A wheelchair-bound man took five people hostage in a rural Virginia post office Wednesday, shutting down three blocks of downtown Wytheville as police sent in a SWAT team and a bomb technician after unconfirmed reports that the hostage-taker had strapped explosives to his chest. Shots were fired, but no injuries have been reported; according to the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, the man's only demand was for a pizza. The standoff ended when the man wheeled himself out of the post office and was taken into custody; no injuries were reported.

Senate Democrats are passed their health-care bill 60-39 this morning—just in time to start Christmas break. GOP senators attempted to require Democrats to name all items in the bill that benefit specific states, institutions, or organizations, and presented a constitutional point of order, but both motions were blocked by the Democratic majority. Unsurprisingly, the Republicans were not pleased with the expected Democratic win—Senator Orrin Hatch called the bill a "grab bag of backroom Chicago-style buyoffs"—but the Democrats didn't seem to mind. "We stand a few short steps from the most significant finish line we've had in Congress for many decades," said Harry Reid.

The GOP came calling, but Carney won't go. Early Wednesday Politico reported that, emboldened by their successful courtship of Alabama Democrat Parker Griffith, Republicans had reached out to another vulnerable Democratic representative, Pennsylvania's Chris Carney, in the hopes that he, too, will switch sides. John McCain, who like Carney was in the Navy, called the second-term congressman Wednesday, pitching him on the GOP; Carney's office confirmed that the call took place, but would not comment further. But Carney isn't interested; though "flattered" he said, "I appreciate the Republican Party's outreach, but I have no plans to change parties. ... I have enjoyed widespread Republican support throughout my district and will continue to work closely with Democrats, Republicans, and independents alike." Carney's district was won by McCain by 9 percentage points last year, and though he won reelection, his seat could still be taken by Republicans.

In what The New York Times' Jackie Calmes calls "one of the strangest odd-couplings since James Carville and Mary Matalin married," liberal blogger Jane Hamsher and conservative activist Grover Norquist have united to demand the removal of White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. Hamsher, who publishes firedoglake.com, has emerged as a leading voice among progressives who find themselves disillusioned with the Obama administration and its "sellout centrist policies." Hamsher and Norquist co-wrote a letter to the Justice Department on Wednesday demanding an investigation into Emanuel's relationship with Freddie Mac, and calling for his immediate resignation. Emanuel served on Freddie Mac's board after he left the Clinton White House but before he ran for Congress; Hamsher and Norquist argue that Emanuel was complicit in the defrauding of Freddie Mac investors, and that Emanuel has since abused his power to cover it up.

Obama gave himself a "B-plus" for his performance during his first year in office, and he's already looking toward the future. Unfortunately for the president though, the health-care bill likely won't be passed in time for his first State of the Union speech. The White House expects the final negotiations to linger into February, due to disputes over abortion and the congressional winter recess. However, Obama and the Democrats see a health-care deal as inevitable now that House Democratic leaders have signaled that they are inclined to accept the Senate compromise bill. After settling health care, Politico reports, the White House will do a "very sharp pivot" and begin pushing for a new jobs bill that will focus on creating jobs, particularly jobs in the energy sector. Deficit reduction measures will also likely figure big next year for Obama after this year's bailout spending spree.

In what must be one of the quietest breakups in Hollywood history, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon split over the summer, her publicist revealed to People magazine on Wednesday. The two actors, well-known for their support of left-wing causes, had been with each other—though not married—for 23 years, after meeting on the set of baseball romance Bull Durham. No reason was given for the breakup.

Richard Heene’s dreams of a reality-TV show won’t be coming true any time soon—the man behind this fall’s balloon boy hoax has been sentenced to prison and a harsh probation sentence, as has his wife Mayumi. In court today, Richard was sentenced to 90 days in jail including a 60-day work release, and Mayumi was sentenced to 20 days to begin after her husband is released. The pair, who twice appeared on ABC's Wife Swap, was also given four years probation, during which they are legally banned from profiting off the scandal. Mr. Heene was in tears at the sentencing and said, “I do want to reiterate that I’m very, very sorry.”

Osama bin Laden is still at large, but one of his wives, six of his children, and 11 grandchildren, have been found living in a secret high-security compound outside of Tehran. Omar Osama bin Laden, 29, the fourth-eldest son of the al-Qaeda leader, said he didn't know his siblings were still alive until they called him in November. For the last eight years, the bin Ladens have been held in a walled compound, and were prevented from contacting the outside world as Iran repeatedly denied their residence within its borders. A week after she was able to call her brother, Iman, now 17, was able to escape during a rare outside trip and made her way to the Saudi Arabian Embassy where she is awaiting permission to leave Iran. Apparently, before 9/11, bin Laden senior's wife and children, then aged 7 to 20, fled his Afghan compound but were picked up at the Iranian border and taken to a walled compound "for their own safety." Omar hopes the rest of the family will be released and allowed to join himself in Qatar, or his mother in Syria. He called his family "innocent victims" of 9/11, the "babies and children" who "never had any education, never hurt a single soul, never trained with any weapons or ever been part of al Qaeda." He added, "We just want to be together as a family."

More bad behavior from Amy Winehouse: The singer was charged Wednesday with an assault at a theater. The 26-year-old was arrested after she turned herself in, and charged with a public order offense and common assault. Winehouse was released on bail. Police did not offer a description of the incident, but British papers are reporting that she allegedly tussled with a member of the theater’s staff after she was heckled at a performance.

Just in case the weekend's East Coast blizzard hadn't screwed up holiday travel enough: Another big storm is threatening to bring up to two feet of snow to the Midwest by Christmas day. Sleet and ice are already covering large parts of Midwestern states, and slippery roads are thought to be the cause of three deadly accidents thus far, leading South Dakota’s governor to declare a state of emergency on Tuesday in response to the “life-threatening” conditions. “This is a huge system,” said a meteorologist from the National Weather Service. “It’s just going to kind of sit there through the weekend.” The storm is especially bad news for holiday travelers, and over 100 flights have already been canceled at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, with minor delays reported by the FAA at virtually all airports.

The chief judge of Brazil's Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday that a 9-year-old boy be returned to his American father, David Goldman. The decision was the latest in a five-year custody and child abduction battle began in 2004, when the boy's mother, native Brazilian Bruna Bianchi, ostensibly took him to Brazil for a two-week vacation, but then phoned Goldman saying she wanted a divorce and that she was staying in Brazil. Goldman filed lawsuits in the U.S. and Brazil to reclaim his son. After Bianchi died last year, her second husband, a prominent attorney, continued the fight to keep the boy in Brazil with his mother's relatives, including the boy's grandmother. Goldman told the Associated Press that he wouldn't be confident in his victory until he and the boy were on a plane back to the U.S.

As demonstrators gathered in the city of Isfahan Wednesday to remember Grand Ayatollah Hoseyn Ali Montazeri, Iranian police reportedly tried to disperse the crowds, using tear and pepper gases and batons, according to activists. The opposition claims security surrounded the ayatollah's home where the memorial was held. "They took people in the shops and beat them up," one eyewitness said, while another added that police did not discriminate by age or gender. Though authorities have yet to confirm the Isfahan conflict, Iran's police chief warned Wednesday that the "movement end their activities... Otherwise, those who violate the order will be fiercely confronted, based on the law."

Funnyman Ricky Gervais of The Office and Extras fame is getting set to star in a 13-episode animated comedy series on HBO. The Ricky Gervais Show will be based on Gervais' popular podcast series, and will feature the voices of longtime Gervais collaborator Stephen Merchant and their buddy Karl Pilkington. The show is set to debut on Feb. 19.

Take it from a twice-divorced actress: Monogamy is overrated. Angelina Jolie recently told Das Neue magazine: "I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. It's worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards." Jolie, who is currently raising six children with long-term partner Brad Pitt, added, "Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together. We make sure that we never restrict each other." That doesn't mean it's easy, though, because "The sparks fly at home if the nice Brad fails to see that he's wrong and reacts in a defiant way. Then I can get so angry that I tear his shirt."

President Obama probably wishes he could take back his promise to close Guantanamo Bay by January 2010. Officials tell The New York Times that they won’t be able to close Gitmo until 2011 at the earliest. The Obama administration is struggling to come up with the money it needs to purchase the prison in Illinois to which it wants to transfer detainees. The federal government needs $150 million to purchase the Thomson Correctional Center—more than the Bureau of Prisons can afford. Congress, meanwhile, rebuked the administration’s first attempt to earmark $200 million for the project in the 2010 military-spending bill, and it won’t be able to earmark funds again until Congress takes up Afghanistan-war funding in March or April. Once the prison is secured, it will take eight to 10 months to upgrade security measures.

Ninety-one people were injured after an American Airlines plane from Miami with 148 passengers and six crewmembers skidded off the runway in Kingston, Jamaica—but none, thankfully, were killed. The plane ended up skidding across a road and came to a halt with its nose a mere 10 feet from the sea, stopped only by the upward slope of the sand. None of the injuries were considered critical; some had broken bones and back pains.

Everyone more or less agrees by now that the climate-change talks at Copenhagen were a failure. While it has been fashionable to blame Barack Obama, a British man who was inside the negotiations lays the blame squarely at the feet of China. “China wrecked the talks, intentionally humiliated Barack Obama, and insisted on an awful ‘deal’ so western leaders would walk away carrying the blame,” Mark Lynas writes for the Guardian. It was China, not the U.S. or any other western country, that insisted an 80-percent emissions-reduction target for rich countries by 2050 be taken out of the deal. "Why can't we even mention our own targets?" Angela Merkel apparently fumed. Lynas says that the move was probably because China predicted—correctly—that Obama would be blamed. Lynas writes, “ I saw Obama fighting desperately to salvage a deal, and the Chinese delegate saying ‘no,’ over and over again.”

Prince William seems to have inherited his mother's famous penchant for charity work, and went so far as to spend the night sleeping in an alley last week in an effort to understand the plight of homeless people. Though he went without the usual comforts of home, William did retain his security detail for the night, which came in conjunction with the 40th anniversary of Centrepoint, one of the prince's pet charities. "I cannot, after one night, even begin to imagine what it must be like to sleep rough on London's streets night after night," said William of his night sleeping next to garbage cans in temperatures as low as 25 degrees Farenheit. He was also joined by Centrepoint's director, who said, "He understood, as I did, that what he experienced was just a fraction of what it truly means to be homeless and afflicted."

Good thing Andrew Sullivan didn’t attempt to crash the party: Sarah Palin banned four local bloggers from attending her Going Rogue signing in Wasilla, according to one blogger who was apparently on the list. The Immoral Minority’s Gryphen and blogger-friend Dennis Zaki found themselves escorted off the premises of the Wasilla Sports Center by a police officer who informed them that they were on the “banned list.” Gryphen says that, in addition to him and Zaki, Alaska radio-host Shannon Moore and an unknown fourth person were also banned from the event. About 1,000 people turned up for the Wasilla event.

When Brittany Murphy died on Sunday, attention turned to her husband, who fought to save her. Who is Simon Monjack? He met Brittany when she was 17, but they did not marry until 2007. Nicknamed “Conjack” by some, Monjack has been accused by Factory Girl director George Hickenlooper of suing to get an executive producer credit on the film after he contributed story material so that he can scam his way on to other productions. Hickenlooper used the opportunity of Monjack's wife's death to slam him, recently blogging, “He is a con man and a bad guy. When Brittany married him I warned her and warned her as did so many others. I only hope to God that this creep wasn't instrumental in her sad sad demise.”

Sen. John McCain’s presumptive challenger in the Republican primary for his Arizona Senate seat hasn’t officially filed yet, but already the race is getting ugly. J.D. Hayworth, former congressman and talk-show host, had a complaint filed against him with the Federal Elections Commission by former McCain Chief of Staff and Arizona Attorney General Grant Woods, who says that Hayworth has been illegally promoting his candidacy on his radio show. Woods wrote, "You can't use the public airwaves ... to explore your candidacy for public office ad nauseam, and I stress the nausea." Hayworth responded on Twitter that he was exercising his First Amendment rights, and then called Woods an “ambulance chaser” on his show. Then, a McCain-linked push poll revealed the sitting senator was 20 points ahead—and the lead jumped to 33 points when respondents were told that Hayworth never returned campaign donations he received from convicted felon Jack Abramoff. This month, Hayworth raised $110,000 at a fundraiser and has said he’ll wait till early 2010 to make a decision about running.

They say that the mark of a true compromise is that nobody's happy. The Senate health care bill isn't perfect—many employers fear potentially expensive provisions in the bill—but in a sign that industry now views health-care reform as inevitable, many the business community are scrambling to massage the bill instead of fighting to kill it. Retailers are pushing for a longer delay before adding new employees to company-subsidized health plans; big employers are trying to modify a Medicare tax provision that will cut their earnings; and small employers are worried that new taxes and fees will push up health-care premiums. The 2,074-page bill looks as though it will be passed on Christmas Eve.

Earlier this year, New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo struck a deal with American International Group: Cuomo would not publicize the names of employees who received $165 million in bonuses from the Financial Products division—which handled the risky credit derivatives that brought the firm down—if those employees would voluntarily return $45 million of that money. Now, as the year's end approaches, only $19 million has been returned and the company is heading for a showdown with the federal government. Pay czar Kenneth R. Feinberg is adamant that the bonuses be returned, but dozens of employees are lawyering up in case the government or AIG attempts to block the bonuses. A lawyer for one group of employees says they have a contractual right to the bonuses, and emphasized that in March the company told employees that their offers to return bonus payments were voluntary and nonbinding.

Teresa Heinz, wife of Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry, has announced that, in late September, doctors discovered cancer in her left breast following a routine mammogram. In early October, she had lumpectomies on both breasts after doctors discovered what looked like a benign growth, but turned out to be cancer, in her right breast. Next month, she will receive five days of targeted chemotherapy that could raise her survival odds to 99 percent. The 71-year-old Heinz said she felt "upset" at the recent U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommendation that women begin receiving mammograms at age 50 instead of age 40. She argued that the cost of mammography is far less than the physical and personal toll of chemotherapy, noting that women ages 40 to 60 must undergo aggressive chemo if their cancer is not detected early.