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What Bernie Should Read in Jail
As the Ponzi king heads to prison, he suddenly has a lot of time on his hands. Andy Borowitz recommends five books that should keep him busy for the next 150 years.
The Count of Monte Cristo. By Alexander Dumas. 1312 pages. Penguin Classics. $15.
The Count of Monte Cristo
by Alexandre Dumas
There’s a lot for Bernie to savor in this classic of French literature: Edmond Dantès is arrested and sentenced to a lengthy term at an unforgiving island prison, the Chateau D’If, only to escape and re-invent himself as a French aristocrat. While I’m not sure if Bernie possesses the derring-do to emulate Dantès, this book should give him something to fantasize about as he makes license plates, breaks rocks, and devises a cigarette-driven Ponzi scheme.
John Talks Joe
Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
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Writer and comedian Andy Borowitz's work has appeared in Condé Nast Portfolio, the New Yorker and The New York Times. His Web site is BorowitzReport.com.
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Writer and comedian Andy Borowitz's work has appeared in Condé Nast Portfolio, the New Yorker and The New York Times. His Web site is BorowitzReport.com.
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Writer and comedian Andy Borowitz's work has appeared in Condé Nast Portfolio, the New Yorker and The New York Times. His Web site is BorowitzReport.com.
Make him join Mary Kay.
Muhahahaa!
He should read the Bible.
Thank you.
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