Sexy Beast
More Sexy BeastHow Oscars Ruin a Marriage
Nicole LaPorte is the senior West Coast reporter for The Daily Beast and the author of The Men Who Would Be King: An Almost Epic Tale of Moguls, Movies, and a Company Called DreamWorks.
Sandra Bullock has reportedly moved out over allegations that her husband cheated. Nicole LaPorte on how Hollywood husbands can't take being outdone by their wives.
Is the ultimate honor for women in Hollywood the ultimate castration for men?
For those who have to trail their leading ladies on red carpets and watch from their seats as those ladies make teary-eyed acceptance speeches, an Oscar win is, indeed, very often the latter. Just look at history. In 1938, after Jane Wyman won an Oscar for her performance in Johnny Belinda, she and Ronald Reagan divorced, causing the would-be president to quip, "Maybe I should name 'Johnny Belinda' as co-respondent.'"
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Which is why it's not a total shocker that just days after Sandra Bullock won her first Academy Award, and professed to Barbara Walters how much she loved her husband, biker bad boy Jesse James ("I never knew what it was like for someone to have my back"), reports surfaced that James has, rather, been going behind Bullock's back with a tattoo model who refers to him as the Vanilla Gorilla and wears patent leather pumps to bed. Though not officially confirmed, something unsettling seems afoot: On Wednesday, Bullock bowed out of the upcoming U.K. premiere of The Blind Side, which caused Warner Bros. to cancel the event.
If the "Vanilla Gorilla" story proves to be true, James wouldn't be the first plus one to act up when the limelight shines a little too brightly on his spouse—particularly when that success involves a little golden man. Just months after Reese Witherspoon won a Best Actress Oscar for Walk the Line, she and hubby Ryan Phillippe broke up after Phillippe was caught fooling around on the set of Stop-Loss with the then-unknown Abbie Cornish. (At the Golden Globes that year, where Witherspoon also won, when a reporter quipped to Phillippe, "Congratulations, you're the big winner," I watched as he replied coldly, "My wife is the winner." And two years after Halle Berry took home gold for Monster's Ball, she and R&B singer Eric Benét filed for divorce following allegations that Benét was unfaithful.
Then there was Hilary Swank, who split with the less-blessed Chad Lowe after her second Oscar win (for Million Dollar Baby). Ditto for Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria; and sweethearts (but not married) Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt. The latest Oscar curse casualties, it was announced this week, are Kate Winslet and director Sam Mendes, who have separated a year after she received her first Academy Award for The Reader, and he went home empty-handed for Revolutionary Road.
The dynamic of a woman's success—in the form of a bigger paycheck or other accolade—straining a marriage to the point of divorce is not limited to Hollywood, but the situation is more acute in a culture where success isn't always a tangible commodity, and is also, thanks to the media, extremely public.
"In Hollywood, so much of life is if you're up or down, or if you're powerful or not—to not feel united on the home front can be devastating, if there are all these jealousies or feelings of insecurity," said Hilary Black, the author of The Secret Currency of Love: The Unabashed Truth About Women, Money, and Relationships.
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eurydice9276
This is the funniest thing I've read all day - if course, it's still early yet.
StValentine
I agree - not sure if this is even a "real" comment - just trying to get us goin' early.....
kansasrefugee
I'm guessing this is either a very smart, clever & flirtatious, ironic man or a very dumb, self-absorbed, humorless man. Judging by the spelling and syntax errors, I'm afraid it's the latter. Oh vey - I'm afraid your time has passed, ole boy.
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Veronicaxy
I'm pretty sure TDB has interns trolling in order to keep the comments and page views rolling. It's the deliciously silly name calling that flags it.
HollyK64
re-Horakhty
You must really hate your own company to chose to be with a skanky boring man than be alone
Ktown84
Oh, honey. Where to begin?
First, women love sexual variety. If you think your wife or girlfriend isn't tired of your same old same old moves, you must be naive.
Second, physically women are made for polygamy. You guys, especially as you get older, can't get it up that much anymore (unless you turn into a viagra popping freak).
Third, women can be "in love" with more than one man, matter of fact, they often are.
The so-called "natural" law is a self-serving collection of sexist prejudices -- the "natural" law is changing. More & more women are kicking your STD asses to the curb, more & more older women are taking younger lovers (it's the "natural" law).
Say good-bye to the world as you know it.
And another thing, before you go "being in love" with several women, why don't you first learn to sexually satisfy one?
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juandixon
i think you meant polyandry, not polygamy.
Ktown84
Polygamy refers to either.
neuronomics
This is what's wrong with our society today. People can't keep their sexual desires in check. The reason people love 'sexual variety' is because its pasted all across tv and movie screens, and accepted by people everywhere. Sexuality has become one of the most important aspects of a good relationship, and things like morality and great communication have taken a back seat.
If women weren't watching so much "Sex and the City" they wouldn't be so sexually charged, and making their man feel bad for not bringing more 'variety' into the bedroom. Relationships aren't about sex. Sex is for reproduction, not a stick in which your measure your husband's value.
I enjoy sex, but I hate how it is viewed in today's society. If sex were as it were supposed to be the sexual union would be a very special and sacred thing shared by two people who really love each other, and the very fact that sex is taking place should be sacred. But nowadays, you have to be a porn star to keep your mate happy.
InfiniteShibumi
So...English is not your first language? And...you're a fundamentalist? And we should pay attention to your garbled message because..?
DicedPeas
So, let's make sure Katie Holmes gets an Oscar next year.
jo46032
hahaha-love it!
CrankyCuss
Now THAT'S funny.
cheryl
With all due respect, this article is ridiculous. By this logic, if the man is more successful than the woman, he should feel validated and content and stay faithful...except then, the interpretation goes: well, he couldn't resist the groupies, he got carried away by all the attention, he thought having women was one of the perks etc. - as they said most recently about Tiger Woods. Some men are honorable and others lie and cheat, it's that simple.
AnthonyandBear
I agree. This article is stupid. Relationships are generally a little more complex than the number of awards each person has.
1.) Sandra Bullock was already famous (and had won a handful of awards) before she married Jesse James.
2.) "And two years after Halle Berry took home gold for Monster's Ball, she and R&B singer Eric Bené´ filed for divorce..." Yes, nothing else happened in those two years. Clearly, Mr. Bené´ was just biding his time, waiting for the opportunity to deal with his wife's success by cheating on her?
3.) What about all of those female Oscar winners that are in successful marriages?
easton
absolutely 100% right. After my wife graduates from nursing school she will make more than I do and I have zero problem with this. I won't feel weak or emasculated, just as I don't feel strong and virile because I am supporting her and our family while she is in school. She is doing the school work and getting the good grades. Now would I like to earn more than she will, absolutely, but that is only because I would like to earn more regardless of what she makes. Then again, if she earned a ton of money, I would also be happy to be Mr. Mommy, provided she was happy and fulfilled in her job.
jogoderic
Absolutely agree. All this psychoanalysis mumbo-jumbo is ridiculous. Its pretty simple: Its all about sex. A man who is rich, famous, powerful or any combination of the three will be tempted by a woman who will give him a hot romp in the sack.
Too bad about Bullock and James. The romance all seemed so believable.
RockyMissouri
Women are just as capable of deceit as men, they just don't get caught....
swannsway
I agree we are just as capable and likely. In fact, I don't see infidelity as the end of the world. Actually studies show that 1 in 2 people cheat.
More to the point of this article though...I think the issue isn't related to gender as much as it relates to two people with full fledged demanding careers in an industry that feeds on gossip, strife and people "playing" emotions with others (needing to access that part of themselves and other people) through their work.
Williemojorisin
ROCKY YUP WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN
piktor
EXACTLY !
my3sons
Tiger's wife must be a very successful woman.
anarchist
LOL - just think about how all of this reflects on God. First He made man in his image, then apparently man wasn't able to keep Eden squared away and needed a help mate. So, God is the mirror image of every man but not woman. I accept that but I don't have to like it, fortunately I have brothers who are decent human beings capable of thinking beyond their testosterone levels. I do believe men can't help it though, it is their biologic destiny to think with their gonads and it takes a special kind of guy to overcome that. Ladies, imagine what the world would be like if we were forced to think about getting laid every 90 seconds. We'd be happy but there would be a lot of dirty laundry.
orkaambe
first, the premise of your article is flawed. you can not substantiate the arguement that men can't stand having more successful women around them.
second, the alleged affair took place for 11 months - ending in June 2009. That means, James meet the Evil Cat in July/August 2008. This time line has nothing to do with Sandra winning an Oscar.
third, women should learn to get a handle on their lives. they stoop too low to begin with and too often, they fail to engage with their partners on key issues.
fourth, most hollywood marriages are cosmetic in nature, thus, they are bound to collapse over time. hollywood marriages are all about raising profiles and marketability.
the so called oscar curse is nothing but an unfortunate chain of near likely events. in the end, men and women must learn to be more accommodative and responsible in marriage.
kansasrefugee
Good post
StValentine
The problem is their dependency on others to determine their importance....pleeeaaase, it's acting...an opinionated and so overrated skill...but maybe in their worlds an Oscar holds more weight then an Emmy.....ITS ACTING?!?!? Get over yourselves people....to make my point, Mathew Broderick is so much more talented than his wife...
sippygabana
so Meryl Streep should have gone through a few fellas by now.
syndicatenyc
Dear Nicole,
Hasn't Sam Mendes won an Oscar? And been Knighted? Yeah, I'm sure he's jealous. That's what it was. It couldn't have been any other reason. No way. You've used your superhuman intellect to sift through the myriad possibilities, and come up with this. Amazing. Jesse James was jealous. Of Sandra's Oscar. Even though she hadn't won it yet. Good call. It couldn't be that he's a big dumb redneck with a tattoo fetish. Nope. It has to be that all men are jealous of successful women. How are there not golden statues of you in every city? WIth god-like insight like yours, you'd think there would be. Huh. Weird. At least you're using it for the greater good, though. I mean, speculative reporting on the divorces of people you've assumedly never met? Such a great use of an epic talent like yours.
jo46032
Tying all of the ends of these relationships to the Oscar was a leap, and the article is just silly because of the premise.
Absurdist
Damn straight. Correlation DOES NOT equal causation. This piece is lamer than anything that's come from the Styes desk at the New York Times, and that's pretty freakin' lame, people.
CrankyCuss
Really? Men cheat on women who are successful? Guess what. Men cheat on women who are unsuccessful, too. Maybe it has nothing to do with the success and everything to do with the testosterone.
kansasrefugee
Testosterone or entitlement and meaninglessness to their relationships that the culture gives them and socializes into them?
GavinStrick
Not to mention that guys like Jesse James, who is successful in his own right, get pussy thrown at them left and right--combine that with a spouse who is gone for months at a times, and, unless the husband has unusual self-control and character, is a recipe for infidelity. I also think that the premise of the essay is silly; these guys do it because they can.
juandixon
Correct, women never cheat first.
Granny88
After reading this article there's no chance Nicole's husband cheats on her.
Williemojorisin
A HOLLYWOOD MARIAGE IS ON THE ROCKS??? OMG STOP THE PRESSES
steviemarie123
i know right?? whats next, a divorce in hollywood?!?!?! why does this happen to good people?!?!?!
keemia
The logic doesn't add up. At least in the case of Sandra Bulluck and Halle Berry, the cheating occurred prior to the Oscars. The fact that $hit hit the fan afterwards may be due to the added publicity or whatever, but not because of the Oscars.
Thank you.
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