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Confessions of a Man Who Almost Went Postal
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When a gunman killed 13 in Binghamton, N.Y., last week, reactions ranged from sorrow to fear, anger, and—self-recognition? Mansfield Frazier explains the time, 40 years ago, when he nearly went postal.
Each of the recent mass murders—14 dead in Binghamton, N.Y.; 10 in Samson, Ala.; four police officers dead in Oakland, Calif.; six left dead in an apparent murder-suicide in Santa Clara, Calif.; and eight dead in a North Carolina nursing home—brings memories of my own period of madness flooding back to me. Over 40 years ago, I quite literally came within one day of becoming a mass murderer. Fate, fortuitously, intervened to avert the tragedy, and I am forever, eternally, grateful.
Can my telling of my tale prevent maybe at least one future tragedy? While I would like to think so, I’m just not sure. However, I am sure that the spate of recent shootings are symptomatic of a deeper malaise in America, and, tragically, I suspect there are going to be many more mass shootings to come. After all, we’re a nation that loves—nay, idolizes—guns. More than one model of handgun has been named “The Equalizer.”
We’ve created the perfect storm for such killings: a gun cult, ill-treatment of individuals by functionaries of faceless corporate entities, and a widening of the chasm between the haves and the have-nots.
And equalization—of power—is, I think, is what drives many individuals to “go postal.” For quite some time, I’ve been totally amazed that more people don’t go off the deep end every day and start spraying gunfire in crowded places, particularly workplaces.
After all, we’ve created the perfect storm for such killings: a gun cult (weaponry as the answer to all our problems, which is part of our Old West culture and militaristic mind-set); ill-treatment of individuals by functionaries of faceless corporate entities; and a widening of the chasm between the haves and the have-nots that creates deep-seated anger among those locked out of the prosperity.
I also firmly believe that the ill-treatment of minorities by racists in positions of power in our society spills over and causes ill-treatment of others, who are members of the majority culture. Bad karma spreads like a fungus, a disease.
In my case, I got my girlfriend pregnant at age 17, and unlike the Palin story unfolding in Alaska, I was raised to “do the right thing” and marry the girl (who actually was a 17-year-old going on 40, a fact that would come back to haunt the relationship).
Nonetheless, I was raised by a strong and wise father, so leaving home at age 18 with a wife and daughter (a son would come two years later) was no big deal; I’d been raised by a man to be a man, so I quickly became a man—or at least, so I thought.
In 1962, I got a job at a public utility. At the time, virtually all such companies throughout the U.S. had been exclusive in their hiring practices: If you didn’t have a family member working there, you didn’t get hired, and it didn’t matter if you were black or white. John F. Kennedy instructed his brother Robert to change all that, and he did. Blacks like me were now being hired, but we didn’t know why.
I was hired as a helper in the repair shops (machinists, carpenters, blacksmiths, painters and welders) and due to being innately handy with tools—I certainly didn’t get that from my father, who was a saloon owner and, as we used to say around the shops, “clumsy as a cub bear playing with his pecker”—I quickly rose to the top of my craft: a certified high-pressure steampipe welder. I lived near the facility, and when snowstorms arose, I could be counted on to be among the first employees there. I had something to prove, and, according to my co-workers, I proved it. I never took a sick day in the nine years I worked at the company. But then I hit that ceiling.
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How Cleveland Enabled a Serial Killer
Mansfield Frazier is a native Clevelander and former newspaper editor. His regular column can be seen on CoolCleveland.com. An avid gardener, he resides in the Hough neighborhood of Cleveland with his wife Brenda and their two dogs, Gypsy and Ginger.
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Mansfield Frazier is a native Clevelander and former newspaper editor. His regular column can be seen on CoolCleveland.com. An avid gardener, he resides in the Hough neighborhood of Cleveland with his wife Brenda and their two dogs, Gypsy and Ginger.
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Mansfield Frazier is a native Clevelander and former newspaper editor. His regular column can be seen on CoolCleveland.com. An avid gardener, he resides in the Hough neighborhood of Cleveland with his wife Brenda and their two dogs, Gypsy and Ginger.
I agree the gun cult and covert hand of corporate culture play a big role in creating these mass shootings du jour, but unfortunately, Frazier leaves out one cause: our democratic culture. In other places, if you are in a low-level job you at least are afforded the respect of dutifully maintaining your station of class or trade. In the U.S., where everyone is apparently supposed to go to college and find middle class affluence, the implication is that you are defective if you don't. And for a culture that supposedly worships individualism, it is also is popularity-obsessed. From high school to the workplace, you are a "loser" if you are not always surrounded by 5 million "friends." Get outside the success/popularity circle in the U.S. and it is a very lonely place.
poignant... trenchant... one of the best posts I have read on Daily Beast.
Is it honestly any wonder that some people choose to do these things? Should we really be surprised?
When these kinds of killings happen, few ever try to feel for the killer, or at least put themselves in their shoes. The first thing I usually think is, 'I wonder what they did to piss him off?'
I in no way condone these idiotic acts by small minded people, but I do, in a small way, understand them.
You came through again, Mansfield. You are a genuine human being. Thank goodness that now and then, I can find someone I can identify with.
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A moving piece. I completely agree with you and understand what that's like. in fact, I can follow your thought process in a way not unlike my own. Aside from the fact that I'm a 19 yr. old, Euro-Mediteranian blooded, English major I think you and I are very much alike. Thank you for providing one of the best entries on the Beast I've read. You do righteous work, brother.
"The thirst for revenge is a blinding motherfucker."
now mix that with anger issues and a gun
treat people right?
why would anyone do that?
right?
Well, there you go. As the owner of several classic MG's, riding around in those things that done't have shock absorbers will rattle anyone's screws loose. If that doesn't work, the electrical system was just tacked to the underside of the floorboard (and it is a real "wooden board") and losing power will drive anyone nuts. You would think a car designed by people in a country where it rains every day would figure out that wiring that gets splashed every five mintures doesn't work that well. But, they do look cool.
Socialized healthcare has been compared to the Post Office. I wonder when we finally get it will we say someone "went healthcare" when they flip out? I think those Post Office jokes like "what does it mean when the flag is at half staff at the Post Office? They're hiring" are very unfair.
There is no honor in shooting anyone. A real man uses a knife.
That was a very brave, open piece of writing. You may have stopped someone from doing something horrible just by writing these words. Thanks for writing them.
Mr. Frazier, your story is powerful and moving. There are a few points that I would like to address.
You state that you are a person with an innate sense of fair play. Who, sir, defines 'fair'? Fairness is a construct of the subjective mind, not a consensus of a group. Under your argument, anyone who feels 'unfairly' treated, for whatever reason - gender, race, religion, education - is justified is shooting those persons who have treated
him 'unfairly'.
"Fairness', sir, is in the mind of the beholder. No two people are born with equal opportunity, intelligence, talents, or characteristics. What is 'fair' about that? There are people out there far more beautiful, intelligent, articulate, and kind that I. What is 'fair' about that? Why shouldn't I have money, fame, professional success, inherited position and prestige? Why them and not me? What is fair about that?
In short, sir, fairness is crap. there is no such thing. Never has been. Fairness is about selfishness, about one person thinking that the rest of the world is obliged to treat him as he thinks he ought to be treated. Fairness is about one person deciding what he wants is the right thing to have and everyone else should just give it to him.
Now justice, that is a different matter, but that isn't what you wrote about. you wrote about fairness and how unfairness can make people go 'postal' over time.
My regrets, sir, but 'fairness' is crap. Heinlein created a character who said: "Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you don't bet, you can't win." Life is inherently unfair and attempts to 'equalize power' to create 'fairness' are never succesful and are largely responsible for a great deal of tragedy and grief.
Justice under the law, equality under the law, rule of law, are the only things that create any semblance of equality. No two people are inherently equal. Our differences are determined by genetics, by environment, by random chance, and are impossible to equalize. We can do no more than attempt to apply justice, the rule of law, equally to all. The US Constitution is the most powerful document ever devised by man to attempt this. Rule of law means that the rules of the social contract that binds a civilization together apply to all, governened and governing, powerful and powerless alike. Being a human devise, it is by no means perfect, but it is far, far better than being held under the tyranny of every individual's definition of 'fairness'.
There is no excuse for the use of violence to attempt to 'equalize power' based on the individual's definition of 'fairness'. Under that tyranny, every person would be somehow justified in shooting the guy who cuts him off in traffic.
yes, such violence happens, far too often. It happens here, it happens in other countries, it happens and people with no connection to the perceived 'unfairness' die stupidly. Do not even attempt to make this palatable by saying that you understand how 'unfairness' could make such actions understandable.
You are simply stating that one person's selfish desire for power is an understandable reason for the murder of persons with no connection whatosever to the problem.
What, sir, is 'fair' about that?
Wow.
It is true, when you play by the rules and find the deck is actually stacked against you...
I believe that is why we voted for change, we want the American Dream back!
I admire your willingness, and ability, to share so many personal painful memories with your readers. Your story is insightful and moving.
I do believe, though, that you missed a critical point by positioning your story as universal, when it is in fact very gendered. Our culture all but forces guns into the hands of boys; ensuring that girls have toy guns and toy gunmen (or gunwomen) to play with and fantasize about is a far lesser priority. Boys are taught that violence is a means one uses to achieve ends both bad and good; a thief uses it to steal, which a cop or grieving victim uses it to extract information or establish justice. Girls are taught that violence is something one receives if one is provocative or unlucky.
Both men and women feel furious when they are mistreated or betrayed, but spree or mass shooters are almost always men. Why is it that you, like other men, prepared to transform your feelings of rage and powerlessness into the punishment of others, while most young women transform their rage into the punishment of themselves (through cutting, starving, and other self-destructive behaviors)?
I feel there is more we can learn from your story if you further investigate such nuances.
A very moving story. I might also add that when you are young, you have a hard time seeing the lessons of life as such. That thirst for revenge sounds like it was one of those lessons and you lived long enough to learn it.
Thank you for this brave, honest piece. This is by far the best article I've read at TDB.
Mr. Frazier, I enjoy your stories. Yet having worked with people who have committed violent acts and having heard many such stories, my guess is that your leaving out pertinent details that don't make your points.
You "grew beyond" your young wife of color whom you felt compelled to marry when you were both teens? I bet she has a different story.
You "fell in love at first sight" and married a white, blond Polish woman (your details) who saved you from the grips of insanity and violence? Something in this story doesn't sound right. My guess is if she's lived, she'd have had a different story.
You were nursed back to health by an elderly psychiatric nurse/neighbor? You couldn't have been nursed back to great mental health because you eventually became a con artist and served prison time.
All of us weave our explanatory personal histories to make sense of our lives and yes, usually to emerge as the redeemed hero or heroine. Yet if they are to be anything other than personal cautionary tales, our stories need to be scrutinized by others and jive with the facts.
As Nina Miller pointed out, violence in general, and gun violence in particular, is not usually perpetrated by females. Both in America and throughout the world, violent acts are overwhelmingly perpetrated by males, particularly young males. We need to find out why this is so and then proceed to treat this problem as if it were an epidemic of small pox or any other virulent form of sickness that results in death.
I'm doubtful that your expository revelations shed much light on the nature of violence as their subjectivity renders them more self serving than not.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! God, who the f-ck cares? He also didn't invent a cure for cancer forty years ago. Who would publish crap like this? Hint: don't bury the lead. But, of course, there has to be a lead to be buried in the first place.
This is workplace bullying which runs rampant in America. It has been made illegal in several countries. It not only causes mental illness it wastes the resources and finances of the bussiness it is occuring in. It has not been discussed much in this country. Now that people are killing over it perhaps something will be done.
It's so good to know that someone feels the same way I feel about many things. Nobody wants to be told who to be, how to act, or how to think but they want to deny that right to others. Not only do they deny those same freedoms to others, they ridicule people that don't follow the crowd, and they dislike people who have never wronged them in any way. Sometimes it seems like people hate on you for living, because they can't name one single way you've wronged them. People need to live and let live, nothing is going to change until every person is allowed to live free. If I'm doing something that effects me and only me then keep your judgement to yourself, it's not your life, if God wanted all of us to be alike he would have made us that way! I find that the most hateful, judgemental people claim to believe in Jesus Christ. It's funny how people claim to believe in something so strongly but so easily discard his teachings. Practice some of that acceptance you preach about, stop being evil to people just because of who they are. I don't need fairweather friends, if you're not offering something real then I don't need it.
"Until that day, the dream of lasting peace, world citizenship, and the rule of international morality, will remain in but fleeting illusion to be persued but never attained". Bob Marley
sorry in advance for my spelling errors
Mr. Frazier didn't learn nearly enough...he still sounds like an insecure man too stubborn to realize that being someone reactive enough to try their best to hurt someone who may have hurt him tells me he's not that different from the animals roaming the ghetto even today. Smart educated people aren't so easily disturbed by others' behavior - this pride based, ego-heavy reactiveness is why so many young men are in prison. Mr. Frazier still hasn't fully found his humanity; he's just glad he didn't commit a crime that would have put him in prison. And the drinking sounds like a problem...
I never comment on sites that lean, left. This article has changed that. Great, great, great article. I'll no bother to read or respond to any of the other comments I'm sure classlessness abounds. Although I disagree with some of what Mansfiled has written his conclusion is gripping and very personal. Congratulations on a wonderful article Mansfield.
Mr. Frazier blames everythin and ever person but the murderer. This is not just stupid but immoral.
Strict gun controls, as in the UK and the US, are irretrievably matched to higher violent crime rates. The basic problem is that gun controls prevent the law-abiding from having any effective self-defense means against those who do not care about writtent law.
In 2007, an illegal immigrant less that 24 hours out of prison for a felony shot and killed a black teenager.
The number of laws broken by this man are not worth recounting. The real lesson is that criminals don't care about the law, and have the means to bypass the law, and always have, always will. That is why they used to be called outlaws...they lived outside the law.
The idea that disarming the law-abiding will reduce crime has never worked but still seems to play with "liberals". You know, those tolerant types who accept others for what they are..even the "clingy" types...ooops, they are acceptable, better disarm them.
These are the falsehoods:
Disarm those who respect the laws.
The law-abiding people who have guns are more worriesom than criminals.
"Shall issue" concealed carry law result in mass bloodshed over trivial matters...like "fender benders".
States which rate highly on "gun controls" always have lower violent crime statistics. (the top ten Brady Campaign states are also at the top of violent crime per captia).
the 2nd Amendment is about "guns". Not even close, it is about the human right of self-defense and the use of "arms" to secure that right. Do your homework. "Arms" and "keep" and "bear" are terms of art (as lawyers would say) in law and philosophy that predate our country by several centuries. The point is that whether the issue is the local criminal or an arrogant government, we each have a human right to defend our lives, freedom and property.
The only question is whether you will exert your rights. "Evidl is". What are you going to do about it?
deanpaul11,
Another problem with "our" line of thinking.....
"Smart educated people aren't so disturbed by others' behavior..."
Riiiiight.....Because violent crime as a whole and mass murder in particular is a crime only perpetrated in our society by stupid, uneducated people...? And along those lines, having a degree makes one stable and well adjusted?
"....he's not that different from the animals roaming the ghetto even today."
I don't know what part of that piece warranted the ghetto reference because in it, I didn't see what part indicated that he either grew up there or resides there currently.
As far as him still not "finding his humanity" because he didn't act on his impulses...are you serious? Man's been killing other men since the beginning of time....Hell, it's certainly been going on longer than we've been putting people in prison for doing it.
Just kind of confused as to what you're getting at.....
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