A Cult Child's Journey Through Hell

What I didn’t expect was how distressing it would be for me. We started with the happy memories and the stories of his early life with his brothers and sisters. I had to make a chart to keep all the names and dates of birth straight—even Brent sometimes has to think hard about some of this because there are so many. In fact, he and his brothers used to say there were 21 children—but when we counted, there only turned out to be 20!

I kept telling him that we didn’t have to talk about the abuse yet. I thought I was protecting him, but I was also probably trying to protect myself. And then one day, unprompted, he just decided to tell me.

He wasn’t particularly graphic, nor was he overly emotional, but I could hear the stored pain in his voice. The powerlessness and sense of betrayal and confusion of that 5-year-old boy he had been was overwhelming. It took us both a few days to recover.

As we worked, I became increasingly impressed with his strength and integrity. He was just 25, but he had been through so much. Not only abuse, but the tangled intrigues of growing up in a family with three moms at odds with each other—and not only the trials of life inside the FLDS, but the culture shock of leaving it.

In his family, wives and children were always fighting for attention. The kids allied themselves with their mothers in the battle to be seen and acknowledged by their father. It got so bad between Brent’s mother and her sister—his father’s second wife—that Brent’s dad actually decided to physically divide their house into two separate dwellings to get some peace.

Brent’s journey out of the church was complicated. It began when his father was given a choice by his own father, Rulon Jeffs, who was then the prophet. Either he could leave the church and be excommunicated because he was no longer welcome—or his wives and children could be re-assigned to other men and he could repent. He chose to leave with his family.

But Brent, then a young teen, was scared. He’d been taught all his life that he’d go to hell if he left the church. For nine months, he lived in Colorado City, trying to find a place for himself in his religion—but ultimately, he realized he could not make it make sense for him.

After a brief period back home, he moved in with his older brothers at 15—becoming another “lost boy” or young man who had been pushed out of the church. Rapidly, the brothers descended into heavy drug use, not knowing how to cope on their own in the world.

After Clayne committed suicide, Brent knew something had to change. Clayne had told Brent about his own experience of being abused by Warren. Brent began having nightmares and flashbacks—and decided he would sue the church to try to stop Warren from hurting any more children.