Having not had kids myself, and therefore not taking the whole process seriously at ALL, I enjoyed the article. I'm also feeling a slight societal pressure to have kids . . . and I don't even have a girlfriend!

It's amazing how much pressure there is to have children. I'm intentionally childless, not because I hate children (I think they're quite interesting, actually) but because I have simply never wanted them. It's never been a biological urge for me. Yet I am looked upon with a mix of horror, shock, and pity when I say I don't have kids. Of course, the 'well, there's still time' I heard in my 30s has given way to even more pity now that I'm in my 40s. Alas.

And no, it's not too much to ask for a damn magazine. I'd read it. Hell, I'd write for it.

Rachel, thanks for recognizing that you at least are given the right to choose to be married and remain childless, we gay folk need more people like you speaking out.

Rick

Lifestyles haven't caught up to biology..There is probably an biological urge to reproduce (that being the basic instinct for our survival as a species). Now having said that I commend you for not having a baby just as a prop to prove your life as a success. Too many unwanted, uncared, under-cared kids in the world. Parenthood is a huge responsibility and I have come to believe that it is really not gig for those who don't want it --so kudos to you to stay true to your convictions.

With 6.5 billion people in the world, foregoing reproduction is hardly selfish. Ask those who accuse you of selfishness why they elected to have their own child instead of adopting. This brings the discussion to a quick conclusion.

Rachel, if you really want to make the people who accost you about a baby squirm, find a way to work the phrase "child-free" into your response.

Thank you for saying something on this subject. I'm a young person, but sure, at least for the moment, that I never want kids. Hell, I'm fairly certain I never want to marry. Although, if I did get married I would make sure it was to someone who shared my sentiments about more than likely not having kids of our own and if the urge ever did come - adopting. When I espouse this opinion among my friends I receive looks of terror. And, at best, giggles equating to "you say such silly things sometime, but you'll come around eventually." I hope I don't.

Rach honey,
Go to the store and buy some of those frames with children already in them. Or better yet, adopt one from that guy on TV who needs you to send him 20 cents a day to feed a starving child. Don't let people force you into doing something you don't want. Stick to your guns . . . and your wishes!!

Having had four kids of my own, at least according to the Westchester County Supreme Court-Marital Part; the last one being somewhat in dispute, at least in the minds of the other three children, a conclusion drawn entirely upon their own wits about the situation and what appears to be 'odd' in the Family. I cannot disagree more than to say that the absence of children is full time bliss, even if that prohibition were to be obtained at the hands of an ex-Father-in-Law Oil Executive type, who had a penchant for passing 'notes' to interested parties containing, not the pentacles upon the dollar, but the indeed wise 'enlightened eye' which Governs all commerce....Legal or otherwise. Sadly, after the effects were fully in place, the poor Judge lost a 20 year career since he mistook pentacles for 'enlightened eyes'....and chose the wrong side. "Tut Tut...seems like rain" said the cubbly and chubbly Bear. Whether you are analyzing Family Relations, International Relations, Economic Relations, or Relations between Markets, the interestingly same principle usually unfolds. Government interference in the lives of men is a most foolish course for Government itself to embark upon. Having cleverly 'separated' Church from State, who will now rein in the State in the absence of any countervailing position? Reform is not just an idea, it is a practical destination point. Now....who would have children in a State such as ours, where there is no supportive bid underlying markets? It seems 'rational' that people would morph in the direction they have chosen, simply to ensure their own survival. It also seems 'rational' that they would opt out of any contract held by the Church that has now been Nationalized by the State. This is not 'Separation of Church and State', it is usurpation of a 'rite' held Holy for 1,000's of years ...and now drug through the reign of an Orthority ill conceived so as to protect it.

Nick and Nora Charles did have a son. He didn't seem to interfere with their lifestyle.

have kids because you want to, not because you are supposed to. or don't have them at all. why feel this pressure? screw society.
if you do have kids, they will truly bring joy to your life. trust me. and hey, if you don't have kids, you will still find joy in life..
once again - screw society, live on your terms - this is getting harder and harder to do these days.

I'm only 18 and my freak parents are talking about how I will provide them with the bountiful fruit of my loins to love.

..well not in such creepy terminology.

I haven't broken their hearts yet, but I'm sure it will go like this:
Mom, dad, I believe God created Catholics to have children for me.
Yay population control. Do it like the Japanese.

and btw, kids are the WORST investment EVER.

What's funny to me is that when I tell people that we're not planning on having kids, they tend to say "That's okay" with compassion in their eyes - as though they feel the need to validate our choice.

You are so on the money!!! People should have the choice to do what the hell they want with their lives and marriages providing they don't harass anyone else. My husband and I don't have any kids yet and the nerve of people to constantly impose on our lives by asking and almost pleading is just plain rude. I figure the same way I don't bother anyone about their lives or kids - just leave me the hell alone! Do what the hell you want, people are sometimes just too fast and out of order with themselves!

When people ask me, do you have kids? I say, no, and I like it that way thanks. Sometimes I get the odd stare. Sometimes they go talk to someone else at the party (for which I am very grateful) but most of the time, they just move on to the next question... got a dog? like sushi? ... those are the people I want to talk to, so it works out just fine, thanks.

Three cheers Rachel. After "serving" as a custodial step parent for many years, I still have people asking me why I didn't have "any children of my own!" As if the two I raised, but didn't make, weren't enough. Those of us who have chosen to not spread our DNA should be rewarded for crissakes! And if you're a woman, try telling people you don't want to hold their baby... I really don't like babies, they smell bad.

Even at 47, people still ask whether I have kids. I learned a stunning response from a friend of a similar age - this one really only works if you're somewhat beyond your "biological clock prime"... When someone lobs the inevitable question: A slightly lowered glance and say "no, we weren't blessed..." Usually results in sudden end of conversation and your inquisitor looking for a quick social exit.

Must say I found this piece to be just a touch whiny and narcissistic.

Want to make the choice NOT to have children? Bully for you! But please stop acting surprised and irritated when child bearing and rearing becomes the topic of party conversation or a focus of economic activity - it IS hard-wired into our genetics after all.

I am not a Christian yet live in a society where the guy nailed to the cross is ubiquitous. I've made my choice and see no point in taking umbrage to all the church-goers around me.

By all means, start you own magazine. Start a support group, even. But at least accept that you've chosen to be just a little different - and that may mean putting up with a few awkward or unenlightened conversations.

@raindogtoo: I don't think the article was so much about surprise and irritation as it was astonishment at many people being rude. I think it's highly rude to ask about a couple's reproductive prospects, and I don't know why you would react with shock and awe when you get an answer that doesn't conform to what you are expecting.

While I've not doubt that many of the blank stares you receive are due to shock at your choice to be childless, I also would venture that many of the reactions are due to the fact that, with one word, you've just taken away 10 minutes worth of small talk. These, of course, are people who don't know how to converse on a variety of subjects and they rely on the crutch of their kids to make them seem entertaining.

I am 63 years old. I do not have nor have I ever wanted kids. I've heard it all. When I was married it was "I had to have them." When I was single it was "get married again and have some."
As years went by and I become more and more fed up with people asking me about what I consider a very personal decision I would get pretty snarky. I didn't mind the simple question "Why not?" I did mind the amateur psychologists, the religious zealots and the just plain nosy folks who wanted to tell me how wrong I was.
I had to ask the persistent ones what business was it of theirs what I did with my uterus or tell them I simply didn't have any maternal instinct beyond caring for my cat.
One lie I was told constantly was that if I had them I would love them and all would be well in the kingdom of parenthood. No, not always. My mother never wanted kids but was pressured into having them by my dad and her family. The result was three abused children; my sisters and me. That is not the reason I chose not to have kids, my sisters had them and are great mothers but it was a reason to know that people who said told me this were spouting nonsense.
So don't give into what everyone else says you should do. You can't take kids back like an unwanted puppy to a pound although there are hospitals in Nebraska who might not agree with me there.
Bring Life into this world should be a choice not an obligation.

It is rude to ask people about their reproductive prospects. As a recently married woman, I am asked often. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, and I respond with something like, "We aren't planning on it, but accidents happen." That simultaneously satisfies and freaks out most people enough to make them drop it. When pressed I have no problem describing my birth control method with them, because in my situation that's really what it all boils down to. And hey, that's really none of your business, but I'm not shy if you REALLY want to know what's going on in my uterus.

This article is so right on the money. I am not even going to say anything else, because Rachel says it all. Hope to see more articles like it.

LOVED the article. What I always find interesting is when you hear a couple say they can't wait to start a family - its as if they totally discount their spouse as family. I am so happy not having kids, especially given the fact, I could not come up with one reason (good or bad) why to have any. And I will add I am a professional working woman, married. Life is good!

How sad. Children are our responsibility. What a joy they are and how sad that you will never experience that joy. It points out the enormous selfishness of our society. One day, you will realize your error.