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The Economy Stole My Man!
The financial crisis turned my husband into a modern-day migrant laborer—and me into a needy, horny, stay-at-home basketcase.
“There’s some hard times a’coming, ‘bout to hit these parts,” my husband said, tucking a strand of sun-warmed hay between his teeth, gazing forlornly over the scorched horizon. (Where he found the hay on the Upper East Side of Manhattan is anybody’s guess.) “Ain’t nothin’ ‘round here fer a fella like me. Way I see it, the most prudent thing is I start headin’ west, ‘fore this here Depression gets any worse.”
“No!” I cried. “Today you’re going out to California, tomorrow we’re homeless, living in a paddock on the side of the road, and I’m breastfeeding a starving man like Rose of Sharon!”
When a pipe burst, when the cat peed blood, when our cheap bed collapsed and I was forced to assemble the new one myself, my feelings about my husband ventured dangerously near hatred.
This was a year ago, before our economy had fully come to resemble The Grapes of Wrath, but the writing was on the wall. New York ad agencies were not yet hemorrhaging employees, but everyone knew what was coming. There were dark mutterings of a changing industry. My husband, who was freelancing, had been offered a position at a cutting-edge digital agency on the West Coast, and it seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up.
“This is for us,” he argued, passionately. “I don’t want to be unemployable and flat broke in three years. It’s an investment in both of our futures.”
Several heated discussions and screaming fights later, my husband and I reached an uneasy compromise: For the time being, he would live in California, and I would stay in New York. I had several of my own professional commitments to honor, a flurry of practical concerns—we had just signed a new lease, and what about the cat?—and I would visit when I could. In six months, we would reassess.
And so, my long-distance marriage began.
We had been married for less than a year, and most of what I knew about making a relationship work was cobbled together from women’s magazines, long-ago therapy sessions, and bits of dark, cryptic wisdom from my mother—all of which tended to take the position that what we were doing was a Very Bad Idea. I understood that physical distance translates into emotional distance, and that the temptation of infidelity (if not the act itself) is inevitable. I’d been taught that a relationship is like an infant, and if you leave it alone too long it becomes like one of those dead-eyed babies in Romanian orphanages who wind up murdering their adoptive parents because they were kept chained to a filthy crib from birth.
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Banjo1
Portmanteau is a vile person.
AtomicOvermind
Well said, Banjo1.
Samalabear
Of course, going west may not be a good idea. The unemployment maps says officially California, Oregon and Washington are now in the 9.3% range and New York, at the moment, is 6.2%, which we know comfortably means double-digit in both places.
jainthorne
I know it's hard to be separated from your spouse. However, lots of military spouses face this everyday for longer than you can imagine. Be grateful that you are not having to worry about your husband facing enemy fire.
lassen
Insipid.
Dogger-Dallas
Rachel very well written - keep it up.
dysthymia
it might be well written, yet insipid.
As a young couple you potentially make serious mistakes but leaving home the first year is quite possible the 3rd worst one, after cheating and abuse.
don't blame the economy, its just lack of vision. don't worry.
PatriceFitz
I thought this was bravura writing. Honest, universal, and including some changed perspective, to boot.
To all those who comment about Daily Beast items they don't like -- you might try writing down your own experiences, and see if you can make them as insightful and provocative as this.
Oh, and I have noticed how many women's voices Tina includes on a regular basis. Good for you.
CherryXX
Dear Rachael,
Get a grip. Have you been asleep for the last 5 or 6 years? Military families have been experiencing these relationship pains for quite some time now. Except they aren't often granted the luxury of phone calls and the ability to know that their loved ones are safe.
Many families make sacrifices but comparing your life to the Grapes of Wrath is so encredibly ludicrous, it leaves me in awe of your naivete. I often think that people like you are the reason we are having such trouble right now. You think you are entitled to everything and when you have to make sacrifices, you whine about it.
AbbyLongoria
jainthorne - you are right - military folks do this all the time but they are in a more controlled setting than just getting a job in CA. It's an interesting topic if it becomes a widespread reality for couples.
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johncraig
This is a fantastic little piece. It's nice to read about a quirky yet not unimportant--or even uncommon--situation in these times. The long distance marriage...America in the late aughts.
GMCaesar
"What Rachel Can Learn From Mickey Rourke" -- get a dog.
TheRealist
Nice piece point I disagree with one point, Actually we are not "all the victims of circumstance." We are victims of Robert Rubin repealing Glass-Steagall, a law adopted during the depression, that stopped commercial banks from becoming investment banks, insurance sales people etc etc. We are all victims of the political class in DC and the graduates of Harvard B-School who together pretend they are all sop smart and sophisticated but in reality they are low class criminals who steal from hard working people who actually contribute productive services to other people, thus earning real money - while Wall St. creates fake money and takes as much real money as they can and put it in their own pocket annually. NYC is proven not full of sophisticated businesmen - just con artists.
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