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Good Girls Are Back
Despite their status as pinups, Pratt and Baskett trade on a certain perfunctory goodness: Pratt is a devout Christian who refused to pose completely nude and Baskett’s reality show emphasized her devoted, monogamous relationship (in contrast with her precious relationship as one of Hugh Hefner’s three girlfriends) and excitement at expectant motherhood. (Again, there’s the pregnancy as shortcut to being nice. Lohan’s most recent artistic output was in the TV movie Labor Pains, in which she improved her life by pretending to be pregnant.)
The problem with nice is that it doesn’t particularly encourage a full range of emotions. Nice girl culture doesn’t give much in the way of advice for how to deal with normal conflict or disappointment.
But all this niceness can be stifling. Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out and the founder of the Girls Leadership Institute, takes a critical look at the pressure to be nice in her new book The Curse of the Good Girl. “Unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless, the Good Girl is a paradigm so narrowly defined that it’s unachievable.”
The problem with nice is that it doesn’t particularly encourage a full range of emotions. Nice girl culture doesn’t give much in the way of advice for how to deal with normal conflict or disappointment. As a result, Simmons finds that good girls are paralyzed by self-criticism.
“Without having robust models of revolt that mainstream culture embraces, young girls are far less likely to explore their own self-defined, diverging paths,” writes Maria Raha in her book Hellions: Pop Culture’s Rebel Women. Uniformly nice culture creates female personae that is just as limiting as raunch culture’s ersatz rebellion. What girls need is to be encourages to show a range of traits: The good, the bad, and the full spectrum in between.
In Not That Kind of Girl, by the time Bauer has become one of the “virginal and staunchly sober girls” at a Catholic college, she also finds the rebellion of the early ‘90s unavoidable. It was a time when girls were trading their perms for Manic Panic hair dye, singing along to Liz Phair, purging their closets of any traces of floral prints, and keeping their legs “profoundly unshaven.” Her weekends as an undergrad might include hanging out at Tower Records (“Stone cold sober. Fully dressed”), attending a pro-choice march, and still making it to church on Sunday morning. Bauer was able to become the kind of girl who was both rebellious and pious, good and little bit bad. It’s the kind of life you can’t easily label, but hopefully one more girls will consider adopting.
Marisa Meltzer is coauthor of How Sassy Changed My Life. Her next book, Girl Power, will be published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux in February.
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Michael Moore is an Academy Award-winning filmmaker and author. He directed and produced Roger & Me, Bowling for Columbine, Fahrenheit 9/11, and Sicko. He has also written seven books, most recently, Mike’s Election Guide 2008.
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Nicole LaPorte is a West Coast reporter for The Daily Beast. A former film reporter for Variety, she has also written for The New Yorker, the Los Angeles Times Magazine, The New York Times, The New York Observer, and W.
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Marisa Meltzer is coauthor of How Sassy Changed My Life. Her next book Girl Power will be published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux in February.
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Marisa Meltzer is coauthor of How Sassy Changed My Life. Her next book Girl Power will be published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux in February.
Moving In With Mom, Dad and God
Marisa Meltzer is coauthor of How Sassy Changed My Life. Her next book Girl Power will be published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux in February.
Dolmance
Oh, boy! Another round of Puritanism! It never ends.
If that's the case, this is a lousy time for kids to come into their own.
rightwing22
Dolmance I pray that with that attitude you never have any daughters
Natural-Selection
God forbid we teach our girls not to treat their bodies like an amusement park for anyone that wants to ride. This isn't puritanism you fool, it's actually living within some boundaries and not falling into the ideology of irresponsibility (extreme left). I wish you a female child so you can live your dream when she's a teenager.
AngelaM
I DO have a female child. 18 years old ahd off to college in a few weeks, proper birth control in hand and she's been taught to drink responsibly and stay in control of herself. She'll do just fine.
Iolanthe
Natural-Selection, I'm in violent agreement with you that we must teach our teenage girls boundaries and how not to get sucked into an unrealistic ideology. That's why my teenage daughter has been taught in an open and honest way about sexuality, has access to birth control, knows how to drink and act responsibly and knows her own mind. She is negotiating the world she lives in very well. Thank you for your concern.
Dolmance
It's Puritanism to think of sexual relations as having anything to do with amusement parks for exploitation.
You've been made sick by your religion. And even if you aren't religious, you're infected.
aarontabuchi
now thats interresting, it seems that you have your own set of social dogmas though not 'religious', that we must live by to be approved by you ( as opposed to being considered "lousy") Puritanism according to you, as you so artfully define it, is a disease. i wonder what kind of article would invoke a positive response from you, women expressing their freedom to expose their bodies to the world and to our children ? Certainly not women expressing their freedom to not do so, we already know that is taboo. bigot
AngelaM
Well, as long as 'virginity' only applies to 'girls', then forget it. This just reinforces the old stereotypes where the girls are being kept 'pure' for the boys, who, we all know, 'will be boys' (just who with is unclear). This all comes from men who can't take competition and comparison. It's as old as the hills and it won't fly, except in the media to sell things. And, I imagine, there's plenty of sex going on at the Ivy Leage Schools, as well as plenty of drinking. Make sure they learn how to drink properly, stay in control and always always use proper protection. That is what should be taught to 'girls' and 'boys' alike. We'd all be better off.
aarontabuchi
"as long as 'virginity' only applies to 'girls', then forget it."
then forget what, modesty? so women should abandon all restraint from sexual perversion until we reach equality according to you? Sounds more like you're making the perfect be the enemy of the good just to escape personal responsability.
Mercy1981
As a counselor at a high school in the inner city, so many young girls treat their bodies like its fair game for any boy that gives them a little attention. Or takes them out to Applebees - lol. I know students on their third or fourth abortion.
Let's talk about sex, but let's also talk about abstaining. There needs to be a balance. With the sex and women's bodies in music videos and tv - we desperately need a balance. I look forward to reading " Not that kind of girl"
AngelaM
Let's not talk about abstaining. Let's talk about proper protection, both from unwanted pregnancies and STD's. It's much more helpful. And much more realistic.
Mercy1981
Do you work with young people? If so you are well aware of the various issues they face? With the constant bombardment to have sex which is very prevalent in mainstream culture. In most hip hop sings and MTV/BET music videos. Therefore, you know when we talk about balance - abstaining and sex education go hand in hand.
Look at the statistics of the growing rate of Chlamydia and gonorrhea I see this in my office every day! Black female teens are being infected with HIV at an alarming rate.
There is nothing wrong with closing your legs.
There is nothing wring with a young person choosing not to have sex. As an educator, I will be the first to say 14 and 15 is too young to have sex.
crymeariver
Mercy,
If you are so concerned about the high rates of young GIRLS having sex have you tried talking to the BOYS to "close their legs"? Who do you think these girls are having sex with, ghosts? Do you teach abstinence eduction to the BOYS? Just because THEY can't get married doesn't mean that they also should be having sex.
It's sad that your focus on these girls is the same as those of the boys:sex.
Chances are that they have BIGGER problems that are influencing their lives and causing them to act out by seeking comfort and attention in sex. Why don't you focus on getting them interested in sports, get them extra tutoring if needed in school, make sure that they are eating nutritious food, get them mentors or a big sister? Can they afford health care? Do they see the dentist regularly, what are their plans for the future?
There is more to these girls than whether or not they are having sex, yet again that appears to be the only thing about both adults like yourself and boys seem to care about. Until you get rid of your bias, you can't even begin to help these kids grow into healthy and intelligent adults.
Natural-Selection
Cry,
I don't think she was being biased, but only the girl gets pregnant and since most of them arent having sex in public, you don't know who the boys are...this applies to girls and boys. Hindsight is 20/20 of course and was I a horny little teenager, absolutely. It's tough not to be hypocritical and also try to help teens make good choices. You can only love them, teach them and hope for the best.
aarontabuchi
or is it unrealistic to think that children that get pregnant as commonly as those in our society do will be responsible enought to use protection consistantly?maybe we should make legislation sensoring all speech that is in favor of abstinance.
Natural-Selection
That's my point, girls are targets! I don't condone this non-sense from boys or gilrs, but girls are targets and have a larger burden to bear when they get pregnant. I have a 10 year old and am dreading what's to come, but I will arm her with love and good information. We can't watch them 24/7, but we can be present and show we care.
AngelaM
No - I do not WORK with young people. I merely raised two. That ought to qualify me. And all you professional 'junenile workers' are spinning your wheels and sending them unrealistic 'just say no' messages that do not work and are being ignored, but they do keep you in business, which is of course the object here.
robjh1
They are back? But for how long? Look at Miley Cyrus and Jordin Sparks. They are all vamping it up to keep themselves in the spotlight and the media is loving it.
"and we are not saved..."
FredDC2
@robjh1
I'm hopeful about the "good girl" trend when I look at Raven Symone of "That's So Raven" fame. This young woman has been in the spotlight since "The Cosby Show," yet she's avoided the self-destructive "party girl" path.
Thus, Raven proves that it's possible to
(a) be a child star who can grow into a responsible adult and
(b) be a Black woman who doesn't fall into the "sex-crazed Black slut" racial stereotype.
So, like Raven, girls should defy the sex-saturated status quo and be a pro-virgin rebel.
dreaday19
I loathe this 'pure' girls are good girls theory. What about the theory that good girls do? Good girls are responsible, study hard, work hard, and do well in life. And whether that equals abstaining from sex or enjoying it responsibly (and we all know more do the latter), there is no reason to label one 'good' and the other 'bad'. I understand that a girl prancing around mostly naked on TV doesn't make a good role model, but the polar opposite turtleneck-and-purity-ring-wearing girl is just as unrealistic.
djanimaequeen
Hear hear!!
robjh1
Ha! There is nothing wrong with being wholesome. The idea is prancing around like a $2 whore is also unrealisic and ludicrous. The perfect example I give you Madonna. Now trying to revamp here image. Too late we have seen it all and know what it's all about.
"and we are not saved..."
djanimaequeen
Huh? You completely missed the point.
crymeariver
No, there is nothing wrong with being "wholesome", but that's not what we are presented with. We are presented with the dichotomy of women only being allowed to be virgins or harlots. We are presented with "good girl" meaning being a virgin, which is not the same thing as being "wholesome" or nice. There are lots of "wholesome" boys who are not virgins. We need to use the same standards for BOTH boys and girls.
crymeariver
I understand that a girl prancing around mostly naked on TV doesn't make a good role model, but the polar opposite turtleneck-and-purity-ring-wearing girl is just as unrealistic.
-----------------------
Agreed,
they only message that it sends is that we don't value "girls", we value instead what they do with their sexual organs. We FIXATE on their sexuality instead of their HUMANITY.
Telling a girl who hasn't had sex that she's "good" is just as harmful, because you are using SEX to define her. Girls then become obsessed with their sexuality and BODIES because that's the message the adults are sending them.
P.S. I don't blame the GIRLS that are prancing naked on t.v., they are trying to make a living in a sexist field. I blame the writers and producers (mostly overweight, unattractive men). Case and point is the recent movie "Funny People", you have a bunch of overweight and mildly attractive men as stars. The only woman however is not only super attractive but also wears half the amount of clothing as her male stars. Yet she is supposed to be as "normal" as the male characters. To make things worse, her HUSBAND is the director.
dreaday19
Thank you so much for understanding my point. You too, dj... The virgin/slut dichotomy has got to go - it's very detrimental.
aarontabuchi
"the polar opposite turtleneck-and-purity-ring-wearing girl is just as unrealistic."
its unrealistic or its not "good"? Your argument was against a perceived definition of "good", not realism. you didn't even make your point except to establish a silly caricature of sexually abstinate people ( in biggotry ) and then say its not realistic. its not realistic because you paint an unrealistic picture of the real thing. The fact that girls ( and guys ) exist who do wear purity rings and succeed proves you wrong. Your only point is that you don't personally like including sexual behavior into the equation of "goodness" and "purity". thats freaking brilliant.
kitano0
A great trend, indeed. Spears, Lohan, and Hilton were enough to turn anyone off of "party girls." Also, these young women seem to be very talented, Breslin and Fanning especially. But keep your eye on Miranda Cosgrove: given the right material, this beautiful young lady could be a superstar.
magentagreenx
what a difference three extra inches of skirt makes.
i mean, i know none of this is original, but it's really unfair to catagorize girls as good or bad. they are complex individuals who will make a variety of choices in their lives, and it doesn't mean the choices define them as human beings. you can be a lovely human being and still have substance problems, or problems keeping your clothes on. part of growing up is doing grown up things, which are often considered things that bad girls are known for doing. don't count on all of those girls remaining in your 'good girl' category for the rest of their lives. I'd like to think i'm a good person, but i'm deffinitley sure a lot of you'd think i was a bad girl for some of the things i do.
my point being, girls, and women are complex, and while a well organized photo gallery that might not make, it is the truth.
djanimaequeen
Have you read the entire Twilight series? She ends up being a teen mom. So what then? It's okay to get knocked up at a young age as long as you get hitched?
So what is that teaching young girls? That your future depends on the man you bag? Gimmie a break! Thanks for sending women's lib back three generations. Good girls have responsible sex, whether that means abstaining or not.
Caedus678
To add to djanimaequeen's post; When is a good idea to advocate consensual violence? Edward is a controlling, domineering person, who abuses and treats her very poorly, bu
In the Twilight series Bella gradually lost all self-identity when she was with Edward. She develops a disturbing obsession with him. In one of the later books didn't she also rationalize choosing Edward over Jacob because he became a drug to her. She stated how she couldn't live without him, and the negative aspect of this dependence(withdrawals) is evident in New Moon.
steviemarie123
how boring. what does being a good girl entail?
AngelaM
Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go EVERYWHERE!
Stancher
Dude, I can Google Kristen Stewart smoking weed on a stoop in New York, in plain sight, like she doesn't care. It'll take me about 10 seconds.
crymeariver
"They wear purity rings to show the world just how virginal they are"
---------------------
When are we going to stop judging the "GOODNESS" of girls and women based on whether or not they have had sex? Does being a virgin make a MAN good? Is a gay girl a "good" girl for life if she never has heterosexual sex? This is ridiculous.
A "good" girl is the same as a "good" boy: kind, decent, loving, and concerned about the well-being of others.
We need to stop setting up these kids as "good" one day and then evil the next based on whether or not they have had penile -to-vaginal penetration. It's the most stupid thing in the world.
It doesn't help a girl's esteem for society to value her hymen over her humanity and personality.
Whether you have had sex 20 times or never, it tells me nothing about your ability for kindness. We all grew up with evil, rotten witches who still had hymens. You are either a moral PERSON or not, regardless of whether you possess a hymen.
piktor
crymeariver -- You sound like Joan of Arc. In a good way, though.
hawaiianchica423
The Borgen Project has some good information on the cost of addressing global poverty (borgenproject dot org).
It only takes $30 billion annually to end world hunger!
Yet... we are spending $550 billion annually on the defense budget.
djanimaequeen
It's entirely possible the Taylor swift is a self absorbed bitch. But because she never bumped uglies she's a good girl? Marisa you're a bad person.
FredDC2
@djanimaequeen
Can you prove that Taylor Swift is self-absorbed?
Or is your comment the result of jealousy over Swift's maturity in terms of being master over her sexual urges instead of the reverse?
paulandjo
If you had actually read the Twilight books (not that I recommend them) you would realize that Bella would have willingly had sex with Edward before marriage, and it was Edward who insisted on marriage first. Also doubt Kristen Stewart is as "good" as Bella is in the books.
Thank you.
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