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The Ethical Slut Returns
Earlier this year scientists seem to have discovered a “monogamy gene” that some people possess and some lack. Is the social-conditioning argument rendered obsolete if it’s proved our sexual behavior is actually hardwired?
That’s interesting, and I’d like to read more about it, but I am very suspicious of all these genes for this or that or the other thing.
Are children raised in these communities any different than those raised in “normal” families?
We did not evolve to have nuclear families. For most of our history, the elderly would care for children because every able-bodied person in the tribe was out there working, including mothers. A whole community was responsible for the children. … It makes them socially healthier, and they have a huge number of role models.
Do most people in the polyamory community tend to come from conservative households?
In the ‘50s everyone came from a conservative household. There weren’t any other options around. Now I’m seeing second-generation sluts.
The Republican Party has never been more unpopular, due in large part to its increasing religious fundamentalism, and the American mainstream is finally accepting gay marriage. Does the current political landscape give you hope?
I am astounded. I am astounded that we have a greater variety of permissible lifestyles, but polyamory still hasn’t come out in the open; it’s still a button-pusher… but I know a lot of young people who don’t want to be monogamous, which is astounding. The constraints have disappeared. We have openly gay and lesbian politicians, corporate executives, and movie stars bringing their lovers to premieres. People are growing up with a whole world of choice in front of them.
A few years ago I watched a gay D.C. councilman give a speech on the need for same-sex marriage, and someone in the audience demanded the right to marry “multiple partners.” Suddenly the councilman was lecturing about how the “traditional” two-parent family keeps society from disintegrating, which seemed odd considering the circumstances.
We should be able to have the same rights everyone else has. The government has no rights to issue marriage. A lot of conservatives actually agree with that! Why should the government tell us how to arrange our personal contracts, or how we’re going to deal with our mortgage?
There is a tendency among all groups to say “sex is only OK if…” If you’re married, if you’re married and both virgins, if you are two genders, if there are only two of you… I say that sex is OK if everyone is happy, but that’s as far as I go. People have been thinking about sex as conditional for so long, they don’t know how to get out of that trap.
John Talks Joe
Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
Why America Must Learn to Bow
Martin Jacques is the cofounder of the UK think tank Demos, writes a regular column for The Guardian, and is a visiting research fellow at the London School of Economics Asia Research Centre. His new book, When China Rules the World, is available now.
Going Rogue: The Index
Christopher Buckley's books include Supreme Courtship, The White House Mess, Thank You for Smoking, Little Green Men, and Florence of Arabia. He was chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush, and is editor-at-large of ForbesLife magazine. His new book is Losing Mum and Pup, a memoir. Buckley's Daily Beast column is the winner of an Online Journalism Award in the category of Online Commentary.
Duchovny's Commanding Second Act
Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy (Disinformation). He has written for Playboy, Discover, Radar and Huffington Post. His website is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
Kinky's Back!
Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy (Disinformation). He has written for Playboy, Discover, Radar and Huffington Post. His website is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
Mea Culpa, Kiddo
Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy (Disinformation). He has written for Playboy, Discover, Radar and Huffington Post. His website is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
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No, Russian roulette is a blast for the losers...
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Hello --
Actually, the book itself contains extensive suggestions for minimizing the risk of STD transmission. Given that the interview questions didn't touch on that subject, my co-author didn't discuss it -- but if Marty had asked, Dossie could have given him lots of good information about how sluts stay safe.
Janet W. Hardy
co-author, "The Ethical Slut"
If you practice safer sex, you'll be fine. Sure, there's always a chance of getting an STD, but you can minimize that risk while living a happy life, just like any other potential condition (cancer, etc.) Live a happy life, and stop worrying so much, so long as you've taken precautions. Don't use scare tactics irresponsibly to disguise your prudishness.
As for polyamory, whatever floats your boat, if it's amongst consenting adults. Which is only fair.
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Consenting adults ought to be free to pursue whetever relationships they desire with other consenting adults.
Government ought to stay out of legislating morality - it never, ever works - and leave that to religious institutions.
too bad so many people have the ethical standards of a three-day-old doughnut.
Oh Lord.... (shakes head)
Where do they get these people?
Divorce as been a big part of my life, and I see no reason why the study of love and human relationships cannot include polyamory. Don't be so quick to judge.
"Young people in the 21st century seem much more utilitarian about hooking up"
As a young person in the 21st century, I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit.
We can't call "bullshit" unless we know what the hell she's talking about.
u%u22C5til%u22C5i%u22C5tar%u22C5i%u22C5an
%u2002 %u2002/yu%u02CCt%u026Al%u026A%u02C8t%u025B%u0259ri%u0259n/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [yoo-til-i-tair-ee-uhn] Show IPA
-adjective
1. pertaining to or consisting in utility.
2. having regard to utility or usefulness rather than beauty, ornamentation, etc.
3. of, pertaining to, or adhering to the doctrine of utilitarianism.
-noun
4. an adherent of utilitarianism.
Origin:
1775-85; utilit(y) -arian
Synonyms:
2. practical, useful, functional, sensible.
Sorry. Some weird dictionary font translates as garbage. Nevertheless, we've clarified the issue. NOW we can call "bullshit".
This article turns me on...good thing it's almost happy hour!!
I'm going
To look
At the mailman
In a whole
New way.
To each their own of course. I'm just glad I don't have to socialize with people like this. The separation between sexual impulse and responsibility is going to have devastating effects on these people. They deserve the consequences of their actions.
This type of activity is not necessarily pure sexual impulse, I doubt she's advocating a free-for-all. It's completely possible to approach sex with multiple partners responsibly and avoid "consequences" ie stds. Not everyone has to be a free-spirit sex therapist in san francisco, she's just saying we shouldn't feel obligated to be miserable in the death-trap that is monogamous marriage.
They will indeed reap the consequences of their choices.
But it isn't any of our business, is it?
Ethical standards we can judge. Morality is a bit different, and the judgement of what is and is not moral is up to the individual.
The difference? Ethical conduct requires one to treat others as one desires to be treated. Ethical conduct is quantifiable. Moral conduct is utterly subjective. Morality says which things are right and wrong based on an interior belief system.
It could be ethical for one to engage in responsible polyamorous relationships.
The morality of it has to be determined by the people involved.
The rest of us should mind our own business.
what consequences? as long as everyone involved gets tested and uses protection it's no more dangerous than a monogamous relationship.
education is the way to promote responsible behavior, no matter what type of relationship. marriage is often a method to contain people who aren't educated in safe sex.
Not really my thing. Not knocking anyone else, but hooking up with lots of women seems unstable..like on is constantly looking..never satisfied.
It amazes me that people who appear horrified of reading this article took the time to read the entire article, and comment, if this is not your cup of tea, stop reading and move on, don't post your judgemental and idiotic comments, and also don't assume that because someone has an alternative lifestyle they go all willy neely into a bar and have sex with a random person... if you are going to read the article, make sure you understand it!!
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