Blogs and Stories
I Killed Sunny von Bulow
Look, I was young. What I said next has haunted me for years. “I mean, she’s as good as dead,” I said. “Her coma is irreversible, you know. She’s not coming back.”
“Oh, are you God?” my boss asked dryly. And then he dismissed me with a wave of his hand. As I was walking out the door, he added one last comment. “You could be fired for this,” he said. “You won’t be. But you could be.”
Back among my colleagues in the newsroom, the silence was deafening. Finally, the copy desk editor gestured me over. He too showed me a scroll of yellow AP paper. Printed over and over again were the words every reporter dreaded to see. “KILL DELETE ALERT,” it read. My story was being expunged from the record.
For the next week, I was assigned to local fires and drug arrests. Indeed, it was only when Claus von Bulow’s trial ended that I was sent back to Newport, to cover the reaction on the city’s street corners and in its little diners.
I thought of my premature elimination of poor Sunny when the news broke Sunday that God did finally have his way with her. How wrong, I wondered, had I really been?
The answer, I’m sad to say, is very. By not dying Sunny had been a living testament to one family’s unfinished agony. The von Bulow clan may be a world apart from most of us, but Sunny’s lingering made them seem just like everyone else, perpetual victims of past mistakes and misunderstandings. Surely by not being gone, everything she represented could not be forgotten. Doesn’t every one of us have a Sunny in our lives? Doesn’t every one of us have a still-just-barely-there reminder that time moves on, but our biggest personal tragedies never leave us?
For years, I have used my KILL DELETE episode as a funny cocktail party story. But for me, it has also served as an indelible aide-memoir. Twenty-eight years have rushed by since she fell into her permanent sleep. Still, I have never forgotten that in my youth, I thought the difference between life and death was piddling. Now a mother, wife, and daughter of aging parents, with the regrets, scars, and fears to match, I know much better.
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Suzy Welch, a noted commentator and business journalist, is the former editor of the Harvard Business Review and has written extensively on management and leadership.
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Suzy Welch is a noted commentator and business journalist, is the former editor of the Harvard Business Review, and has written extensively on management and leadership.
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Suzy Welch is a noted commentator and business journalist, is the former editor of the Harvard Business Review, and has written extensively on management and leadership.
As always, a thoughtful and provocative story, Suzy -- thanks!
I keep hoping that I've finally outgrown those kinds of gaffes- maybe one day I will! Thank you for sharing your humanity and humor!
Great story! I'm sure everyone can feel your pain -- we all have those incidents in our careers that when we recall them, they can trigger immediate cramping. I keep remembering the phrase "it builds character." It helps to know the only REAL tragedy was the sad, sad life of Sunny. May she rest in peace.
wonderful link to growing up pains and experiences. Believe me I know your pain but dont be too hard on yourself. Just think of all the fauz pas committed by youthful growing-uppers every minute of every day. Wonderful world, yes?
This is a great story and one we can all relate to in the age of e-mail where the demands of speed and accuracy are always tested.
I knew Sunny and loved her. Your fascinating story brought back lots of memories.
I loved reading this. What a funny story!
I can't help reflecting on my own uh-oh, forehead slapping moments and the na�vet� with which I opperated at the time. Terrific story...can't wait to read more!
A touching, charming story. Suzy Welch's prose is beautiful as usual. I loved it.
What a well written, thoughtful story.
thanks for such a great story. i had no idea how one word could be so important
That was outstanding, I love Suzy's writing, she has done it again
Details, details, it's all in the details. A fascinating angle on the journalistic tribulations behind one of the more sensational trials of the time. Suzy's story makes us realize why it's all still relevant today.
Good example of what always happens when you start thinking you are great/important/smart; you do something exceptionally stupid
The Sunny in my life was a little dog named Fluffy -- but that's a long story. Your story struck a real chord, Suzy, and not least about the sins of our youth!
In the late 70's I filmed a commercial for E.F. Hutton featuring J.Paul Getty. Then the richest man in the world making a commercial for just $1, Standing in the wings but overseeint the shoot was Claus Von Bulow.
Suzy, don't feel so bad! It turns out you were right, after all. Besides, in the eyes of the law, the issue is the mens rea, the state of mind of the criminal when committing the act. Therefore, the penalty for an attempted crime is the same as for the crime itself. It is the act which is the crime, not the result. Claus von Bulow took Sunny's life away. It really was murder, after all.
An inspiration! a wonderful piece.
What a loathesome piece. "I thought of my premature elimination of poor Sunny...." Poor Sunny. The woman did not get a bad haircut; she was in a coma after an attempted murder. "For years, I have used my KILL DELETE episode as a funny cocktail party story." I don't hear pain or regret in this story - I hear an attempt to catch a bit more fame - for having covered a famous trial. This was a real human being - one who evidently had children. And you're proud to tell us you used it as a clever cocktail party joke? KILL DELETE.
Suzy shows no regret for her complete lack of basic human decency (a cocktail party joke). This piece is revolting. Look up this woman's real bio. It is illuminating.
Thank you.
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