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Letterman's Immaculate Confession
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By avoiding bumbling euphemism in his big announcement last week, David Letterman has perfected the art of disclosure, argues The Daily Beast’s Rebecca Dana.
When David Letterman confessed last week to having had sex with women who work on his show, the real shock wasn’t the affairs themselves (I mean, honestly people) but rather the language he used to describe them.
“I have had sex with women who work on this show,” he said.
He didn’t euphemize. He didn’t dissemble. He didn’t confess alcoholism, drug addiction, or personal weakness. He didn’t appeal to Jesus or the state of New York; didn’t define simple verbs, praise his in-laws, haul out his wounded spouse or dwell on how much he’d let everyone down. It was the most skillful handling of a sex scandal in the modern era.
Compare Letterman’s frank confession to the horrifying spectacle of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford ‘fessing up to infidelity last spring:
“OK. You all ready? Everybody ready? I won't begin in any particular spot….I used to organize hiking trips…I was a campus representative for Eastern Airlines…what I have found in this job is that one desperately needs a break from the bubble…let me lay out that larger story that has attracted so many of you all here…It's going to hurt…let me first of all apologize to my wife Jenny…I would also apologize to my staff, because as much as I did talk about going to the Appalachian Trail…I want to apologize to anybody who lives in South Carolina…I, in a very profound way, have let down the Tom Davises of the world…I'm here because if you were to look at God's laws…But I guess where I'm trying to go with this is that there are moral absolutes…And so the bottom line is this: I have been unfaithful to my wife.”
How Rich People Smoke Pot
Paul Schrodt is a writer living in New York City. He has contributed to New York magazine, Radar, and Esquire.com.
Justice Clinton?
As vice chairman of Public Strategies and president of Maverick Media, Mark McKinnon has helped meet strategic challenges for candidates, corporations and causes, including George W. Bush, John McCain, Governor Ann Richards, Charlie Wilson, Lance Armstrong, and Bono. McKinnon is co-chair of Arts & Labs, a collaboration between technology and creative communities that have embraced today's rich Internet environment to deliver innovative and creative digital products to consumers.
Best Shoes Ever
Rebecca Dana is a senior correspondent for The Daily Beast. A former editor and reporter for the Wall Street Journal, she has also written for the New York Times, the New York Observer, Rolling Stone and Slate, among other publications.
The Trend from Hell
Rebecca Dana is a senior correspondent for The Daily Beast. A former editor and reporter for the Wall Street Journal, she has also written for the New York Times, the New York Observer, Rolling Stone and Slate, among other publications.
Fox's New Leading Lady
Rebecca Dana is a senior correspondent for The Daily Beast. A former editor and reporter for the Wall Street Journal, she has also written for the New York Times, the New York Observer, Rolling Stone and Slate, among other publications.
Storeboughtjam
I agree that Letterman had a great PR team write his apology. It works beautifully, in its simplicity, forthrightness, and structure -- that is, until you think about it a little; then it rings hollow and turns disgraceful. By claiming he committed "creepy" acts, Letterman is supposedly owning up and taking responsiblity, but, in fact, because of the way the apology is framed, Letterman's actually distancing himself from his wrongdoings -- the acts were "creepy," but he, Letterman, is a standup guy -- can't the audience see from his direct fess-up that he himself is not a creep? At most, he's claming to be a rascal, a naughty boy, but still full of fun. Then he goes on to speak of his protectiveness and obligation to both the women he slept with and his wife and family. Again, this runs counter to his longterm behavior, since men who are protective of their wives and much younger women -- who are employees to boot -- do not behave the way he did, and with a lot of women, apparently. But, now, he's claiming to step up to the plate. It was all too slickly done -- slickness masquerading as humility and honesty. I now more than ever believe Halderman's lawyer, Gerald Shargel, that Letterman is THE MASTER MANIPULATOR OF ALL TIME.
DBFan2009
letterman was being extorted for 2 million dollars. or did you forget that? in case you did, here's a clue: extortion is illegal. shargel's hapless client is looking at jail time. letterman? he's on again tomorrow night and i'll be watching, as i usually do.
pricklypear
So it's okay for your spouse to cheat and do creepy things as long as he/she are victims of attempted extortion.
DBFan2009
"pricklypear" - so it's all right for you to dictate a stranger's sex life? get a grip. he's not an elected official. no one committed "adultery."
and the last time i checked, extortion was a crime. but i guess that's okay with you as long as you can point to a celebrity and feel self-righteous and superior.
Storeboughtjam
Of course, if Halderman committed extortion he should be punished. But Rebecca Dana's piece was about Letterman's behavior and apology, so that's what my comment was about. And just because Halderman may or may not have done something wrong, doesn't mean his lawyer can't have a point or two. Plus, I'm not sure anyone wants to "feel self--righteous and superior" to a celebrity, as you claim, because no matter which boss -- thirty years these women's senior -- was boffing up-a-storm -- it looks like he was doing it a lot -- people would take a dim view. And it's not a matter of "dictat[ing] a stranger's sex life," as you claim; this has now become a public story, and people are entitled to react. I don't care whom Letterman sleeps with, frankly, even if and when he's married, but sometimes enough is enough. And he put it out there; that was his choice to commen or not, because he could just as well remained quiet, and it might have worked fine, too. We'll never know.
piktor
The guy can fake sincerity. You must allow him that!
On the other hand, he's beating Conan in the ratings with twice Conan's audience.
tuyls001
First off I think letterman's apology was genius. He is a comedian and the apology was only appropriate for him to deliver to the public. I am positive he personally apologized to his wife in a much different way, but letterman apologized to us by making it humorous. I think that he wanted to make a joke about it to help him deal with the issue at hand. He was scared and frightened and I am sure humor is a way that he deals with issues. He has been doing this for years so it is only natural for him to apologize in that manor. However I think that the apology was unnecessary. He had an affair and the only reason why would have know about it was from extortion, which is illegal. So the public found out because letterman took responsibility for his actions and let the public know, we never knew the extortion facts were true, letterman verified them for us. Not only did we find out about it in an unlawful manor, why is it our business? Just because he had an affair it didn't change him as a person or make him look morally wrong. It was wrong that he hurt his wife and family but that is his own personal business. I hate nothing more when we get so caught up in peoples personal lives.
jerrywrite
one thing for certain, no pr firm had a hand in that apology. because there is no way any pr firm would have allowed for such a direct approach. now, u cn say that he faked it, or whatever, but it's pretty clear (particularly if you've been watching him over the years) that the apology was pure letterman.
marcbenjamin
Your assuming in your righteousness that he has some kind of responsibility to apologize to you -- he has no such obligation, and is not required to apologize to anyone not directly involved. And I simply disagree that it was "slick" - it was simple and strightforward and maybe that's just too much for your cynical head to process.
speechrock
Just think how revered he would be if he got into details. Who has been stalking who over the last decade? Rebecca, you just defined relative morals.
When my kids were young, I used to tell them not to "bamboozle" me. Why that word. It has no specific definition other than the object misbehavior.
Jenny's been bamboozled. His staff has apparently been bamboozled. The author has been bamboozled. Dave has been unfaithful, hurtfull, broken vows that will take years to repair trust. Oh, and as you point out, his disclosure has been spot on.
connie47
1. If Dave was unfaithful or hurt someone's feelings is none of your business. If you're going to pass judgment on him, you'd better have one very clean closet, along the lines of Jesus himself.
2. It's the other guy who broke the law, the guy you don't bother mentioning.
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n--Y--Portmanteauspeechrock
1. You have obviously never been to one of our family Thanksgiving dinners. You would be buried if you suggested we do not have a right to our opinions. As for Jesus, he's a Leno fan. (Your co-opting Jesus for an argument about Letterman's affairs? Are you a Ron Paul gal?)
2. OK, you're right. Throw the book at the other guy too.
connie47
But, speech, your family Thanksgiving is not a public forum. Say whatever you want with your friends and family. I'm just glad I won't be there, if you're that interested the details of Letterman's sex life.
I co-opted Jesus for Letterman's affairs? I have no idea what you mean by that. What I actually wrote is Biblical, though lacking in eloquence. See Matthew 7:2.
Ron Paul? Good grief. No one at TDB has accused me of coming from the right and I've been commenting here since the site started. Thanks for the chuckle.
speechrock
But connie, we are asked to pass judgment on public figures all the time. Politicians, entertainers, people of letters and the arts, authors and the like all vie for our attention. Dave's ratings affect his advertising and in turn his salary. I am staying with Dave because I am a huge fan but glossing over the act because of his smooth recovery just doesn't impress me.
Second, you would enjoy Thanksgiving at our home I am sure. You are well-spoken and have opinions. Every year we debate who will be Time's Person of the Year, discuss politics, books, food, friends and a good time is had by all.
As for Ron Paul, I could not figure if you were coming from the right or the left by your comment. You didn't swipe his morals, as a conservative would, but invoked the Bible, as a conservative would.
I therefore chose Ron Paul not because he is a from the right. I don't know what Ron Paul is. If you strip away all of the regulations and skinny down the law to a literal interpreatation of the original "interpretation" of the Constitution I don't know what you end up with except Ron Paul's view of the world. Putting him in charge is more like a Monarchy.
My real hero was Johnny. Man he had the comic genius. When I showed the highlight DVD's to my kids they too became immediate fans.
HuskyNan
I would be shocked - shocked! - if the affairs weren't the worst kept secrets on the Letterman set. I seriously doubt anyone was bamboozled.
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n--Y--PortmanteauOrphie
Yet you seem to be admitting you've seen every show thereafter? Hope the Neilsen people counted you.
GPatton
It's never good practice to "beat your meat where you bake your bread." Now due to various workplace laws which cover harassment, etc. it can make men (especially, but not exclusively) vulnerable to law suits, dismissal, etc. Letterman is a member of the celebratocracy. He might beat the rap. Ordinary middle management schlubs get shitcanned for porking staff members, particularly in the office. George Patton
Carole65
OMG!! That is hilarious. You do have a way of getting to a point without excuses. You make my day!
Storeboughtjam
I absolutely love your last line, from schlubs to porking.
singlegal
George Patton, well said! And it is the law. Ironic name for a business - Worldwide Pants (he can't keep it in there!).
Why would a "professional blackmailer" ask for a check as opposed to cash? This makes no sense. I think Letterman knew it was going to come out anyway so instead of paying the guy for his pain (he was probably banging the guy's girlfriend), he decided to make his life even more miserable.
johnnyapplecd
Goddamn. I can't wait for progressive society to drop all of you prudes down the memory hole. It's just sex, people. And yes, his unfaithfulness and philandering IS a moral concern that he now will have to suffer the consequences of, but it is not YOUR concern. If you've really got a problem with it, stop watching his show. It's that simple. Also, grow up.
I TOTALLY would've defended Sanford et al. against other libs assailing his character, because I don't think one's sex life has any bearing on one's contribution to public life. However, that fuckwad helped to get Clinton impeached for a blowjob, so he deserves to have his career destroyed. Same goes for gay-bashers that are exposed as actually being gay themselves. Sexual hypocrisy: as American as the H-bomb.
The thrust of her argument in this piece is not that Letterman's not guilty of something, just that he handled it better than anyone before him has (all of those politicians have had help from staff & speechwriters, too), and that he's proven himself not to be the blazing hypocrite that most of these politicians turn out to be.
Portmanteau: I totally disagree with you, but your comments are hysterical.
bdavid
Maybe I missed the comment but the fact the Mr. Letterman is not an elected official makes all the uproar seem more like gossip than outrage. Tossing him into a boat with men who we pay to represent us is a mistake. We pay Letterman to make us laugh.
johnnyapplecd
She says as much in the story, but it bears repeating.
jus1drun
absolutely! and the more reprehensible the character the better the dark humor!
PS... johnnyapplecd;
clinton got called on lying under oath in a sexual harassment case. as to the blow job perhaps his enemies were jealous, self righteous or curious as to exactly what the pay scale was for such a job. all we have is conjecture,
ThinkAgain
Comedians are effective when they make witty and funny observations about the way we live and think. We recognize them as being in touch with the culture so it stands to reason that they influence our perception of it. Many of us assume politicians are corrupt and out of touch, so we don't identify with them at all.
ThinkAgain
Surprise surprise, a liberal finds a way to make a liberals confession more acceptable than a conservatives. They don't even try to not sound like flaming biased hypocrites!
Sanford should get out because the people of his state and his party have ask him to. People who don't like Letterman because of this shouldn't watch him. That's a completely legitimate judgement to make but so is deciding it's not that important to you.
linebet
PR 101: Get in front of the story. State your position before others do it for you.
Yes, Dave is one smart and funny man.
anthony8066
The style or nature of his public comments concern me less than whether the sex was consensual. Would these employees have been with him if he were not their employer? What happens if someone rebuffs?
These are legal matters. As he's not an elected official, the morality concerns him and his spouse.
clearthinker
I don't understand why someone would write this article this way. It is a sad state of affairs (pardon the pun) when we start comparing how a person confesses their sins as it relates to how another confesses their sins. Stupid. Mark Sanford was wrong and so was David Letterman. One is a governor and the other a late night talk show host/comedian. Obviously, these two are going to handle it differently. This doesn't mean one is right and the other wrong. Rebecca Dana should grow up a little.
I think all of this will hurt Letterman a little bit because his jokes about "infidility" will be a little awkward now that we all know.
rhonda1309
All the tv pundits are thrilled about Dave's huge ratings, hope his wife is equally impressed. Dave's Mom is still alive and I'm sure she's very proud of her sex with intern son.
damselfly1600
Letterman is an entertainer for God's sake. Ok -- maybe a hypocritical one -- but he isn't an elected official and he wasn't married -- so get over it people!! How about let's focus on the hypocrits who were elected to represent American values.
MOZART
I wonder if Letterman will keep us posted on when his wife files for devorce.
And the audience will laugh and applaud.
I hope this does not happen when I have fallen asleep in my chair. I don't want to miss it.
magicman
Well, you have to keep in mind that all of this is very new to the Public Scene, so naturally errors will occur the first few times around. But I am hopeful. Once the PR community has perfectly refined 'The Great American Apology' and polished off the correct wording, stance, photo op and approach, we will all be free to resume our sin, free of all consequence.
Unless, of course, it might occur to someone that a scripted approach is somehow disingenuous or faintly insincere. Such would require a moral thought, that being the case, we are clearly out of danger.
johnnyapplecd
What a complete load of bullshit this is. Crafting a message, lying in public, mea culpas are not new at all to the public--they have been going on for thousands of years, hence the latin term, "mea culpa". It's not "The Great American Apology", it's just "The Public Apology", and it's been around in every culture since the beginning of "culture".
"Sin" is a completely subjective judgement based on whatever religious/non-religious value system you happen to practice or believe in, I'm guessing in your case it's the Bible. Someone who puts no spiritual stock in the Bible wouldn't give two shits whether or not some asshole on a TDB comment board thought they were "sinning", and hopefully, neither does anyone who actually believes in the Bible. That's between me and God, not some anonymous, inscrutable gum-flapper.
Free of all consequence? Are you out of your fucking mind? He had to humiliate himself in front of his entire viewing public, he's got months of trial crap to deal with, all kinds of organizations and people are going to be "journalistically investigating" these events long past when the rest of America ceases to care, to say nothing of the damage it'll do to his relationship with his wife and child.
To imply that the collective "we" is no good at having "moral thoughts" means you are a pretentious ass with no sense of history, psychology, or the morals of people with different perspectives than your own. And, as far as I know, pretty much every adult with a brain sees a scripted apology as just that--scripted. Just because someone sat down and wrote it out with help so that they wouldn't make a further ass of themselves on national TV does not make them insincere. This is the case with almost every word ever spoken by a politician or TV personality since the advent of TV. Yeah, they're not like us "normal" people, who are honest all of the time and never, ever stray one iota from our principles.
Get over yourself.
Thank you.
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