Cheat Sheet

The Dow gained 388.68 points to close at 8,435.1, and the S&P and Nasdaq added 6.4 percent and 6.3 percent, respectively, on news the government will guarantee $306 billion of toxic Citigroup assets and a pledge by lawmakers to pass another economic stimulus package. Citigroup led the charge, rebounding 58 percent after losing 60 percent of its market value last week; JPMorgan Chase and Bank of America also gained more than 20 percent in trading today. “Job one is to continue to repair the psychology of this market, and the bailout or the help for Citigroup is an important part of that puzzle,” James Dunigan of PNC Wealth Management in Philadelphia told Bloomberg. But get ready for yet another shift from Washington: Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson is “considering asking Congress for the remaining $350 billion in the Troubled Asset Relief Program to help revive consumer credit,” a move he all but ruled out last week, Bloomberg reports.

The moment many have been anticipating has arrived: Bush has begun the traditional end-of-term presidential pardons. In today’s first round, he granted 14 pardons and two commutations, but none of the possible big names—Plame outer Scooter Libby, junk bond king Michael Milliken, or Republican congressmen in prison for corruption—were among them. Instead, small-time criminals got their criminal records wiped clean of convictions for drug dealing, bank embezzling, and improper food stamp use. “American Taliban” John Walker Lindh and imprisoned media baron Conrad Black also have petitioned the Justice Department’s Office of the U.S. Pardon Attorney, but they might not be as lucky as those pardoned today: “Bush has not been known to be generous with his power to wave away a criminal record,” The Hill reports “The president has now pardoned 171 individuals and commuted sentences for eight people, a relatively small number compared to past administrations.”

Billionaire George Soros lays into Hank Paulson in an interview with Der Spiegel, saying that "the breakdown of the financial markets found him totally unprepared" and that “he went to Congress not with a plan but with a plan to develop a plan.” The decision to allow Lehman Brothers to fail “was a fatal mistake,” and eventually he “stopped doing anything, leaving a vacuum in leadership, and the markets collapsed.” Asked if the Republicans would call a stimulus package “socialism,” Soros responds, “That is exactly what we need now.” And he has some advice for President-elect Obama: “If [Obama] wants to do it alone, we will go into a worldwide depression because America is not in a position by itself to clean up the mess it created.”

Has the United States cheated in its "special relationship?" In an interview with ABC News, a former communications intercept operator says he read a file on Tony Blair's private life while assigned to a secret NSA facility in Fort Gordon, Georgia, between 2003 and 2007. While it's common practice for intelligence agencies to collect information on foreign leaders, the U.S. and Britain have a long-standing pact against it. "If it is true that we maintained a file on Blair, it would represent a huge breach of the agreement we have with the Brits," a former CIA official told ABC News. Though the NSA maintains that it obeyed the law, the agency’s inspector general is investigating the allegations.

“I promise you I did not come here to be the captain of the Titanic,” Sam Zell famously told the Los Angeles Times after he bought the Tribune Company last year for $13 billion. Of course, since then he’s overseen some of the deepest cuts in the media recession, but don’t worry—the man once known as “The Grave Dancer” says the company’s newspapers—which include the L.A. Times, Chicago Tribune, and Baltimore Sun—are better than ever! “Would you argue that the journalism is improved from when you purchased your newspapers” Conde Nast Porfolio editor-in-chief Joanne Lipman asks him. His reply: “Interestingly enough, my customers say yes…I’ve reformatted all eight newspapers—they’re much louder; they’ve got more pictures…I mean, simple things. I ride my motorcycle to work every morning…I say goodbye to my wife as I walk out the door, and I used to ask her, ‘What’s the temperature?’ Because if it’s bitter cold, there’s a problem. And then I would see her go, ‘Argh!’ as she tried to find where the weather is in the newspapers. And in the reformatted Chicago Tribune in the bottom left-hand corner it says, ‘64 today, 75 tomorrow, 83 the next day,’ in one quarter of an inch in the lower left-hand corner. Isn’t that information that everybody wants?”

Banks aren't the only things nearing collapse these days. "They believe the situation is very bad. They believe things could collapse in a few months time in Zimbabwe,” said Jacob Zuma, the leader of South Africa’s ruling party, after a meeting with Kofi Annan, Jimmy Carter, and Graca Machel, who were prohibited from entering the country last weekend. A cholera outbreak that has so far killed 300 people has added to Zimbabwe’s stresses, which include food shortages and hyperinflation. The government has been in deadlock since September, when dictator Robert Mugabe agreed to a power-sharing agreement with his rival Morgan Tsvangirai. The two have been unable to agree on cabinet appointments, and Mugabe’s plan to push a constitutional amendment that will allow him to name the cabinet alone threatens to ruin the deal.

An interesting new article in New York points out that in the United States, “New York County is the unrivaled leader in single-individual households.” So are New Yorkers lonely? Not really. Despite living alone, New Yorkers rarely feel alone. They have large social networks, made up of other single livers, which have the same positive effects on attitude and health as marriage. This may explain the negative correlation between population density and the suicide rate: Montana, Nevada, Alaska, New Mexico, and Wyoming have the highest suicide rates in the nation. "New York was the Web before the Web was the Web,” Jennifer Senior writes, “characterized by the same free-flowing interaction, 24/7 rhythms, subgroups, and demimondes."

As unemployment in France rises, the French maid is making a comeback, The Times of London reports. The country’s employment minister recently announced incentives to help 130,000 people find work cleaning, gardening, and nannying. (It amounts to one-third of the new jobs created in France this year). The new French maid won’t come dressed in the ensemble that has become the stuff of fantasy—she prefers a blouse and trousers—and will run you about 25 euros an hour, half of which can be deducted from income tax. “Frankly, with people working longer and longer hours and more and more women working, I can only see this service growing,” one maid tells the paper.

London Mayor Boris Johnson has taken on a task that may prove to be more challenging than repairing his city’s financial fabric: Making youths like ballet and opera. “Working class students may be steered towards popular culture like hip-hop, new media and film, on the basis that they will find older art forms like opera or ballet irrelevant,” a document issued by Johnson said. “This approach patronises young people and limits their horizons.” According to The Times of London, Johnson called on “arts chiefs to provide a wider variety of cultural opportunities for young people” and he is considering introducing an electronic swipe card for youths that will give them cheap entry to museums, theaters, and sports centers. “There are tough times ahead,” Johnson said, “but I am committed to helping the cultural sector cope. For it to flourish and for people to be creative, we need to be brave with funding and bold in our vision.”

Fox News' resident liberal, Alan Colmes, is splitting with his longtime on-screen nemesis, conservative commentator Sean Hannity, to develop a show of his own. Colmes will also remain on the network as a liberal commentator and will keep his FOX radio show. During the 12 years that Hannity and Colmes have shared a stage, Colmes has come under criticism from many liberals for his inability to establish himself as strong progressive voice on the roundly conservative network. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. once compared Colmes to the Harlem Globetrotters sad-sack opponent, the Washington Generals, saying Colmes "whole job is to lose every argument." FOX news chief Roger Ailes disagrees. "Alan is one of the key reasons why FOX News has been such a remarkable success. We're sad to see him leave the program but we look forward to his ongoing contributions to the network," Ailes said.

A plan to save Citigroup has emerged. Citi will absorb the first 10 percent of losses—about $29 billion—from its portfolio of risky assets, which includes mortgages, credit cards, commercial real-estate, and big corporate loans. The United States government will stand behind the remaining 90 percent of losses, which could eventually cost $249 billion. In addition, the government will buy $27 billion of preferred stock in Citi and receive dividends at an annual rate of 8 percent. Citigroup's CFO says the plan was created in a "plain vanilla flavor" so that it can be applied to other institutions.

The mole lives! Though supermodel Cindy Crawford, now 42, dismisses suggestions that she ever disappeared, there's no disputing that she's had a comeback—along with Claudia, Linda, Naomi, Christy, and Kate. The 1990s supermodels are now posturing for the likes of Prada, Yves Saint Laurent, and Dolce & Gabbana. "It went all waify, but it would have been very boring if it had not changed over 20 years," Crawford told The Times of London this weekend. "It came back because the baby-boomers are getting older. They like seeing our familiar faces again, because it makes them feel good about themselves."

The latest—and perhaps most bizarre—chapter in the Russian-Georgian conflict: Russian ministers today denied reports of a shooting incident involving two heads of state. The Georgian government had said that, on Saturday, Georgia’s Mikheil Saakashvili and Poland’s Lech Kaczynski were in a motorcade near South Ossetia when shots rang out. The government said they came from “Russian-controlled territory” in South Ossetia. "This is a real provocation," Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov fired back today. "It is not the first time that such things have happened: First they mastermind everything themselves and then accuse the Russian or the Ossetian side." Russia’s deputy foreign minister called the charges “wishful thinking.” No injuries were reported.

Is the global credit crunch squeezing pirates? The Somali pirates who are holding the Saudi oil tanker Sirius Star, which they captured in the largest hijacking in maritime history, have reduced their ransom demand from $25 to $15 million. Also, according to The Guardian, the head of an Islamist militia "said some men were out to confront the pirates and release the Saudi supertanker because it was 'Muslim.'" On Friday, a pirate spokesperson warned of "disastrous" consequences if ransom was not paid within 10 days.

When John McCain famously "suspended" his campaign and flew to Washington, he attended a meeting on the economy that included George Bush, Barack Obama, Henry Paulson, and Ben Bernanke. So who was calling the shots? Cong. Barney Frank, from Massachusetts. According to Michelle Cottle in The New Republic, "[Frank] kept jumping in, quizzing Bush officials and pressing Republican legislators on their objections to the proposal." Allegedly, Bush even had to remind him that he was running the meeting. The financial crisis has been a star turn for Frank, whose career was jeopardized in the 1980s after it was revealed that he had dated a male prostitute. Indeed, President Bush, who has nicknamed Frank "Sabertooth," may owe the passage of the bailout to him. "Frank spent enormous energy explaining the need for the legislation," Cottle writes. "He also aggressively defended the bill in the press and against colleagues from both sides of the aisle looking to scuttle it."