Sarah Palin will get an earful from seat-filler husband Todd, who attended the White House Correspondents' Dinner in her place on Saturday night. The annual black tie event brought a disparate group together, from David Gregory to Bon Jovi to, of course, the President and First Lady. In front of mostly jovial press crowd (save for the Fox News table) Obama cracked jokes, including one aimed at the former vice-president: "Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he was working on his memoirs: How To Shoot Friends and Interrogate People." And permatanned House Minority Leader John Boehner didn't escape from Obama's scripted comments: "Boehner is a person of color, although not a color that appears in the natural world. Wazzup, John." Comedienne Wanda Sykes lobbied a particularly harsh crack at everyone's favorite Alaskan: "Sarah Palin was supposed to be here but pulled out at the last minute. Someone should tell her: that's not how you practice abstinence." A-list guests like Ashton and Demi were on camera almost as often as the President and Twitter was, well, all a-twitter with comments from attendees.

Just when you thought swine flu was becoming passé: the CDC released new data on Saturday showing that the number of people infected with the H1N1 virus has climbed to 2,254 in 44 states and Washington D.C. A 53-year-old man in Costa Rica died of the flu, and was the first victim reported outside North America and a man from Washington state with a heart condition also died. The World Health Organization stated because there is no evidence of person-to-person transmission, a pandemic announcement won’t be necessary, but cautioned that if the flu spreads in the coming months or years, the virus could reach nearly 2 billion people. Japan, Australia, and Panama all recently announced their first cases as well. According to a Harvard study, nearly one in 10 Americans have stopped hugging and kissing close friends or relatives over concern about catching the flu.

Good news on the West Coast: Most evacuation orders are now lifted after the harrowing Santa Barbara fires drove nearly 30,500 residents from their homes this weekend. Nearly 30 percent of the blaze has been contained, and firefighters were aided by cool marine air that pushed back the wind-driven wildfire. The fire is expected to be fully contained by Wednesday and thousands of evacuees are expected to return home. The five-mile stretch of fire reached from Goleta to the expensive area of Montecito, where Oprah’s home was evacuated.

King Abdullah has rolled out the red carpet for Pope Benedict XVI in Jordan, the first stop on what's being dubbed the papal reconciliation tour. To kick off his visit to the Holy Land—he'll also visit Israel and the Palestinian territories—the pontiff stopped in at al-Hussein mosque in Jordan to call for unity, explaining that manipulation of religion was the fundamental root of all problems. Benedict is still dealing with harsh criticism in the Muslim world for remarks he made in 2006, when he cited an academic text that called Muhammad “evil and inhuman”; the Islamic Action Front demanded that Benedict apologize before his arrival. On Saturday the pope also visited Mount Nebo, where he called again for religious peace: “May our encounter today inspire in us a renewed love for the canon of sacred scripture and a desire to overcome all obstacles to the reconciliation of Christians and Jews in mutual respect and co-operation,” he said.

Violence erupted this weekend in a typically peaceful region of Pakistan after the country’s army launched one of the most extensive recent offensives against the Taliban. Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani called the situation a “war of the country’s survival” and hundreds of thousands of citizens have been forced to flee for their safety. A medical student treating the wounded told the Sunday Times: “The electricity has been suspended for a week. The health situation is very bad; there are only three doctors in the main district hospital. Please keep praying for us.” The army’s move was to counteract the Taliban’s recent progress closer to the capital, Islamabad.

The recent plague of mass shootings has many wondering why suspected killers so often turn their weapons on those close to them. Now here is a sad end to one recent disturbing event. The body has been found of the University of Georgia marketing professor accused of opening fire at a theater group picnic and killing his wife and two others. George Zinkhan, described by a student as “kind of a nice guy” but “not very personable,” was last seen dropping off his children on April 25 after the shooting. The purposely hidden body and two handguns were discovered on Saturday nearly a mile away from his car in Bogart, Georgia.

Obama is certainly keeping Congress busy: He called Saturday morning for a credit card reform bill by Memorial Day to ramp up consumer protections to stop Americans from being “ripped off” by companies. This week, the House voted to limit credit card companies’ ability to change interest rates, and it will likely follow the president’s orders to pass another, stronger bill to protect consumers even further. “Instead of an 'anything goes' approach, we need strong and reliable protections for consumers,” Obama said in his weekly video address. “Instead of fine print that hides the truth, we need credit card forms and statements that have plain language in plain sight.”

What's Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr planning? His Mahdi Army terrorized Iraq before declaring a truce last year. One Sunni parliamentarian is taking Sadr's meetings last week with top leaders in Turkey, a predominantly Sunni country, as a positive sign. It was his first public appearance in nearly two years. "I think Sadr picked Turkey to show himself in order to prove that he's against sectarianism...and to try and kill the rumor that he is an Iranian toy," says an Iraqi government spokesman. The truth is, Time magazine reports, that no one really knows what Sadr's thinking and doing. Many believe he's been undergoing intensive religious instruction in Iran and is on his way to becoming an ayatollah—which would give him authority to issue edits that many Shiites take as law. Or—even scarier—he could break the Mahdi Army's cease-fire and return to sectarian violence.

Bob Dylan is notoriously private, but one thing’s for sure: He's a womanizer. It was recently discovered that the music icon, 67, had kept his marriage to backup singer Carolyn Dennis secret for 15 years, and set her up in a home in Los Angeles with their daughter, Desiree. Because the singer is so mysterious, some believe Dylan may have kept up to four other children—all mothered by different African-American backup singers—a secret. “Bob has a thing for black women,” said his biographer Howard Sounes. ‘There have been a string of dalliances, for sure.”

The stress-test results were generally considered good news—in part, perhaps, because the banks wanted it that way? “The Federal Reserve significantly scaled back the size of the capital hole facing some of the nation's biggest banks shortly before concluding its stress tests, following two weeks of intense bargaining,” reports The Wall Street Journal. Executives at Citigroup, Bank of America, and Wells Fargo were originally “furious with what they viewed as the Fed's exaggerated capital holes” and fought to reduce them. Bank of America’s was originally more than $50 billion (now scaled back to $34 billion). Citigroup’s was revised downward from $35 billion to just $5 billion. “At least half of the banks pushed back,” the Journal writes.

Happy weekend! Nude photos of Rihanna (or at least photos that someone alleges is her, although her face is not revealed in them) have hit the web. The racy shots show the pop tart in her bedroom and bathroom, in various stages of undress. A spokesman for Rihanna did not reply to the New York Post.

The Russian military may have paraded its nuclear missile launchers and battle tanks through the center of Moscow to celebrate the 64th anniversary of Russia's victory over Nazi Germany, but President Dmitry Medvedev had another agenda. He added his country's latest weaponry to the parade to remind the world of Russia’s military power, The Daily Telegraph reports. The president spoke Saturday in general terms about his nation’s military might, but some saw coded references to Georgia—where Russia won an overwhelming victory in a brief war last August—and even the United States, in his remarks. “We are sure that any aggression against our citizens will be given a worthy reply," Medvedev said.

It seems the California train-texting tragedy meant nothing to one Boston trolley driver—who caused a massive accident on Friday night when he took a moment to tap out a text message to his girlfriend. Forty-nine people were injured when the 24-year-old Green Line driver, who was operating his MBTA trolley at full speed, looked up from his cell phone too late to stop the car, which rear-ended a stationary trolley in a tunnel. Though no one was left with serious injuries, several passengers were bloodied in the collision. “It’s difficult for me to contain my outrage,” said the MBTA’s manager, who added that the trolley driver would most likely be fired and face criminal charges. “We let our employees know there is a zero-tolerance policy for any type of electronic device.”

With job loss numbers better than expected and a general feeling that the country’s wounded economy is on the mend, President Obama is trying out a brand new strategy: optimism. While he acknowledges that the recovery will take months or years, Obama has been using more confident language, saying on Friday that “the gears of our economic engine do appear to be slowly turning once again.” Obama’s strategy, according to Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, is to aim for openness and honesty, but avoid talking about the numbers. Says Robert Dallek, who has written extensively on LBJ, “There’s a kind of artistry to this, isn’t there? You don’t want to come out and say the recession is over. You want to do a version of Churchill’s line about how this isn’t the end, or the beginning of the end, but rather the end of the beginning.”

Jacob Zuma was sworn in as South Africa’s new president Friday at a joyous ceremony attended by Nelson Mandela. The leader of the African National Congress—the party that won the general election there two weeks ago—was only chosen on Wednesday to fill the spot. In his speech, Zuma described this as a “moment of renewal” for the country. He continued: “I commit myself to the service of our nation with dedication, commitment, discipline, integrity, hard work and passion.”

After weeks of rumors, it appears President Obama will be reviving President Bush’s controversial military commissions for trying terror suspects, though with big changes: “The rules would block the use of evidence obtained from coercive interrogations, tighten the admissibility of hearsay testimony and allow detainees greater freedom to choose their attorneys,” reports The Washington Post. One of President Obama’s earliest initiatives was to suspend the military commissions for 120 days. As early as next week, he will suspend them for 90 more days and then they will return on American soil, probably at military bases. Human rights and civil liberties advocates, who thought the tribunals were gone for good, are determined to fight the reinstatement.

As American troops withdraw from Iraq, violence is on the rise. Why? “The Iraqi government is neglecting many of the successful counterinsurgency initiatives it is inheriting from the U.S. military,” reports The Wall Street Journal. Iraq is allowing U.S.-funded jobs to evaporate—one contractor who had 1,000 workers to clean up neighborhoods now has 60—and “Many Iraqis fear a security gap just as the U.S. military hands the reins to the Iraqi government.” In response to the deteriorating situation, General Ray Odierno, the top general in Iraq, had news that is likely to upset some: “[O]ne-fifth of American combat troops would stay behind in Iraqi cities even after the June 30 deadline that the United States and Iraq had set for the departure.” The general refused to put a number on the actual number of troops that will remain.

Maybe Sarah Palin, a former beauty queen and no big fan of gay marriage, sees in Miss California a younger version of herself? According to Miss California Carrie Prejean’s father, Sarah Palin “called her directly to offer support.” Details aren’t available, although he did say that the call came before racy photos of Carrie started leaking on TheDirty.com. Perhaps they discussed their similar views on gay marriage, or perhaps Palin offered Prejean flute-playing tips for her next pageant?

The Oracle from Omaha isn’t seeing clearly: The Wall Street Journal reports “Berkshire Hathaway Inc. had a loss of $1.5 billion in the first quarter, compared with profit of $940 million a year earlier, as the conglomerate run by billionaire Warren Buffett continued to suffer amid the weak economy and shaky markets.” It was the company’s first quarterly loss since the third quarter 2001, after the September 11 attacks. Buffett was hit by credit-default swaps linked to junk bonds, and a portfolio that includes American Express, Wells Fargo, and Moody’s.

President Obama welcomed Afghan President Hamid Karzai and Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari to the White House this week, but Karzai’s comments may overshadow any good will engendered at the meet and greet. After U.S. warplanes attacked two villages in the past week, allegedly killing 147 civilians, Karzai told CNN, “We demand an end to these operations…and end to the air strikes.” He continued: “We cannot justify in any manner, for whatever number of Taliban or for whatever number of significantly important terrorists, the accidental or otherwise loss of civilians.” Lately violence in the region has been at its highest level since late 2001. President Obama is expected to double the troop numbers in Afghanistan by the end of the year.

Since alleged Wesleyan killer Stephen P. Morgan appeared in court to hear his charges Friday, a haunting picture of his life has emerged. After graduating from an elite high school and four years in the Navy, Morgan couldn’t hold down jobs, and moved back in with his parents. He met the woman he is accused of killing, Johanna Justin-Jinich, at an NYU summer class on sexual diversity, and they developed a friendship. But he soon grew enraged and began insulting her about the fact that she was half-Jewish. And, two years later, he allegedly came to hunt her down while she was working at a campus bookstore. Friends and family describe Morgan as “weird-quiet” and a “loner,” admitting that he often made “anti-Jewish comments.” Morgan’s bail was raised from $10 million to $15 million, and, though he first turned himself over to police, his lawyer said that he will plead not guilty at the next hearing.

The former police officer turned alleged wife-killer doesn’t seem too worried about his charges: Drew Peterson joked with the media about his jail jumpsuit on his first day in court. Reporters asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Three squares a day and a spiffy outfit, and I got the bling,” while holding up his handcuffs. The man being held on a $20 million bail added, “Can't complain." Peterson, who is the prime suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife, was brought in Thursday on charges of murdering his third wife, Kathleen Savio. During his first court appearance on Friday the judge delayed Peterson’s arraignment to May 18 because his lawyers were not present.

You might want to take this in with a grain of salt. Tabloids are buzzing with reports that 48-year-old Sean Penn may have left his long-time wife Robin Wright Penn to be in the arms of actress Natalie Portman. Penn filed for separation from his 43-year-old wife a few weeks after Star magazine reported Portman and Penn were seen kissing after a dinner at the Sunset Tower Hotel bar. "She stimulates him in ways no other person has, mentally or professionally," a source said. "There's a lot more there with Natalie than any of the other girls Sean's been with." Girl, indeed. For those keeping count, the Garden State actress is 27.

He’s spent months taking their questions as seriously as possible, but now President Obama will have a chance to get back at the White House press gaggle. That’s because Saturday is the night D.C.’s been waiting for: the White House Correspondents’ Association’s annual black tie dinner, otherwise known as “Nerd Prom,” during which jokes are exchanged and honors bestowed. The room will be crammed with headline-makers in addition to headline-writers: Everyone from Sully the pilot to former hostage Richard Phillips the sea captain and Ashton Kutcher will be in attendance. So, twitterers, ready your thumbs: Nerd Prom’s going to be one for the record books.

Just in time to celebrate his 100th day in office, Michael Steele has made another instantly regrettable statement. He isn’t exactly known for his restraint but still managed to raise eyebrows on Friday for saying that Obama, in regards to a new justice on the Supreme Court, should “empathize right on your behind.” The Republican National Committee Chairman disagrees with Obama’s view that Justice David Souter’s replacement should bring “empathy and understanding” along with legal knowledge to the Court. “Crazy nonsense empathetic! I’ll give you empathy. Empathize right on your behind. Craziness!” Steele said on the Morning in America radio show. He added that Obama should be searching for a judge who knows the Constitution and respects the rule of law. At least Steele has back-up this time: Senator Orrin Hatch called empathy “a buzzword for judicial activists.”

The harrowing Santa Barbara fire has driven 30,500 residents from their homes and now occupies a five-mile stretch between the towns of Goleta and Montecito. The evacuees have crowded into hotels, friends’ homes, and shelters to escape the blaze. Eighty homes in the wealthy enclave have been destroyed so far, and anywhere from 3,500 to 8,600 acres have been burned. The almost-broke state of California has now spent $3.2 million battling the blaze, but as of late Friday night, the fire was contained by only 10 percent. Firefighters are trying to limit the fire to the canyon—if it spreads any farther east, it will head towards Goleta, and any farther west, it will end up in the heavily wooded area of Painted Creek. “This is where they better make for damn sure it doesn’t go farther,” one Forest Service officer said.