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What I'm Thankful For
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The Project Runway star and mother of six counts her blessings: Adderall, Ritalin, Tanqueray martinis up with olives, spell-check, mannies—and, oh yes, her family.
Sometimes it is hard to remember that Thanksgiving is not about food, but in fact, about giving thanks. I do not believe in God per say, but I do believe in some kind of universal cosmic force, and to this force, I would like to take a moment to mention the things I am most thankful for. Though being an all-powerful universal cosmic force, it probably already knows.
I am thankful for Fresh Direct, an incredible grocery delivery service we have here in New York. With a few clicks of a mouse, I can order everything I need for the week, and it magically arrives at my door. This saves me from having to shop for food at Duane Reade, which is a good thing, because you can only serve Frosted Flakes and Ramen noodles for dinner so many times before Child Services gets involved. I am also thankful for paper plates, because not only do I detest shopping and cooking, but the aftermath of clean up is exponentially easier when I can just plow the contents of the dinner table into the garbage can.
I am thankful for my hilarious kids, who are a constant source of good writing material because, believe me, I couldn’t make this stuff up.
I am thankful for Adderall, Ritalin, Focalin et al, because a medicated child is a happy child. Likewise, I am thankful for nicotine gum, Dunkin Donuts coffee, and Tanqueray martinis up with olives, because a medicated parent is a happy parent.
I am thankful for my personal technology whose artificial intelligence surpasses my own. Spell-check; you are brilliant, and if not for you this essay would be unintelligible. iPod Shuffle: playing Stairway to Heaven and Highway to Hell back to back was a stroke of genius. You make me smile.
I am thankful for my long-wear lipstick and my power panties. You keep my lips and ass in place, respectively, and save me valuable time having to check mirrors. And my Birkin Bag, not only do you faithfully carry around all the crap required to get me through my day, but you offer me security; if I ever decide to run away, I can stop by that high-end re-sale shop on eighteenth street on my way out of town and raise enough cash to live for six months.
I am thankful for my nannies, Alicia and Nicole. Your hard work and dedication keep me from becoming a homicidal bitch. And our housekeeper, Zoila, my husband’s true wife. Other women in his life have come and gone, but for thirty years, you have been there for him, and you’ve never once washed his cell phone. Sorry, Peter. I am thankful for Blake, our manny, because only a gay would serve show tunes with breakfast.
I am thankful for my family. For my husband, who never complains about the price of my Manolo’s, though his accountant hates the fact that I charge them to his business American Express, and has repeatedly asked me to stop. Peter has never asked me to stop, and until I get the word from the big guy, I’m taking that as a go ahead. I am thankful for my hilarious kids, who are a constant source of good writing material because, believe me, I couldn’t make this stuff up. I am thankful my daughter attends a state college; wow, what a tuition break. I am especially thankful that my crack-addicted forty-seven year old twice-divorced brother moved back in with my parents, and not me. Hang in there, Mom.
Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of the Bravo hit television series Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
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Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
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Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
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Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
I am not much of a cook so I always appreciate a gadget that makes any kitchen task easier. My si...
Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of Bravo's Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.
Laura Bennett, you fabulous bitch. You make me smile.
If you like gin, I have the perfect drink for you.
Fashion Puta-
1 shot of straight english gin
1 pickled beet.
garnish your martini glass with a plastic mermaid.
After 2 it's all good. Even fixing Thanksgiving dinner for the in-laws.
This girl is for real. No one can make up stories like she writes. Keep up the great stories
Haha!!
Lets do a shot every time some idiot leaves a comment lecturing you about the evils of Ritalin.
Your pretty much what's wrong with America today. Try donating to a food bank, your "SOUL" needs some brownie points.
I'm grateful to the Great Universal Force for the talents of Laura Bennett -- a humorous writer too?!
Yowza.
Best yet Laura. I hereby dub thee the "Anti-Soccer-Mom." Go forth and claim the life that is rightfully yours.
coloradokarl, my sentiments exactly... seems as if she has no responsibility outside of work. "God, the kids are hard to handle... give em more Ritalin." They'd be better off smoking marijuana. GAOTU is not pleased with these people.
Wow, I used to like you as a writer Laura, but this article was vapid and narcissistic (maybe not quite the most accurate word). You have 3 f-ing nannies and a housekeeper for 6 kids??!!! WTF?!?! One of those kids is grown and at college and the 13 year -old shouldn't need a nanny or a housekeeper. And you charge your Manolo's to your husband's business account? You have your kids on ritalin/adderall and expect not be lambasted for that without providing any reasoning for this besides "a medicated child is a happy child"? My brother-in-law has been on adderall for several years and it has helped him immensely, but those drugs are not panaceas. And that quote wasn't humor (even if that was the intent) it was idiocy. And thank God your daughter is going to state school so you don't have to sell your f-ing Birkin Bag or cut back on overpriced shoes!
Oh and if you really like martinis, learn how to spell your favorite brand bimbo: Tanqueray is delicious....tangery is not a brand or a word.
ooooh and clarityinthedefaultworld: you seem to be lacking in clarity if you think she's the anti-soccer mom. What about her job that adds no value to society, and her desire to medicate her kids, and hire 4 other people to parent them makes Laura anything but a negative stereotype?!?!
Since my personal mantra as the eldest of five is "I am not responsible for my sibling's behavior", I AM curious about the crack-addicted forty-seven year old twice-divorced brother.
Jealous much?
Seriously, was this article sarcastic? Nannies and paper plate's? You can't possibly be this self-centered.
As another mom of six, I stand with you,Laura! I don 't fit the stereotype any more than you do-thank God! I wish I could've had all the help you have. People don't get it! I was so depressed at times when the kids were little. Now at least my own grown daughter has me to cheerfully help her- and her adorable kids-I love it.
I read some of the hateful shi-zah people have been writing to you, and had to put in my 2 cents. I love your writing-keep it coming, super-cool-mommy! You're funny and real.You're a good mom-and you're yourself. I look forward to your comments on DB. (And as a mom of 2 vets-Sarah Palin NEVER spoke for me!!! ) Maybe some are jealous of your busy,happy life!
But we (try -to- be)cool-moms appreciate having our own ambassador!
Per se, surely?
"per say"? That is one thing about spell checkers that drives me crazy sometime. Damn computers always do exactly what you tell them to do, no more, no less.
As to martinis, couldn't agree more. After a lot of white lab coat work and double blind tastings with control groups of large n size, we have settled on Plymouth, Boodles, and Beefeaters when you are out at a bar which is gin-poor.
We enjoy your work.
Boodles is my personal fav, but it's hard to get here. I don't know why.
She's just kidding. But nice job, Laura. I had no idea how hilarious the comments of people lining up with you would be! Good stuff.
nobody's perfect but that is just abnoxious, mannies, nannies,frightening what you are thankful for...think about it
I've never walked in her Manolo's and don't identify with anything for which this author claims she's thankful. I have my flaws, but am thankful they are worlds apart from Laura Bennett's.
sewingsiren, you are sooo right about Boodles. Leaves Tanqueray in the dust. Mme Bennett, I really want to believe all of that guff was completely tongue-in-cheek, and you aren't seriously dosing your nannied brood with speed so that they'll be more docile. The manolos, however, I could overlook--anyone dumb enough to shell out thousands for shoes get their comeuppance in the form excruciating chronic pain --and ugly, deformed feet by the time they hit 60. Enjoy your golden years, dahlink!
Oh please! After a week of being treated to the "recessionista chic" stories of the NY Times - in which 5th Avenuers magically discover KMart and WalMart to help them throw dinner parties that still cost more than the average persons weekly salary - I'm thankful for Laura's article. At least it isn't patronizing!
Brava Laura! You're hilarious.
Jeesh, it was satire, people! (Google it.)
OK, maybe not the stuff about Manolos or Dunkin Donuts coffee...
You're the best, Laura.
Just getting caught up on my post-holiday Web cruising, and just wanted to add an "attagirl" for Laura, and an "I'm thankful" that I don't have to feed people like coloradokarl and catch22 at my holiday dinners.
I am thankful that I "get" Lauras sense of humor...some of ya'll need to relax a littel
Lighten up, people! Laura, you make me laugh. Ain't motherhood grand?
Thank you.
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