Life as the 'PC Guy'

John Hodgman opens up about becoming Apple’s famous foil, what it’s like to mock President Obama—and how to make the perfect drink. PLUS, an excerpt from his book More Information Than You Require.

John Hodgman talks to Rachel Sklar About Mixing Drinks, Being the “PC Guy.”

What’s It Like to Mock President Obama? Hodgman Explains.

Excerpt from More Information Than You Require.

Good evening.

I trust we need no introduction, you and I.

If you are familiar with my previous book of COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE, and if you also have successfully completed my popular seminar in EXPERT MEMORY TRAINING,⁴⁸ then you likely recall this simple fact:

My name is John Hodgman.

But I do not wish to be presumptuous. Perhaps you do not know who I am. Perhaps you were dealt some terrible blow to the head and are now suffering amnesia, and so do not recall my previous bestselling work, THE AREAS OF MY EXPERTISE.

NOVEMBER 10
1969: Sesame Street debuts on PBS. Viewers who grew up on the series may be surprised to learn that in early episodes, Oscar “the Grouch” was orange, Gordon was played by nine different men, the body of Mr. Hooper was not yet embalmed and on display behind a glass panel outside his store, and most of the story lines revolved around the subject of when Elmo would arrive and save them all.

More Information Than You Require. By John Hodgman. 400 pages. Riverhead Trade. $15. If that is the case, allow me to explain. My name is John Hodgman; you live on the planet Earth; and everything is going to be fine.

Why? Because the item you are holding in your hand is called a “BOOK.” Specifically, it is called MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE, and, like its predecessor, it contains within it all sorts of useful information on ridding your house of annoying pests, hints for winning at the gambling table, famous animal acts, useful recipes, the molemen and their hideous steeds, the U.S. presidents and their hideous steeds, everything that happened before today, and SUNDRY MORE FACTS OF SCIENTIFIC, SOCIAL, AND HISTORICAL MERIT, ALL OF WHICH ARE MADE UP BY ME.

NOVEMBER 11
1922, THE UPPER WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN: Grant’s tomb is discovered in Morningside Heights, New York. The first four humans to enter the tomb (Lord Carnarvon, Professor Firecracker, Dick Smotheringwell, and little Cheepy, the Exotic Child of the East) were initially treated as celebrities, touring the country with the amazing relics they found there (cigars, old sabers, 1,000 mummified cats). But then, mysteriously, they all contracted strange ailments: cottonmouth, headaches, and severe dehydration. Doctors, eager to dismiss rumors of “Grant’s Curse,” claimed that they were only suffering common hangovers; but only the child, Cheepy, was known to take a drink. And curiously, he was the only one to survive. After three days of torment, the rest of the adventurers died in their sleep on the same stormy night. Some blamed Cheepy, who later would climb to the top of a rope and disappear. Others blame the vengeful ghost of U.S. Grant, noting that each of the corpses was discovered with remnants of cigar ash on its nightshirt. Either way, the secret of who is actually buried in the tomb died with them.

(For, also like its predecessor, this book is unique in the desk reference game insofar as the amazing true facts within it are almost entirely false. The precise reason for this is well established in my earlier writings. Suffice it to paraphrase the great detective and repeat that REALITY, while generally PROBABLE, is not always INTERESTING.)

In short, here is a volume that contains all that you wish to know—truly MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE—as you seek to recover from your amnesia, learn the secret of your forgotten identity, and find out how you got that terrible scar.⁴⁹

Good luck, my amnesiac friend.