Prepare for more transparency: The Obama administration is planning to make public the results of the “stress tests’ being conducted on the country’s 19 biggest banks, a move that would make it easier to tell which banks are thriving and which are barely surviving. The government has made a point of treating all banks equally so as not to spark a bank run on any particular institution; both the strong and the weak received billions from the federal government to mask the fact that some needed the cash much more than others. But if the stress tests are publicized, and if certain big banks like Goldman Sachs are allowed to begin paying back their debts from the TARP, the era of all banks created equal will end.

His approval ratings are in the tank, so why shouldn’t New York Gov. David Paterson make a bold move? That’s exactly what he’s planning to do on Thursday—announce plans to introduce a bill in the state Assembly that would make New York the country’s fifth state to legalize gay marriage. An assemblyman broke the news to CNN: “The governor’s office called me and asked if I would stand with the governor,” Micah Z. Kellner said. “I said I will be thrilled to stand with the governor when he makes this announcement.” Former Luv Guv Eliot Spitzer introduced similar legislation in 2007; it passed the Assembly but died in the state Senate.

In between playing with the new puppy and executing pirates, President Obama found time today to remind us that the economy is still kind of bad. In a speech at Georgetown University, Obama also lauded recent signs of economic progress but said we are “by no means out of the woods.” "We cannot rebuild this economy on the same pile of sand," he said. "We must build our house upon a rock. We must lay a new foundation for growth and prosperity a foundation that will move us from an era of borrow and spend to one where we save and invest, where we consume less at home and send more exports abroad."

After five days held hostage aboard a toilet-less lifeboat, Maersk Alabama captain Richard Phillips is flying home with his 19-person crew on Wednesday. A few more details are leaking out about their ordeal: A crew member says Phillips was held in the ship’s lifeboat because the Americans were able to destroy the small boat used by the pirates—all said by Defense Secretary Robert Gates to be between 17 and 19 years old—during the hijacking. But it seems the pirates have not been deterred by the Maersk Alabama hijacking’s bloody denouement: On Tuesday alone, bands of pirates took 60 more hostages in four ships. “Our latest hijackings are meant to show that no one can deter us from protecting our waters from the enemy because we believe in dying for our land,” one pirate told reporters via phone. At least 17 ships are currently in the hands of pirates.

A day before Obama makes his first trip to Mexico, the White House is planning to announce Alan Bersin, a former Justice Department official, as “border czar.” Bersin’s No. 1 priority will be controlling illegal immigration, a source tells Politico, but he’ll also tackle drug violence and immigration problems plaguing the U.S.-Mexico border. Bersin, who also served as Attorney General Janet Reno’s border czar, has been criticized by immigration advocacy groups for Operation Gatekeeper, a federal program that cracked down on uncontrolled immigration along the western portion of the border. Critics say the strategy just pushed illegal immigration to the east, where more people died in the desert while attempting to cross into the U.S.

Echoes of 1995: The Department of Homeland Security warns in a new report of a resurgence of right-wing extremist groups fueled by the recession and the election of the nation’s first black president. Their targets? Returning veterans who have “combat skills and experience” and might feel isolated as they have a hard time reintegrating into society amid a job-destroying recession. Homeland Security is also worried about people who are stockpiling weapons in anticipation of stricter gun control laws. The groups are using Obama’s election as a rallying cry, using distorting propaganda to recruit angry members, the report warns. It’s all a chilling reminder of the early 1990s, when a recession and a perceived drop in global prominence caused a spate of right-wing extremist violence that culminated in the Oklahoma City bombings.

Hands off that life-size stuffed giraffe! A week before the contents of pop legend Michael Jackson’s Neverland estate were to be auctioned off, his production company has called the proceedings to a halt. The firm filed a suit in Los Angeles Superior Court claiming that some of Jackson’s things, like a carousel horse signed by Elizabeth Taylor, are “irreplaceable,” and that Jackson never agreed to sell them. The suit was dismissed, but the Beverly Hills auction house, Julien Auctions, has reached an agreement to not sell the items on April 22 as planned, and instead to leave them up on display through April 25. “I think we are going to have a beautiful museum someday for Michael,” Jackson’s spokesman told the Los Angeles Times. Jackson sold Neverland after being found not guilty of child molestation in 2005.

John Demjanjuk, the former Nazi concentration camp guard accused of assisting in the murder of 29,000 people during World War II, was removed from his suburban Cleveland home today in a wheelchair and taken into federal custody—before a federal appeals court delayed his deportation to Germany. The retired auto worker’s case has roiled the Jewish community for decades: In 1977, he was extradited to Israel and sentenced to death before the Israeli Supreme Court overturned his conviction; in 2002, his U.S. citizenship was revoked. The family of Ukrainian-born Demjanjuk, who immigrated to the U.S. in 1952, says chronic disorders and severe pain make him too weak to travel, but a former federal prosecutor who handled the case tells The Plain Dealer: “If we want to prevent future genocides, then we must prosecute those who commit the crime until their last dying day.”

The surviving members of the Grateful Dead credit President Obama (!) with bringing them back together after years of feuding. So it’s only natural the ’60s icons—minus Jerry, of course—had a “secret impromptu meeting” with the president in the Oval Office, The Washington Post reports. Apparently, music wasn’t as hot a topic during the get-together Monday night as history—and how clean Obama’s desk was. Dead members Bob Weir, Mickey Hart, Phil Lesh, and Bill Kreutzmann, along with a few never additions, chatted with the president and, oddly enough, Lesh and his wife even found a vase of scarlet begonias on a table outside the office (“Scarlet Begonias,” of course, being one of the Dead’s most famous songs). The group is playing at Washington’s Verizon Center Tuesday night, though Obama’s won’t be in attendance. Deadheads David Axelrod, Pete Rouse, and Jim Messina will groove out in his place.

An unbelievable case out of Germany: Nadja Benaissa, who has sold more than 5 million records as a member of the group No Angels after winning the German talent TV show Popstars, has been arrested on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm—by not informing three sexual partners she was infected with HIV. At least one of the men now has the virus, The Times of London reports. Benaissa, 26, was arrested in Frankfurt on Saturday just before a scheduled solo performance, and is still in custody after a judge decided she might repeat her alleged offense. If found guilty, she faces up to 10 years in prison.

Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich pleaded not guilty to federal corruption charges today related to an investigation about whether he tried to sell off President Obama's Senate seat. Blagojevich, who was arrested in December and later forced from office, said he's "innocent of every single accusation" against him. The 52-year-old faces "16 felony counts, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, extortion conspiracy, attempted extortion and making false statements to federal agents," according to the Associated Press.

The donor of the nation’s second ever face transplant has been identified—and it’s movie market researcher Joseph Helfgot, 60, who died in Boston of a stroke last week during heart transplant surgery. “In a Hollywood-style ending to a colorful life,” The Wrap reports, Helfgot, founder and president of MarketCast, donated his face, liver, and even the transplanted heart he received. “To the end, he was a trailblazer, leaving a legacy that we are proud to say included the ultimate gift, namely, a new face, a retransplanted heart and liver, allowing three individuals to survive, a final testament to Joseph’s legacy as the son of Auschwitz survivors,” his family said in a statement. Doctors at Brigham and Women’s Hospital are “cautiously optimistic” for the face transplant recipient’s recover, The Wrap reports.

The stock market may be up in recent weeks, but it hasn’t lifted other parts of the economy with it: The Financial Times reports that US retail sales fell 1.1 percent in March against the previous month’s sales, and were down 9.4 percent from a year ago. Analysts had expected a small increase. “For now this looks like something of a reality check after a run of upside data surprises,” said one economist.

Since the financial crisis started, CEOs have emphasized quite a bit how they’ve suffered too. How does that check out? “More U.S. chief executives got pay raises than had their pay cut in 2008, a year when billions in taxpayer dollars went to prop up struggling companies and millions of workers lost jobs, according to an AFL-CIO survey released on Tuesday.” According to the AFL-CIO’s calculation, Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit made $38 million in 2008. 480 of 946 companies reported CEO raises, while 463 reported cuts. The median CEO salary rose 7 percent in 2008, while CEO perks went up nearly 13 percent.

Until the 47-year-old Cuban embargo is lifted, the U.S. will remain Fidel Castro's target of choice. The former dictator says in an online column that he is pleased with Obama lifting the harsh travel and remittances restrictions put in place by the Bush administration, but that the U.S. must go further. "Of the blockade, which is the cruelest of measures, not a word was uttered," Castro wrote. Striking an uncharacteristically optimistic tone, Fidel said that "conditions are in place for Obama to use his talent in a constructive policy that ends something that has failed for nearly half a century."

Barack Obama, who has already lobbied for his adopted hometown of Chicago to win it's bid for the Olympics, is now using his clout to try and persuade FIFA to hold the World Cup in the U.S. in 2018 or 2022. Using the grand, sweeping rhetoric that is becoming more familiar by the day, Obama wrote to FIFA that "this bid is about much more than a game...It is about the United States of America inviting the world to gather all across our great country in celebration of our common hopes and dreams." Though a basketball man himself, Obama played soccer while spending his youth in Jakarta and has attended his daughters' soccer games. Considering that Americans prefer their sports violent and high-scoring, it is surprising that when the World Cup was held in the U.S. in 1994 an attendance record was set that still stands.

When a Courvoisier executive famously blew off Jay-Z's endorsement of his product, he had no idea of the consequences. Jay-Z has since officially switched his allegiance. The rapper/executive has given an obscure champagne, The Ace of Spades, his seal of approval, and business is booming. Also called Armand de Brignac, the Italian champagne costs over $350 dollars a bottle and comes from a vineyard tended by only 20 employees. Jay-Z unveiled his new drink of choice in a music video in 2006 and since then it has appeared "on the lips of celebrities from George Clooney to David Beckham, as well as in the gift bags of Oscar nominees." Now, the owners of The Ace of Spades expect to maximize their output by producing 82,000 bottles within three years. And they have no harsh words for the hip-hop world.

Talk about working under pressure. Doug White, a man with only modest experience flying, had to take the reigns of a twin-engine King Air plane after its pilot suddenly died. With the guidance of air traffic controllers, White managed to land the plane in Florida, which was also carrying his family. White has a pilot license, but had only recently begun flying after an 18-year hiatus. In fact, White's experience was limited to only 150 hours flying a comparatively tiny single engine Cessna. The unlikely hero told his family to pray, and then entered the zone, or as he described it, "A focused fear."

Here’s your cynical version of post-partisanship: Dana Perino, President Bush’s last press secretary, will be joining the public-relations firm Burson-Marsteller, whose CEO is Mark Penn, a former adviser to President Clinton and Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign’s chief strategist. "She's been through some incredibly difficult experiences at some of the highest levels, and comes out of that an extremely skilled practitioner," Penn told The Wall Street Journal. Perino will be “chief issues counselor” and “likely will focus on communications strategies for clients in the looming Washington policy debates over issues such as energy, climate change and health care. She may also develop business among newer defense and technology firms.”

Anyone who remembers the age controversy over China’s gold medal gymnasts last summer will rightfully be suspicious of this news: “A contender for world's tallest man underwent foot surgery at a Chinese hospital where doctors confirmed he is 10 centimetres (four inches) taller than the current title-holder, state press said Tuesday.” Zhao Liang, 27, was 2.46 meters tall when he had an operation to relieve a foot injury a decade a go. Guinness World Records judges were not able to measure him, however, until after the surgery. One fact that throws a wrench in the conspiracy theory: The current official tallest man is also Chinese.

Here's a great opportunity for aspiring tyrants: Lehman Brothers is sitting on a massive stash of uranium cake—as much as 500,000 pounds—until the market stabilizes. The main ingredient in nuclear bombs just isn't fetching as much money as it used to: December of last year, it sold for $55 a pound, now it's down to $40 a pound. Bargain hunters take notice: Lehman's collection of cake is enough to build a bomb or fuel a nuclear reactor for one year. The uranium is worth around $20 million at present, a paltry sum when compared to the $200 billion debt the bank still has to pay.

Marilyn Chambers, whose work ranged from a photograph on a laundry soap package to pornographic films, was found dead in her home on Sunday in Santa Clarita, California. Chambers starred in the 1972 Behind the Green Door, which The New York Times describes as “a pornographic film about a woman who is abducted to a theater and ravished in front of an audience, ultimately to her great satisfaction, by both men and women.” Released the same year as Deep Throat, it “is generally credited with helping establish a mainstream market for pornography.” Chambers tried to cross over into mainstream acting with a small part in The Owl and the Pussycat (1970) and a role in David Kronenberg’s Rabid (1977), but remained in sex films. “I thought there would be a chance to cross over,” she once said. “Boy, was I wrong.” Chambers was 56.

This is sooner than expected: HBO has optioned the upcoming book by Time Editor-at-Large Mark Halperin, and New York writer Jacob Heilemann about the 2008 election. The network has hired Blood Diamond writer Charles Leavitt to adapt Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime. "It's funny to call Obama and Hillary characters, but that's how I have to look at them," Leavitt said. "To me, the primary was one of the greatest title fights of the century, and John and Mark have a treasure chest of anecdotes and inside stories. I think it will present itself almost like a stage play, like Frost/Nixon or The Queen."

It’s almost April 15. Have you filed your taxes yet? The deadline this year is scariest of all for Americans struggling to make ends meet amid the economic downturn. Experts are predicting a surge in taxpayer delinquency, as people close their eyes and hope the IRS—and their bills—disappear. “We’ve seen a huge rise in what we call the rookie delinquent taxpayer,” Richard Boggs, founder of Nationwide Tax Relief, said. “They are incredibly scared, and they have no idea what’s going to happen to them because, God bless them, they’ve never owed before.” The IRS, not known for its compassion in tax matters, says it is keeping the financial crisis in mind. “We recognize the economic realities that are out there,” IRS Commissioner Doug Shulman said. “We’re available to work with people.”

Looks like Goldman Sachs will be the first of Wall Street’s battered banks to pay back its debts to the federal government: The bank has announced stronger than expected first-quarter earnings of $1.81 billion and a plan to raise $5 billion by selling shares to investors. Last fall, Goldman took $10 billion in taxpayer money, and with it came tough federal restrictions on executive compensation. The pay caps, Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein said, are “going to limit our ability to compete, both here and abroad.” Possible hurdle: The government says it won’t allow any major bank to pay the money back until it has passed a “stress test” to ensure the bank can continue lending.

The split-second decision to fire at a bobbing life boat from a moving shipcould have gone terribly wrong, had it not been for the pinpoint accuracy of the Navy SEAL snipers who took down Captain Richard Phillips’s captors. The three pirates had to be taken down simultaneously, lest one survive long enough to kill the hostage himself. "It's extremely difficult" to execute such a mission, said one 23-year member of the Navy SEALs who was a sniper and a sniper instructor. In order to join a team of snipers, a person must meet rigorous marksmanship standards—training to hit two-inch targets from long distances—and undergo psychological testing. The Navy’s success in rescuing Phillips, however, appears not to have deterred pirates who have hijacked three more ships in the Gulf of Aden. The latest attack, which took place in the middle of the night, has landed up to 23 more hostages into the pirates’ hands.

Great news for Democrat Al Franken out of Minnesota: A three-judge panel has ruled the Senate challenger has defeated Republican incumbent Norm Coleman for the state’s remaining seat. Franken should be given the election certificate that permits him to take his seat in the U.S. Senate, the panel ruled. The Coleman camp responded immediately, saying it would appeal. “More than 4,400 Minnesotans remain wrongly disenfranchised by this court’s order,” Coleman attorney Ben Ginsberg said. “By its own terms, the court has included votes it has found to be ‘illegal’ in the contest to remain included in the final counts from Election Day.” Next the case will head to the Minnesota Supreme Court, where a decision is not expected until the end of May. At that point, Politico reports, “the loser has a choice—seek review from the U.S. Supreme Court or wage a new battle in federal district court.”

Obama pledged talks without preconditions during the presidential campaign. Now, he's offering a taste: “The Obama administration and its European allies are preparing proposals that would shift strategy toward Iran by dropping a longstanding American insistence that Tehran rapidly shut down nuclear facilities during the early phases of negotiations over its atomic program,” reports The New York Times. “The proposals, exchanged in confidential strategy sessions with European allies, would press Tehran to open up its nuclear program gradually to wide-ranging inspection. But the proposals would also allow Iran to continue enriching uranium for some period during the talks. That would be a sharp break from the approach taken by the Bush administration, which had demanded that Iran halt its enrichment activities, at least briefly to initiate negotiations.”

How’s this for taste? Hong Kong’s billionaire Kwok brothers have completed “the world's first life-size replica of Noah's ark” with a few additions: a 450-foot hull, a luxury rooftop hotel, and 67 pairs of fiberglass animals (a bit shy of the biblical number, for sure). "The financial tsunami will be over," says the project’s director. Of course, the ark wasn’t originally ordered with the current financial crisis in mind—it’s been in the works for 17 years. Other arks in the world include a Dutch ark that floats and includes real animals, but is only one-fifth the biblical ark’s size, and a 300-foot ark in New Brunswick, Canada.

North Korea escaped its rocket launch earlier this month with only a UN condemnation, but even that slight rebuke has the nation fuming: According to the Associated Press, North Korea has vowed to restart its nuclear program and boycott international atomic-weapons talks in protest. North Korea “resolutely rejects the unjust action,” but a North Korea expert from South Korea said the threat was likely just a negotiating tool and talks will soon resume.

Here will be an excellent test of New Yorkers’ ability to forgive and forget: According to the New York Post, former governor Eliot Spitzer is preparing to run for State Attorney General in 2010, telling friends “My record as governor was disappointing, but the voters will remember my excellent two terms as attorney general.” It is expected that the current State Attorney General, Andrew Cuomo, will run for governor. One observer, however, isn’t keen on Spitzer's plan: “The whole idea of returning to Albany is preposterous. You can't go home again. He's a pariah. It wasn't just the prostitutes -- there was also Troopergate.”