Oh look, a new reason to hate hedge funds. “I don’t stand with those who held out when everyone else is making sacrifices,” President Obama said today when he announced that Chrysler would be filing for Chapter 11. “In particular, a group of investment firms and hedge funds decided to hold out for the prospect of an unjustified taxpayer-funded bailout,” he said. “They were hoping that everybody else would make sacrifices and they would have to make none.” Michigan Representative John Dingell, meanwhile, said “The rogue hedge funds that refused to agree to a fair offer to exchange debt for cash from the U.S. Treasury, firms I label as the ‘vultures,’ will now be dealt with accordingly in court.”

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a Michael Steele gaffe. Here you go: “Look, we can't go back out and start pointing fingers at Democrats and saying look how bad they're performing, look at what they're doing with the economy when we jumpstarted this thing,” RNC Chairman Steele said on MSNBC's Morning Joe. “We were the ones that put the $700 billion on the table and said, all right, let's start nationalizing the banking system. … So now, for us to stand back and go, oh, that's a bad thing to do is disingenuous.” Of course this may fit the Michael Kinsley definition of gaffe—“A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth”—but it’s not likely to go over well with the Republican rank-and-file, who already have a target on Steele’s back. Expect a clarification later today.

The liberal justice conservatives love to hate is leaving the Supreme Court: David Souter, who was appointed by President Bush in 1990, will retire after this year’s term, according to NPR. At 69, Souter is only the Court’s fifth-oldest judge, but apparently he dislikes Washington and wants to return to his home state of New Hampshire. According to NPR, “Souter was apparently satisfied that neither the court's oldest member, 89-year-old John Paul Stevens, nor its lone woman, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who had cancer surgery over the winter, wanted to retire at the end of this term. Not wanting to cause a second vacancy, Souter apparently had waited to learn his colleagues' plans before deciding his own.”

Legislation floating around Rio de Janeiro’s state government is pushing to publish an online list of all HIV-infected citizens. Not surprisingly, AIDS groups and human rights organizations are up in arms over the proposal, which was introduced to protect medical staff from contamination. “All professionals involved in attending [patients] have the constitutional right to know if they are treating an HIV-positive patient," the bill reads. The bill, proposed by controversial leader Jorge Babu, also mandates that HIV carriers should hold special identification cards because “such citizens take on different characteristics to the rest [of society], requiring different treatment.” An AIDS support group leader compared the ID cards to the Stars of David Jewish citizens were forced to wear in Nazi Germany.

After six years of being held without charges as an “enemy combatant,” Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri finally got his day in court. The accused sleeper agent pleaded guilty in a federal court in Illinois to supporting terrorism by conspiring to provide material resources to a terrorist organization. His indictment marks a shift from the Bush-era policy of indefinitely detaining suspected terrorists without charging them. Al-Marri has been in U.S. custody since he legally entered the country on Sept 10, 2001, and has been held in the U.S. Navy Brig in Charleston since 2003 under suspicion that he was plotting second-wave terror attacks. In a New Yorker story earlier this year he said he wanted "to be treated like every other person in the United States who is accused of a crime, including terrorism, and to be given a fair trial in an American court."

What will the Real Housewives of New York City turn to now? Botox, the popular anti-wrinkle injection that works by paralyzing facial muscles, has some scary side effects, according to the Food and Drug Administration. An investigation into Botox and other botulism-based drugs found rare side effects in 225 cases (16 of them fatal). Botulinum toxin has the potential to spread to distant parts of the body—one patient’s throat muscles were paralyzed. The side effect cases involved patients who used Botox to treat muscle spasms and none of the affected patients were taking Botox for anti-wrinkle purposes. The sellers of Botox will now have to beef up their warning labels to the black box level, the most stringent warning issued by the FDA.

Looks like Joe Biden has places to fear besides airplanes and subways: An aide to the White House likely has swine flu, according to the Associated Press. “A member of the U.S. delegation that helped prepare Energy Secretary Steven Chu's trip to Mexico City has demonstrated flu-like symptoms and his family members have tested probable for swine flu.” Both Secretary Chu and President Obama have reported no symptoms, according to White House spokesman Robert Gibbs.

A rather stunning finding from Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times: Rape kits often take months to process after the crime occurs. The terrible injustice does not begin and end with the incident, and when a rape kit is assembled, the victim goes through a "grueling and invasive process" that takes as long as six hours. Once put together, the data is a useful tool in catching the perpetrator. So why do authorities take as long as six months to process the rape kit? And why are there so many kits that sit around unprocessed? In Los Angeles alone, 12,669 rape kits—some more than 10 years old—are untouched. Oftentimes, the data yields "cold hits" or matches with DNA from other cases. Advocates point out that law enforcement's lackadaisical attitude about rape stems from the ongoing notion that the crime is partially the victim's fault and the high cost ($1,500) of the test. As Nicholas Kristof writes, this is something "we might expect in Afghanistan, not the United States."

A Dutch driver killed four bystanders and wounded 13 others in a premeditated attack on the Dutch royal family today. During a parade, the car plowed through police barriers and into the crowd. According to the Associated Press, “The speeding car, already dented apparently from catapulting bystanders into the air, passed within a few meters of the open-topped bus carrying Queen Beatrix and her family down a parade route, then smashed into a stone monument.” The driver, badly injured and still in his damaged car, admitted to targeting the queen.

Are there catwalks in prison? Brady Green, the man accused of obsessively following Tyra Banks, was found guilty of trespass, harassment, and stalking today after his arrest made headlines in March. The TV talk show and America’s Next Top Model host strode into the New York State Supreme Court recently and testified: “I feel very vulnerable. I don't know what could happen.” The 39-year-old man repeatedly tried to contact the star and twice appeared at the Manhattan studio where her show is filmed. A note attached to flowers he sent read, “When I see you, I love you,” and he also threatened to slit the throat of her assistant. Green’s sentencing will take place on June 18 and the charges hold a maximum possible sentence of 90 days behind bars, but that may be scrapped if he undergoes psychiatric help.

Some things are just wrong: An eight-year-old Saudi girl has divorced her 50-year-old husband, who bought her hand in marriage for $13,000 last year. The divorce was reached through an out-of-court settlement that involved an undisclosed amount of money. The U.S.—a staunch ally of the oil-rich kingdom—has openly criticized the custom of child marriages as a blatant violation of human rights. The senior Muslim cleric in Saudi Arabia has defended the practice, saying that 10-year-old girls are mature enough to handle it, and that anyone who thinks otherwise is "doing the girls an injustice."

The swine flu has not yet proven as deadly as some have feared, unless you’re a pig. After confirming that worldwide swine flu cases have risen to 257, the World Health Organization said it would stop using the term “swine flu” in order to clear up confusion over the danger posed by pigs. Egypt, for example, reacted to the outbreak by slaughtering all of its roughly 300,000 pigs, even though the virus is not spread by eating pork. The WHO will now refer to the virus by its scientific name, H1N1 influenza A.

How did John Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter affect his wife? According to the New York Daily News, Elizabeth Edwards writes in a new book that, upon hearing of her husband's affair, "I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up." Elizabeth also calls Hunter "pathetic." John Edwards first confessed his affair to her in 2006, shortly after he declared his intention to run for president and a year before the National Enquirer reported the affair. "He should not have run," Elizabeth writes, saying she feared for her family’s privacy. Her book, Resilience, is due out on May 12.

Will the Democratic Party welcome Arlen Specter with open arms? Eh, according to The Hill, “Several Democrats are furious with Sen. Reid (D-Nev.) for agreeing to let Specter (Pa.) keep his seniority, accrued over more than 28 years as a GOP senator. That agreement would allow Specter to leap past senior Democrats on powerful panels — including the Appropriations and Judiciary committees.” Senator Barbara Mikulski goes on the record: “I won’t be happy if I don’t get to chair something because of Arlen Specter.” Under Specter’s deal with Reid, “Specter would jump ahead of all but a few Democrats when it comes time to dole out committee chairmanships and assignments.”

President Obama is telling Americans to stay calm about swine flu, but his vice president appears to not have gotten the memo. "I would tell members of my family, and I have, I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places right now," Joe Biden said this morning on NBC’s Today. Biden said he advises his family to avoid planes, subways, and classrooms because the flu spreads easier in confined spaces. Immediately after his appearance on the show, Biden's spokeswoman said he was echoing administration policy that sick people should avoid confined public spaces. Homeland Secretary Janet Napolitano said Biden would include the caveat "if they are feeling sick," if he were to make the statements again.

Alex Rodriguez has said he just wants to get back to playing baseball after being crucified by the media in the wake of his steroid confession. Muckraking reporter Selena Roberts has other plans. In her new book, A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez, the journalist reveals that the slugger used performance-enhancing drugs in the Yankee clubhouse, and may have started abusing them as early as high school. Rodriguez's fellow Bronx Bombers nicknamed him "Bitch tits" in 2005 because he was developing—ahem—swollen pectoral muscles from steroid abuse. A-Rod had previously claimed that he only used the drugs while playing for the Texas Rangers. Roberts also accuses A-Fraud (as he was famously called by the Post) of "pitch tipping," a tactic that keys in opponents on upcoming pitches as a means to pad statistics during lopsided games. A-Rod, in turn, would expect the same favor.

Megan McAllister, fiancée of alleged Craigslist Killer Phillip Markoff, has apparently abandoned plans to stand by her man: The faithful fiancée wasn't wearing her engagement ring when she visited Markoff in prison today. McAllister's lawyer said their August 14 wedding plans are "being dismantled" since Markoff has been charged with murdering a woman he met on Craigslist and robbing two others. McAllister, also a medical student, was with Markoff when he was arrested on April 20 by Massachusetts police. She's expressed her solidarity with her accused fiance, even as the mounting evidence against Markoff began to look bleak. "I think this was a big step for her to realize the seriousness of the charges her fiancé faces," her lawyer said.

Arlo Weiner, who's made headlines for his impeccable self-styling at the age of eight, is back with fashion tips for spring. First and most importantly, the son of Mad Men creator Matt Weiner warns against using warm weather as an excuse to be sloppy. “I like being fancy,” Weiner says. “A seersucker suit is great in summer.” Shorts? Definitely not. “You can wear shorts if you have to but only if it’s really really broiling hot. I only wear shorts if I’m going on vacation to a hot place like Palm Springs.” Weiner also suggests his zebra-print newsboy cap and white button-down shirts as ways to keep cool.

Last night President Obama said he was confident Chrysler could quickly emerge from bankruptcy as a legitimate competitor in the market. And now the automaker will have a chance to test it: The White House says Chrysler will declare "short" bankruptcy today. A senior official from Obama's administration told Politico, "Ultimately, this is much better for Chrysler and for the people of Detroit. This will hopefully get them on a better footing than tey've been in a long time." The bankruptcy will save Chrysler from liquidation and is said to have the "full support" of major stakeholders, creditors, and the auto workers' union. The official backhandedly admonished Chrysler's creditors' flake out: "Their failure to act in either their own economic interest or the national interest does not diminish the accomplishments made by Chrysler, Fiat and its stakeholders."

Do you think the timing is coincidental? On President Obama’s hundredth day in office, the House and Senate passed a $3.4 trillion budget that is geared toward aiding Obama's lofty goals, including health care reform, but scaled back some of his spending and tax-cut proposals to hit a $523 billion deficit target by 2014. The bill's approval was clearly split along party lines in both the House (233-193) and Senate (53-43); notably, the budget failed to include a renewal of a $400 tax cut for workers that was advocated by the president.

Another victory for gay marriage advocates: The New Hampshire Senate has passed a bill legalizing same-sex marriage, 13-11. The bill could hit a hurdle in Gov. John Lynch, however, who hasn’t indicated whether he’ll veto it; he’s already expressed opposition to the measure. The state’s House of Representatives passed the bill March 26, but it looked doomed for defeat in the Senate, before an amendment was added prohibiting polygamy and marriage of family members, mollifying some critics. The last-minute changes also allow clergy to decline to marry gay couples. If Lynch signs the measure, New Hampshire will join Iowa, Vermont, Massachusetts, and Connecticut in allowing gay couples to wed. Maine’s legislature could vote on a similar measure as early as next week, Reuters reports.

The aptly named triple-gold medalist Usain Bolt suffered a car crash in his hometown of Jamaica yesterday, but walked away with only scratches, The Guardian reports. Apparently, the sprinter lost control of his favorite car—a BMW M3 given to him by his Puma sponsors after the Olympics—while speeding on a rainy road west of Kingston. The car flipped into a ditch, but Bolt sustained nothing worse than scratches and a thorn that stuck into the soft part of his left foot as he exited the vehicle.

President Obama is staking recovery on $787 billion in stimulus spending, but already America is benefitting from a similar decision by the Chinese government to pump cash into their economy. Large-scale infrastructure projects are getting under way in China as part of its own $585 billion spending plan and the sudden flow of cash is spreading to American companies like Caterpillar Inc, who said sales of excavators have reached record heights in recent months after plummeting earlier. "The hope is that China would become an engine of growth to drive the global economy out of this severe recession—much as the U.S. was the engine of growth that drove the global economy after the dot-com collapse," one economists, Daniel Meckstroth, told the Wall Street Journal.

Taking advantage of a holiday weekend, Mexican officials are drastically limiting public life in response to the aggressive spread of swine flu within their borders. Yesterday, President Felipe Calderon delivered a nationally televised speech announcing a freeze on a variety of public services from Friday through Tuesday, coinciding with Cinco de Mayo. Everything from restaurants to soccer stadiums are expected to stay closed, and churches are expected to see minimal attendance, according to The New York Times. As many as 168 people are suspected to have died from swine flu in Mexico, and the World Heath Organization raised its alert concerning the virus to Phase 5 yesterday in response to its rapid spread.

Time to panic? The World Health Organization has raised its threat level for a swine flu pandemic to Phase 5—meaning the possibility of a full-blown outbreak is “imminent,” ABC News reports. So far the virus has spread to 11 states, infecting 94 people; five more states (Arizona, Michigan, Massachusetts, Nevada, and Maine) each now have at least one confirmed case. The WHO’s move comes on the same day of reports a 22-month-old boy died in Texas, the first know U.S. fatality—though, it should be noted, he contracted the virus in Mexico and was transported to Houston for treatment. Germany and Austria are the latest countries to confirm infections, and the Egyptian government has begun slaughtering all 300,000 pigs in the country.

President Obama opened his third prime-time news conference Wednesday with a call for a “new foundation” for the American economy. The president also gave a positive assessment of his first 100 days in office, but said there is much more to be done: “We are off to a good start. But it is just a start. I am proud of what we have achieved, but I am not content,” he said. During an hour of questions, Obama defended his release of the torture memos and repudiated Bush's use of waterboarding (which he called torture), saying, “I will do whatever is required to keep the American people safe. But I am convinced that the best way to do that is to make sure we’re not taking shortcuts that undermine who we are.”

Could this be the beginning of the end for Bank of America’s Ken Lewis? In a narrow vote, the bank’s shareholders have removed him as chairman, though he will remain chief executive officer and president. The New York Times calls the vote a referendum on his leadership and said it could signal the end of his reign at the American banking giant. During Lewis’ tenure, the bank has more than doubled its deposits and expanded its credit card and mortgage operations, but he’s been criticized for his acquisitions of Merrill Lynch and Countrywide. Lewis on Wednesday defended those decisions: “Let me be clear: Merrill Lynch and Countrywide led the way for our first-quarter earnings. Today I can state without reservation that these acquisitions are not mistakes to be regretted. Both are looking more and more like successes to be celebrated.” He’ll be succeeded as chairman by Walter Massey.

When happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—unless it's an act that's losing money, and in a tight economy, some of the city's most reliable hits can't stay afloat. Mega-stars Elton John and Celine Dion called it quits this week, while Cher and Bette Midler slashed ticket prices and have been singing to half-empty theaters. The loss of Dion undermines the city's entertainment industry, at least psychologically. The Wrap explains that Dion is "the woman who made Vegas believe in the pop star residency concept... consistently among the top five concert attractions during her four years and eight months at the Colosseum, grossed $400 million in ticket sales from 717 concerts."

If only the president had friended us earlier! Slate hilariously captures Obama's first 100 days in office as imagined through the ubiquitous social networking site's news feed. It begins with the status update "Barack Obama is taking the oath of office" and continues to include news items on other key political players. Michael Steele, who was elected president of the RNC, creates the group "R to the N to the C" while early on Rahm Emanuel "updated his Education and Work Info to Undersecretary of Go F--- Yourself," and partway through the feed, "5 million people updated their Education and Work info to Unemployed." Later on, Dick Cheney even creates the group "Barack Obama: Enemy Combatant," and Sasha and Malia add the Dogbook application.

US troops are on their way out of Iraq, and today the United Kingdom announced that it, too, will bring its troops home. England's announcement was quieter than America's, and the withdrawal will happen quicker: the British Defense Ministry will begin "rapidly withdrawing" its 4000 troops in Iraq in March. About 400 specialists will remain through the end of July. British brigades will hand over control of their operations to the remaining Americans. At the peak of the Iraq campaign, the British had some 46,000 troops in Iraq.

Did Joe the Plumber speak over your head? Good news: Miss California Carrie Prejean declared this morning on the Today show that she will begin working with the National Organization for Marriage to “protect traditional marriages.” The 21-year-old, who is unmarried, said that marriage is “something that is very dear to my heart.” She was runner-up in the Miss USA pageant earlier this month, and many say she lost because of an answer in which she came out against gay marriage.

Didn't think Nadya Suleman, the Octo-mom, would stay out of the headlines for long, did you? She's back, and in the latest episode of her bizarre life, she's being investigated by child services. The news comes as a teacher called in a complaint after noticing strange bite marks on the back of one of the Octo-mom's offspring. A representatives of social services stopped by, and according to Suleman, left "impressed by how organized everything was."

NATO and Russia have had a rocky relationship ever since the country's invasion of Georgia last summer. Now, any pretenses of cordiality have been thrown out the window as the military alliance has expelled two senior Russian diplomats accused of spying. Russia reacted angrily, saying the charges were "invented, irresponsible, and provocative." The expulsion of the two men has led to a war of words, as President Dmitry Medvedev denounced NATO's plan to hold military exercises in Georgia using fiery language. NATO returned the favor by criticizing Russia's dominance over the separatist territories in Georgia. The row has severely damaged relations between NATO and Russia in the lead-up to their major meeting next month.