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The Ethical Slut Returns
A recent interview with Andrew Sullivan discussed how he was attacked—rhetorically and physically—in the ‘80s and ‘90s for his pioneering support of gay marriage. Apparently they saw him as an Uncle Tom figure because marriage was viewed as heteronormative, yet these days the gay community seems united in support of marriage rights. What’s your opinion?
Gay marriage is a very positive development; it has brought everybody into the light… I’m not going to get resentful that my issues aren’t included in that discourse because everyone should have equal rights. There isn’t total freedom yet—Prop 8 passed, and in small towns people still get killed in hate crimes related to sexuality—but any movement that takes relationships seriously is good… although I don’t agree that marriage is the only way to take relationships seriously.
Liberal states famously have fewer divorces and out-of-wedlock births than conservative states. Why is that?
If you think sex is only for marriage, you get married because you are horny. Eight out of 10 of my classmates got married because they were pregnant. We were not allowed access to birth control because you needed a letter from your husband. Now young people think it’s absolutely normal to use protection—a guy who won’t use condoms isn’t going to be real popular—but by forbidding so much, you guarantee that people will explore.
The more you attempt to stifle sexuality the more likely it is to be done without thought. Conservatism doesn’t prevent any of these things. We need better sex education, better relationship education.
Sex communes are legendary for flaming out over time. Are you able to find a sense of permanence in multiple-partner relationships?
They are time-bound usually, but most relationships are time-bound, especially now that people are free to leave unhappy marriages. We should all get better at breaking up.
Open relationships often save relationships. If two people have lost intimacy because of the mortgage or the business, outside lovers may actually reintroduce romance and excitement. You still get to keep the person you love.
I showed your book to my girlfriend. “If you ask me to try any of this,” she told me, “I will chop your balls off.” How do I get her to not feel this way?
I heard the same thing when I was being interviewed by some shock jock, and a woman called in to say she would hit her husband with a frying pan. Violence is preferable to open relationships? That’s kind of terrifying… isn’t it?
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Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy. (Disinformation). His Web site is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
John Talks Joe
Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
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Martin Jacques is the cofounder of the UK think tank Demos, writes a regular column for The Guardian, and is a visiting research fellow at the London School of Economics Asia Research Centre. His new book, When China Rules the World, is available now.
Going Rogue: The Index
Christopher Buckley's books include Supreme Courtship, The White House Mess, Thank You for Smoking, Little Green Men, and Florence of Arabia. He was chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush, and is editor-at-large of ForbesLife magazine. His new book is Losing Mum and Pup, a memoir. Buckley's Daily Beast column is the winner of an Online Journalism Award in the category of Online Commentary.
Duchovny's Commanding Second Act
Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy (Disinformation). He has written for Playboy, Discover, Radar and Huffington Post. His website is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
Kinky's Back!
Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy (Disinformation). He has written for Playboy, Discover, Radar and Huffington Post. His website is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
Mea Culpa, Kiddo
Marty Beckerman is the author of Generation S.L.U.T. (MTV Books) and Dumbocracy (Disinformation). He has written for Playboy, Discover, Radar and Huffington Post. His website is www.MartyBeckerman.com.
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No, Russian roulette is a blast for the losers...
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Hello --
Actually, the book itself contains extensive suggestions for minimizing the risk of STD transmission. Given that the interview questions didn't touch on that subject, my co-author didn't discuss it -- but if Marty had asked, Dossie could have given him lots of good information about how sluts stay safe.
Janet W. Hardy
co-author, "The Ethical Slut"
If you practice safer sex, you'll be fine. Sure, there's always a chance of getting an STD, but you can minimize that risk while living a happy life, just like any other potential condition (cancer, etc.) Live a happy life, and stop worrying so much, so long as you've taken precautions. Don't use scare tactics irresponsibly to disguise your prudishness.
As for polyamory, whatever floats your boat, if it's amongst consenting adults. Which is only fair.
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This comment has been removed by The Daily Beast's editors.
Consenting adults ought to be free to pursue whetever relationships they desire with other consenting adults.
Government ought to stay out of legislating morality - it never, ever works - and leave that to religious institutions.
too bad so many people have the ethical standards of a three-day-old doughnut.
Oh Lord.... (shakes head)
Where do they get these people?
Divorce as been a big part of my life, and I see no reason why the study of love and human relationships cannot include polyamory. Don't be so quick to judge.
"Young people in the 21st century seem much more utilitarian about hooking up"
As a young person in the 21st century, I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit.
We can't call "bullshit" unless we know what the hell she's talking about.
u%u22C5til%u22C5i%u22C5tar%u22C5i%u22C5an
%u2002 %u2002/yu%u02CCt%u026Al%u026A%u02C8t%u025B%u0259ri%u0259n/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [yoo-til-i-tair-ee-uhn] Show IPA
-adjective
1. pertaining to or consisting in utility.
2. having regard to utility or usefulness rather than beauty, ornamentation, etc.
3. of, pertaining to, or adhering to the doctrine of utilitarianism.
-noun
4. an adherent of utilitarianism.
Origin:
1775-85; utilit(y) -arian
Synonyms:
2. practical, useful, functional, sensible.
Sorry. Some weird dictionary font translates as garbage. Nevertheless, we've clarified the issue. NOW we can call "bullshit".
This article turns me on...good thing it's almost happy hour!!
I'm going
To look
At the mailman
In a whole
New way.
To each their own of course. I'm just glad I don't have to socialize with people like this. The separation between sexual impulse and responsibility is going to have devastating effects on these people. They deserve the consequences of their actions.
This type of activity is not necessarily pure sexual impulse, I doubt she's advocating a free-for-all. It's completely possible to approach sex with multiple partners responsibly and avoid "consequences" ie stds. Not everyone has to be a free-spirit sex therapist in san francisco, she's just saying we shouldn't feel obligated to be miserable in the death-trap that is monogamous marriage.
They will indeed reap the consequences of their choices.
But it isn't any of our business, is it?
Ethical standards we can judge. Morality is a bit different, and the judgement of what is and is not moral is up to the individual.
The difference? Ethical conduct requires one to treat others as one desires to be treated. Ethical conduct is quantifiable. Moral conduct is utterly subjective. Morality says which things are right and wrong based on an interior belief system.
It could be ethical for one to engage in responsible polyamorous relationships.
The morality of it has to be determined by the people involved.
The rest of us should mind our own business.
what consequences? as long as everyone involved gets tested and uses protection it's no more dangerous than a monogamous relationship.
education is the way to promote responsible behavior, no matter what type of relationship. marriage is often a method to contain people who aren't educated in safe sex.
Not really my thing. Not knocking anyone else, but hooking up with lots of women seems unstable..like on is constantly looking..never satisfied.
It amazes me that people who appear horrified of reading this article took the time to read the entire article, and comment, if this is not your cup of tea, stop reading and move on, don't post your judgemental and idiotic comments, and also don't assume that because someone has an alternative lifestyle they go all willy neely into a bar and have sex with a random person... if you are going to read the article, make sure you understand it!!
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