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My Four Weddings
Thank goodness, that was cleared up. It’s nice to know that mass-donating by a single group was purely a coincidence. So sorry for blaming the church for encouraging discrimination against other citizens, when it was obviously a fluke!
In any case, as it turns out, despite the fact that my marriages so far seem to have the life span of a gnat and despite all the efforts by that huge, wandering and unorganized group of Mormons (but not the Mormon Church, folks!), this one might actually stick.
According to a lot of experts, a sentiment echoed by California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger this week, the 18,000 same-sex marriages already done seem to be quite legal in the state, since Prop 8 is not retroactive.
Thus, while there is sure to be a lot of legal wrangling over the whole situation going forward, as well as constitutional challenges to the initiative itself, it looks like I might actually be married finally, at least in California.
Uh-oh.
Because, as bad as I am at getting married, I have to be very honest and say I am not as good as I could be at being married.
I am grumpy in the mornings and thoughtless a lot more than I should be and I cannot say I have always behaved as a married lady should behave. That is to say, living happily in the spirit of for better or worse. That is to say, making every effort possible effort to be a good partner. That is to say, seeing the forest through what can sometimes be very thick trees.
But, any straight person married a decade or more will, if pressed, eventually, cop to that kind of behavior. They know how hard it is to keep a solid and healthy relationship going with all the various pressures of modern life. They realize that it is much tougher to stay married than to get married. They know that getting through bad times with grace is as important as enjoying the ease of the good times. And they know that no couple with children under seven years old can have a meaningful conversation of more than one minute and 33 seconds.
That I know this and much more, tuning out all the noise about same-sex marriage that never seems to let up, actually means I have actually been quite married all along, since that first one back in 1999.
And I am confident the rest of the world will catch up too. While we lost Prop 8, it was much less of a loss than the last one and the next one will be less still, if not an outright victory.
As the playwright Tony Kushner once wrote: “The world only spins forward,” which a consider a truism for this fight and so many others having to do with the dignity of humanity, the civil rights of all people and equal rights under the law.
And, if it does turn out to take a little longer, of course, I very much look forward to wedding No. 5.
I think I will call that one: The Been-There-Done-That One.
Kara Swisher currently co-produces and co-hosts The Wall Street Journal’s “D: All Things Digital,” with Walt Mossberg. Swisher worked in The Wall Street Journal’s San Francisco bureau. For many years, she wrote the column, “BoomTown,” which appeared on the front page of the Marketplace section and also on The Wall Street Journal Online at WSJ.com. Previously, Ms. Swisher worked as a reporter at the Washington Post and as an editor at the City Paper of Washington, D.C.
John Talks Joe
Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
I'm hesitant to pin blame solely on the Mormons, as many gay folk are wont to do. Don't you think the late-election rally AGAINST Prop 8 might've been more significant? I mean, supporters of Prop 8 have been working with their shock troops since April, whereas the greatest galvanization I've seen on the opposition side has come, oddly, post-election. What in the hell is that about?
I have many gay friends who could tell a similar tale. The wit and wisdom here is so much more persuasive than Melissa Etheridge's rock-star petulance.
Nicely said Kara, the wit and wisdom that come from experience are refreshing, but I am still stinging a little like Melissa as this was my first one despite my advanced age.
Frankly, I am damned mad, pardon the expression, and my knee jerk reaction is to blame the NO campaign (for not doing enough), or the YES campaign (for doing too much), but the real blame lies with our government.
This is not a new issue, the tactics used by the YES folks are not new, the failure of the NO folks has been done before, and still our government won't stand up and say, "Hey we can learn from history here and save some folks alot of money, time and anxiety"
Congress and the Senate need to get on the Liberty bus and recognize the similarities and take the action this entire country needs, because even if we win a recount, a court battle or a repeal, there are still 29 other states on the dark side and 20 others that might follow.
The citizens of California overwhelming rejected Prop 8, the issue is closed. Why is it wrong for those opposed to Prop 8 to organize, raise money and advocate their position. Isn't that what the Obama team did so well this year?
I'm just curious...for anyone complaining about the No on 8 campaign...did you volunteer for the campaign? I did. And, fighting on the inside and pointing fingers isn't really helpful at this point. Unless you were there, like I was, calling people and handing out information, then you should probably stop saying "they should have done this..and this..." And, I'm hoping that anyone saying "should have" is active moving forward, and not coaching from the sidelines.
I also don't blame the Mormons for the passage of Prop 8. No matter where the money came from (and BTW, plenty of anti-Prop-8 money came from outside California), it's the people living in California who voted to ban same-sex marriage.
We need to convince a majority of voting Californians that same-sex marriage is a civil-rights issue. How do we do that? I don't yet know.
@ judez11:
I don't live in California, so I wasn't able to participate in the movement against Prop 8. I attempted to donate once I found out there was a website, but my credit card was rejected several times. I wished to contribute the way I could best, but my attempts to help were turned down, unfortunately.
And don't tell me not to point fingers, because there's really only two parties you can blame. Those who voted for Prop 8, and those who did not convince enough people to vote against it. I'm not clapping McCain on the back and shaking my head sadly, whining about how people just didn't see the error of their ways. He ran a poor campaign. So did the No on Prop 8 group.
This article puts the humanity on this 'family values' issue - because the individual people and families are forgotten while zealots discuss their ideas.
This season was incredibly difficult, to see the horribly bigoted and lying ads in favor of these bans and to think of how hurtful they are, and wondering if the people making those bans really think about the people they're hurting.
This story is that of so many of the gay couples I know, and I love how it shares the personal journey of one woman through these troubled waters. My family traveled to San Fran for my aunt's planned wedding in 04, and the voiding happened the week we all flew in. It was so important, after 20 years of commitment, three children raised and one partner facing terminal illness - the recognition of this union was something they wanted, to their core. We can always say it doesn't matter, the relationship isn't contingent with the legalities... but to go unrecognized and marginalized by your community is a wearing upon their souls.
I agree with her that Mormons are usually the cause of discrimination, I mean no offense, but I live in a strongly Mormon community and they discriminant against me because first of all I am not Mormon and second of all I am gay.
I don't mind you or any other minority fighting for privileges that are unique to your group... but if you really think Canada is "nicer" you need to move there. It's categorically hypocritical to demonize the USA in comparison to other countries and cultures, while living here and enjoying the benefits of the last example of free-market enterprise and levels of equality of opportunity not available anywhere else on the planet. Just say you love it here, but you want to make some changes. Otherwise pack up and leave. Unlike many countries on earth, you are free to do so.
@cstuple: Why don't you focus on the issue at hand, instead of nitpicking inconsequential details? She didn't say Canada is nicer, she said Canadians are nicer. Which a) my anecdotal experience leads me to agree with and b) does not in any way suggest that she wants to leave the US and move to Canada.
@Bob586: It's pretty clear that you don't know much about the issue, beyond "my preacher says the gays want to get married." Prop 8 PASSED. That's the whole point.
Thank you Kara for providing us with a well-though out, rational version of the vapid article recently seen on this site from Melissa Etheridge. I am glad to hear that California seems to realize that past marriages are still going to be valid after the passage of Prop 8 and I wish you and the rest of the gay community all the luck in the world in gaining equal marriage status at the Federal level as well....and cstuple: if you think a humorous name for a wedding that says Canadians are nice is "demonizing America" someone needs to call you a waaahmbulance. Relax dude. Canadians are pretty nice.
My wife and I have a very similar story, married in the United Church in 2000 in Florida- not legal of course but the big family affair, civil union in Vermont, tried to get married in Mass. but did not due to the f***ing Mormon governor at the time moving the goalposts, finally legally wed in California August 2008, but for how long? I am so over straights deciding what "our rights" should be. Oh well, there's always Connecticut when our marriage license in CA is repealed.
What a wonderful way to see the USA- getting married in every state!
Thank you baconbits for setting them in their place to bad I wanted to that first :P
I can't believe some of you!!! You go around and saying bad stuff about how wrong it is to be gay or be a lesbian I don't even know how you get up in the morning and look in the mirror!!!! I might as well call you racist, I fell bad for you... not knowing what it is like to be free!!
Thank you.
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