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  1. ROTTEN LUCK Grinch Dishes Out Onions to Lousy Florida Driver Joe Raedle/Getty

    1. Grinch Dishes Out Onions to Lousy Florida Driver

    There’s a new sheriff patrolling one Florida town’s school zones, and he’s here to issue speeding citations in the form of smelly, spoiled onions. Not only that, but this vegetable-toting defender of the law is doing so all while dressed as none other than Dr. Seuss’s infamous character, the Grinch. The point? To create a memorable way of getting people to slow down in school zones. If caught traveling less than five miles over the speed limit, the choice is yours. For the serious speedsters, however, the punishment is not up for debate. 

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  2. FATAL FRAGRANCE If Your Boyfriend Got You Beyonce’s Perfume, You Might Get Dumped Soon Jemal Countess/Getty

    2. If Your Boyfriend Got You Beyonce’s Perfume, You Might Get Dumped Soon

    According to some new, obviously important, research, men who are in committed, long-term relationships opt for more classic fragrances when holiday shopping for their partner. In other words, if you received a celebrity perfume this year, it means your relationship is basically doomed. That’s right, even Beyonce’s perfume. Women, too, reported that they felt celebrity perfumes were a less personal gift. A safer choice, gentlemen: Chanel No. 5. 

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  3. SO CLOSE Grandpa Dies Before Redeeming Sex with Hookers Moonlite Bunny Ranch

    3. Grandpa Dies Before Redeeming Sex with Hookers

    Before cashing in his prize of a threesome with two hookers, Johnny Orris treated himself to a steak dinner as his “last meal,” so to speak. Only it was, in fact, his last meal. Orris’s grandson, Ed, had entered his grandpa into Howard Stern’s “I Want to Get My Grandpa Laid” contest—and to much surprise, he won. Sadly, the 86-year-old man died from choking to death on a piece of steak just before his big moment. "He was ecstatic," said Ed. "He’d been that way ever since our trip to the Stern show.”

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  4. OH, COME ON Student Suspended for Hugging Teacher Shutterstock

    4. Student Suspended for Hugging Teacher

    Hugging equals sexual harassment? According to an Atlanta high school, that’s exactly right. A 17-year-old student was suspended for one year for hugging a teacher, according to a TV report. The senior’s chances of receiving an athletic scholarship could now be in danger. The station also reported that the teacher accused the student of kissing her on the cheek and neck, which, well, then the suspension makes a bit more sense. The contents of the disciplinary report have yet to be fully revealed. 

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  5. HIBERNATION 350-Pound Bear Hid for Days During Bear Hunt Getty

    5. 350-Pound Bear Hid for Days During Bear Hunt

    A massive bear managed to nestle into a home’s crawlspace during New Jersey’s annual bear hunt. The hunt resulted in the death of 251 bears, 36 fewer than in 2012. A cleaner who was inspecting a vacant house about to go on the market spotted the bear’s head and immediately called state wildlife officials. A senior wildlife biologist chased the bear away, who reportedly was not happy to get up and move. The crawlspace has since been sealed off in the case that the bear tries to return. 

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  6. YABBA DABBA DO! ‘Flintstones’ Car Stolen From CA Lot Everett

    6. ‘Flintstones’ Car Stolen From CA Lot

    A 200-pound replica of the iconic “car” from The Flintstones was stolen from the front of World’s Best Comics in California, where it had attracted fans both young and old. The car, constructed of two 55-gallon oil drums mounted to a wood frame, only lasted two weeks until someone with sticky fingers decided to lift the vehicle right from the lot. How, you ask? That part is still a mystery. “It doesn’t roll. It was meant to float on water,” store owner Dave Downey told CBS Sacramento. Should you spot this massive machine cruising on land (or sea) and return the car to its rightful owner, your efforts will be rewarded with a “six-pack of Cactus Cooler.”

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  7. DRINKING GAMES ‘Alcohockey’ Is the New Beer Pong Streeter Lecka/Getty

    7. ‘Alcohockey’ Is the New Beer Pong

    The latest craze in drinking games combines air hockey and beer pong and is brought to us by our friends in Canada (naturally). To turn your probably long-abandoned air hockey table into a prime “alcohockey” arena, all you need is a drill, some Solo cups, and a case of your favorite suds. The rules stand the same: get the puck into your opponent’s cup and then drink. Some wise parting words from the co-founder, Nate Wawrzonek: “I am inventor of this. I am drunk. I am Canadian.”

    December 20, 2013 11:00 PM

  8. SATURATED Sweeteners Found in Rivers Justin Sullivan/Getty

    8. Sweeteners Found in Rivers

    Elevated concentrations of four artificial sweeteners, cyclamate, saccharin, sucralose, and acesulfame, have been found in water samples from the Grand River in Ontario, Canada. The sweeteners, commonly found in drinks, found their way into the river by way of sewage treatment plants, demonstrating that the sweeteners are passing right through not only people, but advanced treatment systems. They also are found in trace amounts in municipal tap water, having survived purification processes. The sweeteners aren't the first substance found to make this journey. Antidepressants, antibiotics, steroids, and fragrances have also been detected and founds in fish tissue. The effects on animals in the water is unknown.

    December 17, 2013 10:55 AM

  9. Dying of Affluenza? Justin Bieber Retiring, Maybe Chris Pizzello/AP

    9. Justin Bieber Retiring, Maybe

    Well, Beliebers, it’s been fun but according to an interview with a L.A. hip hop radio station on Tuesday, Justin is retiring. The 19-year-old pop star announced Tuesday that his forthcoming album, “Journals,” which drops on December 23, will be his last. Don’t rip those Bieber posters off your wall just yet, though. The singer hasn’t tweeted anything about quitting yet and a source from his team told TMZ Justin was just joking. Quit yankin’ our chains, Biebs!

    December 17, 2013 10:30 PM

  10. WHY GEORGE Zimmerman Selling His Art on eBay ebay

    10. Zimmerman Selling His Art on eBay

    Five days after the domestic violence charges against George Zimmerman were dropped (with the help of his girlfriend/victim), the killer of 17-year-old Trayon Martin decided to auction off his original painting on eBay. Really. “Everyone has been asking what I have been doing with myself,” he writes on his page under the username “therealgeorgez”— confirmed to be authentic by his brother Robert Zimmerman, Jr. “I found a creative, way to express myself,” he continues, ending it: “Your friend, George Zimmerman.” The painting depicts a dark blue flag with the words “God, One Nation, with Liberty and Justice for All” inscribed on top. The current high bid, of which there are seven, is $212.50.

    December 16, 2013 6:09 PM