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Worst Decade Ever

by Marty Beckerman Info

Marty Beckerman
 
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Paris Hilton AP Photo A new research poll says most Americans think the last decade was a disaster. Marty Beckerman on the cultural touchstones, from James Frey to Paris Hilton, that ruined the new millennium.

A mere 27 percent of Americans hold a positive view of the closing decade, according to a recent Pew report, which confirms the bleeding obvious: Approximately a quarter of our countrymen are either A) congenital liars or B) in desperate need of eyes, ears, and brains. As for the three-fourths of you who actually observe the world, welcome to the friggin’ club!

Kurt Vonnegut and Norman Mailer croaked while Carlos Mencia and Glenn Beck continued to breathe; Hunter S. Thompson and David Foster Wallace killed themselves when Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore should have.

To paraphrase former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld—who is one of the many reasons why the ‘00s were a long, hard slog—the ‘00s were “a long, hard slog.” From the unfathomable atrocity of the 9/11 attacks to the unfathomable atrocity of Twilight, from George W. Bush’s half-assed Iraq invasion to Paris Hilton’s half-assed Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose, from the sanctimonious bull of the Taliban to the sanctimonious bull of Eating Animals (HEMINGWAY WOULD NOT APPROVE, JONATHAN), this Wretched Temporal Vacuum of Soul Death known as the Aughts devoured every possible speck of human joy; I visited the 21st century and all I got was this lousy collapse of the world economy.

We have collectively endured—nay, survived—a dark, traumatizing era of Torture and Propaganda and Fundamentalism and Paranoia and Havoc and Facial Stubble and Star Wars prequels that robbed young people of what should have been the best years of our lives. Everything in the past 10 years was a complete disappointment: Kurt Vonnegut and Norman Mailer croaked while Carlos Mencia and Glenn Beck continued to breathe; Hunter S. Thompson and David Foster Wallace killed themselves when Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore should have (They both deserve hospitalization for heart attacks—and not simply because of their politics).

Here is a (partial) list of further tragedies:

Crocs
H1N1
A Million Little Pieces
Hurricane Katrina
Jersey Shore
Space Shuttle Columbia
The Secret
Tsunami
Lower-back tattoos
Michael Jackson croaked and you felt bad for making all those hilarious jokes
Ponchos
Anthrax letters
Metrosexuality
Darfur
Larry the Cable Guy

What a strange, unpleasant, abysmal excuse for a zeitgeist. Of course, the ‘90s were not the cheerful paradise that pre-9/11 nostalgia suggests; we had Columbine and Oklahoma City and baggy jeans on women and frosted tips on men and ebola and Rwanda—but at least we had Nirvana instead of the Jonas Brothers. By the way, Kurt Cobain successfully managed to kill himself, unlike every melodramatic emo singer who dares to scratch his dainty wrist with a Bic safety razor.

I could discuss TV (The Simpsons was still funny in the ‘90s) and movies (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull did not exist in the ‘90s), but the point is that everyone—including me—lost their minds over the past 10 years: Millions upon millions of overzealous zombies really cared about Terri Schiavo’s jiggling semi-corpse, really cared about Janet Jackson’s slippery nipple, really cared about saying “freedom toast” instead of “french toast,” really cared about cells frozen in sperm banks more than adult cancer sufferers, really cared about whether John Kerry’s horse-like Botoxed face would embolden the terrorists, and really cared about amending the Constitution to burn all copies Brokeback Mountain or whatever. When historians look back on this despicable, indefensible, anxiety-ridden decade, they will wonder: Why was everyone so weird? Why was everyone so intense? WHY SO SERIOUS?

December 31, 2009 | 2:54pm
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Comments ()

wbneilsen

that terri schiavo comment was pretty low. Beckerman, I hope you read this so you know how big a scumbag you are.

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8:10 pm, Dec 31, 2009

sufi66

Not sure. I remember Reagan and Co.

On any given day, it's a toss up which President was the worst Reagan, Bush 1 (remember Clarence?), or Bush 2. It depends on my mood.

I used to feel that no one could top Nixon, but he was Thoreau compared with these creeps.

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9:11 am, Jan 1, 2010

sufi66

"Michael Moore should have"

Bad joke. He's a hero to many intelligent people.

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9:28 am, Jan 1, 2010

HELLYEAH

I agree - I really enjoyed Fahrenheit 9/11, Bowling for Columbine, and Sicko. They're some of my favorite movies.

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2:12 pm, Jan 1, 2010

kayjay

He remains the closest thing to Fox News for liberals. His views are sometimes honourable, but his movies lack both intellect and integrity. Bowling and Sicko were fun and flippant, but didn't offer anything new or interesting. Fahrenheit was a mess that helped to re-elect Bush; if only Adam Curtis's "The Power of Nightmares" had been allowed in the US instead.

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5:17 am, Jan 4, 2010

periscope

The disaster that was the just past decade can be attributed to the stolen election of 2000, when Bushboy's brother Jeb helped him fake the Florida vote results, which allowed the right-wing partisan Supreme Court's 5 Injustices to illegally overturn a state court decision that was right and proper.
The result was that instead of getting the experienced, intelligent and constructive Al Gore for the next 8 years, we got the inexperienced, unintelligent and depraved Bushboy.
The results were evident by the end of this reign of error. He inherited $200 billion surpluses from the Clinton administration and immediately turned them into record deficits with his inane tax cuts for the richest Americans, and wound up doubling the National debt from $5 trillion to over $10 trillion.
He invented the WMD fiction to scare America into a senseless and destructive war In Iraq that has cost millions of lives and trillions of $$$.
He ignored corporate criminal behavior from Enron, Worldcom and Wall St., and national emergencies like Katrina.
Bushboy and the Republican Party brought America to the brink of ruin, and Republicans are still spouting the same fiscal and international insanity they did before the 2008 election. It's incredible that in 2010 anyone would still vote for such a Party.

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12:10 pm, Jan 1, 2010

gmvindy

I believe that the people that survived the deppression followed by World War 2 would think that they suffered a much worse period that the last decade. Not to mention the period from the Watts riots through the end of the carter administration 1965-1980. At best your ignorant, at worst self absorbed.

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12:16 pm, Jan 1, 2010

venicementor

"Kurt Vonnegut and Norman Mailer croaked while Carlos Mencia and Glenn Beck continued to breathe; Hunter S. Thompson and David Foster Wallace killed themselves when Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore should have(They both deserve hospitalization for heart attacks-and not simply because of their politics)." With this comment, you are certainly making your contribution in helping make this next decade a lousy one. Thanks for the lack of human kindness, but then you can't convey something you obviously don't have.

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4:22 pm, Jan 1, 2010

saturdaynght88

This guy is so arrogant. I love a good positive article, but when even though I can't see your face when you were writing this, it seems as though every word was written with a 'know-it-all' grin. Tone down the cute little quips and give me some evidence for your assertions

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1:33 am, Jan 2, 2010

theaub

What a wonderful, succinct, playful, and evocative article!

You can still feel the sticky residue of neo-conservatism in rural culture and in the media. I keep hearing Cheney's opinion being quoted in the news more than a year after the unrepentant hog was ousted for instance and no one seems to think that's odd. But imagine hearing Dan Quayle's opinion quoted on the news a year into Clinton's presidency! December was the first month *ever* in which no American lives were lost in Iraq, but does that become a lead story or track back to our current administration as it would have been celebrated in the last?

It's a profound relieve to me to see the US start it's long trek back to being a more exemplary, responsible and admirable nation as we have been at so many points in our history.

Thanks for this, Marty, it made my day!

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12:28 pm, Jan 2, 2010

zan1960

Favorite line...Glenn Beck continued to breathe....hehe.

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5:30 pm, Jan 2, 2010

zan1960

Another annoying trend. If liberals don't like you, you are an automatic hero to the right. It doesn't matter if you have an ounce of character or brains.

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5:39 pm, Jan 2, 2010

jenaca

Let's not forget the sex abuse "crisis" in the Catholic church, brought to light in 2002 and continuing today. While they focused on the rights of the likes of Terri Schiavo and the unborn, they chose to ignore, deflect, deny and blame the tens of thousands who were abused as children by their "holy men". Meanwhile the "faithful" put on blinders and continue to put $ in the basket every Sunday.

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9:31 am, Jan 3, 2010

Jeremyic

This is by far the best article I've read on Daily Beast.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!


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3:42 pm, Jan 3, 2010

njoy-d-ride

Sounds like you've been listening to the 5th dimension Marty. However you sound tongue-in-cheek.
Let's hope we're on the road to recovery, but don't center all your hopes on a politician.

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4:08 pm, Jan 3, 2010
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