Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave President Obama a warm welcome at a press conference in Tel Aviv on Thursday, saying the alliances between the countries “is deeply appreciated.” “Let me be clear, Israel remains fully committed to peace and the solution of two states for two people,” Netanyahu continued. “We extend our hands in peace and friendship to the Palestinian people. Let us sit down at the negotiating table.” Obama praised the effectiveness of Israel’s Iron Dome and promised extended financial assistance from the United States to make sure that “Israel can defend itself by itself against any threat.” President Obama also said the U.S. “will do whatever necessary to prevent Iran from getting the world’s worst weapons.”

Gun control may have suffered a setback yesterday when the Senate dropped the assault-weapons ban, but Colorado has forged ahead with its own law. Governor John Hickenlooper signed the legislation--a landmark move in the historically gun-friendly state--which places limits on the size of ammunition magazines and expands background checks for firearm sales. "Colorado is in a unique position in that we have suffered these tragedies firsthand, so there is a drumbeat in Colorado," said the state's Senate President John Morse.

Looks like it may not have been North Korea’s fault after all. A part of the malicious code that caused computer-network outages at banks and major broadcasters in South Korea has been traced to a Chinese IP address, the Korea Communications Commission said Thursday. The outage occurred around 2:20 p.m. Wednesday, with skulls reportedly appearing on some computer screens, sending South Korean stocks into a nosedive. The KCC has continued to investigate the cyberattack and has not ruled out the possibility of North Korean involvement.

These are some dramatic numbers: one in 50 American schoolchildren has autism, meaning at least 1 million children are affected by the disorder, according to a government survey of parents. Health officials cautioned that the numbers reflect that autism is diagnosed more frequently—especially since it is diagnosed not through blood tests but by psychiatrists—but not necessarily that it is occurring more often. The latest study by the Centers for Disease Control is considered more accurate than the earlier figure of one in 88 schoolchildren because this study cast a far wider outreach, although fewer than a quarter of parents contacted agreed to answer the questions.

Let us know if you can follow the logic. Michelle Shocked said she’s “damn sorry” she said those nasty things about gay people while on stage at a show in San Francisco this past weekend. “I do not, nor have I ever, said or believed that God hates homosexuals (or anyone else). I said that someone of His followers believe that,” the singer who herself once identified as a homosexual, explained in a statement Wednesday. “When I said on Twitter that Michelle Shocked says, ‘God Hates Faggots,’ I was predicting the absurd way my description of, my apology for, the intolerant would no doubt be misinterpreted.” Shocked added that equating the repeal of Prop 8 with the coming of the end times was neither “literal or ironic” but a “description of how some folks—not me—feel about gay marriage.”

Cathy Russell is the new head of the U.S. State Department’s Office on Global Women’s Issues, an office created by Hillary Clinton in 2009. President Obama named Russell to the position Monday night, praising her as “a longtime advocate for women, for justice, for fairness.” Currently, Russell is chief of staff to Jill Biden. “Through the more than 25 years we have known Cathy, she has made a tremendous difference in the fight to promote gender equality and advance the status of women and girls,” said Dr. Jill and Vice President Joe Biden in a joint statement.  

Meet the Non-Disparagement of American Indians in Trademark Registrations Act of 2013, a proposed bill that would prohibit trademarks from using the term “Redskin” to refer to Native Americans. The bill was introduced by a group of U.S. House members, though it is not guaranteed that the bill will receive a committee hearing, let alone a vote. The bill comes in the same month that a three-judge panel on the federal Trademark Trial and Appeal Board heard arguments over whether the term “Redskin” should be considered a slur and denied trademark protection. Even if the NFL team loses the trademark, however, it would not necessarily have to change its name. 

Harry Reems, who co-starred with Linda Lovelace in the 1972 cult porn film Deep Throat, has passed away, according to Don Shenck, a close friend of the actor. Reems was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and entered the Salt Lake City VA Hospital on March 5 for jaundice. He fell into a coma last week, according to a personal obituary on a message board Tuesday. Gawker confirmed Reems’s death with the hospital. Reems’s life was plagued by frustrations about his inability to break into mainstream film. “Acting was my true love, and I buried that possibility by going into adult films,” Reems told New York magazine in 2005. 

Howard Stern as Tonight Show host, we hardly knew ye. The New York Times reports that NBC has made a commitment to bring the Tonight Show back to New York, replacing Jay Leno with Jimmy Fallon as host. Though the deal has yet to be cemented, several “senior television executives” said that the switch is expected to take place by the fall of 2014, at the latest. Meanwhile in New York, NBC has quietly begun constructing a new studio for the Tonight Show at its headquarters at 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Guess Leno's NBC-bashing jokes went over worse than we thought.

Prepare for waves of mass mourning, Internet. Meme-god, six-pack owner, and renowned feminist Ryan Gosling says he will go on an acting hiatus in the coming months in order to “reassess.” The 32-year-old told the Associated Press, “I’ve been doing it too much. I’ve lost perspective ... I need a break from myself as much as I imagine the audience does.” The actor also said the pressure of being a lead actor is not his “favorite way to work.” “The more opportunities I’m given, the more I learn about how easy it is to [expletive] it up ... You fight for freedom and then you get it, and then you have enough rope to hang yourself. It’s like trying to exercise some restraint because I do have so much freedom.” The Gos will appear in one last film before his supposed hiatus, however. Place Beyond the Pines hits theaters at the end of March.

Preparations for President Obama’s trip to Israel got off to a rocky start Wednesday after his driver accidentally refueled the official limousine—an 8-ton Cadillac known as the “Beast”—with regular gasoline instead of diesel. Let’s hope that poor driver doesn’t beat himself up too much over the mistake, as the malfunctioned limo was towed and replaced with a second one before Obama even touched down in Tel Aviv, none the wiser. Obama relies on the the Beast and several, identical replicas—which are equipped with bulletproof glass, blast-absorbant shocks, and windows and doors that, in the event of a gas attack, automatically seal shut—to ride around both Washington and whatever city he is visiting. The cars are usually shipped to the president’s destination ahead of his arrival.

The Paris home of Christine LaGarde was searched by French police Wednesday, as part of an investigation into the IMF chief’s role in awarding financial compensation to a supporter of former president Nicolas Sarkozy. “This search will help uncover the truth, which will contribute to exonerating my client from any criminal wrongdoing,” Lagarde’s lawyer told Reuters. Investigators believe that a deal was made with Bernard Tapie, the businessman in question, in exchange for supporting Sarkozy in the 2007 election. 

Look’s like someone’s trying to upstage Jon Hamm’s penis ... Vincent Kartheiser, who plays petulant ad man Pete Campbell on Mad Men, is engaged to Alexis Bledel, the Gilmore Girls star who had a memorable guest arc on the last season of the AMC drama as Campbell’s mistress. A “source” tells Us Weekly, “Vincent proposed a few weeks ago. She’s been wearing her ring. It’s huge!” It’s the first marriage for both actors.

South Korea suspects the North of being responsible for a computer network outage at banks and major broadcasters on Wednesday, which sent the nation’s stocks into a nosedive. The networks went down around 2:20 p.m., with skulls reportedly appearing on some computer screens. The operations of at least two of the banks were back up and running later in the afternoon. South Korean president Park Geun-hye has set up a cybercrisis headquarters to investigate whether the North was responsible for the outages, which came just one month after the North detonated a nuclear weapon and one day after Pyongyang threatened retaliation if the U.S. flies B-52 bombers overhead again.

The trial of General Efrain Rios Montt, the former U.S.-backed leader of Guatemala, for war crimes began on Wednesday, with the first witnesses describing the massacre of his village when soldiers “tore their victims’ hearts out and put them on a little table.” Rios Montt is accused of ordering the killing of more than 1,800 indigenous people during his country’s civil war, although he has insisted he did not have power to order the massacre. Nicolas Brito, an indigenous Ixil, testified Wednesday about when soldiers attacked his Ixil village in 1982, and he is the first of 150 witnesses who are expected to describe the genocide. One of Rios Montt’s lawyers has already been expelled from the courtroom after insisting the judge was biased against him after they had clashed in different trials.

Where do I get my “Obama Hearts Bibi” T-shirt? The president landed in Israel Wednesday and announced that the “United States is proud to stand with you as your strongest ally and greatest friend.” In his first trip to the nation as president, Obama will first head to Israel’s Iron Dome missile system in Tel Aviv (hint for Iran: your nuke progress worries everyone). The president will later go to Jerusalem to meet with Israel’s president and prime minister. Interestingly, the Israeli Embassy to the U.S. published a bizarre video promoting Obama’s trip, using the Golden Girls theme as the soundtrack.

Authorities with drug-sniffing dogs discovered that one of the passengers aboard Rihanna’s tour bus was in possession of marijuana as the pop star’s fleet was making its way across the border between Michigan and Canada. There was only a “small amount” of weed, so its owner was cited with a civil penalty. Riri herself was not on any of the 10 buses stopped on the Ambassador Bridge between Detroit and Windsor, Canada. 

It’s not technically civil disobedience, but we’ll take it. An activist has bought the house across from the Westboro Baptist Church and painted it rainbow to protest the church’s message of intolerance. Aaron Jackson, 31, said he was inspired by Josef Miles’s protest, when the 9-year-old simply held up a sign that said “God Hates No One” in front of Westboro Church members. Jackson, who founded the charity Planting Peace, said that people have been “honking horns, taking pictures” all day. The church has responded with an offensive tweet referencing the house. Charming.

This is awkward. In 2010, skier Lindsey Vonn—now Tiger Woods’s girlfriend—mocked the golfer. In an interview with Time magazine, Vonn made fun of how Tiger’s friends were too forgiving for his sexual escapades. “They’re like, ‘Yeah, you’re awesome, you go have that sex,’” she said. After joking that she too had a sex problem, Vonn said that she wouldn’t struggle with the media’s sports celebrity obsession. Why? Because she was married at the time. “But, um, I guess [Woods] is married too,” she said.

Tom Clements, the executive director of Colorado’s department of corrections was shot to death Tuesday night reportedly when answering a doorbell ring at his house, police said. A spokesman for the sheriff's department said it does not appear that robbery was the motive, and that they are investigating if it had any link to Clements's job. No one else in the house was injured. “I can hardly believe it, let alone write words to describe it,” wrote Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper in a statement. The shooting happened just hours before Hickenlooper signed legislation that will tighten ammunition limits and expand background checks. Clements's family described him as a “good, family man” and said he was “against the death penalty.”

All eyes are on the Fed’s looming decision on the economy, but what if it bears a resemblance to the bear market of 1994? In 1994, the Fed unexpectedly raised rates, causing chaos in the market and some major names to fall, including Stephen Friedman at the helm at Goldman Sachs. Today’s traders are much more tuned in to the Fed’s thinking before a decision—markets often go up or down based on predictions, as opposed to 1994—and current Fed chairman Ben Bernanke is much more open about his policies, but that hasn’t stopped Wall Street from being haunted by the ghosts of 1994.

The second time wasn’t the charm. Pop singers Katy Perry and John Mayer have split for the second time, Us Weekly reported on Tuesday. They broke up for about a month last year. Perry is currently recording her third album, while Mayer is prepping for his upcoming tour. Both have some high-profile breakups in their past: Perry and Russell Brand divorced in February 2012, while Mayer has dated Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, and Taylor Swift.

It’s the biggest thing to hit Madison Avenue since [insert your own joke here]. Jon Hamm loves going commando, but his producers over at AMC fear that the actor’s penchant for hanging loose has become a problem. Mad Men’s sixth season takes place in the 1960s, when tight pants were all the rage. “Jon’s impressive anatomy is so distracting,” a source told the New York Daily News, that the show’s producers had to implore him to put it away. So, dedicated Mad Men fans, start wrapping your heads around the fact that you won’t be getting a glimpse of Don’s johnson this season. 

The deputy editor of the top-selling British tabloid The Sun will be charged with allegedly authorizing payments to public officials for information, prosecutors said on Wednesday. Geoff Webster is being charged for allegedly authorizing two payments totaling more than $10,000. Webster will appear in court on March 26. The Sun, owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., has a daily circulation of more than 2 million and has the 10th-largest daily circulation of any newspaper in the world.

Rep. Jeff Miller (R-FL), chairman of the House Committee on Veterans Affairs, thinks it’s time for a shake-up within Veterans Affairs. Specifically, he wants Allison Hickey, the VA’s undersecretary for benefits, to resign. “I don’t think she’s equipped to handle the problems that exist out there,” said Miller, pointing to a regular pattern of delays experienced by veterans waiting to receive disability payments. “I think she is overwhelmed, and I would call for a replacement.” Hickey will testify before the House Committee on Wednesday.

The rascals of the Internet have done it again. Provocative gossip website Gawker outdid some of its own best stunts Tuesday when it posted what it claims to be the “private email address” of former president George W. Bush—on the incendiary 10th anniversary of the U.S. invasion to Iraq. Editors of the site urged readers to email the former president and wish him a “Happy Iraq War Day.” According to the site, the email address—not the first of its kind to be acquired—was exposed by a hacker named "Guccifer." The post came just hours after multiple car bombs erupted near Iraq's capital, killing more than 50 and injuring 200.

How much would you pay to own a princess’s wardrobe? Ten dresses belonging to the late Princess Diana went on sale today at London’s Kerry Taylor Auctions and raked in more than $1.2 million. Among the dresses was the velvet, midnight-blue Victor Edelstein gown Diana famously wore while dancing with John Travolta at the White House in 1985, which sold for $362,470. The gowns were originally sold at a charity auction in New York shortly before Diana was killed in a car crash in August 1997. Buyers came from all around the world, including three “important” museums. “We are hopeful that now people will actually get to see some of the dresses that belonged to the ‘People’s Princess,’” auctioneer Taylor said.

Former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford advanced Tuesday to a runoff for the Republican nomination for the state’s open congressional seat, although he failed to win the 50 percent necessary to outright advance to the general election. Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch, the sister of comedian Stephen Colbert, won the Democratic nomination. Sanford, who captured 37 percent of the vote, will face his runner-up in a special election on April 2, although it’s still unclear who came in second so far as former Charleston County chairman Curtis Bostic held such a slim lead over state Sen. Larry Grooms that an automatic recount has already been put into place. It’s Sanford’s first appearance on the ballot since he resigned as governor in 2009, when he disappeared for days but later admitted he was meeting his Argentine mistress, to whom he is now engaged.

A closet liberal? Old colleagues of the newly installed Pope Francis recall that in 2010, when Argentina was on the verge of legalizing gay marriage (and the Catholic Church led a charge against the proposed law, condemning it as the work of the devil), then-Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio advocated in a meeting of bishops that the Argentine church should support gay civil unions. A gay-rights leader who spoke with him said that Bergoglio supported civil unions but not same-sex marriage.The unexpected approach was more pragmatic than theological though, as he saw civil unions at the time as "the lesser of two evils," according to his authorized biographer. Still, it offers insight into the kind of pragmatic leadership he may bring to the papacy.

Nineteen Polish miners were rescued on Wednesday after being trapped 2,000 feet underground for eight hours when an earthquake caused the tunnel to collapse. A spokesman for the owner of the mine, KGHM, said the rescue was difficult because “huge amounts of rocks had to be removed.” One miner had a minor head wound, but the rest were cleared to go home. Accidents are fairly uncommon at the mine, located in Rudna, about 430 miles southwest of Warsaw.

The Cyprus crisis is turning into a Cold War–era James Bond film. Cyprus will ask Russia for bailout aid on Wednesday as the European Union threatened to cut off the tiny nation, prompting fears of a default and banking crisis. The move comes just one day after Cyprus’s Parliament rejected the bailout deal proposed by the EU and the International Monetary Fund, which would have imposed a onetime tax on civilians’ bank accounts to finance the deal. Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades will meet with party leaders on Wednesday to hammer out an alternative plan, as not a single lawmaker voted for the controversial blueprint proposed by the EU. It’s the first time any EU country has rejected a bailout plan put forth by the international coalition.

President is backing the Indiana Hoosiers in this year’s NCAA Tournament. In what has become an annual tradition, President Obama unveiled his bracket on ESPN, betting that top-seeded Louisville and Indiana will advance to the men’s national title game and that Indiana will emerge victorious. He has Ohio State (No. 2 seed) and third-seeded Florida making it to the Final Four. He picked a couple of surprises: Belmont beating Arizona and Minnesota besting UCLA. Other than 2009, when he correctly picked North Carolina, Obama hasn’t had great luck with March Madness.