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The End of Obama Hook-Ups
Sure, young people love Barack. Then again, we also love a hot date. Where better to meet someone than at an Obama rally?
Last Sunday, I contributed $100 to Barack Obama’s campaign. As good as I felt about this, I have to confess, I was also a little embarrassed. Because the thing is, I had already donated. Just five days before.
My first donation was inspired by Sarah Palin’s bespectacled, be-banged appearance on the scene. She kills what? Wolves? From where? Not from helicop—really? I ran to my laptop and urgently clicked away 50 bucks. I was a good citizen. Done.
But then a week later I got an email inviting me to an Obama fundraiser at a friend’s house. Plentiful food and booze were promised. The catch? A minimum donation of $100. The Thrifty Adult in me knew that donating twice was neither a good idea nor really necessary. But then the Curious Single Lady in me whispered, “You should go. Because, you know…you never know. You might meet someone.” Thrifty Me raised her voice, the same way John McCain does when he calls Cindy a cunt. (Google it.) I ignored the voice (just like Cindy probably does) and clicked away $100 more. And that’s when it dawned on me—I can’t be the only one doing this.
The stadium in Denver pulsed with the power of bHarmony. Packed to the rafters with excited young people hugging and dancing to Stevie Wonder, the overall feeling in the air, compared with the Republicans, was, well…hornier.
Obama’s grassroots campaign has been setting records for individual donations, inspiring people who’ve never before participated in politics to organize calling parties and fundraising barbecues. All along I’ve assumed the reason for this enthusiasm is Obama himself, but with this flurry of Evites beckoning strangers to go to people’s houses and socialize, I’ve begun to wonder: Sure, people want to help Obama, but are a bunch of them equally committed to hooking up? Sort of like eHarmony, but without that creepy old homophobe from the commercials lecturing us on the 29 dimensions of compatibility. Who needs him when there’s the undeniable compatibility that is the shared passion for Barack? Call it bHarmony.
You could feel it on the last night of the Democratic convention. Whereas the Republican proceedings buzzed with all the sexual energy of a Christian Science reading room, the stadium in Denver pulsed with the power of bHarmony. Packed to the rafters with excited young people hugging and dancing to Stevie Wonder, the overall feeling in the air, compared with the Republicans, was, well…hornier. During the whole last hour leading up to Obama’s speech, I was in my living room chewing on ice cubes.
So how many of us are attending fundraisers with not entirely pure thoughts? How many of us are seduced by the notion that in a room full of people supporting Barack, maybe we’ll meet guys who are at least a bit like Barack himself. Thoughtful, charming, a bit gangly, yet possessing the grace of a gazelle (a gazelle you want to text message with late into the night). I imagine the straight guys out there who are attending phone bank parties are really hoping to meet their Michelles. Sure, they want to call long lists of swing state-based agoraphobics, but isn’t the perk the possibility that they might meet beautiful, fiercely intelligent women with super-adorable underbites while doing so? After all, the Republican convention was chockablock with McCain doppelgangers. If I were desperately looking to meet a pallid curmudgeon whose soul evaporated the day Ronald Reagan died, that would have been my hot spot.
We love Barack because he is promising us universal health care, tax breaks for working people, and other stuff that sounds good and right and decent. But do a lot of us also love him because supporting his campaign seems to offer the potential for love itself? Or at the very least, a hot one-night stand with a Stevie Wonder soundtrack.
So, November 4: “Ribbon in the Sky,” anyone?
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Ha ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. And isn't election night starting to feel weirdly similar to New Year's Eve?
bklynreader, cosign on that, but i'd add it's part 1999 going into 2000 NYE, where i'm kinda worried shit could go horribly wrong.
Wow. And young voters want to be taken seriously? I'm no white-haired Republican by a long shot, but I'm embarrassed for the millennial generation after this piece of vapidity.
Can we please raise the voting age to some level where we can count on citizens being responsible enough to make clear decisions unaffected by constant inebriation and willingness to spread STDs?
Only 10 years ago, I was in the writer's age bracket, and the thing about being young is you think you're invulnerable to harm. Then you hit 30 and realize you're not. People who vote with the same without-a-net mindset truly do not understand how vulnerable our way of life is -- especially when it comes under attack from within by facile children.
Stevie Wonder is the best soundtrack for (possibly) bad decisions.
I think I made more friends and found more potential (and a few actual) dates volunteering for Barack during the primaries than I did in 4 years of college.
Let's hope that this all results in a little baby boom of kids who will be raised by parents committed to education, inclusiveness, and social engagement!
Ha ha! Jessi, you're hilarious, and this is spot on. It's like Obama is encouraging men to become gentlemen again; smart, educated, and warm.
And I second idiotking. Will these kids be called Obamababies? Obamaboomers? Barackiddies?
Ahhhh, yet another example of the hedonistic, fluffy-minded, and mean-spirited (...did the 'cunt' thing really belong there?) ethos of our up and coming generations. It is the natural progression of things, these "Youth Voters" make yuppy, entitlement-obsessed baby boomers sound like responsible adults, which they aren't.
A candidate reflects his or her constituency. Barack Obama is the candidate of the veal calf generation. Can these self-absorbed sissies really fight and win a civilizational war? Can they defeat another Hitler? Another Soviet Union? Can they regain America's altitude after another 911, but this time with a nuclear bent?
We're handing the keys of our car to least qualified driver in the car pool. Does it make sense to anyone?
Don't think so. Here's to the Democratic party (yes, small case "p")...
If election night is like New Year's Eve, do I need someone to kiss if Obama wins? Not sure how many people volunteered to help Obama's campaign with the thought of possibly finding love, but anytime you are hanging out with a lot of like-minded individuals you increase your chances of finding a compatible date or possibly the love of your life. So I'm sure his rallies and fundraisers led to a lot of hookups. But probably McCain's rallies also led to hookups, be it more curmudgeony ones.
mikeoutwest,
Being a student at a fairly prestigious private New England university, you have no idea how true your comments are. Do you think the US is on its way to becoming an extension of Switzerland or Scandinavia or worse...Canada.?
Watch out ladies or should i say Barackettes. I have my seduction techniques down. Candles, rose petals, my "thatone" t-shirt and the soothing sounds of Barack Obama in the back ground. All in anticipation of making you yell "yes i am...yes I am"
Now, that's funny. The truth, well and ironically stated, always is funny.
Sorry mike,
It's our car now. We're going to leave questionable stains in the back seat, and probably smash one-- or both-- of the mirrors. On the surface it might seem like we've driven on a bumpy road for longer than you might have liked, but ultimately I believe we'll end up on a better world.
I'm right there with you-- here's to the Democratic party. The next 8 years are going to be way more fun.
Case in point....people getting/offering dates for tickets to the Obama Grant Park election night party.
http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/Will_Trade_Sex_For_Obama.html
Here's to everyone hooking up for Obama! 2008-2016 will be the best years of my life!
Sorry Colorado and Mike your reservations of my generation are understandable but at the same time, I would like to point out that every older generation says the same thing about the younger generation. The generation above yours (I don't know which one you hail from but I could guess) was agast at your antics which I am sure you, at the time, found laughable. Lighten up, everytime you want to have a "you kids get out of my yard moment" just remember your generation did not blow up the world and neither will ours. Eventually we will get older, turn around and bitch about the generation coming up behind us, I mean have you heard their awful music?
Great! As a 61 year-old, this is enough to make me wish (a bit) that I was still single.
Mike: As a 50 year old boomer myself, I suggest you, yes, lighten up a bit. I'll ignore the generational insults you raise, instead I'll address your concern about handing the car keys to the least experienced driver in the carpool lane.
Two years ago, when Obama announced his candidacy we could have asked, "Barack has never run a national campaign for president before. He has no experience. McCain, on the other hand has run many. Who, based on experience, will run the better campaign?"
Well, Mike, looking back over these past two years, I'd say, based on RESULTS, if running a complex national campaign for president is a good predictor for running the free world, then Obama is, by far, the better candidate.
His campaign kicked McCain's little ass in every respect, from fundraising, to ground game, to what I believe will be electoral votes Tuesday. I'll hand Barack the car keys any day.
so true! the one eligible date i've met in the past 6 months was campaigning for obama at the second debate... however, unlike some of the folks commenting, I can't imagine what anyone would find wrong with this pattern! If there's one thing that should bring people (of all ages, mind you) together, it should be intellectual stimulation, hope for the future, common values, a true role model and the excitement of change.
Now, for something about much younger kids and in keeping with the date, here's BHO's scary plan for pre-teens:
http://24ahead.com/blog/archives/008230.html
He wants kids 12 and under to join his movement. Not only that, but he wants to use those pre-teens to get votes.
No, really: it's right on his site.
Souls ready to be reborn choose their parents as they watch couples make love. Everything about couples are made clear to the souls waiting to step back into the material world. Oh, what nice children are going to be born out of this election.
The amusing thing about this article is that it is true (or so my empirical research tells me).
I volunteer for the Obama campaign (and the McCain campaign, but whatever) and honestly the number of comely women determined to elect a black man president is quite encouraging.
I volunteer twice as much for Obama as I do for McCain, and I am beginning to suspect that this is only because the girl (woman? what is the preferred nomenclature WHO KNOWS not me) running the field office at which I work is p. hot.
wow, this is telling: We love Barack because he is promising us universal health care, tax breaks for working people, and other stuff that sounds good and right and decent.
Would THAT were the truth. But all this stuff that sounds good and right and decent is going to cost a TON of money. Barack says no problem, he'll just have the rich pay for all that good and decent stuff. But what if they don't want to pay for it? Or worse yet, what if by putting the screws to the rich, Barack is going to rid this country of so many rich people? Not too much of a problem there, until you stop to think. Once Barack has stamped out the rich, we are STILL going to have horrifically expensive programs for stuff that "sounds good and right and decent".
And who will have to pay for all this superexpensive stuff? You got it, baby, us and our middle class Michelles. Yes, the middle class do end up bearing the burden when a country moves the direction Barack wants to take us.
So let's go and meet those Obama-fans at the parties. And let's all vote for the stuff which is "good and right and decent". But let's never forget that the middle class is going to be stuck with the bill and it will make our own lives a living hell for the rest of our lives.
mikeoutwest, these young people you speak of so derisively have ALREADY been fighting and DYING on two fronts for over SEVEN YEARS. 4812 of them as of today, to be exact. 33,325 young men and women have been injured in the line of duty. Your post is incredibly offensive, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Thank you.
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