After months of anticipation, the day has finally arrived: Sasha and Malia, you have earned the puppy that has come to the White House. Christened "Bo" by the Obama daughters, the six-month-old black-and-white Portuguese water dog is a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy. (Malia and Sasha, The Washington Post reports, chose the name in honor of their cousins' cat, Bo, and their maternal grandfather's nickname, Diddley, says a source.) The dog's official debut was undercut by leaked photos to a website called FirstDogCharlie that then spread through gossip site TMZ. According to the Los Angeles Times, the Obamas first met the dog several weeks ago at the White House, where he was a hit with the girls. While the president said he preferred a rescue dog, it seems the idea had to be jettisoned in favor of a hypoallergenic breed for Malia. The family plans to make up for it with a donation to the Humane Society instead.

Good news! U.S cargo ship captain Richard Phillips has been freed and is now on board the U.S.S. Boxer after a shootout that killed three of the four pirates holding him on a lifeboat off the coast of Somalia. His joyous crew, docked in Kenya, greeted the news with three blasts of the Maersk Alabama's horn and erupted in cheers. A Navy spokesman said Phillips was "resting comfortably" after being taken aboard the U.S.S. Bainbridge and then flown to the U.S.S. Boxer. The fourth pirate who had taken the captain hostage five days ago is in U.S. military custody; he was negotiating for Phillips' release at the time of the firefight and was not on board the lifeboat.

Glenn Beck, possessor of the most lugubriously expressive face on the Fox News Channel, has finally wised up to his reputation and announced a stand-up comedy tour for the first week of June. The radio and TV personality calls his act the "poor man's Seinfeld." Among his schticks will be a "modern-day reimagining of Thomas Paine's 1776 pamphlet 'Common Sense.'" Beck says his success on Fox has surprised even him, but is happy to return to a live audience, even if for only six days in the summer.

This is a happy day for Angel Cabrera. The 39-year-old Argentinian won his first major title and became the first South American to win a Masters golf tournament this afternoon, defeating 48-year-old Kenny Perry, who almost became the oldest major champion in golf history. Cabrera made par on the second playoff hole and came through with a surprise win over Perry, who was up two shots with two holes to go. The biggest story on the earlier tees was Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson’s thrilling pairing. Woods dropped shots on his last two holes and came in after Mickelson at eight-under 280. Mickelson tied a Masters record with a six-under 30 in the beginning, but floundered on the back nine.

Thailand's embattled prime minister, Abhisit Vejjajiva, has declared a state of emergency after protesters caused him major embarrassment by forcing the cancellation of a major Asian summit in Bangkok. Unfortunately for Veijjajiva, it's not clear whether the army will follow though on his order for "tough measures" to put down the protests. Under the state of emergency, the government prohibits gatherings of more than five people, may censor the media and will use the army to restore order, the BBC reports. Nevertheless, protesters continue making their voices heard and have commandeered two military vehicles. Veijjajiva's credibility in this crisis is low: He himself came to power when yellow-shirted protesters ran off his predecessor.

Here's a nice Easter Sunday gift: The Vatican has said "thanks but no thanks" to Caroline Kennedy's bid to be U.S. ambassador to the Vatican. What was the deal breaker? You guessed it, Kennedy's support for abortion. According to The Guardian, President Obama offered Kennedy the position as a reward for her public support during his campaign. Obama will meet with Pope Benedict XVI during a G-8 summit scheduled in July, and it is now possible an ambassador to the Vatican will not be in place; the president's support of stem cell research and abortion should figure prominently in the lead up to the meeting. Caroline Kennedy has not been in the public eye since her embarrassing withdrawal from the field for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat.

Move over, Jonas Brothers: Hannah Montana: The Movie is roaring to the second-best Easter weekend opening ever, grossing an estimated $34 million. The haul bolsters Miley Cyrus’ star status and far exceeds expectations, Variety reports. Fast & Furious had been expected to rule the box office this week; instead, it declined 59 percent from last week and took second place at $28.2 million, for a $118 million total. And sad news for Seth Rogen: his new comedy, Observe and Report, earned $11.1 million in its first weekend, much weaker than projected.

This tidbit can either be interpreted as good news or an attempt at damage control given the recent spike in violence in Iraq. Speaking today on CNN's State of the Union, General Raymond Odierno said the withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq is on schedule for August 2010 but that adjustments could be made in the next 18 months. Odierno didn't just paint a rosy picture, however: He said "very serious incidents" remain a threat to any semblance of normalcy in Iraq. The general also reiterated the now familiar statement that the Iraqi forces must stand up so that U.S. troops could stand down. "Part of the judgment will be how much can they do…how much U.S. forces are needed in order to continue to support them to keep the stability that we're starting to see in Iraq."

In this week’s Newsweek, Fareed Zakaria lauds Robert Gates’ budget plan, asking: Is the defense secretary a genius? The proposal begins “a much-needed process of rethinking American defense strategy after the Cold War,” he writes, taking budgeting back from a “a dreamland, where ever-more-elaborate weapons are built without regard to enemies, costs or trade-offs.” Gates rightly focuses on “two competing imperatives”: small yet complex conflicts in difficult terrain (Iraq, Afghanistan); versus deterrence and preserving the peace in global sea lanes against such marauders as the Somali pirates.

Poor Blake Fielder-Civil. His plans to grab half of estranged wife Amy Winehouse’s $15 million fortune in a divorce settlement have been dashed: A fellow rehab patient claims “Blake Incarcerated” got her pregnant. Gilleen Morris, 31, described by News of the World as a “jobless mum-of-two,” tells the tabloid: “Blake seduced me and we had a secret fling. When I told him I was pregnant he said, ‘Oh f***!’ But he vowed to stand by me and raise the child.” The news puts a crimp in the case Fielder-Civil, 27, is building against pop star Winehouse over her infidelity. Morris adds, generously: “If Amy wants to be a stepmum I wouldn’t mind, as long as she steered clear of drugs and self-harming.”

Thousands of Wall Streeters have already lost their jobs in recent months, but following right behind them are finance workers leaving by choice. The New York Times reports hundreds of the industry's best and brightest are abandoning ship at places like Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, fearing the companies may suffer a long recovery or be dragged down by government interference. While some are concerned that this exodus of talent could hurt recovering banks, some industry experts believe that these departing workers will do the economy more good putting their experience to use in new jobs at places like small startups. “If the risk-taking spreads out to these smaller institutions, it is no longer a systemic threat,” Matthew Richardson, professor of finance at the Stern School of Business at New York University, tells The Times. “And innovation is spreading out too. This is a good thing.”

Karl Rove, you may have a soul mate on the other side of the Atlantic: One of Prime Minister Gordon Brown's closest advisers, Damien McBride, has resigned after emails surfaced in which McBride discussed setting up a Web site with a left-wing blogger in order to spread sordid, false rumors about opposition leaders—and even their wives. Brown denied he knew about the operation and said there was "no place in politics for the dissemination or publication of material of this kind," but the scandal is a rough blow to the already embattled British leader.

Maybe the romance will be the motivation Roger Federer needs to finally get that 14th Grand Slam? The tennis champ has announced that he has wed his longtime girlfriend and fellow Swiss, Miroslava Vavrinec. Federer wrote on his blog that the wedding took place Saturday in his hometown of Basel, Switzerland, among close friends and family. Vavrinec, a former tennis player who now manages Federer's lucrative career, has been a constant presence in the grandstands during his matches for years. The wedding comes on the heels of their announcement that the newlyweds are expecting their first child in the summer.

With Italy still recovering from a devastating earthquake that sent tremors all the way to Rome, the pope's Easter Sunday sermon focused on tests of faith and strength through trying times. In a moment that exemplified the spiritual burden on the shoulders of many who have suffered, Pope Benedict stumbled as he ascended steps to deliver the sermon. His attendants quickly rushed to his aid, but the pope recovered and went ahead with the ceremony. The pope has kept busy in the last two days, and the Associated Press described him as seeming "tired and hoarse during the solemn three-hour-long Easter Vigil service Saturday, but...well-rested by Sunday morning."

President Obama is running large deficits to spark the economy, but federal efforts are being undercut by major reductions in social services in most state budgets. While some of the $787 billion stimulus package is earmarked for aid to cash strapped states, The New York Times reports that the money will offset only 40 percent of the losses of revenues, resulting in cuts to vital programs in at least 34 states. State lawmakers now face heartbreaking choices as a result, as in Arizona, where home care visits to homebound elderly residents are being scaled back. Even worse, policy experts say many of these cuts will likely cost more than they save in the long run by eventually requiring more expensive fixes down the road.

Is there such a thing as "moderate" Taliban, or are such people merely an invention of the Obama administration to help get the U.S. out of the quagmire in Afghanistan and Pakistan? Considering the group's radically chauvinistic values, "moderate" might not be the first word that springs to mind. In a column today for The Times of India, M.J. Akbar points to a YouTube video making the rounds that shows a 17-year-old girl in the Taliban-run Swat Valley being lashed 37 times for being seen with a man who was not her father or brother. Akbar writes that Obama's definition of "moderate" does not go beyond the extremists having laid down their arms—and ignoring the fundamental wrongs of this radical ideology "will create blowback that spreads far beyond the geography" of Afghanistan and Pakistan.

The Harold and Kumar State? While attracting little notice outside its borders, California has done more to push marijuana into the mainstream than anywhere else in America. Medical marijuana laws let doctors prescribe pot for just about anything, while a booming industry to service the new demand has popped up in storefronts across the state, complete with classes in proper growing techniques. The cannabis craze got a huge boost in February, when Attorney General Eric Holder promised not to harsh California's vibe by raiding pot stores, a major shift in federal drug policy. Some legislators have become so emboldened lately that they've proposed legalizing pot outright in order to boost tax revenue.

When a North Korean defector crosses the border into South Korea, he or she is subjected to a globalized trial by fire. Fast food, credit cards, mouthwash, movie theaters, a legitimate education: All are new to a North Korean who has escaped Kim Jong Il's twisted regime. About 4,000 North Koreans have settled in their neighbor to the south, The Washington Post reports. A policy is in place to assimilate the defectors, who are given citizenship and three months of intense classes that essentially are an introduction to existence in the 21st century. One of the dictatorship's most difficult tendencies to overcome is paranoia, a U.N. report explained. North Koreans "live in fear and are pressed to inform on each other. The state practices extensive surveillance of its inhabitants...Authorities have bred a culture of pervasive mistrust."

As a soldier serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, where the law is shaky at best, the huge amounts of money flowing into reconstruction efforts are a serious temptation. One soldier who made it back from Iraq aroused suspicion after buying a Hummer, a BMW, a PlayStation 3, several flat-screen TVs, and much more. He is accused of skimming $690,000 off reconstruction funds while serving as a civil affairs officer in Baghdad. The Los Angeles Times reports that at least 25 theft probes are under way involving reconstruction funds in Iraq and Afghanistan. One soldier, convicted of bribery, theft, and money laundering, said: "This was more cash than Donald Trump had ever seen in his life." Unfortunately, cold hard cash is fundamental to the war effort, as it not only rebuilds countries, but also buys allies.