That’s one for the books. Johan Santana pitched through the St. Louis Cardinals’ lineup during Friday’s game, resulting in the first no-hitter in history for the Mets. The resulting 8-0 score marked the end of a no-hitter drought since 8,019 games ago when the team was inaugurated in 1962. Santana, who spent all of last season on the bench recovering from shoulder surgery, described his record game as “the greatest feeling ever.”

A bad end to a bad week: on the heels of yesterday’s slump, Wall Street stocks sank further at the close of trading on Friday, with the Dow down more than 2 percent. U.S. Treasury yields reached a new low following May’s weak job report, and bond yields sank in Europe as the EU’s unemployment rate hit a record high. Analysts say investors are so risk averse that they’re stowing away their money with no guaranteed returns.

The mistrial in the case against former senator John Edwards is being seen as a huge blow to the Justice Department, as the decision to file criminal charges was made last year by Assistant Attorney General Lanny Breuer. After nine days of deliberation, the jury deadlocked on five of the six counts against Edwards, including charges that he illegally used millions of campaign funds to hide his pregnant mistress, Rielle Hunter, from the media during his 2008 bid for the White House. Three of the jurors went on the Today show Friday and said while all three of them believed that Edwards knew about the money, they didn't think the prosecution had enough evidence to convict. They said there had been one person who insisted on conviction and could not be swayed.

A judge in Sanford, Fla., revoked the bond for George Zimmerman, the man charged with second-degree murder in the shooting and killing of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in February, and he will have 48 hours to return to jail. Prosecutors said that Zimmerman’s wife lied about his finances and that he held two passports—making many people wonder if he would flee under a different passport. Zimmerman's lawyer said the issues were a “misunderstanding.” Both sides are seeking to have records in the case remain sealed, as they are worried about the safety of the witnesses. The media are seeking to have the records released.

In an effort to delay his trial, Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer has asked the Pennsylvania Supreme Court to postpone jury selection for his trial because the six-month timetable for taking the case to trial is too short. A lower court ordered it to begin next Tuesday, and the Supreme Court denied a similar request made by Penn State’s assistant football coach hours before the new request. Sandusky is being charged with sexually molesting boys over a 10-year period. The case has already had a few dramatic turns, as lawyers requested more than 50 charges dropped and the investigation stalled during the pretrial in April. Sandusky’s charity recently closed its doors after it failed to rebuild its reputation once it was discovered that the football coach found many of his alleged victims through the program.

Is this necessary? John Edwards’s former mistress Rielle Hunter plans to publish a memoir titled What Really Happened: John Edwards, Our Daughter, and Me. Edwards was charged with using campaign funds to hide Hunter during his 2008 presidential bid and was acquitted on one charge Thursday, while a mistrial was declared on the other charges. “We are delighted to publish Rielle Hunter’s memoir,” Glenn Yeffeth, publisher of BenBella Books, told reporters. “A lot has been said. But no one has heard the truth of what really happened until now.” In a 2010 interview, Hunter likened her first night with Edwards to a “magnetic-force field,” and she has said the love between the two of them is “unconditional.”

The victim whose body parts were mailed to various Canadian political parties last week has been identified as missing Concordia University student Jun Lin. According to police, Lin was dating Canadian porn actor Luka Rocco Magnotta, who is the main suspect. The case gained international attention when a foot was found mailed to the conservative party’s headquarters, then a hand was found at the post office addressed to the liberal party, and finally a torso was discovered in a suitcase in a garbage dump. Magnotta is thought to have escaped to France days after the murder, which was videotaped in what police are calling the most horrific thing they've seen on video.

According to The New York Times' David Sanger, President Obama secretly ordered attacks on the computer systems that run Iran’s nuclear-enrichment facilities during his first months in office. Sanger cited participants in the program to claim that Obama accelerated the attacks that begun in the Bush administration, code-named Olympic Games, even after a part of the program was accidentally leaked because of a programming error that became known as Stuxnet.

We’re sure an untold number of Jewish mothers got just a little verklempt when they heard the news: Conservative Jewish rabbis approved a ceremony Thursday for same-sex marriages within the faith, the result of six years of contemplation by the 1,600-member Conservative Rabbinical Assembly, the governing body of the Conservative movement. The rabbis approved two ceremonies for same-sex marriages, as well as one for divorce. “Both versions are egalitarian,” said Rabbi Daniel Nevins. “They differ mostly in style—one hews closely to the traditional wedding ceremony while the other departs from it.” Nevins said that while the rabbis see these ceremonies as theologically distinct from those wedding a man and a woman, “we celebrate them with the same sense of holiness and joy as that expressed in heterosexual marriages.”

It’s official: Saturday Night Live’s resident bro Andy Samberg won’t be returning to the show after this season, making him the second major departure along with Kristen Wiig. “It’s an incredibly emotional and strange moment in my life,” Samberg told The New York Times on Friday. “Obviously it’s not a huge shock, but I did officially decide not to come back.” Samberg, known for his musical appearances in SNL’s digital shorts, joined the cast in 2005.

Marcus Jordan has game—sort of. The son of basketball great Michael Jordan sent a tweet to pornographic actress Rachel Roxxx on Wednesday that read “@xxxrachelroxxx too bad u wasnt n the chi this weekend was ready for round 2, 1st black one huh? dm me back boo lot more for u $$” A point guard at the University of Central Florida, Jordan later tweeted that he didn’t send the first message to Roxxx, writing that “everybody that knows me knows I would never send an ‘Accidental’ tweet like that.. Whoever it was, nice prank tho.” Though Jordan reportedly doesn’t follow the porn star on Twitter, he follows a number of her, ahem, colleagues. And Roxxx appears to follow him.

It’s enough to make anyone a grouch. According to a documentary produced by Al Jazeera World, there weren’t any sunny days sweeping the clouds away when music from the beloved children’s show Sesame Street was used to crack prisoners detained at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo Bay a decade ago. In a use of the songs brought to you by the letter A—for awful—prisoners say that the tunes were blasted at high volume, a charge the Pentagon denied Thursday. “The music was so loud,” former Guantánamo detainee Moazzam Begg told reporters. “And it was probably some of the worst torture that they faced.”

Justin Bieber suffered a concussion Thursday when he walked into a glass wall during a concert in Paris, even briefly fainting after finishing the show. "I guess me and glass windows just don't go together," Bieber told TMZ. Two years ago he ran into a revolving glass door. Thursday's performance was a "secret" one for fans at a skyscraper. "So basically, um, you know … there [was] a glass wall behind me but there's a railing behind the glass," he said. "And so, um, I went to reach for the railing and hit my head on the glass."

An earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 5.2 hit eastern Japan on Friday. There were no immediate damage or injuries yet, but buildings in Tokyo were reportedly shaking. Just a week ago, a 6.1 magnitude earthquake hit northeastern Japan, bt there were no reports of damage or a tsunami warning, although it had struck on the ocean floor off the island of Honshu.

In an interview with Piers Morgan on Thursday, former president Bill Clinton said that he thinks President Barack Obama will win reelection, but he didn't criticize Mitt Romney's role at Bain Capital as other Democrats have been doing. Clinton said Romney had a "sterling business career" and was capable of performing the basic functions of the presidency. But, the election will come down to ideas, not former careers, said Clinton.

Ian L. Stawicki, the man police say is responsible for killing five in two separate shootings before turning the gun on himself in Seattle Wednesday, owned at least six guns and had a concealed weapons permit that was valid through 2015. Stawicki purchased a .45-caliber handgun in 2008, just after he was cleared of domestic violence charges. It's not clear whether any of those weapons were used in the shooting. Stawicki's family has said he was mentally ill.

Jobs, jobs, jobs! No, it wasn’t a campaign stop in the U.S. presidential race, but rather a plea for help from Burma’s Aung San Suu Kyi, who was speaking at the World Economic Forum on East Asia in Bangkok Thursday. The newly-elected Burmese parliamentary representative said that the country did not “want investments to mean greater inequality,” but rather for “it to mean jobs.” “We need vocational training much more than higher education,” said Suu Kyi, making her first trip outside of the country in 24 years. The military regime in her country has thawed in recent years, allowing her to run for public office and strengthening ties with world powers. Suu Kyi heads to Europe for further talks in June.

The outcome of Tuesday's recall election on Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is being seen not just as a sign of the state’s leanings on its policies, but as an omen for the presidential race this fall—especially for President Obama's chances of capturing key Midwestern swing states. With high-profile Republican governors like Chris Christie and Nikki Haley visiting and supporting Walker, as well as more than $30 million raised, the vote will send a national message about whether voters are likely to reject those who cut collective bargaining rights, as Walker did last year for most of the state’s public workers.

A New Jersey woman discovered on Thursday that she had a personal connection to the “zombie attack” involving flesh-eating in Florida: the victim was her absentee father. “I’m really upset because I haven’t even met my father,” Janice Poppo DiBello, 44, said. Her father, Ronald Poppo, made headlines last weekend when a man, Rudy Eugene, ate Poppo’s face during what is suspected to be a drug-induced fit. Eugene was shot and killed by police when he would not stop gnawing away at Poppo’s flesh. Poppo’s face is almost entirely eaten off, and his eyes were gouged out as well. Eugene’s girlfriend said that “something happened” to Eugene that day, either drugs or “voodoo.”

Thirteen factory workers were forced off a bus and executed by a pro-government militia in Syria near Qusair, in the west of the country, activists reported Friday. If the claims are true, it would be the third mass killing in the chaotic country in just a week. The U.N. Human Rights Council begun an emergency session Friday to discuss the violence, and it is expected to blame pro-government forces for last week's massacre in Houla, in which more than 100 people were killed, including 49 children.

Canadian police on Friday identified the victim in a gruesome homicide as 33-year-old Chinese student Lin Jun, who was studying at Concordia University in Montreal. Jun, who was last seen May 24, is believed to be the man whose remains turned up in separate packages mailed to locations in Ottawa and Montreal and whose torso was found in a garbage pile in Montreal. Canadian porn actor Luka Rocco Magnotta, who is the prime suspect, according to police, is believed to have fled to France after flying out of a Montreal airport on May 26. A family member reported Lin as a missing person on May 29, about five days after the grisly murder is thought to have taken place.

President Bill Clinton hit Piers Morgan Tonight last night to praise ... Mitt Romney? The former president, and Obama campaign surrogate, told Morgan that he doesn’t doubt Mitt’s ability to perform the “essential functions of the office.” After all, he explained, “the man who has been governor and had a sterling business career crosses the qualification threshold.” But while Clinton may think Mitt’s qualified to run for president, he doesn’t think he’ll win. “I still think the president will win by 5 or 6 points. I’ve always thought so,” Clinton predicted. 

The U.S. unemployment rate inched up to 8.2 percent in May, with the U.S. adding just 69,000 jobs in May, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. It is the weakest jobs report in a year and added far fewer jobs than the two months prior, leaving many wondering if the economy was sputtering. Economists blamed Europe's spiraling crisis and a slowing of Chinese growth for the low factory activity. Analysts say the economy needs to add 125,000 jobs a month to keep the unemployment rate steady. The stock market took a tumble on Friday after the weak jobs report, dropping over 200 points by midday and erasing all of 2012's gains.

Another “zombie” is making macabre headlines. A Maryland college student who police say admitted to eating his housemate’s heart and brains after killing him May 25 has been charged with first-degree murder. Court records show that the alleged cannibal, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua, was charged with first-degree assault and reckless endangerment five days before murdering Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, 37. Kinyua’s father called a detective Tuesday to tell him one of his other sons had found a human head and two hands in a trash bin in the basement of his house in Baltimore, where Kinyua lived with Agyei-Kodie. When police arrived, Kinyua confessed to eating Agyei-Kodie’s organs and depositing the rest of his remains in a parking-lot Dumpster.

The latest U.S. jobs report may be dismal, but it’s nothing compared to the slump overseas. Euro-zone unemployment hit a record high Friday as the deepening debt crisis prompts companies from Spain to Italy to cut staff, and budget cuts prevent businesses from hiring new workers. The EU’s statistics office Eurostat confirmed Friday that the jobless rate climbed to 11 percent in April and March—the highest since unemployment records began in 1995.

No matter how much we may want it to, News Corp. won’t be leaving the spotlight anytime soon. Lawyers for both Rupert Murdoch’s media company and victims of phone hacking said in court Friday that the company will likely face a total of 500 civil suits related to phone hacking, only about 110 of which have been filed or settled so far. The cost of battling the civil claims has put a significant drain on News Corp. since the hacking activity first came to light, and the company reported in early May that it had spent $167 million on legal fees related to the cases. Last year, News Corp. shut down the Fleet Street tabloid News of the World, and a police investigation into hacking activity at the paper continues.

You might want to wear a wet suit while taking a dip in your neighborhood public pool this summer. According to a recent survey in which roughly 1,000 American adults were asked whether they urinate in pools, one in five admitted to doing so. As if that statistic isn’t gross enough, it reflects only the number of people who admitted to peeing in pools. While chlorine kills most waterborne germs, bugs can develop antibodies to the disinfectant and spread rapidly. Additional bacteria carried on human skin, including sweat and fecal matter, raises the risk of E. coli or salmonella contaminating pools. The chances of getting sick are highest at crowded  recreational water parks, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Over the past two decades, the CDC has also seen a significant increase in gastrointestinal illnesses caused by swimming in dirty pools across the U.S.