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The Penis Debate
When my wife insisted we circumcise our son, I wondered why the little guy couldn’t just look like me. Then I began to re-evaluate our entire relationship with half the self-esteem and twice the paranoia.
I am an uncircumcised man.
This has never bothered my wife, Nicole. Or so I thought. “It’s like your penis is wearing a turtleneck,” she’d sometimes say, seemingly benignly.
As such, there was never any doubt in my mind that, should my wife and I ever produce a miniature me, he would also go uncircumcised. We would leave his little thing alone. No snip-snip, just like daddy.
I’m well aware of this uniquely American repulsion. But my wife? I’d just assumed she was a freak for the foreskin.
Until, that is, the late-September day when we brought our newborn son home from the hospital. It was chilly, and the tightly wrapped baked potato of a boy felt warm in the crook of my arm.
“We’re getting Dalton circumcised,” my wife said as she fastened the potato into his car seat.
“What?” I said. “Since when does he need that?”
“Ever since uncircumcised penises are weird.”
She paused before adding, a little backpedally, “Except yours, of course. Yours is OK.”
This is how I learned my wife’s true feelings about the type of penis I have—by comparing it to our infant son’s. She thinks—has always thought—“OK.” I knew what “OK” meant, of course. “OK” meant weird, just like she’d said.
She’s not the first person to feel iffy about foreskin. Just look to the message boards, where uncut penises are routinely denounced as “gross.” “I honestly saw one and almost passed out,” reads one poster’s typical response. On Seinfeld, Elaine once bemoaned the uncircumcised penis’ lack of “personality.” I’m well aware of this uniquely American repulsion. But my wife? I’d just assumed she was a freak for the foreskin. Turns out I’m the freak, and she’d just learned to live with it.
Confronted with this bombshell, I began to obsessively review the entire history of our relationship with half the self-esteem and twice the paranoia. Our wooing period, our first sexual encounter, our wedding day—behind those smiling, devoted eyes, she was picturing my uncircumcised penis and thinking, “My God, that thing’s strange. Am I really going to spend the rest of my life with this bizarre dick?” Suddenly my genitalia—to my mind, a cornerstone of our relationship—was not a resplendent totem to celebrate, but a deformity to grin and bear.
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Paul Schrodt is a writer living in New York City. He has contributed to New York magazine, Radar, and Esquire.com.
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Trilby16
I feel for you, man. Your wife is being silly. There is nothing weird about an un-cut dick. It is perfectly normal and even nice.
namedujour
There was no point in your wife calling your penis "weird". She should simply have explained to you that your son would have an increased chance of contracting AIDS, and would increase the odds of his female partner getting cervical cancer, along with other infections, if you didn't have him circumcised.
Circumcision is much like getting your children their shots. Some parents still balk at doing it for whatever their reasons, and most kids without shots still survive. But it's something that you can choose to do to offset potentially dire consequences (or not) down the road for your child.
Life's a crap shoot. You pick your battles and pick which chances you want to take. I had both my sons circumcised.
CaptainPuma
The writer of this article is a pathetic excuse for a man for rolling over like this. The article is written in a whiny, self-pitying tone which makes me ashamed of having a Y-chromosome like the man in question.
It's weird that someone being uncircumcised needs to go on the defensive, when being uncut is the natural state of things.
American women who think uncut penises are "weird" just baffle me. I honestly can't understand what's going on in their minds. But then again, "most Americans" drive gas-guzzling American cars too, so perhaps you shouldn't have too much faith in their judgement
kylian
Circumcision is an archaic and crude practice which holds very little medical weight, if any. It is rooted more in religious tradition than it is in scientific fact.
@namedujour
Certainly, if one of your sons were having sex with a person with AIDS, a circumcised penis might be slightly less willing to contract viral infection than an uncircumcised penis, due to the uncircumcised penis being effectively an inner membrane (very slightly). But it shouldn't belong on your list of reasons to circumcise your son. AIDS prevention? Really? How about education about venereal diseases and ways to prevent it? ("Whew. Thank god I had the tip of my foreskin cut off, otherwise I would have contracted AIDS from that girl I had unprotected sex with last night") GIve me a break.
Furthermore, the skin and tissue removed from the penis during circumcision has tens of thousands of nerve endings throughout, making it a highly erogenous zone. If you want your kids to have less stimulating sex all for the sake of tradition (and AIDS prevention?REALLY?) thats up to you. But in this modern world of medicine, that choice should not be based upon worn-out notions of health and risk that don't stand up today.
cathalonia
My little boys were so utterly perfect at birth, I couldn't have clipped one tiny hair from their heads, much less their darling foreskins. As for having to look like their circumcised daddy, why? For that all important family photo?
listening
Will you circumcise your daughter? Why express a gender bias by mutilating the genitalia of one child and not another?
dm10003
she can think and say whatever she wants, but she should keep in mind that if any man said such a thing about his new daughter's body or genitals he'd be divorced before female readers would come to his house and stone him.
lilmama51
My sister-in-law (Jewish) and her husband (non-Jewish, British born and uncircumcised) decided not to circumcise their son. Mostly I suspect so he'd grow up just like dad. My husband (Jewish) and I (non-Jewish) and I decided to circumcise our son so he'd grow up just like dear old dad. No fancier reason than that.
mdonovan1
This story (and those like it) make me so sad. And so angry.
There's nothing wrong - and certainly nothing weird - about the human body.
I hope when your son is old enough to realize what you've done to him, he lets you both know what a lousy thing it was to do. I've NEVER forgiven my parents for doing it to me.
sherrycnm
Anybody who thinks this is about prevention obviously hasn't really reviewed the literature. It is a "boob job" without the consent of the person being effected. We still do it for the same reason we have a 25-50% C-Section rate. We're not too "bright" about our healthcare. We don't seem to mind it being dishonest, dangerous, or holding us hostage. I've been an RN and a CNM for 15 plus years and IT IS WORSE THAN YOU KNOW!
This comment has been removed by The Daily Beast's editors.
BonnieKDot
Your wife is right. In our culture, uncircumcised penises aren't exactly "normal," let alone "nice." You did your son a favor.
myfemoore
we mutiliate our boy babies in the name of culture. Penises should be left as nature intended them. circumcision is barbaric.mwm, Texas
idiotking
I should add -- some of the anti-circumcision people need to tone it down just as much as the "eww foreskins" people do. Unless the procedure was botched, there's nothing WRONG with a circumcised penis. It's got its own set of advantages and disadvantages, and although I'm cut and think it's super, as I already said, I agree there's no compelling need to do it in most modern societies. But likewise, some of you need to chill the heck out when it comes to this. There's definitely good arguments to be had over who should make the decision and when, but to act as though circumcision is an affront to all that's good and holy is even sillier than those who act like NOT getting it done is an offense to God... I mean, at least they have a book and tradition for that.
mrcody
I'm circumcised and I'm pissed. Not insanely pissed-off, but angry enough to rant a little. I have plenty to be grateful for: a shapely, well-proportioned, large dick. But when it's erect there is no trace of foreskin to slide over the head; the tightness is actually a tad uncomfortable. My foreskin was mine, just like my eyeballs and toes are. It was stupid and wrong of my parents to allow it to be removed. Period.
I'm reminded of a conversation I and another guy had recently with two Jewish women, neither of whom is the least bit religious or observant. Both agreed that foreskin is "icky" and "weird." The other (circumcised) male and I simply rolled our eyes. "No weirder than your vaginas," I said to them.
Since that conversation, I've conducted my own little informal survey among male friends and acquaintances. Of the seventeen circumcised men I've spoken with, fourteen wished they had their foreskins. And of the nine uncircumcised men I've spoken with, not one wished he was otherwise.
And all the nonsense about increased risk of HIV transmission and cervical cancer is just that: absolute claptrap! Ever heard of washing? Keep your hands off my dick.
Mr. Gamble: You fucked up. Your wife is the weird one.
Thank you.
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