Cheat Sheet

After dipping below 8,000 for the first time in five years, the Dow see-sawed to a 8,451.19 close, a 128 point drop, to end one of its most turbulent weeks in history. Today's gyrations began with an early drop of more than 600 points following a panicked plunge in the international markets. Particularly hard hit today were Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs. As The Wall Street Journal points out, "The stock market has so far avoided a one day plunge of 10 percent, the traditional definition of a crash. But even in the two instances when such a single-day drop did happen, in 1929 and 1987, the full week bloodletting was not as bad" as this week has been. Not very reassuring, is it?

The latest health fad is mandatory. During economic recessions, "people tend to drink less, smoke fewer cigarettes and lose weight," Alice Thomson writes in a stubbornly cheerful column in The London Times. "They enroll in higher education, the air is cleaner, the roads are less crowded." Suicides and cancer rates may rise, but they're more than cancelled out by a decline in car accidents and heart disease. Plus, there will be sales! "Shops on the high street have increased the number of bargains—even toothbrushes are now discounted," which means, naturally, that you should be smiling more than ever.

And so the race card is played, and not, we imagine, for the last time. Rensselaer County elections officials on both sides of the aisle are throwing up their hands in horror, calling the slip a simple typo, though the Albany Times-Union notes that "s" and "b" are "not exactly keyboard neighbors." One voter who was one of 300 to receive the poorly spelled ballot told the newspaper: ''It's a little suspicious and at least grossly incompetent. If I crossed out the name and wrote in the right spelling, my ballot would be invalid." No word yet on what the real Osama thinks of being on the ballot.

Poor Arnold Schwarzenegger. The erstwhile savior of California has been reduced to shilling like an infomercial actor on behalf of his state. In a new radio ad, the Governator implores state residents to buy up $4 billion in short-term notes in order to "pay for schools, healthcare, and other very important services." The ad aired a week after it was revealed that the state has been unable to borrow the short-term loans it needs to remain solvent and might need a $7 billion loan from the federal government. Should it fail, Schwarzenegger might want to persuade residents the old-fashioned way: by calling them "girly-men" and threatening to "break" them.

Get ready for a free Dr. Pepper: Billboard is reporting that after a decade of rumors, delays, firings, rewrites, and Axl being Axl, Guns N’ Roses’ Chinese Democracy is set to drop November 23. This spring, the soda maker offered a free can of Dr. Pepper to every American if the album appeared this year, a pledge the company appears ready to honor. It will be Guns N' Roses' first new studio album since 1991—1993's The Spaghetti Incident was strictly covers. Two album tracks will be available before the release: “Shackler's Revenge” will appear in Rock Band 2, and “If the World” plays over the end credits of the new thriller Body of Lies.

If there's a silver lining for Joe Sixpack in these difficult times, it's the spectacle of watching the uber-wealthy lose tons of money. Forbes has obligingly recalculated its list of the 400 wealthiest Americans to account for the recent economic struggles. Sadly, there's no schadenfreude at the top: Economy-unto-himself Warren Buffett actually increased his net worth by $8 billion in September—knocking Bill Gates out of the No. 1 spot for the first time in 15 years. His total now stands at $58 billion. At the other end of the spectrum, Las Vegas Sands Corp. CEO Sheldon Adelson lost $4 billion. Sergey Brin, Larry Page, Carl Icahn, Jeffrey Bezos, and Gates are among those who lost over a billion.

Who knew Germans had a sense of humor? Der Spiegel reports that the German satire magazine Titanic is staging a Muhammad look-a-like competition during the Frankfurt Book Fair on October 18. On its website, Titanic writes, "Come along to the most dangerous event of the Frankfurt Book Fair. … It will be a blast"—hopefully not literally. Titanic's staff has invited Turkish President Abdullah Gul to take part, which seems to us like a long shot. The website of the Caricatura Museum, the site of the event, notes, "Of course it is a sin to represent the prophet. For this reason, we are trying to do something exceptional."

It’s usually left to 007 to ceremonially undress his latest catch, but this time Britain’s Sun does the honors first. Olga Kurylenko, star of The Quantum of Solace, has performed sans clothes in several films. The Sun has what it calls the “exclusive snaps.” Kurlylenko says: "I've never had a problem going topless or getting naked in a film. When you’re on the beach you’re almost naked anyway. I sent my body double back because I wanted to do the scenes myself." Easy there, 007.

The long-festering fight over the film The Reader reached a dénouement yesterday when Scott Rudin walked away from the film and took his name off it. Harvey Weinstein, who’s co-producing, had insisted The Reader come out in time for awards season, because the Harvey brand desperately needs a hit. Rudin was concerned that Reader star Kate Winslet would compete with herself for awards; she’s already starring in the Rudin-produced Revolutionary Road, also due in December. Now, it’s Harvey’s baby. The Big Picture reports that he’s pouring money into crash editing and scoring sessions so that he can have a seat at the Oscars.