President Obama addressed the nation Tuesday night, calling for unity within the government and the need for economic reforms to get the financial system back on track. “It’s not a bigger government we need, but a smarter government that sets priorities and invests in broad-based growth,” he said. He went on to describe what that smarter government would include: a federal minimum wage of $9 an hour, universal preschool education, cap-and-trade carbon regulation, immigration reform, and stricter gun control, among other things.

The Senate Armed Services Committee has approved the president's nomination of Chuck Hagel to become the next secretary of Defense—but just barely. The committee voted 14 to 11 Tuesday to let Hagel move on to the next round, despite the efforts of Republican senators such as John McCain and Ted Cruz who tried to delay the vote once more. The whole Senate will vote on Hagel's confirmation later this week. 

Just as 30 Rock comes to a close, the Kabletown, er, Comcast, takeover of NBC nears completion. Comcast announced Tuesday it will buy General Electric's 49 percent stake in NBC Universal for about $16.7 billion. The deal will close at the end of the first quarter. NBC will be settling in—purchasing its 30 Rockefeller property and CNBC headquarters in New Jersey for about $1.4 billion. "We believe the terms of the transaction are attractive and have planned for this event by taking a number of financial steps to prepare our balance sheet," Chairman and CEO of Comcast Brian L. Roberts said in a press release. "We believe we are in a strong and unique position to continue to grow and build value in our combined company."

Here's a bit of welcome news ahead of President Obama's State of the Union address tonight. The U.S. Treasury announced that it posted its first January budget surplus in five years. Receipts showed the government in the black by $2.88 billion, a marked improvement from the $27.4 billion deficit reported in January 2012. The surplus is attributed to higher revenue from payroll and individual income tax. According to the Congressional Budget Office, the federal budget deficit will be $845 billion in fiscal year 2013, which would be the first time in five years the deficit comes in under the trillion-dollar mark.

The manhunt for rogue cop Christopher Dorner came to a dramatic climax Tuesday evening after Dorner exchanged gunfire with law enforcement and holed up in a cabin near Big Bear. The cabin burst into flames, and after several hours of speculation, many news outlets reported that Dorner's body was found in the charred ruins. But the LAPD refuted those reports, saying the cabin was too hot to enter and that no body had been identified. Two law enforcement deputies were injured during the shootout, and one died after being flown to a nearby hospital. Dorner had promised to wage "asymmetrical warfare" on the LAPD in revenge for his 2009 firing and was wanted for three murders.

First a rocket launch, now a nuclear test. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un continues to defy U.N. resolutions and put everyone in the region on edge. This time, the nuclear detonation drew condemnation even from China, the hermit kingdom's only major ally, but it's not yet clear whether China will tighten sanctions. President Obama called the test “highly provocative,” one that “undermines regional stability.” World leaders of other nations echoed the United States’ outrage, with U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon denouncing it as a “clear and grave violation” of Security Council resolutions. The test appears to be North Korea's most powerful yet, but the country is still years away from being able to miniaturize devices for missiles.

Being stuck at sea is the least of the problems for the 3,143 passengers stranded on the Carnival cruise ship drifting off the Gulf of Mexico. An engine fire Sunday left the Carnival Triumph without propulsion, leaving it adrift about 150 miles from the Yucatan coast. Currently there are reports of a shortage of running water, scarce electricity, and a depleting food supply. One passenger reported “sewage running down the walls and floors” and said travelers were being asked to defecate in bags and urinate in showers because toilets weren’t functioning. Food lines exceeded three and a half hours long, and many passengers are sleeping outside to stay cool. Vacation of a lifetime.

For those of you craving a scandal, you may be disappointed. Pope Benedict XVI, who announced his retirement yesterday, reportedly had secret heart surgery three months ago to replace his pacemaker. The Vatican released a statement saying that the pope has been in fact wearing a pacemaker for some time, but that his health is good. The newspaper II Sole 24 says that the 85-year-old has had a pacemaker for the past 10 years. The surgery went well and the pope maintained his schedule, but it reportedly made him think about whether he was fit to stay in power.

This is not a joke: John Alleman, unofficial spokesman for the Heart Attack Grill, died from a massive heart attack Monday. The 52-year-old was a regular at the cardio-themed Las Vegas restaurant, known for its enormous hamburger selection, including the 9,982-calorie "Quadruple Bypass Burger" which won the Guinness World Record for most calorific burger. The restaurant's owner, who admits the food he sells is "very dangerous," said Alleman had eaten there every day for the past year and a half—earning a caricature of himself on Heart Attack Grill's menus and stock. He usually ordered the "Single Bypass Burger," fries and a drink.

Where Kate Middleton goes, paparazzi follow. That includes to the island of Mustique, where the Duchess was snapped flaunting her growing baby bump in a bikini while vacationing with husband Prince William. The photos were published in Italian magazine Chi—the same rag that ran photos of Middleton topless last year. St. James Palace released a statement Tuesday, saying they were “disappointed” over the pictures, which they called “a clear breach of the couple’s right to privacy.”  

If you thought the amorphous hacker-activist collective known as Anonymous was done avenging the suicide of their own Aaron Swartz, think again. In an email blast sent to their community, as well as a message posted on their website, the group announced plans to disrupt President Obama’s State of the Union address and prevent it from live-streaming on the Internet. “[Tonight] we will face down the largest superpower on Earth. And we will win!” the message reads. “There will be no State of the Union Address on the web tonight.” The group cites a variety of motivations, including “freedom” and “Arran Swartz,” claiming that Obama’s failure to stop the “idiotic and destructive efforts to control the last free space on Earth,” is unconstitutional.

According to a report by the Associated Press Tuesday, President Obama is set to reveal a big development in the nation’s pullout of Afghanistan, vowing to have 34K troops home by a year from today. The news comes just one day after he awarded the prestigious Medal of Honor to former Army staff sergeant Clinton L. Romesha, who fought valiantly to save the lives of his fellow soldiers during a massive insurgent attack by al Qaeda in an Afghanistan outpost in 2009. Among other topics the president is likely to cover tonight are the economy, the middle class, and his own legacy. The speech will begin at 9 p.m. EST.

Where was the Coke intervention team?! Drinking as much as two and a half gallons of Coca-Cola a day caused a 30-year-old New Zealand mother of eight myriad health problems, including rotten teeth, withdrawal symptoms, and fatal cardiac arrest three years ago linked to excessive consumption of the sugary soda. The soft-drink company insists her death can’t be definitively linked to guzzling the fizzy beverage, but a coroner’s report released today says just that, and asked that the company add clearer health warning labels on its packaging.

And you thought bookworms were bad. Officials had to close a Kalamazoo Public Library branch in Michigan on Monday after they found bedbugs in book bindings during an inspection. The infected books had been returned in a drop box and the insects have since been destroyed. The building is being inspected by dogs, and the library will not reopen until it gets the all-clear.

Prince George County police said early Tuesday that a University of Maryland graduate student shot two of his housemates, one fatally, before turning the gun on himself. The dispute began after the gunman, 23-year-old Dayvon M. Green, for unknown reasons, lit a fire in the basement of the house and was confronted about it by his housemates. Though the student used a handgun, which he purchased legally in Maryland last year, police say he was also armed with an Uzi submachine gun, a machete, and a baseball bat.

Adele’s surprise Grammy crasher is rolling in the deep—the deep end of jail. Save for the evil glare Jennifer Lopez gave the surprise intruder, who scampered on stage to congratulate Adele after her win for Best Vocal Performance, his presence nearly went unnoticed. Unfortunately for him, authorities were watching and arrested Vitalli Sediuk, a Ukrainian TV presenter, on suspicion of trespassing. In playbacks of the scene, the sly Sediuk can be seen running on stage to whisper “I love you, Adele” to the British singing powerhouse. After he was quickly ushered off after the incident, authorities discovered he had been backstage without credentials. Fun fact: it wasn’t his first rodeo. The bizarre man once made headlines for laying a smooch on Will Smith during the red-carpet premiere of Men in Black 3.

At least 14 were killed and 26 wounded after a car bomb exploded near the border of Turkey and Syria early Tuesday, according to the Ministry of Justice. The incident took place at the Cilvegozu border post—a main crossing for Syrian refugees carrying goods back and forth between the two countries. A spokesperson for the Turkish government said that the “powerful explosion” was carried out by Syrian forces. “The information that we have for now is that a minibus with Syrian number plates coming from the other side exploded,” he said. Violence between the two nations continued to escalate Tuesday, as Syrian rebels captured a crucial military base, al-Jarrah airfield.

Wait, haven’t we heard this story before? Or was that Swami Satchidananda, or a host of other spiritual leaders who were caught with their hands down devotees’ pants? Joshu Saski, a 105-year-old Japanese Zen Buddhist, has been accused of groping and sexually harassing female students for decades. Since he brought his brand of Buddhism from Japan to Los Angeles in 1962, Sasaki has taught thousands of Westerners at his two Zen centers in the region and one in New Mexico, where he allegedly engaged in “repeated non-consensual groping of female students.” The behavior was reportedly rampant at Mount Baldy, his isolated retreat center outside Los Angeles “where boundaries fell away”—i.e., people were deluded into thinking being groped would bring them closer to enlightenment.

After a thorough review of the 26 “core sports” on the current Olympic program, the IOC board voted to eliminate wrestling from the 2020 games. With roots in the inaugural modern Olympics—which took place in Athens in 1896—it is one of the oldest sports in the program to get the boot. The move was a necessary decision in order for the executive board to add an additional sport later in the year. A spokesman for the program said the choice was not meant to be a slam on the sport itself. “It’s not a case of what’s wrong with wrestling, it is what’s right with the 25 core sports,” he said. The decision was reportedly the result of multiple rounds of voting using “secret ballots.” The most recent sports that got the ax were baseball and softball, removed in 2005.

As the manhunt for the ex-L.A. cop wanted for the murder of three reaches its sixth day, authorities are exploring the possibility that he may have received outside help. The suspected associate, identified as “JY,” could have been essential in helping the fugitive flee to Mexico, where authorities now suspect he is hiding. The detailed explanation of his moves was released in court records Monday, according to an affidavit by Inspector U.S. Marshal Craig McClusky, who first suspected the possibility of an accomplice. The report sheds additional light on Dorner’s path, including his failed attempt to hijack a boat in San Diego, even after subduing the captain. Now offering a $1 million reward for the rogue ex-cop, prosecutors anticipating his capture have already filed murder and attempted-murder charges against him.

The man who shot Osama bin Laden may not be quite as screwed as Esquire made him seem. After publishing an article that claimed the Navy SEAL who killed bin Laden got “no pension, no health care, and no protection for himself or his family,” everyone was outraged. But Stars and Stripes writer Megan McCloskey points out that, actually, the SEAL should get five years of free health care through the Department of Veterans Affairs. Esquire fired back, saying that the VA does such a poor job of explaining what benefits vets are eligible for that the SEAL (along with 40 percent of vets) didn't apply for them. Furthermore, Esquire says, even if he did get benefits, his family wouldn't.

Two men have been detailed and charged in the attack that took the life of 15-year-old Hadiya Pendleton as she took shelter from the rain in a Chicago park. Michael Ward and Kenneth Williams are being charged with one count each of first-degree murder and two counts of attempted murder for the attack that injured two and killed Pendleton, who had just returned from performing at President Obama’s inauguration ceremony. The men are members of a street gang and were taken into custody on Sunday—the day after Michelle Obama attended the young girl’s funeral.

It’s one small step for Twitter, one huge leap for social media. The online social-networking site announced plans to allow its customers to purchase products online in two steps, both of which are as simple as tweeting a hashtag. The plan—a collaboration between Twitter and American Express—will direct members who sign up to buy items in two quick steps. The first, by tweeting an @AmexSync hashtag, the second, waiting for a confirmation hashtag from AmEx itself. Customers must then simply tweet out the confirmation hashtag, and sold! AmEx sends an email to confirm within 15 minutes, and your brand new lime-green Crocs are suddenly en route. Products will be available beginning Wednesday morning.

With news of Pope Benedict XVI’s resignation, the largest Christian community in Asia is gunning for their chance to bring one of their own to the world stage. The Philippines enigmatic leader, Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle, was simultaneously shocked and saddened by the pontiff’s decision. “The announcement also brought sadness to us. We felt like children clinging to a father who bids them farewell,” he said, praising Benedict’s “humility, honesty, courage, and sincerity,” he said. While still considered a long shot, Tagle’s reputation as a lively, energetic Vatican insider and former adviser of the pope makes him an attractive candidate to succeed the 85-year-old pope. Father Francis Lucas, a leader of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, said Tagle would be a dream come true. “He is humble, he’s meek, he’s simple, he’s spiritual, he’s media-savvy, he’s very bright.” The election is on February 28.

The heroine of Burma’s storied journey to democracy returns. Popular opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi spoke out Tuesday, vowing to assist the country in putting an end to the interminable conflict between the government and its ethnic minority groups. Suu Kyi made the announcement on historic Union Day, the anniversary of her late father General Aung San’s signing of a 1947 agreement with ethnic minorities to secede from Britain’s control. The videotaped speech was presented to members of her democratic party, who agree with the president’s claim that a resolution with the Muslim Rohingya minority is an “essential” move on the path to democracy. Although Suu Kyi has helped her country significantly in its political transformation, the minority in Burma’s impoverished state remains a dangerous roadblock on the road to freedom.

Poor Suzi Parker. The Washington Post writer regrettably fell for a headline on the Onion-style satirical blog, The Daily Currant, claiming that Sarah Palin is becoming a host on Al-Jazeera, and blogged about the news on the Post's "She the People" page. It comes as no surprise that the former Alaska governor (and frequent "lamestream media" critic) doesn't plan on letting Parker live this mistake down any time soon. Hours after Parker's post was published and subsequently corrected, Palin tweeted, "Hey @washingtonpost, I'm having coffee witih Elvis this week. He works at the Mocha Moose in Wasilla. #suzieparkerscoops #idiotmedia."