doing so? After all, the Republican convention was chockablock with McCain doppelgangers. If I were desperately looking to meet a pallid curmudgeon whose soul evaporated the day Ronald Reagan died, that would have been my hot spot.
We love Barack because he is promising us universal health care, tax breaks for working people, and other stuff that sounds good and right and decent. But do a lot of us also love him because supporting his campaign seems to offer the potential for love itself? Or at the very least, a hot one-night stand with a Stevie Wonder soundtrack.
So, November 4: “Ribbon in the Sky,” anyone?
How Rich People Smoke Pot
Paul Schrodt is a writer living in New York City. He has contributed to New York magazine, Radar, and Esquire.com.
Justice Clinton?
As vice chairman of Public Strategies and president of Maverick Media, Mark McKinnon has helped meet strategic challenges for candidates, corporations and causes, including George W. Bush, John McCain, Governor Ann Richards, Charlie Wilson, Lance Armstrong, and Bono. McKinnon is co-chair of Arts & Labs, a collaboration between technology and creative communities that have embraced today's rich Internet environment to deliver innovative and creative digital products to consumers.
Moving Out of Cougar Town
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
TV's Funniest Frenemies
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
The World's Most Dangerous Comedian
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
bklynreader
Ha ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. And isn't election night starting to feel weirdly similar to New Year's Eve?
withapassion
bklynreader, cosign on that, but i'd add it's part 1999 going into 2000 NYE, where i'm kinda worried shit could go horribly wrong.
ColoradoCynic
Wow. And young voters want to be taken seriously? I'm no white-haired Republican by a long shot, but I'm embarrassed for the millennial generation after this piece of vapidity.
Can we please raise the voting age to some level where we can count on citizens being responsible enough to make clear decisions unaffected by constant inebriation and willingness to spread STDs?
Only 10 years ago, I was in the writer's age bracket, and the thing about being young is you think you're invulnerable to harm. Then you hit 30 and realize you're not. People who vote with the same without-a-net mindset truly do not understand how vulnerable our way of life is -- especially when it comes under attack from within by facile children.
RYNRGSDL
Stevie Wonder is the best soundtrack for (possibly) bad decisions.
idiotking
I think I made more friends and found more potential (and a few actual) dates volunteering for Barack during the primaries than I did in 4 years of college.
Let's hope that this all results in a little baby boom of kids who will be raised by parents committed to education, inclusiveness, and social engagement!
PetraBean
Ha ha! Jessi, you're hilarious, and this is spot on. It's like Obama is encouraging men to become gentlemen again; smart, educated, and warm.
And I second idiotking. Will these kids be called Obamababies? Obamaboomers? Barackiddies?
mikeoutwest
Ahhhh, yet another example of the hedonistic, fluffy-minded, and mean-spirited (...did the 'cunt' thing really belong there?) ethos of our up and coming generations. It is the natural progression of things, these "Youth Voters" make yuppy, entitlement-obsessed baby boomers sound like responsible adults, which they aren't.
A candidate reflects his or her constituency. Barack Obama is the candidate of the veal calf generation. Can these self-absorbed sissies really fight and win a civilizational war? Can they defeat another Hitler? Another Soviet Union? Can they regain America's altitude after another 911, but this time with a nuclear bent?
We're handing the keys of our car to least qualified driver in the car pool. Does it make sense to anyone?
Don't think so. Here's to the Democratic party (yes, small case "p")...
spreadthelove
If election night is like New Year's Eve, do I need someone to kiss if Obama wins? Not sure how many people volunteered to help Obama's campaign with the thought of possibly finding love, but anytime you are hanging out with a lot of like-minded individuals you increase your chances of finding a compatible date or possibly the love of your life. So I'm sure his rallies and fundraisers led to a lot of hookups. But probably McCain's rallies also led to hookups, be it more curmudgeony ones.
bananaphone
mikeoutwest,
Being a student at a fairly prestigious private New England university, you have no idea how true your comments are. Do you think the US is on its way to becoming an extension of Switzerland or Scandinavia or worse...Canada.?
snorlax
Watch out ladies or should i say Barackettes. I have my seduction techniques down. Candles, rose petals, my "thatone" t-shirt and the soothing sounds of Barack Obama in the back ground. All in anticipation of making you yell "yes i am...yes I am"
denkirkab
Now, that's funny. The truth, well and ironically stated, always is funny.
arcade
Sorry mike,
It's our car now. We're going to leave questionable stains in the back seat, and probably smash one-- or both-- of the mirrors. On the surface it might seem like we've driven on a bumpy road for longer than you might have liked, but ultimately I believe we'll end up on a better world.
I'm right there with you-- here's to the Democratic party. The next 8 years are going to be way more fun.
nickanick
Case in point....people getting/offering dates for tickets to the Obama Grant Park election night party.
http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/Will_Trade_Sex_For_Obama.html
Here's to everyone hooking up for Obama! 2008-2016 will be the best years of my life!
ccrase
Sorry Colorado and Mike your reservations of my generation are understandable but at the same time, I would like to point out that every older generation says the same thing about the younger generation. The generation above yours (I don't know which one you hail from but I could guess) was agast at your antics which I am sure you, at the time, found laughable. Lighten up, everytime you want to have a "you kids get out of my yard moment" just remember your generation did not blow up the world and neither will ours. Eventually we will get older, turn around and bitch about the generation coming up behind us, I mean have you heard their awful music?
DrSKmom
Great! As a 61 year-old, this is enough to make me wish (a bit) that I was still single.
Thank you.
As a first time user, your comment has been submitted for review. It can take anywhere from a few hours to a day or two for your comment to be reviewed, depending on the time of week and the volume of comments we receive.