New gadgets! Samsung unveiled its new Galaxy S4, in the form of a Broadway-esque show. The new phone has eye-tracking capabilities, gesture control, a 5-inch HD screen, and a rear-facing camera. These features were demonstrated by a bizarre set of performances, ranging from a tap-dancing kid to a bored housewife. "We have taken technology and innovation further to help us get closer to what matters in life," Samsung executive JK Shin said on stage.

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted on Thursday to approve a ban on the sale and manufacture of 150 kinds of military-style semi-automatic weapons. A proposed amendment to exclude domestic violence victims, military veterans and those living in Mexico border states was shot down by the Democrats. Sen. Dianne Fienstein and Republican Sen. Ted Cruz got into a heated exchange before the vote, with Feinstein accusing Cruz of lecturing her on the Constitution. "I'm not a sixth-grader," she said. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will decided how and when to bring the bill to a full vote.

As always, more good news from the banking world. A new Senate report shows that last year JPMorgan Chase, the country's biggest bank, manipulated documents and ignored internal controls as they built up trading losses. Jamie Dimon, the chief executive, also withheld information from regulators. The 300-page report was released the day before the Senate plans to question bank leaders and regulators at a hearing. “While we have repeatedly acknowledged significant mistakes, our senior management acted in good faith and never had any intent to mislead anyone," a spokeswoman for the bank said.

Matthew Keys, deputy social media editor of Thomson Reuters and former web producer at a Tribune Company-owned television station in Sacramento, Calif., has been charged in a federal indictment for allegedly conspiring with members of hacker group "Anonymous" to hack into a Tribune Company-owned website. A Justice Department press release said that Keys, 26, was charged with providing log-in credentials to a Tribune Company server and encouraging Anonymous members to disrupt the website. A hacker then made changes to a Los Angeles Times news feature. Keys could face up to 10 years in prison, three years of supervised release and a fine of $250,000 for each count if convicted.

Facebook is a little late to the game, but the company is working on incorporating the use of the hashtag—the brainchild of Twitter that's used by social networking services like Tumblr, Instagram and Google+. Sources familiar with the project say it's still very much in the works. The hashtag feature will allow Facebook to group conversations so that they can then build around topics, like #PopeFrancis, #Bieberfever, #CPAC, etc. Many people already use hashtags on Facebook, but they only serve as a form of creative expression. Facebook hopes that the feature would give users more reason to stay on the site and click on ads. Our thoughts? #HurryupZuck.

Quick! Quick! Before human feces runs down the walls! That’s probably what Carnival Cruise Lines was thinking when it made the decision to fly passengers on a cruise back to Florida when the ship lost power on Thursday. The Carnival Dream's generator failed while docked in the Caribbean. Of course, the toilets stopped working immediately, and no one was allowed to leave. One passenger angrily emailed that the situation was going on for seven hours. Hopefully, this won’t get as sticky as the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico last month.

Wait, there are still illegal activities to do in Nevada? Not for long. Nevada might be the sixth state to legalize marijuana. On Friday, Las Vegas Assemblyman Joe Hogan plans to introduce a measure that would legalize marijuana possession. "We've wasted a tremendous amount of money spoiling teenagers' lives, chasing them around until we can arrest them for something," Hogan said. "And marijuana is not just a harmless plant. The medical benefits are remarkable." The state already allows the drug to be used for medical purposes.

This certainly isn't a good start to things. At least four people were injured, two critically, on Thursday night when large lighting equipment being set up at Miami's Ultra Festival fell as the stages were being built. Two are in critical condition, according to initial reports. The two-weekend festival is slated to start Friday at Bayfront Park.

Nearly a year after Gavin Smith disappeared, police have finally found a clue in the case of the missing 20th-Century Fox executive—and all signs point to murder. Smith’s case has been handed over to homicide detectives after his car was found on February 21 in a Simi Valley storage facility connected to a convicted drug dealer named John Creech. Smith was reportedly romantically linked to Creech’s wife, whom he allegedly met in group therapy in 2008. Police have not discovered Smith’s body, nor have they formally declared Creech a suspect (they searched his house last summer and found no sign of Smith).

First snubbed at the Oscars, and now Jurassic Park IV will be directed by somebody else. This isn’t really Steven Spielberg’s month, is it? The director of the first Jurassic Park film will not return for the billion-dollar, 3-D fourth installment. Instead, Universal announced on Thursday that Colin Trevorrow will be directing while Spielberg will serve as executive producer. This will be Trevorrow’s first foray into a big-budget films; his previous credits include the 2012 indie darling Safety Not Guaranteed. The original Jurassic Park will be re-released in 3-D on April 5 in honor of the 20th anniversary of its release.

It may be a glorified form of panhandling, but facts are facts: Kickstarter works. Proving the success of the crowdfunding website this week, super-fans of the CW’s teen noir drama Veronica Mars shelled out $2 million in pledges to get their beloved show to the silver screen. Fan girls and boys were crushed in 2007 when the show—led by Kristen Bell—was canceled. After years of rumors that a Veronica Mars movie was in the making, the dream started to look like a reality Wednesday, when the show’s head Rob Thomas launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise the $2 million needed to make the movie. Breaking Kickstarter records, Turner reached his goal in a meager six hours. Speaking with Entertainment Weekly, Kristen Bell gushed about her excitement. “I knew Veronica Mars fans were cool, but I had no idea they could rally with such power.”

Tan Twan Eng became the first Malaysian author to win the Man Asian Literary Prize Thursday with his novel The Garden of Evening Mists. The book, set during the aftermath of the Japanese occupation of Malaya, follows a young law graduate who discovers the only Japanese garden in Malaya, chronicling his relationship with its secretive owner and creator. Tan beat four other shortlisted authors, including Turkish Nobel Laureate Orhan Pamuk, to win the $30,000 prize. Last year's winner was Please Look After Mom by South Korean author Kyung-Sook Shin. The Man Asian literary prize, established in 2007, is given every year to the best novel by an Asian writer, either written or translated into English. The book, which was written in English, was also shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize.

Justin Bieber's had a rough month, but dissing Lindsay Lohan's income in a 250-word-long, self-vindicating Instagram rant feels like a low blow. The 19-year-old pop star got over a quarter million "likes" in less than an hour for a rambling message posted to his Instagram account, where he slammed tabloid rumors about an impending rehab stint and his disappointed parents. It was almost uplifting ("My messege [sic] is to believe!") until the very end, where Bieber abruptly wrote, "And to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;)." The message was quickly deleted and reposted sans the LiLo jab.

Dictators just want to have fun. In a bizarre but somewhat perfect coming together, Russian President Vladmir Putin and American action star Steven Seagal sat down to lunch this week, then attended a judo match in Russia. Don’t be fooled by the apparent weirdness of the situation—this was no chance meeting. The two are allegedly “old buddies” who often meet up and hang. This lunch was reportedly Putin’s attempt to bring back a Soviet-era fitness program that he believes could bring “major benefits” to those who try it. Go ahead and pinch yourself, this one’s not a dream.

The end of 2012 brought America to the brink of economic collapse. Reviewing the daily routines of Washington’s elite during that time, you’d never know it. A new report by the Washington Guardian exposes the lavish habits of congressional leaders ahead of the sequester, including dishing out tens of thousands of tax dollars on gourmet coffee and doughnuts, swanky catering, and items from upscale grocery stores. The “lattes for lawmakers” culture implies a significant disconnect between many of Washington’s lawmakers and the average suffering American, an alarming realization bearing in mind the power they hold.

The Council of Fashion Designers of America unveiled the nominees for its June 3 ceremony late Wednesday night, a glamorous list that includes Oscar de la Renta and Proenza Schoeler, among others. The joint announcement was made by Diane von Furstenberg, the CFDA president, and Nadja Swarovski, head of the group’s partner company. Alexander Wang—thrust into the spotlight this year by Michelle Obama—is up for an award, as is Marc Jacobs, who could potentially be named womenswear designer of the year.

Give dad a hug today—he needs it. In a massive report released by the Pew Research Center on Thursday, experts say fathers are increasingly concerned and anxious that they’re neglecting their offspring. An estimated 46 percent of dads—compared with 23 percent of moms—said that they don’t spend enough time with their own kids. Despite that dad-kid hang time has nearly tripled in the last four decades, the patriarchs of families spend half as much time with their kids as moms do. The report also revealed that fathers are way less likely to believe they’re doing a good job as a parent. Hang in there, dads, Father’s Day is just around the corner.

Iran is secretly stepping up its military support of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, flooding the country with weapons, according to an exclusive report by Reuters. Iran’s increasing aid puts it in line with Russia as one of Syria’s strongest allies in an increasingly messy civil war and border battle with Turkey. The weapons sent to Syria are reportedly flown over Iraq, which appears to be turning the other way. A Western diplomat familiar with the conflict says Iran is now “playing now a crucial role” in Syria’s interminable war.

This week maps are dangerous business. On the heels of Google’s confession of a privacy breach in crafting its Street View program, the Chinese government has launched an official investigation into Coca-Cola, claiming the company used GPS systems to “illegally obtain classified information.” Beijing keeps a firm grasp on all map-related activities, because, well, China keeps a firm grasp on everything—but also due to reasons of national security and “political sensitivities” about its messy border situations. Coke says its employees use GPS in some instances to “improve their service” and maintain fuel efficiency. The company is said to be fully cooperating with Chinese officials.

Following Afghan President Hamid Karzai’s incendiary speech criticizing the United States, American commanders are warning their troops to “intensify security measures” in case an attack is imminent. In his speech, Karzai claimed that the government may attempt to overtake the U.S.’s notorious detention center Bagram Prison. Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr. issued an official referendum to his forces alerting them to the severity of the comments, saying that Karzai’s “remarks could be a catalyst for some to lash out against our forces—he may also issue orders that put our forces at risk.” Meanwhile, the war-torn country remains plagued with violence; most recently, a suicide bomber detonated his bomb in the midst of a large crowd in the Kunduz province.

Xi will now take your questions. Bringing a close to a frustrating four-month wait, China’s Communist Party made the official transition of power to its new leader, President Xi Jinping. The move implies that the Chinese government is holding true to a vow to listen more attentively to the increasingly “impatient public” in China. A mere three months after being appointed the party's general secretary and chairman of the Central Military Commission, Xi was elected president of the Communist Party. With three major titles, he wields a massive amount of power. Let's see what he does with it.

OK, for real this time, guys. On Thursday scientists announced that they are confident that an elementary particle discovered in July 2012 was most likely the elusive Higgs boson. The European Organization for Nuclear Research’s July 4 announcement of the discovery thrilled the science world, ending a decade-long hunt for what came to be known as the “God particle.” Scientists say a gray area that remains lies in determining whether the particle was the simplest form of Higgs or an “exotic” version. A meeting on the topic in Italy points toward the simply theory. Insert your own pope joke here.

Apple's marketing chief thinks Samsung phones are weak—and he's not afraid to say so. Just one day before the company's long-anticipated unveiling of its new smartphone, the Galaxy S4, Phil Schiller slammed smartphones as “inferior” and “simple.” The Apple bigwig pointed to smartphones’ multicompany existence as the root of their ineffectiveness. “When you take an Android device out of the box, you have to sign up to nine accounts with different vendors to get the experience iOS comes with,” he said. Samsung plans to introduce its new model at Radio City Music Hall in New York on Thursday night.

A police standoff with a man accused of killing four in upstate New York ended Thursday morning when police shot and killed the suspect. Kurt Myers, 64, allegedly set his house on fire, before driving to John's Barber Shop where he pulled out a “long gun,” and began firing—instantly killing two and injuring two more. But Myers wasn't done. The "small town weirdo" then headed to a local oil-change shop, where he continued the shooting spree, taking the life of one employee. Gov. Andrew Cuomo called the unprovoked attack a “truly inexplicable situation.” No motive for the killing has been determined.

Correction: An earlier version of this news summary inaccurately reported the location of the second shooting. It has since been updated.

“Disturbing and unprofessional.” “Racist and detached from reality.” These are a few of the harsh words tweeted in response to Leslie H. Gelb’s recent article on The Daily Beast, “To Hell With Karzai.” Gelb criticizes President Hamid Karzai’s reaction to U.S. Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel’s maiden visit to the country, calling Karzai a “clown” who is trying to “score domestic political points” in arguing that Taliban-backed bombings encourage prolonged U.S. and NATO presence in the country. Afghans were quick to slam the story on Twitter, saying it presents an oversimplified view of the country’s ethnic makeup. But the Pashtun Women Viewpoint blog took Gelb’s side, arguing that Karzai often references invalid theories of collaboration between Taliban and NATO forces.   

In a world gone to hell, thank God, a pope. Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio began his tenure as Pope Francis on Thursday, embarking on a journey that many fear will be plagued with insurmountable challenges. Pope Benedict XVI left behind what many believe to be a broken church, plagued by continued sex scandals and viewed as out of touch with reality. As the first Jesuit pope elected, Francis is already making waves. But as one of the safer choices among the candidates up for pontiff, few expect him to foster major changes in the church during his term.

Like people, sometimes pandas just aren’t in the mood for hanky panky, but a little visual stimulus goes a long way. When a pair of bears at the Panda Breeding and Research Base in China couldn’t be bothered to get it on, scientists made them watch videos of other pandas mid-coitus. Sure enough, the “educational” panda porn inspired them to make sweet, sweet love after a long dry spell. Previously, the female panda had rejected the male every time he tried to mount her. “In the wild, she would have seen lots of pandas mating so it’s no wonder that she needed a bit of help,” one vet said.

It's the end of print media as we know it. The Boston Phoenix, an alt-tabloid known for gritty politics and arts coverage, will be shutting down after next week's issue, the paper announced on Thursday. The Phoenix had undergone a major reinvention just six months ago. The accompanying online radio station will also be closed. Its sister publication, in Providence and Portland, however, will keep publishing. "I cannot find the words to express how sad a moment this is for me, and I know, for you as well, so I won’t try," publisher Stephen Mindich said in a statement to staff.