6 Billion Human Beings on the planet Earth. That's double the population of 40 years ago. Do the math genius.

I say good for you. There's enough people having babies that don't want and/or need them. Becoming a parent because you want to is admirable. Good luck.

^ As long as you don't have a dozen of them, that is.

Stories like yours are a wonder to me because I am very much pro adoption. But since I have never been "in your shoes' how can I condemn you? It is easy to fault when you are seeing something from the outside in, isn't?
If you are now happy and you are a good father to your child, then who is there to tell you how to use your money?
Would it be OK to use your money on something else?
All these sarcastic comments and your "friends" attitudes tells me that you should move on and be happy AND choose other people around you. The old ones are morons!

Everything a person does is not necessary a topic for discussion.

I think the backlash comes from implying that you "paid good money" for your child. People might react sympathetically to your working through your medical issues, and are certainly ready to "love your baby" -- but don't react as well to parents who identify their children only by their price tags.

As the proud Grandmother of this exceptionally beautiful child, I praise and thank my son and daughter-in-law for their loving dedication in order to have a child to love and cherish. It is a very emotionally charged and physically challenging process that requires a full commitment and strong love for each other. I am so gifted to have all of them in my life and I hope that anyone going through this process is as blessed as our family has been.

I have a terrific adopted daughter but have no problem with your choices. The only thing I would suggest -- and I learned this from other adoptive parents -- is the story of how your child came to be in your life is ultimately her story. You may want to consider how articles such as this one -- especially with that headline -- will affect her and how it will be available forever when anyone searches on her name. But perhaps you've thought of that. I didn't grasp immediately that telling people personal details of my daughter's early life was probably not in her best interests for the long term.

Kudos to you on all levels.

It's squeamishness on many levels. When does the desire for one specific thing become a quixotic quest? Yours seems a normal story of infertility with a happy ending, I've know many that have ended that way, and many who didn't but went on to adoption and ended happily for those families too. Everyone believes they have the baby they were supposed to have. I am squeamish about stories like the one in the NYT magazine last weekend about surrogacy, where it feels like those involved went just too far. Who am I to say? They too believe that they have the baby they were supposed to have.

I'm not sure I understand why it seems so important to you that other people hear about your experiences. You reference a website where others who've gone through IVF can connect and talk about the experience. That would seem to be the logical place for you to obtain the support and validation you appear to require.

There are a vast number of people in the world who struggle to simply pay their rent and put food on the table, so it should not surprise you that your lament about your $20,000 IVF choice (and it IS a choice) would fail to generate...whatever it is you feel you should get from these other people you are volunteering your story to.

The world is full of choices. You made one that apparentl;y worked for you, which is fine. Why do you need to tell the rest of the world every unpleasant detail?

My two older sisters struggled with infertility for years. They tried IVF and every other thing you can think of, and ended up adopting. during this time I had two children "unassisted". I felt horrible having to tell them I was pregnant. yet I also know women who had abortions because the time wasn't right for them. I'm not judgmental. we all just need to be human, accept each other and each other's choices, and always, always, always try to be compassionate when someone is going through a hard time, even if we can't fathom their pain or their choice.

As long as your not modifying your baby's DNA so that she becomes a 15 foot, fire breathing, 3-headed Dragon/Hydra crossbreed, I don't care. This is one of the few cases where money can buy happiness, so why shouldn't it?

I was adopted, and I am pro-choice. Certainly, it is your right to do what you have done, however I am one of those people who criticize you. Why NOT adopt? There ARE too many people on the planet and MANY who are in need... why spend $50,000 trying to make one of your own?

It is, in my opinion, as shameful as terminating a pregnancy as a quick means of birth control.

. . . maybe it's b/c your story is only of interest to you, and not to the entire world? Get over yourself, champ.

A co-worker just went through this process in her mid-40s. She was in the hospital for months and she's since left and her twins, born under four pounds each, are still there waiting to be strong enough to go home.

I admit I've been having really judgmental thoughts about why they chose put her and two children at such risk, and those kids will apparently have health issues for life.

Yes, it can appear narcissistic.

Insisting on talking about how your daughter was conceived, it *does* smack of narcissism. Why does anyone other than those who are close enough to have shared the experience need to know?

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Been there, done that. I have two $10,000 children myself (having had the miracle of insurance that actually covered part of the process). People who don't understand the agony of infertility won't understand the need to discuss it. Waiting month after month for a miracle to occur, mourning over each negative pregnancy test, knowing that if we tried to discuss the situation with family or friends we'd be told to "Get a dog" or "Stop thinking about it" or have to endure jokes about not doing IT right.

Infertility is painful, emotionally and sometimes physically. The tests are impersonal; every inch of the prospective parents' reproductive organs is examined and discussed; doctors, nurses and med students walk into examining rooms and tell you roll over, open up, undress, stand up, lay down, lay still, don't worry this won't hurt for too long.... There's no privacy.

Prospective fathers' sperm counts are discussed in detail. My husband had to endure slides of why his were so inferior and what "good" sperm looks like. Then he got lectured on every college indiscretion he committed. I got to hear about weak eggs, waiting too long, peak periods of fertility. It's hard enough waiting for a beloved child without having the very essence of your sexuality dissected and criticized (well, it felt like criticism).

I wholeheartedly sympathize with Mr. Nester. I'm with you there - my oldest son is 14 and, to my surprise, I can still feel the anguish, the fear and the anger. It's just something I'll live with, I guess.

I had my one and only through IVF 12 years ago. It was intense, but I never felt judged or condemned by friends, family or the Catholic Church. I did appreciate that the hormones we injected were derived from retired nun's urine. The devil is in the details.

This isn't exactly important, but Angelina Jolie did come out and say that the twins were the product of IVF. We all could have guessed, but to have her say it does make a difference to people who feel alone like you.

I do believe that (like anything different that scares people) we will begin moving past the time when people are condemned because of choosing alternative fertility methods. It just takes time for people to accept change. Please know that there are just as many people who will appreciate your article and your openness as people who will judge you for it. Nice work and congrats on your daughter.

Regardless of the population explosion, there is a very basic, human need to be a parent in most of us. Logic about adoption and just accepting that you're not meant to be a parent is no match for that instinct to have a child of your own. Wouldn't it be great if everyone would just 'live and let live' without all the opinions on what other people are doing?

i had no idea people could be so cruel. now i'm not a fan of pregnant women hogging the conversation topic in a staff meeting, or new parents unable to get out of their babyworld, but your struggles should at least be appreciated. one couple i know had your problem and adopted, then her hormones were adjusted, then POW, baby. but for people to insult or be disgusted by the medical procedures is, i think, fearful and selfish. you'll hear of people talk of $100,000 college educations. as a gay man i am used to hearing straights talk about marriage, fertility, childbirth, child rearing, and education -- things i appreciate but have no hope to do with no universal validity.

Bravo Dan! I always appreciate your shrewd and concise writing. No matter the subject, your hysterical and engaging prose grabs the reader by the jugular and never lets go. One of my family members has gone through this nightmarish process unsuccessfully and I understand the stigma attached so my heart goes out to up and your family.

As an adoption/fostering proponent, I find it difficult to comprehend why anyone would go to such lengths to insist on having a baby with their own DNA. I think we have to look at the big picture and the greater good, which clearly indicate that we should forgo the immediate ego gratification of producing biological children and think about the millions of kids on the planet who have nobody to care about them--and, as someone else mentioned, the over 6 billion of us already cramming this small planet and rapidly destroying it. While it's great that you have a lovely child to point to as the product of all that physical, psychological and financial trauma you went through, in all honestly, it doesn't make sense to me, and you shouldn't demonize people who are concerned about the dire effects of verpopulation. It's a real issue that can't be ignored.

Hi Daniel, Why are people squeamish?... Well, books like Shelly's "Frankenstein" ("I've created life!"), Huxley's "Brave New World" (folks bred to be Alphas, Betas, et cetera) and the eugenics program of Adolf Hitler (the "superior race")... these historic and literary events have made us aware of the dangers, as well as the moral, religious and ethical issues involved when we "tamper" with human life. My best friend had two kids by artificial insemination. The sperm was NOT the father's sperm (he damaged his vas deferens as a teen), and they ended up divorced. Why? Because, in his mind, no matter how he tried, the kids were not "his", but another man's children (the sperm donor). I am not condoning this attitude, but I understand the feeling... and I have raised three biological children, and two "step" sons (though I NEVER call them that, because they have always been my sons, as real and true to me, as the kids that arrived from my sperm). In the end, we are squeamish about artificial means of conception, because... well... after all... it IS artificial... that is, according to the dictionary definition, artificial being "imitation; simulated; sham... lacking naturalness or spontaneity; forced; contrived; feigned..." As such, few can accept these less-than-normal means of creating human life. regards, jeff.