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  1. MAKEOVER Sistine Chapel Readied for Conclave Chimney installed on the Sistine Chapel on Saturday. (Christopher Furlong/Getty)

    1. Sistine Chapel Readied for Conclave

    It’s a typical renovation project: new chimney, new stoves, new floor. Except this makeover happened at the Sistine Chapel this week in advance of the papal conclave, the group of cardinals that will gather there to elect a new pope starting Tuesday. Because the cardinals are sworn to secrecy, workers swept the brand-new floor to check for bugging devices, and the group’s only communication with the outside world until a new pope is chosen will be those stoves and that chimney. After each vote, ballots will be burned in one stove and smoke sent through the chimney from the other—black if a decision hasn’t been made, white if there’s a new pontiff.

    March 9, 2013 3:27 PM

  2. ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM U.S. Message to Kenya Avoids Naming President Kenyan president elect Uhuru Kenyatta (center) on Saturday. (Jerome Delay/AP)

    2. U.S. Message to Kenya Avoids Naming President

    Just hours after Uhuru Kenyatta’s narrow win in Kenya’s presidential election, newly appointed Secretary of State John Kerry sent a congratulatory message to the country on its peaceful elections, but failed to so much as mention the new president. In the weeks leading up to the election, the United States warned of “consequences” should the ruthless leader—accused of crimes against humanity that include killing more than 1,000—win. Kerry said his mission was “see the will of the Kenyan people expressed freely and fairly." Talk about mixed messages.

    March 9, 2013 11:20 AM

  3. ALL-NATURAL? Whole Foods to Label GMOs Reed Saxon/AP

    3. Whole Foods to Label GMOs

    Whole Foods must be worried about mutant vegetables. The grocery chain announced Friday that it plans to start labeling all genetically modified food it sells, requiring all of its stores to do so by 2018. But co-CEO Walter Robb says it's not paranoia—the chain is just reacting to the “steady drumbeat” of customer demand. In November, California shot down a ballot measure in favor of such labeling, and now some see the company as doing what the government won’t. Guess we’ll have to look to someone else to protect us against the supervillain mutant-produce menace.

    March 9, 2013 10:53 AM

  4. REVOLT Hagel Visit Sparks Fury in Kabul Afghan soldier runs outside of bombing site in Kabul on Saturday. (Anja Niedringhaus/AP)

    4. Hagel Visit Sparks Fury in Kabul

    Chuck Hagel got an explosive introduction to his position as United States defense secretary this week. Just hours after his arrival in Afghanistan on Friday, a suicide bomber detonated his vest bomb in Kabul, killing at least 10. Hagel was being briefed in a secure location at the time of the attack, which occurred a few feet from the defense ministry’s exterior walls. The Taliban has already claimed responsibility for the event, saying the attack came in response to Hagel’s “spreading [of] lies” about its weaknesses. Visits to war zones by U.S. officials are never announced due to such risks.

    March 9, 2013 10:42 AM

  5. EGYPT REELING Violence Erupts After Port Said Verdict Egyptian soccer fans in Port Said on Saturday. (Amr Nabil/AP)

    5. Violence Erupts After Port Said Verdict

    Another Port Said verdict, another melee. Following the announcement that death sentences would be upheld on Saturday for 21 Egyptian soccer fans accused of inciting deadly stadium riots after a game last year, fans of both teams took to the streets. Fans of the Cairo team protested the acquittal of seven police, while Port Said fans reacted against the condemnation of their own. Buildings, including a Cairo police officers’ club and the football federation’s headquarters, were torched, and a major Cairo bridge was temporarily blocked. In Port Said, the army had to stop protesters from blocking access to the Suez Canal. Soccer is having a moment—and it’s not a good one.

    March 9, 2013 10:49 AM

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  7. MOVING FORWARD Colorado Advances Gun-Control Package Protesters outside the Capitol in Denver, Colorado on Friday. (Ed Andrieski/AP)

    6. Colorado Advances Gun-Control Package

    Colorado pushed ahead in its gun-control quest this week as the state Senate passed a package of laws limiting the purchase of firearms. Four measures were given preliminary approval by an informal voice vote, including requiring prospective buyers to pay for their own background checks, banning purchase by those convicted of domestic violence, expanding background checks to private sales, and banning online concealed-carry certification. Three other measures were debated long into the night. A formal vote will be held next week, and if passed, the measures will then land on Gov. John Hickenlooper’s desk for approval or veto.

    March 9, 2013 11:26 AM

  8. BUZZWORTHY Bee Attack Lands 44 Kids in Hospital Honeybees. (Pat Wellenbach/AP)

    7. Bee Attack Lands 44 Kids in Hospital

    A freak accident in South Africa on Friday left 44 children hospitalized after their visit to a bunny park went horribly wrong. As the group of 80 children, all between 2 and 6 years old, stood waiting for their bus, a swarm of bees appeared out of nowhere and began attacking them. Emergency responders soon arrived on the scene, taking 44 of the injured children to the hospital—four of whom were in critical condition. Thankfully, officials say the unprovoked attack did not involve “killer bees,” since the only bees in the area are regular honey bees. The moral of the story? Avoid bunny parks.

    March 9, 2013 11:14 AM

  9. HEALING Big-Cat Sanctuary to Reopen After Death Cat Haven in Dunlap, Calif. (Gosia Wozniacka/AP)

    8. Big-Cat Sanctuary to Reopen After Death

    Cat Haven, a big-cat sanctuary in Dunlap, California, where a volunteer intern was killed by a lion on Wednesday, has announced that it plans to reopen on Sunday. The sanctuary houses 29 cats—including lions, tigers, and leopards. Officials say the attack was atypical for the park, and only occurred because the lion's cage was accidentally left open. The male lion was immediately shot and taken to a vet facility for necropsy to determine the reason for the attack. In the meantime, Cat Haven plans to operate normally. The park’s founder says it is an important step on the path to healing. "We believe returning to a state of normal operation is a part of the process of attending to the health and well being of the remaining animals.”

    March 9, 2013 1:12 PM

  10. D'oh J.C. Penney CEO's Mistakes 'Astounding' Pool photo by Thomas Iannaccone

    9. J.C. Penney CEO's Mistakes 'Astounding'

    The future of J.C. Penney under CEO Ron Johnson is not looking bright. E-mails which emerged in court this week, where Macy's has accused J.C. Penney of causing Martha Stewart to breach her exclusive contract with them, show that Johnson was aware of the legal breach. Calling Stewart his "new best friend," he wrote the "ball is in her court now to talk to Macy’s about a break in a tight, exclusive agreement they have with her." J.C. Penney was attempting to bypass the contract by setting up a Martha Stewart "store-within-a-store" inside their locations—though the facts that J.C. Penney would still provide employees and own, source and set the good's prices makes the plan questionable. Johnson admitted that he never read the Macy's contract himself—a mistake that one retail analyst called "astounding." J.C. Penney recently reported a $4.28 billion loss in sales and announced the layoff of 2,200 workers this week.

    March 9, 2013 11:03 AM

  11. BELIEBERS REJOICE! Bieber Resumes Tour After Hospitalization Bieber performs at the o2 Arena in London on Friday. (Joel Ryan/Invision/AP)

    10. Bieber Resumes Tour After Hospitalization

    For once, it wasn’t a good week to be Justin Bieber. On Friday, the pop heartthrob was caught on tape having an altercation with a paparazzo, an incident that he then posted about on Twitter. But the real event—also tweeted by the Biebs—was his hospitalization Thursday night. After feeling short of breath in the middle of a London concert, collapsing backstage, and taking a 20-minute break before going back on, he was taken to the hospital for treatment. To the comfort of his fans, he managed to post a hospital selfie to Instagram with the caption “gettin’ better listening to janice joplin” and was able to perform Friday night. First order of business, figure out how to spell Janis Joplin.

    March 9, 2013 11:48 AM

  12. Armed & Studious South Dakota Teachers Can Carry Guns AFP

    11. South Dakota Teachers Can Carry Guns

    Pens, paper, chalk, stickers … guns? The unusual item could soon be added to teachers’ supply lists in South Dakota, after Gov. Dennis Daugaard signed into law Friday a bill that allows teachers to carry firearms in the classroom. Although there are other states with provisions in their own laws that allow some teachers to carry guns, South Dakota is the first to pass a bill that explicitly permits it. Daugaard says the law is necessary, as some schools are too far from emergency responders to be properly protected from an attack like the one in Newtown, Connecticut. The law gives school districts the option of allowing armed employees, and Daugaard predicts many districts will opt not to.

    March 8, 2013 2:59 PM

  13. HEAD OF STATE Venezuelan Acting President Sworn In Venezuelan acting president Maduro after being sworn in on Friday. (Juan Barreto/AFP/Getty)

    12. Venezuelan Acting President Sworn In

    While news was swirling about Hugo Chávez's legacy, another man was being sworn in as president of Venezuela. Just hours after Chávez's lavish, star-studded funeral, former vice president Nicolás Maduro took office in a ceremony led by the speaker of the National Assembly. Although opposition leaders claim the move was unconstitutional—arguing that the National Assembly leader should legally take over—the ceremony went on as planned. The event boasted an impressive guest list, with world leaders such as Cuba’s Raúl Castro and Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in attendance (a message from Syria’s Bashar al-Assad was also read). Maduro is expected to call elections within 30 days.

    March 9, 2013 11:40 AM