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Confessions of a Man Who Almost Went Postal
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When a gunman killed 13 in Binghamton, N.Y., last week, reactions ranged from sorrow to fear, anger, and—self-recognition? Mansfield Frazier explains the time, 40 years ago, when he nearly went postal.
Each of the recent mass murders—14 dead in Binghamton, N.Y.; 10 in Samson, Ala.; four police officers dead in Oakland, Calif.; six left dead in an apparent murder-suicide in Santa Clara, Calif.; and eight dead in a North Carolina nursing home—brings memories of my own period of madness flooding back to me. Over 40 years ago, I quite literally came within one day of becoming a mass murderer. Fate, fortuitously, intervened to avert the tragedy, and I am forever, eternally, grateful.
Can my telling of my tale prevent maybe at least one future tragedy? While I would like to think so, I’m just not sure. However, I am sure that the spate of recent shootings are symptomatic of a deeper malaise in America, and, tragically, I suspect there are going to be many more mass shootings to come. After all, we’re a nation that loves—nay, idolizes—guns. More than one model of handgun has been named “The Equalizer.”
We’ve created the perfect storm for such killings: a gun cult, ill-treatment of individuals by functionaries of faceless corporate entities, and a widening of the chasm between the haves and the have-nots.
And equalization—of power—is, I think, is what drives many individuals to “go postal.” For quite some time, I’ve been totally amazed that more people don’t go off the deep end every day and start spraying gunfire in crowded places, particularly workplaces.
After all, we’ve created the perfect storm for such killings: a gun cult (weaponry as the answer to all our problems, which is part of our Old West culture and militaristic mind-set); ill-treatment of individuals by functionaries of faceless corporate entities; and a widening of the chasm between the haves and the have-nots that creates deep-seated anger among those locked out of the prosperity.
I also firmly believe that the ill-treatment of minorities by racists in positions of power in our society spills over and causes ill-treatment of others, who are members of the majority culture. Bad karma spreads like a fungus, a disease.
In my case, I got my girlfriend pregnant at age 17, and unlike the Palin story unfolding in Alaska, I was raised to “do the right thing” and marry the girl (who actually was a 17-year-old going on 40, a fact that would come back to haunt the relationship).
Nonetheless, I was raised by a strong and wise father, so leaving home at age 18 with a wife and daughter (a son would come two years later) was no big deal; I’d been raised by a man to be a man, so I quickly became a man—or at least, so I thought.
In 1962, I got a job at a public utility. At the time, virtually all such companies throughout the U.S. had been exclusive in their hiring practices: If you didn’t have a family member working there, you didn’t get hired, and it didn’t matter if you were black or white. John F. Kennedy instructed his brother Robert to change all that, and he did. Blacks like me were now being hired, but we didn’t know why.
I was hired as a helper in the repair shops (machinists, carpenters, blacksmiths, painters and welders) and due to being innately handy with tools—I certainly didn’t get that from my father, who was a saloon owner and, as we used to say around the shops, “clumsy as a cub bear playing with his pecker”—I quickly rose to the top of my craft: a certified high-pressure steampipe welder. I lived near the facility, and when snowstorms arose, I could be counted on to be among the first employees there. I had something to prove, and, according to my co-workers, I proved it. I never took a sick day in the nine years I worked at the company. But then I hit that ceiling.
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Mansfield Frazier is a native Clevelander and former newspaper editor. His regular column can be seen on CoolCleveland.com. An avid gardener, he resides in the Hough neighborhood of Cleveland with his wife Brenda and their two dogs, Gypsy and Ginger.
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Mansfield Frazier is a native Clevelander and former newspaper editor. His regular column can be seen on CoolCleveland.com. An avid gardener, he resides in the Hough neighborhood of Cleveland with his wife Brenda and their two dogs, Gypsy and Ginger.
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Mansfield Frazier is a native Clevelander and former newspaper editor. His regular column can be seen on CoolCleveland.com. An avid gardener, he resides in the Hough neighborhood of Cleveland with his wife Brenda and their two dogs, Gypsy and Ginger.
troutcor
I agree the gun cult and covert hand of corporate culture play a big role in creating these mass shootings du jour, but unfortunately, Frazier leaves out one cause: our democratic culture. In other places, if you are in a low-level job you at least are afforded the respect of dutifully maintaining your station of class or trade. In the U.S., where everyone is apparently supposed to go to college and find middle class affluence, the implication is that you are defective if you don't. And for a culture that supposedly worships individualism, it is also is popularity-obsessed. From high school to the workplace, you are a "loser" if you are not always surrounded by 5 million "friends." Get outside the success/popularity circle in the U.S. and it is a very lonely place.
genoftheheart
poignant... trenchant... one of the best posts I have read on Daily Beast.
Kirbonicus
Is it honestly any wonder that some people choose to do these things? Should we really be surprised?
When these kinds of killings happen, few ever try to feel for the killer, or at least put themselves in their shoes. The first thing I usually think is, 'I wonder what they did to piss him off?'
I in no way condone these idiotic acts by small minded people, but I do, in a small way, understand them.
aquamarine
You came through again, Mansfield. You are a genuine human being. Thank goodness that now and then, I can find someone I can identify with.
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n--Y--venichkaThis user is no longer registered.
n--Y--LordVaderNjerseyknight
A moving piece. I completely agree with you and understand what that's like. in fact, I can follow your thought process in a way not unlike my own. Aside from the fact that I'm a 19 yr. old, Euro-Mediteranian blooded, English major I think you and I are very much alike. Thank you for providing one of the best entries on the Beast I've read. You do righteous work, brother.
Jen821
"The thirst for revenge is a blinding motherfucker."
now mix that with anger issues and a gun
treat people right?
why would anyone do that?
right?
flyoverland
Well, there you go. As the owner of several classic MG's, riding around in those things that done't have shock absorbers will rattle anyone's screws loose. If that doesn't work, the electrical system was just tacked to the underside of the floorboard (and it is a real "wooden board") and losing power will drive anyone nuts. You would think a car designed by people in a country where it rains every day would figure out that wiring that gets splashed every five mintures doesn't work that well. But, they do look cool.
Socialized healthcare has been compared to the Post Office. I wonder when we finally get it will we say someone "went healthcare" when they flip out? I think those Post Office jokes like "what does it mean when the flag is at half staff at the Post Office? They're hiring" are very unfair.
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n--Y--Portmanteauwilcojunkie
That was a very brave, open piece of writing. You may have stopped someone from doing something horrible just by writing these words. Thanks for writing them.
finderj
Mr. Frazier, your story is powerful and moving. There are a few points that I would like to address.
You state that you are a person with an innate sense of fair play. Who, sir, defines 'fair'? Fairness is a construct of the subjective mind, not a consensus of a group. Under your argument, anyone who feels 'unfairly' treated, for whatever reason - gender, race, religion, education - is justified is shooting those persons who have treated
him 'unfairly'.
"Fairness', sir, is in the mind of the beholder. No two people are born with equal opportunity, intelligence, talents, or characteristics. What is 'fair' about that? There are people out there far more beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and kind that I. What is 'fair' about that? Why shouldn't I have money, fame, professional success, inherited position and prestige? Why them and not me? What is fair about that?
In short, sir, fairness is crap. there is no such thing. Never has been. Fairness is about selfishness, about one person thinking that the rest of the world is obliged to treat him as he thinks he ought to be treated. Fairness is about one person deciding what he wants is the right thing to have and everyone else should just give it to him.
Now justice, that is a different matter, but that isn't what you wrote about. you wrote about fairness and how unfairness can make people go 'postal' over time.
My regrets, sir, but 'fairness' is crap. Heinlein created a character who said: "Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you don't bet, you can't win." Life is inherently unfair and attempts to 'equalize power' to create 'fairness' are never succesful and are largely responsible for a great deal of tragedy and grief.
Justice under the law, equality under the law, rule of law, are the only things that create any semblance of equality. No two people are inherently equal. Our differences are determined by genetics, by environment, by random chance, and are impossible to equalize. We can do no more than attempt to apply justice, the rule of law, equally to all. The US Constitution is the most powerful document ever devised by man to attempt this. Rule of law means that the rules of the social contract that binds a civilization together apply to all, governened and governing, powerful and powerless alike. Being a human devise, it is by no means perfect, but it is far, far better than being held under the tyranny of every individual's definition of 'fairness'.
There is no excuse for the use of violence to attempt to 'equalize power' based on the individual's definition of 'fairness'. Under that tyranny, every person would be somehow justified in shooting the guy who cuts him off in traffic.
yes, such violence happens, far too often. It happens here, it happens in other countries, it happens and people with no connection to the perceived 'unfairness' die stupidly. Do not even attempt to make this palatable by saying that you understand how 'unfairness' could make such actions understandable.
You are simply stating that one person's selfish desire for power is an understandable reason for the murder of persons with no connection whatosever to the problem.
What, sir, is 'fair' about that?
LauraNo
Wow.
It is true, when you play by the rules and find the deck is actually stacked against you...
I believe that is why we voted for change, we want the American Dream back!
NinaMiller
I admire your willingness, and ability, to share so many personal painful memories with your readers. Your story is insightful and moving.
I do believe, though, that you missed a critical point by positioning your story as universal, when it is in fact very gendered. Our culture all but forces guns into the hands of boys; ensuring that girls have toy guns and toy gunmen (or gunwomen) to play with and fantasize about is a far lesser priority. Boys are taught that violence is a means one uses to achieve ends both bad and good; a thief uses it to steal, which a cop or grieving victim uses it to extract information or establish justice. Girls are taught that violence is something one receives if one is provocative or unlucky.
Both men and women feel furious when they are mistreated or betrayed, but spree or mass shooters are almost always men. Why is it that you, like other men, prepared to transform your feelings of rage and powerlessness into the punishment of others, while most young women transform their rage into the punishment of themselves (through cutting, starving, and other self-destructive behaviors)?
I feel there is more we can learn from your story if you further investigate such nuances.
toddanthonydirect
A very moving story. I might also add that when you are young, you have a hard time seeing the lessons of life as such. That thirst for revenge sounds like it was one of those lessons and you lived long enough to learn it.
iforgetmyname
Thank you for this brave, honest piece. This is by far the best article I've read at TDB.
Thank you.
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