Osama bin Laden’s son-in-law pleaded not guilty to a charge of conspiring to kill Americans on Friday during a brief appearance in Manhattan federal court. Sulaiman Abu Ghaith, who appeared in videos representing al Qaeda after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, is one of the highest-ranked al Qaeda officials to undergo a civilian trial in the U.S., a few blocks from the World Trade Center. Republican lawmakers have slammed the Justice Department for bringing the al Qaeda spokesman to New York, saying he belongs in military custody in Guantánamo Bay. Prosecutors said they expect the trial to last three weeks, and the date will be set in April.

It’s a glamorous send-off fit for an infamous comandante. Venezuela’s nationwide week of mourning continued Friday with Hugo Chávez’s star-studded state funeral. Cuban President Raúl Castro and Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad were among the dignitaries from 50 countries around the world who paid their respects to the late strongman, while guards restrained wailing citizens from rushing toward his coffin. Chávez’s handpicked successor, Vice President Nicolás Maduro, will be sworn in later in the day.

The Roman Catholic cardinals, who gathered Friday at the Vatican to discuss the church’s many problems, have settled on Tuesday as the date when they will seclude themselves inside the Sistine Chapel to determine the next pope, according to an email transmitted by the Vatican's press office. As of now, there is no clear favorite to succeed Pope Benedict but it is likely that a new pontiff will be elected by the end of next week.

Despite charges of crimes against humanity, Uhuru Kenyatta raked in 50.3 percent of votes in Kenya's presidential election, according to preliminary results posted early Saturday. A runoff was avoided by just 4,099 votes out of the 12.3 million cast. The controversial margin will likely spur a in a legal challenge from Kenyatta's main rival, Prime Minister Raila Odinga, whose party has already claimed that votes were "doctored." The last time Odinga declared he was cheated, at the end of the last presidential election in 2007, it resulted in widespread ethnic violence that killed more than 1,000 Kenyans and drove several hundred thousand from their homes. The official tally will be confirmed at 11am on Saturday in Nairobi by Kenya's Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission.

Put North Korea in time-out, and a temper tantrum is sure to ensue. The nation lashed out Friday, ending its peace accord with South Korea, in response to the United Nations Security Council’s vote Thursday punishing it for nuclear testing. The unanimous approval of the strict sanctions came in spite of threats from the aggravated country, which claimed that it would retaliate against the United States and engulf Washington in a “sea of fire.” A top general confirmed that Pyongyang is armed with nuclear-tipped ballistic missiles and ready to launch at any time. The South responded by warning that if North Korea does attack with a nuclear weapon, Kim Jong-un’s regime “will be erased from the earth.”

Exactly 60 years after they first hatched, Peeps are having a moment. The chick-shaped marshmallow Easter candies are more popular than ever—and the stars of a new TV ad campaign showcasing the infinite things people do with their Peeps (besides eat them). Candy maker Just Born Inc. is celebrating record sales in 2012 and prepping to produce more than 1 billion marshmallow chicks and bunnies this Easter season—another record. “Everyone seems to have a Peeps story,” Ross Born, third-generation operator of the Philadelphia-based company, told the Associated Press. The candymaker is also reconnecting with consumers via social media, asking them how they like their Peeps (fresh, frozen, or “aged to perfection”) in a Facebook survey.

More than 9,300 people have signed a petition by the Flight Attendants Union Coalition to reverse the Transportation Security Administration’s new policy allowing small knives, golf clubs, baseball bats, and other sports equipment on planes. “Our nation’s aviation system is the safest in the world thanks to multilayered security measures that include prohibition on many items that could pose a threat to the integrity of the aircraft cabin,” said the coalition. The coalition is made up of five unions and 90,000 flight attendants. The pilots association also expressed its resistance, saying it believes terrorism is still a “real threat.” If not overturned, the new policy will go into effect April 25.

The Internet delighted in leaked emails last month that revealed the artistic side of former President George W. Bush. As it turns out, Bush’s talents are far greater than those self-portraits in the shower first hinted. Bonnie Flood, who says she spent a month teaching Dubya how to paint, predicts in a new interview that her pupil is “going to go down in the history books as a great artist.” She points to, for example, his paintings of dogs, of which he’s painted over 50. “He picked it up so quick,” she says. “It was amazing, actually.”  

The Coopertown Police Department in Tennessee is hiring—but racists need not apply. The tiny town’s new police chief, Shane Sullivan, is utilizing a lie detector to attempt to keep the department scandal-free, after a series of racists incidents—one of which included a notorious speed trap—left the people of Coopertown without any police. Experts warn that lie detectors might not necessarily be the most accurate predictor of racism, since many people don’t even recognize their own prejudices. But Sullivan is convinced that the method will work simply by keeping so-called bigots from even showing up. “I think the polygraph will definitely keep these people from applying,” he said. It’s definitely worth a shot.

Somewhere in Silicon Valley, Sheryl Sandberg’s humming Aretha Franklin. Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer has received a lot of backlash lately for her ban on working remotely, but she has at least one ally in her fellow female boss, Sandberg. In a Time interview about the Facebook COO’s new book, Sandberg attacks Mayer’s critics, arguing that she would not be as harshly judged if she were a man. “I think flexibility is important for women and for men,” said Sandberg. “But there are some jobs that are super flexible and some that aren’t.”

There’s soon to be a lot of room at The View table. Longtime host Elisabeth Hasselbeck will not be returning to the talk show next season after nine years, Us Weekly reports. The news comes on the heels of Joy Behar’s decision earlier this week to depart the show as well. Sources tell Us that market research revealed the conservative host’s lack of popularity with audiences, leading executives to decide not to renew her contract. Reached for comment, a rep for the show said, “Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a valued member of The View and has a long-term contract.”

The Justin Bieber good-will tour continues. The pop star, who earlier this week was two hours late for a London concert, was caught on tape threatening a paparazzo. Bieber pushed the photographer while making his way into an SUV, after which the paparazzo began complaining that the singer assaulted him. “What the fuck’d you say?” Bieber shouted. “I’ll fucking beat the fuck out of you.” He tried to take swings at the photographer, but his bodyguards held him back. “Ahhhh! Rough morning,” Bieber tweeted after the incident. To say the least.

There is something that tastes as good as skinny feels: dollar bills. Researchers at the Mayo Clinic made the recent discovery that people who received financial incentives lost more weight than those who received no money. Obese Mayo Clinic employees and their dependents—between ages 18 and 63—were the participants in the study. An estimated 62 percent of those who received compensation accomplished the goal of losing four pounds per month, compared with the 26 percent of the nonincentive group who found success in shedding pounds. It’s doughnuts or Benjamins—take your pick.

It's a bad day for Beliebers. Teenage dream Justin Bieber collapsed backstage at a London concert after feeling woozy in the middle of the show. He was treated with oxygen backstage and, despite being advised to go to the hospital, went out and finished his last four songs. He was reportedly taken to the hospital for treatment.

Julio Acevedo, suspected in the hit-and-run that killed a Brooklyn couple and their newborn baby earlier this week, is expected to be charged on Friday with vehicular manslaughter. Acevedo was arrested Wednesday after surrendering to police in Pennsylvania on the charge of leaving the scene of an accident, and three counts of criminally negligent homicide were included, according to the New York Police Department. Acevedo is accused of crashing into a hired car carrying Nachman and Raizy Glauber on their way to the hospital in Brooklyn on Sunday.

The Senate Judiciary Committee gave its seal of approval to a new bill creating stricter laws on gun trafficking Thursday, pushing it into Congress, where it will be reviewed by the Senate as a whole. This is the first piece of legislation stemming from President Obama’s post–Sandy Hook gun-control initiative to make its way to Congress. Other gun proposals, such as a revamped ban on military-style semiautomatic weapons, were considered at the committee’s meeting, but the group recessed before they could vote. They’ll pick up where they left off Tuesday.