Blogs and Stories
Moving Out of Cougar Town
Richard Cartwright / ABC
Enough with cougars: The word, the idea behind the word, and the new ABC comedy starring Courteney Cox.
The only thing worse than hearing someone use the word “cougar” to refer to an older woman is seeing ubiquitous billboards and TV ads letting you know there is in fact going to be a whole show called Cougar Town. Which means that a bunch of people have been using the word “cougar” behind our backs for months now, in conversations that probably started with a pitch meeting where a guy said ,”You know how older women are cougars?” And the executives said, “Yeah, we know! Everyone knows! They’re everywhere! We’re terrified of them ourselves!” And then the writer was all “What if we did a show about a cougar where we actually got to know one, see what makes ‘em tick?” At which point the executives probably jumped for joy and were all “That is so brilliantly zeitgeist! Yes! Sold!” Then they had an assistant go to the top of Runyon Canyon and project the Courteney Cox signal to the top of Los Angeles so she would know she was urgently needed.
“Cougar,” as used to describe an older woman with an interest in younger men, is one of my least favorite words (right after “coleslaw,” right before “moist.”) The idea that a woman’s desire is akin to a snarling murderous animal with claws and teeth, who hides behind rocks and then rips your face off, is both unflattering and outrageously sexist. I’ve heard there are some who claim to see this word as empowering, but I think they’re men. Men, after all, whether their desire for younger women is a matter of evolution or personal preference, do not get tagged as “mountain lions” or “wombats.” And as the term “cougar” has caught on in our lexicon, my impression is that it’s not so much intended to specifically describe a woman with a taste for younger partners, but simply any older woman (i.e., any woman 35 plus) who is not yet married and still actively dating. Cameron Diaz, who spoofed her cougarsome self on Saturday Night Live, was labeled as such when she was just thirty one, after she begin dating a younger Justin Timberlake. Ewwwwwwww, right!!!!! How could he kiss such a terrifying hag!!! OMG!
“Cougar,” as used to describe an older woman with an interest in younger men, is one of my least favorite words (right after “coleslaw,” right before “moist”).
So now we have Cougar Town (ABC, Wednesdays at 9:30), a show about Jules (Cox), a just divorced 40-year-old woman who’s torn between two fears --being alone for the rest of her life, and being “one of them,” as she whines to her friend; “them” being, you know, those horrifying, salivating crones who seem to live only sparsely in the real world and yet dominate the imagination of the male comedy writer. And therein lies the real problem of the show. While worries about aging and dating after divorce are legitimate, Jules seems less haunted by her own insecurities than by the threat of being lumped in with the town’s other desperate (ex)housewives, who make a spectacle of themselves at, say, high school football games. These women, by the way, are never actually called “cougars,” nor is the Jules character—it’s a reference to the school mascot. Which is a massively cheap, cynical cheat by the show.
What we end up watching is a female character driven by what is essentially a male hysteria. While her physical insecurity is slightly annoying (Cox, at forty five, is still a knockout, and yet the show begins with her standing in front of the mirror picking apart some imaginary microscopic flab; but in fairness, there are lots of insecure beautiful women) it’s not nearly as insidious as her shame about her own desire. She’s openly bitter towards her fortyish male neighbor for bedding twenty-something girls, and yet at no point in the pilot do we see her pursuing someone her own age. When she does end up with a younger man, her reaction isn’t so much “Yippee!” as a series of humiliating mumbles about her c-section scar and an offer to make him snacks, the way she does for her son. Any kind of sexual pursuit seems to reduce her to hunched embarrassment, the same state I was in while watching this show. To see a woman so desperately bereft of any pride in herself is beyond depressing. And yes, this is an essay about what’s supposed to be a comedy.
The jokes, such as they are, are mostly crude sexual double entendres. Her teenaged son, after catching his mother fellating a younger man, snatches away her banana the next morning with an angry “You’re not allowed to eat these anymore.” Really, Cougar Town? Penis equals banana? Thank you.
At one point Jules asks her son, “Why don’t you laugh at my jokes?” He responds, “Because your jokes make me sad.”
I couldn’t have said it any more clearly myself.
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
For inquiries, please contact The Daily Beast at editorial@thedailybeast.com.
The Right Dumps Carrie
Jacob Bernstein is a senior reporter at The Daily Beast. Previously, he was a features writer at WWD and W Magazine. He has also written for New York magazine, Paper, and The Huffington Post.
What's Joe's Problem?
Lloyd Grove is editor at large for The Daily Beast. He is also a frequent contributor to New York magazine and was a contributing editor for Condé Nast Portfolio. He wrote a gossip column for the New York Daily News from 2003 to 2006. Prior to that, he wrote the Reliable Source column for the Washington Post, where he spent 23 years covering politics, the media, and other subjects.
Geithner's Stock Plummeting
Jeff Madrick is a contributor to the New York Review of Books and a former economics columnist for the New York Times. He is editor of Challenge Magazine, visiting professor of humanities at Cooper Union, and senior fellow at the New School's Schwartz Center for Economic Policy Analysis. He is the author of Taking America, The End of Affluence (Random House) and The Case for Big Government.
TV's Funniest Frenemies
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
The World's Most Dangerous Comedian
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
10 Thoughts About the Oscars
Jessi Klein is a writer and comedian who has frequently appeared on Comedy Central, CNN, VH1, and the Today show. She also likes to think she has value as a human being aside from her numerous credits in the entertainment industry.
Lighten up! Being a Cougar is about women over 40 ready to re-capture themselves, having a little fun, & NOT TAKING THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY. Seriously.
Your average woman over 40 has spent the last 10-15 years slaving over her family and their needs. Nursing, diapering, reading, gourmet cooking, cleaning, laundering. There's non-stop hours of school volunteering, attending little league practices, games, lessons, and carpool- driving-the-hell out of their respective cities. The graduation to Cougar is a badge of honor! We've earned it! I want Chanel or Gucci, or wait, the Designer Empress of Cougie, Donatella Versace, to create a Cougar blouse or dress with a prowling cougar patch on the sleeve to proudly display the valor I have earned. For a complete Cougar Education, go to www.scandaloushousewife.net
Well, just goes to show you, women age exactly as they damn please. For me, the idea of being a cougar and all it implies makes me tired to even think about.
I dream of a soft cotten T-shirt a pair of caprees and a quiet walk on the beach with a man who understands the world I grew up in----a graying,smart, experienced man of a certain age. Which describes my husband to a T. The beauty of middle aged love for me is excellent companionship and gentle understandings.
Personally, I believe its a crude word for a female. But I think its been an emergence of woman's power and independence over the past decade. Good for the 45 year old cougar taking down the 20 yr old frat boy... It happens more often then you think. More accurately, its a 38 year old going after a 25 year old recent college grad. I think its good for both parties involved!
Oh my Go-d, its a TV show, not Molière. You're a comedian, please get a sense of humor. This stupid show will probably be canceled in a couple of weeks anyway, so hopefully your demented feminist worldview can survive until then.
I agree with Klein, the double standard needs to go.
Yes, the author has it exactly right. The entire cougar phenomenon is in reality "a female character driven by what is essentially a male hysteria." driven by middle-aged men having the tables turned and now worrying about losing their women to younger men. Yes, there are a small subset of women who, like their male counterparts, prefer younger partners because they don't wish their power challenged by an equal. In reality, I know few confident and secure women who find what 20-somethings have to offer remotely interesting. The plus side of the cougar phenomenon, however, is that middle-aged men now are feeling pressure to be (or appear) more youthful and might just pay more attention to their female partners, fearing they could be replaced by a much younger man. The use of the word "cougar" is indeed sexist and, well, stupid and wrong. I won't watch the show. I liked Cox in that tabloid show she was in (can't recall the title). Was sorry to see it cancelled.
"Cougar" is just a contrived term to ease the angst
of women headed for that brick wall known as middle age.
Call it what you want, Cougar, Leopard, Tiger, whatever
"cutesy" name you give it.
You're getting older.
Accept it. Deal with it.
Eventually the BOY TOY will start wandering.
Does anyone believe Ashston and Demi will last ?
Or Nick Cannon and Mariah ?
my college team was the Cougars. I sometimes wear old school t-shirts on my daily jog. I always wondered why kids stared at me when I wear the one with the big "Get It on Cougars" imprint on the back. Now I get it. We didn't call them cougars back in the day. We usually called them Tuesday night.
I'm amazed that you can manage to be so out of touch and completely off topic on everything you have ever commented on. Bravo. I almost consider it a talent. The truth is that women are tired of faking orgasms with a middle-aged men who can't keep it up for more than 5 minutes. And you'd be suprised the number of young bucks out there who want to get it on with a women of experience. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
You've obviously confused me with someone who cares what you think. That being said, maybe you actually are getting it. At my age, I've forgotten which arm its under.
C'mon Jessi chill out. You're pretty hot for a cougar. You should take it as a compliment that us young guys still want to bang your severly used body.
too bad you young guys really don't know how to satisfy an experienced woman, though. It's flattering to be hit on by youngsters, but really, they always disappoint.
Attractive older men capable of wooing women half their ages, known as 'Silver Foxes'. I can't see these men bristling at the term, launching into tirades about being characterized as domesticated Soviet morphs of nature's penultimate trickster. The implication is that the older party uses their wealth of experience to overpower the inhibitions of their 'prey'. Younger women are more prone to romanticism, hence the emotive, ethereal, often effeminate courtship older men engage them with. Young men, on the other hand, are more drawn to physicality, with muscular strength, 'size', and endurance equating to, in their minds, beauty and confidence. Thus 'cougar' describes the raw, animalistic qualities that young men find so attractive. Both terms are equally sexist: they presuppose motives based on outward behavior with the opposite sex, and as such they are products of jealousy. But you seem to completely miss women in this piece, who, from my experience, are the quickest to throw out the term in response to another woman's behavior, while simultaneously demonizing men, who, and again, this is my experience, are usually the one's having sex with them.
These terms are not derived from sexism so much as ageism, and the prevailing opinion (at least in this country, at this point in the story) that generational gaps should not be bridged in sexual relationships. In the Freudian sense, it has more to do with the human perceptive trait of viewing all older women through the prism of our mothers, older men our fathers, and the incestuous implications thereof.
And if I can play the knuckle-dragging misogynist for a hot second, all this 'victimization is the new feminism' shit is really getting old. Woman do not get a fair shake in this world, but building up ivory towers of perceived slights and wailing from the balcony for anyone BUT Prince Charming does not advance your agenda.
Silver fox refers to any older man with a silver mane -- not to a man preying on young women. So there's really no male equivalent.
I too hate the term "cougar" .
As a 29 year old man engaged to a 42 year old woman. We are in a deep loving relationship and that term equates me to a cat-toy.
that was a fun read. thank you. i like the way you arrange your words. about the show - i'm sad courteney took this part. and i'm sad for television for doing the show.
another media made-up name to marginalize women.
i also have no idea how the revolting "cameltoe" got to be an "acceptable" term, also.
Yes -- I hate that word!!
Mutton dressed as lamb...not a flattering picuture
This is publication- and publicity-mongering at it's nadir. This article is a pile of shit. The author has sacrificed all present and future credibility for a few fevered, rank "You go girl"'s from a handful of our least fecund minds.
"Tiger" is perhaps our language's greatest compliment to sexual prowess. It's sister term, "Cougar" has sparked previously unheard of sexual intrigue and interest for perimenopausal women.
The author fails to explain how exposure of the fact that this historically disregarded demographic may in fact retain potent sexual agency is a bad thing.
Because there's no reason why women have to have a word for this phenomenon. Men don't. I think it is negative. I don't actually know any women who use it about themselves with pride.
Gee, let me guess....Jessi Klein is a cougar! I'm sure that show "Cougar Town" would die a miserable death without you writing about it. It seems that this show is a trashier version of "Desperate Housewives", if that is possible.
I saw the show last night and thought it very innappropriate for prime time TV. Especially the simulated oral sex scene. I give this show a few weeks then it' in the discount bin.
This is almost as good as the piece about chest hair. (That's a compliment BTW). OK, so a frat guy probably did think of the term. People under 25 don't know it's an oil slick from that point, so let them influence pop culture. If they're lucky, they get to learn for themselves.
The show sounds terrible.
Even I was shocked by some of the shows sexual comments. One , I laughed hysterically. I do think this show could be tweaked to appeal to many. It almost tried too hard to pack too much punch into the first show. I love Courtney Cox and hope they can save the show.
To even try to imagine going to bars and looking again would be trauma for me.I would never look for a younger man. I love older men. Sex is better with older men for sure.
I do not think of a cougar (and I have seen one free in the wild) as: a snarling murderous animal with claws and teeth.
I would use the words "graceful," "strong," and "beautiful." Anyway, if you tried to fight against every perversion and indignity propagated by the entertainment industry, you would be fighting forever.
I think people just like the word "cougar." It's fun to say.
And that show is awful.
I couldn't agree with you more. This is the worst word to come around in a long, long time. I find the word and the whole concept demeaning. I hate to be a curmudgeon but I can't stand this word and I am already so sick of hearing it.
Exactly how I would have said it, Ms. Klein.
~
It's odd that there is not an equivalent and ubiquitous word for men.
As a male, when i first started hearing it, there was something sexy about it. Now it's certainly stale, but i don't react to it as being demeaning.
There are very few words that bug me, but 'douche' is topping the charts right now. I stop liking people if they use it too much. And it's used a lot.
Hey people, if 'asshole' isn't broke, then don't fix it.
I know a great many women don't like the word 'moist', is it a personal thing or is it found being held in contempt among as many men as well?
Odd then they would use the word 'moist' to describe a cake mix and other products aimed at your females.
But i also read in a list of hated words, that for women, 'panties' is much despised as well.
Why is that?
I found this article to be dramatically one-sided. The concept of the "cougar" has bee embraced by several modern feminists, for example, Valerie Gibson's " Cougar:A Guide For Women Dating Younger Men." While this show seems crude in it's presentation, I think the prominence of the "cougar" meme is ultimately empowering. It not only validates older women (Even if the "older" woman still looks like she's 20.) and shows them as independent. " Cougars"are owning their sexuality, instead of being damsels in distress or prizes to be won. But hey, what do I know?
What next? "Chicken Hawk" about older Gay guys looking for young Gay guys?
how bout mogli from the jungle book? he was a man cub. tarzan of the apes....how bout we call older sexual men silverbacks? cougar is a lovely animal, by the way. nothing wrong with them at all.
While Im not sure the subject matter is worthy of strong reaction--from either side, I thought it was a fantastic story. Clever, well written and funny. Consider me a new fan, Jessi Klein!
Thank you.
As a first time user, your comment has been submitted for review. It can take anywhere from a few hours to a day or two for your comment to be reviewed, depending on the time of week and the volume of comments we receive.
Please log in to leave comments.