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Inaugural Hell
Scott Andrews / AP
Message to you out-of-towners heading to Washington, D.C., for your first presidential inauguration: You will be miserable.
January 20 is shaping up to be the inauguration celebration of our lifetimes. Which is fitting, because there’s a dirty little secret about Washington, D.C., and the inaugural balls: If you’ve ever been to one, you’ll never go back.
Inaugurals are a miserable experience. This will come as sad news to the Obamaphiles who forked over checks for $50,000 to be granted the title of “finance chair” for the Presidential Inauguration Committee (PIC). It will probably be even sadder news to those who opted for the $300,000 package, which gives them four tickets to all official inaugural events. Except if you read the not-so-fine print: That $300,000 doesn’t include any tickets to the actual inauguration itself. Those tickets are free, but “controlled” by Congress; “be in touch with your Congressperson or Senator,” the Obama people suggest. By now though, it’s too late; many congressional offices have even raffled off their spots. (Say what you will about the Bushies, but back in 2005, when a lot more people liked them, they gave out a bunch of VIP seated inaugural tickets for free with your ball tickets, which went for a mere $500 a pop.) Thus, those big donors wanting to see Obama put his hand on the Lincoln Bible are advised by PIC solicitors to consider doing so as “walk-ins.” As a PIC representative put it, “President Obama chose to put the administration together with more urgency than the Inauguration.”
“The official balls are basically like bad proms,” says the wife of one well-connected congressman.
So, what exactly does one get for $50,000? Your contribution entitles you to a late-night event on Saturday, January 17, a welcome brunch with an unnamed special guest the following day, unspecified welcoming events, evening events, a thank-you dinner, a breakfast meeting on Martin Luther King Day, and various bipartisan dinners. The “bi’s” in bipartisan are still TBD. Since lobbyists, corporations, political action committees, and registered foreign agents can’t contribute to Obama’s inauguration, Republicans, like exotic hothouse tropical flora, will have been imported, for reduced rates or even for free. And according to the initial inauguration invites, as a bonus, your $50,000 donation also entitles you to be shaken down further for Hillary Clinton’s “debt relief” and “the Al Franken Recount Fund.”
Still want to go to inauguration? Well, there are some things worth knowing. For starters, there are only a select few official balls, about ten, where the first and second families even make an appearance. That leaves some 50 lesser parties and events (like the Farm Bureau’s “Piggy Prom”) where your best shot of getting a glimpse of the Obamas is if there’s a hotel bar nearby with a TV tuned to a live feed from C-SPAN.
The PIC has promised that the Obamas will attend ten “official balls”—but these specially sanctioned venues won’t be available to the general public. And even those ball tickets aren’t quite as hot as you may think. “The official balls are basically like bad proms,” says the wife of one well-connected congressman. A less generous view comes from a local D.C. Democratic Party activist: "These are probably the worst parties in the world. You are packed cheek-to-jowl, people spill drinks on you and step on your dress." At her last ball, she says, "I wore a top and a skirt. One of my friends from out of town wanted to get all dressed up, and I said, 'Don't bother.' After we had been there for about ten minutes, she looked at me and said, 'You were so right. Now what do I tell my friends back home about my glamorous night?' I said, 'Just make something up.'"
There are only a few locations in Washington where it’s even possible to host a really big party and maintain extremely tight security, and they often involve a basement. One designated spot, the Washington Hilton, has a large basement ballroom where they keep the air temperature in the 60s and the white curved ceiling with its giant holes and creepy tinted lights looks like a relic from Darth Vader’s Death Star. But in terms of people per square inch, the biggest ball site by far is the D.C. Convention Center, just north of the capital’s version of Chinatown. In other seasons of the year, its basement space is home to posh events like the D.C. auto show. Yet for one night, the rotating car platforms will be put away, replaced with tacky bars where you need to stand in line with your drink tickets. And by the time you get in that line, you will be grateful, because by now you will have been standing in line for at least an hour, most of it outside in the frigid cold.
Actually, at inaugural balls the outdoor lines begin long before you even reach the building. Because of security, if you are lucky enough to have a car and driver, a limo, or even a cab, and survive the near-total gridlock enveloping Washington, you will still have to walk in a line snaking past the jersey wall barricades, around the curbs, and over to the next line to clear security. And that’s the best-case scenario. Four years ago, it snowed on the morning of the inauguration. The streets and sidewalks were icy and slushy. Men skidded in patent dress shoes, women tottered in four-inch Louboutins. Everyone shivered. And then waited outside, airport-style, to have their bags searched, cell phones tested, IDs checked, and then to pass through the metal detector gates. Inside the ball, there is yet another line for the football field-size coat check. (Don’t wear a coat that you wouldn’t happily donate to charity. They don’t always come back.) There is also a line actually to make your way down, down, down to the “ballrooms.”
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Well okay then! I was just about to write that check for 50k ...but now have opted for a trip to Florida where I will sip cool drinks and watch the festivities on the tube!
Loved the article. It brought a smile. I think I too will take my 50k and head to Florida. Maybe I will run into Skyrider and we'll have a drink together.
Spot on assessment. I attended Bush 2004 - maybe even at the Hilton, I can't remember - it wasn't that memorable. The best thing is 'they' make everyone and every event seem important until you show up and figure out you and your ten thousand closest friends have the exact same VIP only pass. Land of the free... :)
I'm happy to say, I've already seen both Obama and Biden in person in San Diego last year for the California Democratic Convention, to which I was a delegate. We had a great view of the then candidates, and I was even close enough to Hillary Clinton to catch her cold.
There were some similarities though. The lines for the bars are ridiculous, and there's something disturbing about going to a party with free booze hosted by Native Americans. This year, I got wise, and took my trusty flask.
already in FL... seen 44 here during the last phase of the election and am so happy i chose to do that! am already drinking and will continue to watch out for it on the tube... it promises to be a global party... the palm beaches have many public houses, vfw's, lodges and churches creating their own events for the day... my new night job as a cabbie is overjoyed for it! but alas, i will be sober when the rest of the clan will be party down! oh and free booze from Native Americans... well, i think we ALL just want the party to shove out the old energy of the last eight years and renew our land... the Nations would uphold that...
LOL - I'm in Florida - you all can come to my pool and I'll mix and pour your drinks on the house...I went to BC's first inauguration and every word in this article is true. It does get this bad...crowds were enormous...I was able to see everything up close & personal...but... only because I was a guest of a VIP...and if you're not one - you'll be sorely disappointed when you see how rough it gets in those crowds.
Sure, the description rings true. And I personally have no desire to live the comforts of my little bungalow a couple of hundred miles south of D.C. where we can amicably sip the best wines $12 can buy and watch whatever public TV is broadcasting. But when one undertakes to attend such things, you anticipate the hardships and summon your most positive attitude. How else, for example, could anyone get on an airplane--particularly during a holiday? But we all do, from time to time. I think a nation of people whose roots lie in covered wagons, tenement houses and worse can endure the "hardships" that accompany wanting to be part of a joyful occasion. Just plan to enjoy the people with whom you find yourself rather than seeking out particular VIPs. You'll have a ball.
Good grief.. after reading this article, someone will have to pay ME $50k to go to this thing.. and even then i might decline.
Bag the balls. I'm taking AMTRAK from Philly at the ass crack o' dawn to D.C., hanging on the Mall, and then heading back to the City of Brotherly Love as soon as the speech is over. So I can say, "I was there!"
Dear :Lyrik:
Have you ever wondered what people could possibly have been thinking, setting the inauguration for January when cherry blossom time would so obviously be a better time for the event?
Hey ScottRose....
In retrospect, seems like a great idea to have the Inauguration in January. Do you really think this country could handle letting Bush/Cheney stick around until Cherry Blossom season?!?
Sigh... i know it will be hellish, but I have 3 friends visiting from Europe who desperately want to "be there." So alas, I'm doing a housing swap (thank god I live in NYC... still desirable!) for a spot in DC. I'm still dreading getting in or out of the city, finding food, and squeezing into bars. But on the plus side, I was sick on election night, so I didn't get to have my celebratory "Yes We Can Have Sex..." like everyone else. But maybe for the inauguration, I can make up for that. Town, Cobalt, Apex? I dunno. I think the pickin's will be easy, regardless :-P
As for seeing Obama... well, I'll duly escort my european buddies to a jumbotron location, but then I'm heading back to watch it on TV. I was lucky enough to see Obama at the Apollo theater (with Chris Rock and Cornell West) way back last year when he was the underdog. I framed my ticket to that, and that's all I need. Everyone's on Obama's side now, but I remember back when it was just a small minority of us working to get the word out and build the most incredible grassroots organization in presidential history!
Attended one of the Bush '88 balls (can't remember which one)... A dismal affair, and a colossal waste of my time!
LOL! How true. A frined attended the inaguration of the first Bush, and hated every minute of it. Finally wound up in the un-godly expensive hotel suite watching it on television. Said it was better than battling frostbite and line-jumpers.
This is exactly why I believe the unofficial Balls will be far more exciting. For example, the Blue Diamond Inaugural Ball at the Museum of Natural History will have a premium bar plus all the glitz and glamor of the official Balls. The best part is Jackson Browne will perform there (if you like him that is). It's also themed around universal health care so will support Obama's vision for healthcare for all.
The Neighborhood Ball sounds fun but might simply be too packed and the DC Convention Center, while nice, is a little sterile. What other Balls are out there?
I couldn't agree more! I have heard stories for years about the coat checks! So now, finally living in DC, I will be attending a non-official ball. I actually had chose the Blue Diamond Ball and am thrilled that Jackson Browne and Gram Nash are playing. What a great way to spend Inaugural!
I just love the Natural History Museum. Thanks for the tip. I think the Blue Diamond Ball is a wonderful idea. Now I just have to find a tuxedo rental. Any ideas?
Gee, I feel rather let-down. I got an invitation in the mail then a follow-up email Mon morning, offering pre-ordering of Tix (they go on sale Tues to the General Public) to one of the Inaugural Balls - the West Ball for CA folks like me.
Gosh, I ordered tix for me and my son, and am scouting couches for rent via pals of DC pals. *sigh* Got our airline tix on Expedia, and the flights were filling up fast while I was searching for best times etc.
Well, I hope we'll get to sit close up to the stage, to see the Obamas and the Bidens. And, I hope this Ball isn't as dismal as these others the folks above have sworn-off!
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