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Laura  Bennett

Exactly How Are Men Superior?

My daughter is a model of scrappy ingenuity. Now a junior in college majoring in broadcast journalism, she works as a bartender to earn money. The bar where she works advertises on a local sports radio station and she used that connection to get an internship there. Cleo did such a great job that the station manager recommended her for a job at the local television station. I can’t imagine my son connecting the dots this way—he forgets to wear a coat when it is 20 degrees outside.

The multitask gene is obviously linked to the X chromosome, because I know of no men who carry the trait. My husband will get off of the sofa to get something from the kitchen and yet it never occurs to him to bring his empty coffee cup with him. He is a highly intelligent, successful architect, but he can’t leave the house on time in the morning because he can’t find his keys. I can’t even count the times per week he has to put out an all-points-bulletin on his glasses because he can’t remember where he left them, all the while it never occurs to him to put some sort of system in place so his keys or glasses can be located. A hook by the door? A string on his glasses? Seriously, and his kind run the world?

Five minutes of observing my son’s preschool class is all the proof I need. The little girls are verbally adept and speaking in complete sentences. With complete understanding of exactly what it is they want, the girls take charge of the room, with organized cubbies and color-coordinated outfits. While the boys, many of whom forgot to put on underwear, grunt in monosyllabic tones.

How many times while expressing worry over some alarmingly backward behavior in one of my boys, has a fellow mother said to me, ”Well, you know Einstein didn’t speak until he was four.” The implication being that we all know the boys are behind, and we are just hoping that a slow start ends up in greatness. I am not dealing with Einstein here, just regular boys, and besides, I bet Einstein had his mother tying his shoes for him until he was in college and I doubt he could hit the toilet bowl either.

The only possible explanation I can come up with is that in prehistoric times, in order to get some real work done, cave women sent their men off to hunt and do battle, and the trend stuck. I love my boys; I find them funny, and sweet, and full of surprises, but I just don’t understand when the girls got lapped in the race. They had such a clear lead.

Laura Bennett was trained as an architect but has since established her career as a fashion designer by becoming a finalist on Season 3 of the Bravo TV series Project Runway. Bennett lives amid complete chaos in New York City with her husband and six children, Cleo, 20, Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2.

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January 29, 2009 | 6:25am
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piktor

Dear Mrs. Bennett, you run against #44 and learn why he got elected and not Mrs. Clinton.

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7:41 am, Jan 29, 2009

Trilby16

Yup, I was saying these very things to my girlfriend last night, but not as entertainingly. The only explanation I can come up with is that we women handle so many things at once that we lose our focus on one overarching goal? Just a thought (among many).

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7:41 am, Jan 29, 2009

namedujour

I've wondered the same thing myself.

In school, the girls were always the smart ones (research confirms this, going all the way back - girls always outperform boys). The person with the highest IQ in the world is a woman.

As the mother of two boys, I think I understand it. Both boys at the age of 3 came to me and said the same thing: "I love my penie." Point noted.

Furthermore, as a mother of boys, I know that women always say, "What a big strong boy you are!" "What a smart boy you are!" Boys never reason their way through those remarks to deduce their actual levels of strength and intelligence. They accept the praise as their due, and incorporate it into their self-assessments: "I am strong. I am smart. That means I am stronger and smarter than you." Projecting from these truths, I can guess that this understanding of themselves made them TAKE the leading role, and females placatingly let them because it's our job to tell little boys how smart and strong they are. We women can blame ourselves. (And men. We can blame men too.)

Later on, this skewed but well-intentioned praise morphs into another form of power. Women relieve men of their money, etc., by stroking men's egos (Have you ever met a man who questioned flattery? No. Men always accept flattery as a true assessment of their superiority). Women whisper the oft-repeated litany of "You're so strong." "You're so smart." "I like that necklace." Men never catch on.

Do you recall the expose a few years back of advertising, and the types of commercials are geared toward men versus women? The advertising world understands more about the human race than anyone, so you can trust their conclusions to be true.

Commercials that are geared toward men are usually in black and white (advertisers learned that men get over-stimulated and confused by color). Think Christmas perfume commercials where the beautiful woman and the beautiful man (representing our male purchaser) twirl around, while the voiceover says the name of the perfume over and over. Men's commercials limit the dialog to one or two words, which they repeat over and over again. It's usually the name of the product, so the man can remember it. And do you recall that diamond commercial? Black and white. He hands her a necklace in a courtyard in Italy, and she shouts, "I love this man!!!" They get that: "Necklace = love. MUST BUY!"

I love my men. I do. But I only go to female doctors and lawyers now. No offense, guys, but...

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7:41 am, Jan 29, 2009

Charles1234

So mean-spirited.

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7:41 am, Jan 29, 2009

RealityRace

Perhaps the difference today, at least in a popular forum like this, is that men don't attempt to point out the flaws and weaknesses of women.

Knowing already that they shouldn't, could they possibly get away with it?

Do we really need to get bogged down in this debate when there are so many things to actually get done. One thing you can say about the situation, whether they owe their advantages to superiority or some other factor, men are working on getting things done instead of slogging through who is smarter and better at doing things.

That must tell you something.

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8:05 am, Jan 29, 2009

Aaronthethird

I love when women try to console themselves in their secondary status in the upper echelons of society by trying to pretend that, really, deep down inside, they are actually better than men yet inexplicably, they still let us run the world. For some crazy reason, your particular experiences with the few men in your household somehow fail to explain the phenomenon of the dominance of men on a societal basis. If our understanding of the sexes were limited to those who directly surround us, I would believe that all women are indecisive, emotionally imbalanced, incapable of making logical analysis, and completely satisfied with the pedestrian achievements of motherhood without any drive or concern for a successful career or lasting legacy beyond the happiness of their children. But I am not so simple minded as to believe that such experiences confine all women, which is perhaps, yet another defining aspect of men that you fail to grasp.

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8:24 am, Jan 29, 2009

namedujour

Oh Aaron. Do you also promote the superiority of the races? We happen to live in a patriarchal society - so far. But there are matriarchal societies where the roles are reversed. Is it because the men are inferior in those societies? Is it because women are inferior in ours?

The women's movement gave women more courage and self-confidence, and the result is that colleges and universities are quietly using Affirmative Action to admit men because, on the sliding scale competing with women, most of them wouldn't qualify. They're attempting to keep a gender balance on the campuses. Women dominate the scholastic achievement awards. Women get better grades.

This confidence and self-assurance in the past 20 years resulted in lifted barriers, and in more women enrolled in medical and law school than men. In another 10 or 15 years, you're going to see a massive shift because schools spend so much time grooming the girls, now, they left the boys behind. My boys got the short end of that stick, so I know.

But really Aaron. The point is this: You're so smart. You're so strong.

I like that necklace...

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8:36 am, Jan 29, 2009

RecoveringPitchforkAddict

Holy shit, lady - I hope your sons don't read this.

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8:45 am, Jan 29, 2009

tomtolleson

All I can say is "wow." Ms. Bennett must really hate her children to write an article that humiliates them so thoroughly. Additionally, she implies that men are less capable of holding positions of power and yet she makes the outrageous implication that half of humanity are less capable based on encounters with a few individuals. Is this an example of her superior reasoning?

I'm curious as to which demographic this article was intended to appeal? I thought we'd gotten past this whole idea that women trashing men is saucy and socially acceptable after the 1990s. What next, Daily Beast? An article about how white people can't dance?

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8:55 am, Jan 29, 2009

BigSwami

I usually don't write these kinds of things on the Internet, because it's so easy to disregard a critical message in this format. However, Ms. Bennett, your article here is reprehensible.

Not for your opinions on gender differences - while I don't entirely agree with your position, I find it respectable enough because I see the need to recognize intelligent girls.

What I think is absolutely unconscionable is how you're singling out YOUR OWN SON as an example of male helplessness. Whether or not your son ever reads the hurtful things you have written about him, your callous attitude toward his feelings simply because he is not a woman is most certainly going to have effects. Please carefully examine this attitude in yourself before the damage is irreversible.

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9:07 am, Jan 29, 2009

Aaronthethird

No, namedujour, my point is not that I am better than women, or that men are on the whole, my point is simply that women certainly aren't better on the whole either, and I get tired of this absurd argument that comes up from time to time that men as a sex are stupid and simple minded. You act like men are the only ones who eat up being told something to stroke their egos; you know what men obligatorily tell women, lest their fragile self-esteem withers? Ever heard this from a guy, namedujour, and felt warm inside, "You're so pretty. You're so beautiful. You're so gorgeous." Yeah, we do it too, because it works both ways. The reality is, in almost all respects, the sexes are equal, and that is really my bone to pick with the statements of this article and the comments left here. The sooner women realize that, the sooner the results will manifest. Articles like this are akin to the multitudes of tone deaf singers who try out for American Idle; off key and lacking self awareness.

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9:08 am, Jan 29, 2009

ladypenny

My brother taught me how to wash a car, mow a lawn, and make a terrific bananas foster, all of which he learned and did on his own, without prodding. I don't know what happened with Laura's sons.

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9:14 am, Jan 29, 2009

MaelwysII

I'm just reminded of a line from 'The West Wing':

'I can't understand how a demographic that constitutes more than half of the electorate fails to control the agenda.'

I guess my point is that there are more women than men in this country. If they all wanted the same thing, they should be able to get it.

And one more thing. I came up with this concept a long time ago, and most people I explain it to agree with it, at least on the broad strokes. It's simply this:

Men are stupid.
Women are crazy.

Sounds simple and trite, I know; and of course, as with any universal, not always applicable, but look at the people in your life and just start thinking about it. As a man, I acknowledge that I'm stupid and do stupid things. But women need to accept that they can be, well, crazy.

:)

*Sticks tongue at least partially into cheek*

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9:17 am, Jan 29, 2009

bradbury44

I think almost all women can relate to this. I remember the time my husband wandered into the kitchen (after about 5 years of marriage) and said, "Where do you keep the forks?"

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9:21 am, Jan 29, 2009

namedujour

Here are a couple of quotes from a Times article called "Affirmative Action for Boys" at http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1727693,00.html

Jennifer Delahunty, dean of admissions at Kenyon College, "but developmentally, girls bring more to the table than boys, and the disparity has gotten greater in recent years."

Of course, admitting this is taboo, as Delahunty learned two years ago. She was in marathon committee meetings, stacking glorious girls on the waiting list while less accomplished boys wiggled through, when she got an e-mail informing her that her own daughter had been wait-listed. The experience inspired her to write a confessional Op-Ed, "To All the Girls I've Rejected," for the New York Times, responses to which lit up her inbox. "It pissed off the feminists and the misogynists--I got both sides of the spectrum," she told me. "The misogynists said women already have too many advantages. And the feminists said, How dare you not treat women like men." But what most amazed her was the reaction of young women: by and large, they assumed this is just how things work. "Why aren't they marching in the streets? That's the part that slays me," Delahunty says. "It isn't fair, and young women should be saying something about it not being fair."...

...I wonder if there's a price boys pay for the "soft bigotry of low expectations." ...That would be the crowning irony, if it turns out that girls emerge stronger somehow from having the game rigged against them.

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9:32 am, Jan 29, 2009
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Exactly How Are Men Superior?

by Laura Bennett

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